Never lend money

[Squirtal]

I wonder if you guys could offer a little input, I will try and make it as short as possible..in fact I'll do the basic points and if you need more just ask.

 

1. sister and very close yet she has no contact with my mum (Her step mum) her dad and only occasionally with my bro (Her step Bro)

 

2. My mum died, she refused to go to funeral as they didn't get on. No problem. Due to mum passing I managed to get my sister and dad talking again..(and am so happy they have a good relationship now)

 

3. I moved from my home town to hers to be near her.

 

4. She started using my flat for EA's and that would be the only time I saw her. Ignored calls, would stand me up with no call and when we did talk it was about her.

 

5. I gave her money to rent a place and move out from husband.

She chickened and went back and lost some of the deposit.

 

6. She finally moved out when she had a new long term partner.

 

7 I emailed her about the shift in the relationship and what was happening and what I had done and what I could do to get us back on track. She told me I made people feel second best. I asked her what I had done so I could rectify it, she refused to tell me and said we were different people. on other occasions when i tried to sort things she screamed at me and said she couldn't deal with it. She did when drunk say she had issues with me because I had lived with dad..(She ran away at 13 as she didn't like mum)

 

8. She got into financial trouble and our relationship became stronger as I was there to support her.

I finally took a loan for £7000 to help her get sorted. She promised to alway make the payments. But found out she frittered some of the cash rather than clearing debts.

 

9. Relationship started to suffer again, and she went back to ignoring me, stood me up on my birthday..left me waiting for her and didn't answer my calls. Didn't send a card.

 

10. i got with my partner so she sucked up again so she could meet him.

 

11. March, she told me she couldn't pay me the installments..and tough. Told me via text message, said she could only do £25 a month..I couldn't afford that.

Again no contact. When I asked for the keys to my flat she accused me of thinking of myself as I hadn't been to see her to sort out the money. I explained that she had made her point clear and as it was her borrowing she should have come to me and spoke to me about it rather than just telling me what was happening.

I sent a very harsh email telling her how I felt not just about the money but our relationship and that I felt played. It was very harsh. i asked dad if he could help her. Not in any vindictive way..just so she wouldn't go under...she has really got finacial problems...and as much as I was/am angry I don't want her to go bankrupt or do seedy jobs.

 

12. Her daughter started threatening texts and emails...I left that whole side of the family alone and have nothing to do with them.

 

The problem..this March is my dads 70th..I want us all to get together and I know he would love having us all around him. I have no problem seeing my sister, I do have a fear of seeing her daughter as she threatened to break a bottle in my face.

My dad knows that sis and I aren't talking and why..but knows nothing of the nastiness..i mean..I shouldn't have lent her the money..stupidness and my problems aren't my dads.

I have a feeling my sister will bring all her kids (20, 24 and 25 in age) as support. She will also goad the eldest daughter in taunting me..she and I were very close hence my sister getting her on my case as she knew it would hurt me..I'm very worried that I'll be verbally or physically attacked and not quite sure what to do.

I really want to have all us siblings together for my dad..and I know I can be civil and to be honest it would be nice to know how my sister is doing..but I'm really afraid.

Should I try to arrange this little soiree or should I just leave things alone and do things without my sister included..although i think thats really selfish if I do that.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Enema]

See your dad without your sister there.

 

Your personal safety and mental well being are far more important than trying to mend ties. At this stage, it's up to her to mend bridges - it's pretty obvious she doesn't want to do that.

 

You're not responsible for making sure she sees your dad on his birthday. Take care of yourself, let her fail or succeed on her own.

[Squirtal]

Thanks Enema..I guess you're right..i just wanted to the grown up I guess.

But you're right.

Thanks again.

[Jenny123]

Siblings are trying I know.

I wouldn't run after her, she has no decency or respect to pay off her debt. Take it as a lesson learned. Sounds like you a far better person, than she will ever be.You can't fix people that don't want to be fixed.

Take a step back.

If she has remorse at some stage all well & good. Sounds like she also suffers from jealousy towards you.

Don't lend money, it never works. Good luck;)

[Squirtal]

Jenny,

 

Thank you so much.

I think you are right there are jealousy issues.

I have learnt my lesson on not lending money, I can tell you..that was a huge lesson to learn that I will be paying for a number of years.

I should have listened to my family, but i saw the good in her..which I saw wrong. Hey ho.

Learn by your mistakes and grow.

Thats what I say.