WalkOnWater Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Just wondering if there's a consensus. If you felt VERY compatible with someone and both of you wanted to marry each other, and s/he wanted to wait to have sex until after marrying, would you marry them? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Just wondering if there's a consensus. If you felt VERY compatible with someone and both of you wanted to marry each other, and s/he wanted to wait to have sex until after marrying, would you marry them? no i would not Link to post Share on other sites
Posco_Proudfoot Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Just wondering if there's a consensus. If you felt VERY compatible with someone and both of you wanted to marry each other, and s/he wanted to wait to have sex until after marrying, would you marry them? I wouldn't. This isn't the 50's. Sex is a part of the relationship. You might get a wife who doesn't like sex at all. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 You might get a wife who doesn't like sex at all. or worse yet, someone who likes sex but isn't good at it... Link to post Share on other sites
ColorCube Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 No, I wouldn't either Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 I think that it would be the worst mistake someone can do.. Would you buy a house without first visiting it?.. same thing.. except this is not material.. To NOT have sex first is totally a religious BS... ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Never. Life is not a Hallmark Card. A prudent consumer would not purchase a car without a test drive. Think of pre-marital sex as a "test drive." Link to post Share on other sites
BoerumHill Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Nope. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is a very important aspect of compatibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 No. You need to understand that, like other big issues (finances, kids, religion, etc.), you are compatible with your spouse. That's one reason why I'm surprised at the many "I'm engaged, sex life sucks, should we get married?" threads... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 You're gonna get screwed either way so you may as well do it coming and going! Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Just wondering if there's a consensus. If you felt VERY compatible with someone and both of you wanted to marry each other, and s/he wanted to wait to have sex until after marrying, would you marry them? I would. If I felt she was worth it. I see everyone here post no. I don't really understand that. Pre-marriage sex seems to be a very poor indicator of what Post-marriage sex is going to be like. So, unless she is physically dysfunctional.... it shouldn't really matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WalkOnWater Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 Well, I guess 100% is a pretty good consensus, huh? I'm surprised though that it is a complete consensus so far, at least for those who have posted. I'm thinking of my own situation in which my W and I, when we met, starting sleeping together very early in our R. Sex defined our R, and I think we missed out on allowing a friendship to develop independently of sex. I wonder if we had waited a while, maybe not until getting M'd, but long enough to establish a friendship, if we'd be better off now, or if we'd have even gotten M'd in the first place. I wonder how many other couples get M'd thinking they're "in love," when actually they're just "in lust." I think sex can cloud the issue for some as far as evaluating the potential of the R. The sex is so great that they think their partner is perfect. I was like that, and now, ...... well, she's not so perfect anymore. I wonder, is there anyone who DID wait until they got M'd and then found out they were sexually incompatible? Seems to me if you loved them enough to want to M them, the sex would be like icing on the cake and would take care of itself. Oops, just saw one detractor from the consensus, so it's not 100% anymore. I guess I kinda agree with Untouchable. Anyone else? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 I wonder, is there anyone who DID wait until they got M'd and then found out they were sexually incompatible? Seems to me if you loved them enough to want to M them, the sex would be like icing on the cake and would take care of itself. I know a great many couples like that, who - for religious reasons - did not engage in sex before M. Very few of those couples have even satisfactory sex lives - because I'm their "token radical friend", they discuss these kinds of things with me rather than with counsellors, doctors, or - most appropriately - each other.... It really IS still like the 50s for some people - lie back and think of <insert country of your choice> because it's part of your marital duty to put up with sex / make babies / become one flesh in service of The Lord. Marrying someone without first having sex with them is IMO like buying a car from a photo rather than test driving it. How do you even know if there's an engine under the bonnet? Perhaps having an engine is just "the icing on the cake" but it's pretty critical to the real reason for owning a car - unless you're a redneck and want to live in it, parked next to your sister's trailer. If you're not planning on having sex in your M, why get married - why not just share a house as friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Just wondering if there's a consensus. If you felt VERY compatible with someone and both of you wanted to marry each other, and s/he wanted to wait to have sex until after marrying, would you marry them? Nope, not even I, the frigid one on LS, the one capable of keeping it in her pants! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Pre-marriage sex seems to be a very poor indicator of what Post-marriage sex is going to be like. So, unless she is physically dysfunctional.... it shouldn't really matter. I don't agree with this statement. I've been married twice and am 2 for 2 in pre-marital sex holding up as a pretty clear indicator (both positive and negative), even accounting for the normal ebb and flow within a relationship. How about putting it this way: while good premarital sex may not guaranty good post-marital relations, bad premarital sex is usually a pretty clear indicator of things to come ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Le Rendezvous Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Just wondering if there's a consensus. If you felt VERY compatible with someone and both of you wanted to marry each other, and s/he wanted to wait to have sex until after marrying, would you marry them? No. I also would not marry someone without living with them first. Link to post Share on other sites
