Author sdc Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 I post to this forum and others because I have an opinion and I like to share it. I'm not looking for the answers as I am sure that I will not find them on a forum. And I STILL don't think that you are making any sense. You have something in your mind that you think you are communicating clear as day, but I am not an OW or in a situation where I am hoping against hope that the man I am *with* will someday be *with* me publicly. So this *love* talk misses me entirely. I agree that love always finds a way. But I find it an extremely narrow-minded and naive view to think that love is all it takes to find a way. I rest my case! My message in my original post was not for one so "pure" as you! Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 i find my wife still attactive and she cheated on me big time. totally devastated. What do i do to make her less attractive to me ? Why do you want to find your wife less attractive? you do not want to be married to her anymore? then go find a more attractive woman...unless you do not think you can? then you have a problem...like what many here would say,go see a counselor! BUT, if you still love your wife and still find her attractive...well. two very important things going for you..love could very well prevail...and save your marriage..that is of course if she feels the same way (despite her cheating). Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I rest my case! My message in my original post was not for one so "pure" as you! You hear that NID? Ya pure girl. Now go polish that halo, while I get mine out of the cleaners. Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Nothing! you do nothing .. why should you? Your love is not real... she doesn't love you. Men get this message much clearer and quicker than women. Only YOU know if your love for her and her love for you is real. If it is not... it will not endure.... and that is not any failing on your part OR hers! ok. you are trying to confuse me but ..... When there is cheating...you are saying end the relationship...no matter what..... Yes i love her but i dont think she is THE only one for me....I know there are alteast 100000 or more. But it just does not work that way. You and I know that. I will try to make this one work. I have never failed in life but then there is always that first time, isnt it ? She is not in love with me right now....otherwise why the hell would she cheat on me. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 How can it be true love if it is afraid of the light of day? How would one know its true love if its unexpressed? If MM, MW, OW, or whatever is truly immaterial, this thread would have found itself in another forum that not likely to be full of people waiting to be baited or given false hope. I'm not accusing the OP of anything, just stating MHO. Obviously those labels are somewhat important as the OP did say they've been together for over five years but only *out* as a couple for a little over two years. So, I guess one has to be in an affair, have spotty reasoning abilities, or be an eternal romantic for this to make any sense. None of those fits me, so I will leave you ladies to this illusion of love. Or is it delusion. Now I have to get my dictionary. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 You hear that NID? Ya pure girl. Now go polish that halo, while I get mine out of the cleaners. Who me? Pure. I doubt that very seriously. I'm just looking for conversation that's not loaded with innuendo only understood by *certain* others in the same boat. Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 BUT, if you still love your wife and still find her attractive...well. two very important things going for you..love could very well prevail...and save your marriage..that is of course if she feels the same way (despite her cheating). yes i meant the second part...the first part was said with sarcasm that does not come across very well sometimes. love could prevail....may be.....she feeeling that way...not right now. She feels like s%$R after what she has done. Six months from now, who knows, things could be a just a bit more on the upswing ! Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 THank you for this, desertmoon. Its the perfect response to the ignorant insult hurled at the previously betrayed for staying married to their obviously flawed waywards (be they husbands or wives). Thank you, I will post this often. You are welcome ! I stayed in my marriage despite my husband's affair-i was only 20, I am 36 now.... So yes, I think I am ignorant to the feelings of the betrayed...and dealing with wayward husbands....! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Who me? Pure. I doubt that very seriously. I'm just looking for conversation that's not loaded with innuendo only understood by *certain* others in the same boat. Don't you know how bitter and holy you are(we all are)? Girl take up you cross and carry it well. Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 yes i meant the second part...the first part was said with sarcasm that does not come across very well sometimes. love could prevail....may be.....she feeeling that way...not right now. She feels like s%$R after what she has done. Six months from now, who knows, things could be a just a bit more on the upswing ! Yes, I know, thus the first part of the response was smart-alecky;)! But I truly hope that in your case true love would prevail...Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 You are welcome ! I stayed in my marriage despite my husband's affair-i was only 20, I am 36 now.... So yes, I think I am ignorant to the feelings of the betrayed...and dealing with wayward husbands....! Where did I say you were ignorant to the feelings of the betrayed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdc Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 It's a shame but I guess inevitable. I know why I made my original post and more to the point.. I know who would understand what I was trying to say. To all the posters in this thread.. if you dont get it.... then it is not your fault nor mine.... we are just not on the same wavelength. Life goes on , many of the people who are posting now weren't around when I first visited this site...when I was looking for a way to talk about what was happpening.... But I will now never waiver from my belief that IF IT IS TRUE LOVE IT WILL ENDURE! IF IT IS NOT TRUE LOVE THEN IT WON'T!! It's very very simple once you grasp that fact.! Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 But I truly hope that in your case true love would prevail...Good luck! thanks. more than luck I will take best wishes (you dont have to)...never believed in luck....as far me seeing a counsellor...i rather not comment....lol (you can guess my answer). btw, my wife is exactly your age....except she is in a major turmoil right now. Deep in my heart, i know we will make it. But if someone were to ask me, i would probably say, i am not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 It's a shame but I guess inevitable. I know why I made my original post and more to the point.. I know who would understand what I was trying to say. To all the posters in this thread.. if you dont get it.... then it is not your fault nor mine.... we are just not on the same wavelength. Life goes on , many of the people who are posting now weren't around when I first visited this site...when I was looking for a way to talk about what was happpening.... But I will now never waiver from my belief that IF IT IS TRUE LOVE IT WILL ENDURE! IF IT IS NOT TRUE LOVE THEN IT WON'T!! It's very very simple once you grasp that fact.! MMMMM O-tay. Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Where did I say you were ignorant to the feelings of the betrayed? You didnt. I apologize. I thought you were mocking those who choose to continue to love their WS (the undeserving liars, cheaters, philanderers). Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 To all the posters in this thread.. if you dont get it.... then it is not your fault nor mine.... we are just not on the same wavelength. no, i think i get it. Infact i know i got it. It is just that when you have just been betrayed, you tend to start doubting yourself, your beliefs just a shade. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 At the end of the day, You wont be able to trust him and he wont trust you, he'll always be looking over his shoulder for the phantom OM. The groundwork on which your relationship is built is sand. It's not concrete. I admit some cheaters do end up together, but more often than not what goes around comes around. believe it or not. Good luck to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sdc Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 To the people who aren't in the situation of OW /OM then I wish that you do get a life and don't spend your free time on this site (......why would you even contemplate and then spend your free time posting on this site just to be able to express your opinion on somethng that you have no experience of?!) To the people who have a genuine desire to find support or at least a listening ear... I would say that this site has now been hijakced, It is not what it was 5 years ago. And finally.... LOVE WILL ENDURE! Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 thanks. more than luck I will take best wishes (you dont have to)...never believed in luck....as far me seeing a counsellor...i rather not comment....lol (you can guess my answer). btw, my wife is exactly your age....except she is in a major turmoil right now. Deep in my heart, i know we will make it. But if someone were to ask me, i would probably say, i am not sure. ohhh...BEST WISHES, 65tr6!!!!! "deep in your heart"...dammit...so sweet...if only your wife can read what you post in here... Best wishes to SDC, too!!!!! She appears really happy! I am for happy people! Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I am having a difficult time understanding what you are conveying. Here is how I interpreted it. (All of it is speculation as I really don't know WTF you are saying in this thread.) You were an OW/OM. *I assuming this from your get a life, what are you doing posting on this forum post. * You found true love with a MM/MW. About three years into the affair your MM/MW left his or her BS and you started dating for real where people could actually see you. You just recently married MM/MW *This is just a guess that I initially had when I first posted in your thread*. Your love is true and you believe it will endure anything, even cheating. Your MM/MW's love for his or her BS was not true and therefore did not endure. Am I even close? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 To the people who aren't in the situation of OW /OM then I wish that you do get a life and don't spend your free time on this site (......why would you even contemplate and then spend your free time posting on this site just to be able to express your opinion on somethng that you have no experience of?!) To the people who have a genuine desire to find support or at least a listening ear... I would say that this site has now been hijakced, It is not what it was 5 years ago. And finally.... LOVE WILL ENDURE! I would suggest that you do the same - get a life that is. No, wait. You already hijacked someone else's in the name of true love. Delusion is not pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Yes i love her but i dont think she is THE only one for me....I know there are alteast 100000 or more. But it just does not work that way. I believe that statement is one of the cracks in the marriage...if you love her, then you have to be focused on the fact that no one else will do...that she is THE only one for you and that you will muster all your strength/power and all that you know to make it so that you both remain in your marriage and in love. She is not in love with me right now....otherwise why the hell would she cheat on me. Cheating is , I think rarely about love...it is about insecurity, selfishness, loneliness. Cheating is more like fulfilling one's selfish wants ( or needs) and less about hurting the other person (spouse)-although it IS the direct result of such act. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Cheating is , I think rarely about love...it is about insecurity, selfishness, loneliness. Cheating is more like fulfilling one's selfish wants ( or needs) and less about hurting the other person (spouse)-although it IS the direct result of such act. I don't know how much comfort most BS would find in the notion that the hurt wasn't intentional but just a byproduct of selfishness... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I don't know how much comfort most BS would find in the notion that the hurt wasn't intentional but just a byproduct of selfishness... Mr. Lucky Me neither:confused:. But sometimes people do not need to be comforted, they just need to truth---perhaps the jolt to reality will help decide their next course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 SDC getting back to your original post, thats great that you have been together publicly for 2.5 years now. I read some of your earlier posts and you had been apart for some time in NC several years ago. Without asking you to divulge more detail than you want to, how did you end up getting back together? Link to post Share on other sites
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