Are we falling apart? He things we're better off as friends...

[x0xhugsnkissesx0x]

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 8 months, and live about 6 hours away from each other. We have always made time to visit eachother about twice a month, despite the fact that we're so busy with school and work.. either he drives down to see me or I fly up to see him..since I don't have a car. We met on vacation during summer and it was the sweetest thing. I love him to death and I am so happy with him. We have the strongest relationship, and everyone is always so amazed when we say its a long distance relationship. It got to the point where we started talking about moving in with each other by the end of this year and transferring schools to be closer together. And knowing me, I wouldnt make such a big decision unless I really knew he was the one. However, recently hes just been complaining about how the he hates the sex.. since it sometimes hurts me because its just gets tight since we haven't seen each other in a while. He told me to go to the doctor to get it checked out.. so I did and they didnt find any infections or anything. So then he still complains and says when he used to have sex with other girls it never hurt them. I told him he has to be understanding of this.. and then he gets mad at me when I told him that it used to never hurt with my ex-boyfriend.. so that makes him wonder why its hurting with him. Although this has always been an issue, lately he's just been bringing up the fact that I have slept with 4 other guys.. (I am 20 and he is 19) and calls he a huge slut even when I tell him that I really am not. He has done way more than me... 9 girls.. (or so he said). He's been saying like... "you're such a slut you're just like every other girl I used to sleep with... so why am I even with you?? what makes you so special??" The fact that he could even say that to me makes me very very upset... and right now I am just so depressed. Everything he says is so negative and rude like... "I dont care if we're together or not. Do I sound like I care?? If you want to stay together, you have to make the effort." Tonight he kept hinting at being friends... like "we'll still hang out if we're still friends." I am just so heartbroken over this. I love him so much, we have the best times together and I can't imagine my life without him. I really want to stay with him. I know this situation looks really bad if you're reading this.. but I can't help expressing how much I love him.. please help.

[norajane]

He's been saying like... "you're such a slut

Dump him.

 

Guys who call you names are never worth hanging on to. They just treat you worse and worse because they have no respect for you. And guys who call you names don't love you. And guys who call you names aren't your friends, either.

 

Dump him now, or he'll end up cheating on you and will find a way to blame you for it, too.

[angelus]

I posted this to your other thread too.

well i hate to be the bearer of bad news but it is over..... there are 2 issues here...has the sex thing ever been an issue before recently? if not then he is sabotaging your relationship. As sad and as juvenile as that is, I think that is what he is doing. The other issue is anyone who cares about their partner would not say those terrible things he said to you. I know that you think he is great and everything but he sounds like a jerk. No man would ever say that to his girlfriend. Then to turn around and say we'd still hang out if we were friends....man that really pisses me off. There are plenty of other guys out there....that are a little more mature then.....oh wait...he's 19....well that explains it...get rid of him fast. He's not worth the tons of heartbreak that is coming your way should you decide to stay with him.

[KikiW]

I totally agree with the other posts. If he really said "you're such a slut you're just like every other girl I used to sleep with... so why am I even with you?? what makes you so special??", then he is the most immature, coldhearted little pr*ck who doesn't deserve you.

 

Maybe it's just because it's almost 2:30am where I am and I am tired and cranky, but if I were in your position, I would not-so-kindly tell him that sex with him may have been hurting because HE WAS DOING IT WRONG, and that if I were actually a slut, I wouldn't be so tight. And then I would let him know I hoped the door DID hit him on the @ss on the way out, because I was DONE with him.

 

There are men out there who will treat you the way you have always dreamed of, who will show genuine concern over the fact that they may be causing even a bit of pain during intimacy, and wouldn't dream of comparing you to any other women let alone former lovers. Don't get hung up on this jerk.

[x0xhugsnkissesx0x]

The sex thing was okay in the beginning and now usually when we first start its hurts me... this is a big deal for him... he says "if the sex is wack.. i just can't be with you anymore. I was having way better sex before I met you." UGH. Hes just always comparing me with Everyone. I told him we could work on it and he just seems like he gave up..

[x0xhugsnkissesx0x]

You guys make me feel so much better. I've just been miserable all week..

 

ONE thing I forgot to mention in my post was the fact that he is always telling me I need to lose weight. I am 5'4" and 127 pounds. He always compares me to stick skinny asian girls who are like 100 pounds. ugh. I always work out but its like i don't know what to do anymore... starve myself?

[Habibti]

Okay, if not for any other reason than the simple fact that you believe you're in a relationship which you are not..get out.

 

You told us how great your relationship is etc, yet this guy says demeaning things like that to you, and even implies you need to lose weight? I know you are young, but this is not a good relationship or a solid one.

 

Get out now or suffer for longer than you have to, being in denial won't save this relationship; sticking it out will just mean you'll end up that more hurt and angry when it does end inevitably.

[anne1707]

Get out of this now. You deserve better than this. He does not care or respect you and will continue to abuse you in this way if you let him. Forget about being friends. Do you want to be friends with a "man" who treats women like this.

 

As for sex being painful. Don't worry about that. Your boyfriend is being such a selfish p***k, that it no wonder you are not relaxed and able to enjoy. He is creating that problem and continues to add to it every time you try to have sex.

[Els]

Isn't that obvious?

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting now, and I understand how it's possible to still yearn for a man who treats you like ****, really I do, even if just because of a memory of the time when he actually treated you like a princess. But that's over now, and you've seen his true colors.

 

'If the one whom you are crying for doesn't care that you're hurting, then he isn't worth your tears'

[ans562]

Wow. You sound way too cool for this guy. A woman should never put up with the insults that loser is throwing at you. I don't even think you should stay friends with him. You deserve much better than that tool.

[D-Lish]

After everything you've written here- do you really believe this guy is a great boyfriend? He calls you a slut? Are you serious?

 

Is it that you haven't had a lot of experience with relationships? Because I can tell you that a "goog guy" wouldn't ever treat you in this manner.

 

If I am dating a guy- sure, he can call me a slut...once. Then he'll never see me or hear from me again. The guy is just an a-hole.

 

You are setting a precedence that it's okay for him to call you these names and treat you this way by remaining with him... Enough is enough.

You need to show him that it's not okay to treat you like a piece of crap, and the only way to so that is to dump him.

[KikiW]

Agreeing again - if the sex was fine in the beginning, it may be an indication that you are way too worried about pleasing him than relaxing and enjoying yourself.

 

127 pounds? Honey, last time I was 127 pounds I think I was 14. I bet you're drop-dead gorgeous and this guy is just playing mind games to try and make you feel bad.

 

That's not what a boyfriend should do. Do NOT set yourself to be with men who treat you like this. Get rid of him, and anyone else would would DARE treat you like this AS FAST AS YOU CAN. You deserve better and can get it, as long as you ditch the bad ones fast. then you'll be ready for the right one when he comes along.

[Lucky_One]

Boy, he's a special kind of jerk.

 

Dump him. Without ceremony or tears or long drawn-out explanations. Tell him it is over, and be done with him.

 

And PLEASE tell me that he paid for your plane tickets.