MSUE Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 hell no!!! seriously you gotta be able to test the waters..or test drive it...whichever...what if he/she sucks! sex is an important aspect in relationships if part of bonding a nd connecting on a different level Link to post Share on other sites
SongChick Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 My husband of going-on-9 years had determined years before he met me that he did not want to have sex before marriage. I had not made that commitment, but respected his commitment to his ideals. In honesty, when I wasn't very serious about him - when we first started dating - I tried my best to trip him. But he had made a decision and was sticking with it. That, I think, made me respect him more. If he was willing to keep this promise to himself, I knew he was trustworthy. After that, after I fell completely in love with him, *I* was the one helping him keep the commitment. It only happened once, but one time when he was stressed out, he came over to my apartment with some alcohol in him, and I'm pretty sure he was hoping I'd try to trip him again. But I wouldn't do it. This dedication to stand for what we believe in, I feel, only strengthened our relationship and acted as proof that we could trust each other. As for the people on here who say that you can't know if you're sexually compatible without having sex before marriage, I say this is BUNK! It only helps gauge the surface. If you have a loving commitment and you're honest with each other from day one, your sex life is only going to get better and better. After almost nine years of marriage, our sex life now is hotter than ever. We talk about our wants, our desires, what makes us feel good, what's sexy in our POV. And the base of our relationship is that we're best friends. We ACTUALLY LIKE hanging out with each other. It is THAT which makes a successful marriage, and it is THAT which leads to good sex. Good Sex, on the other hand, does not necessarily lead to good friendship or a good marriage. Which order do YOU want? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 I would, as long as beforehand I could view several films of her having sex. I think I am entitled to know what her capabilities are. Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 Just wondering if there's a consensus. If you felt VERY compatible with someone and both of you wanted to marry each other, and s/he wanted to wait to have sex until after marrying, would you marry them? Yes......isn't that how it's supposed to be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author WalkOnWater Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 Marrying someone without first having sex with them is IMO like buying a car from a photo rather than test driving it. How do you even know if there's an engine under the bonnet? Perhaps having an engine is just "the icing on the cake" but it's pretty critical to the real reason for owning a car - unless you're a redneck and want to live in it, parked next to your sister's trailer. If you're not planning on having sex in your M, why get married - why not just share a house as friends? Interestingly, the last car I bought 2 yrs ago, I bought off the internet from just a photo and description, and never got to test drive it. It was transported to me from halfway across the country (USA), and I love it! This is the only car I've ever bought this way, and as it turned out, it's easily the best car I've ever owned. Your analogy about the criticalness of an engine to a car sounds like you're saying sex is the real reason for getting M'd. And, yes, I agree that if you're not planning on having sex in M, why get M'd. The question is, if you ARE planning on having sex, what are the merits of waiting. Looks like most people feel there aren't any or else the risks outweigh the benefits. And that's what I was curious about. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 It's not only about sex, but intimacy too. A few years ago I dated this very pretty woman. We had sex, and, to my dismay, I learned that she was a corpse in bed and did not like to cuddle. Wtf! I'm very relieved that I learned that she was intimacy-challenged before M. M may not be all about sex, but it is about intimacy. Caveat emptor should apply to toasters, not prospective marital partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Without just sex? Maybe. Without any form of sexual interaction whatsoever? No. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I wouldn't go so far as to say I would end the relationship over it, but no, I can't imagine ever marrying someone I hadn't slept with. That, to me, is one of the most beautiful and special things you can share with someone you really love, and through having sex you learn about yourselves and each other. If you get married and find out you're not sexually compatible, you'll end up either a) divorced or b) very, very unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 No way. And I was raised Mormon. Obviously I don't follow it anymore...but even when I still considered myself Mormon, I didn't wait until marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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