Have I a chance with her? Or anyone?

[jimmyle]

I’m a Junior in college. I’m friends with a lot of girls, and in the last few weeks, especially, I haven’t really had any trouble meeting more. However, I haven’t had a girlfriend… Ever. People who have never talked to me see me as being lame, maybe a little judgmental, etc—very straight-laced. My friends (or anyone who’s talked to me for more than, say, 10 minutes) see me as being fun, positive, and a good guy. I’m really smart but equally unathletic, and I’m quiet; some people, both friends and not, have called me “timid.”

 

It seems like even when I am in a position where a relationship should be possible, it isn’t. Earlier this semester, all of my friends and all of one of my girl friend’s friends tried to get us together, but we both agreed that would never work. Her reason was that I was too skinny and my reason was that she was too bossy/would annoy me to death.

 

There is another girl that I like a lot. Last semester we were in Europe together. We knew each other a little from class before going abroad. She’s told me that at first she didn’t really like me, but after we worked on a presentation together she did. Abroad we had no classes together, so I didn’t see her that often. Though I was friends with some of her friends. When everyone went out together, she occasionally did a couple things. First, she always gave me the cheek goodbye kiss, despite not being comfortable enough to do so with everyone. Second, she has invited me to her birthday party at least 5 times, starting 4 months before her birthday! Third, we often sit really close to each other, even when there is more room—like bodies completely touching, somtimes using each others legs as a leg rest. We’ve both played the I-get-to-ask-you-whatever-I-want-about-your-life-game, so we know a decent amount about each other. Once, when we went skydiving (me, her, and 3 others), she kept talking about how we were the most laid-back/best group ever. At a welcome back gathering, I met her sister. I thought it was a little weird that her sister flat out admitted to knowing who I was (she just immediately introduced herself, called me by my name and said that she knew me from her sister talking/obviously pictures). I should add though that through a lot of this she was definitely attracted to one of my good friends, who was not interested in her romantically, but they are great friends. Also—this is off topic, her best friend asks me far too often, “who do you have your eyes on right now?” or “describe your love life?” or “what are you looking for in a girl?” To be clear, I know that her friend is not interested in me herself and I know that she doesnt think that I am attracted to this girl either. I’m not sure that she knows everything that this girl is thinking about either though, because the girl who I am attracted to is the one who told her at one point that those questions that she asked me are too personal for a lot of people to answer. (BTW everyone says that this girl is unassertive when it comes to relationships).

 

I realize that I have written far too much and am probably over-analizing the situation. But what I want to know is: Do I have any chance with her? And what should I do to increase those chances? (P.S. I only see her about once a week now that I’m back)

[jimmyle]

Please help!

And more info: so I went out tonight. and she called me to make sure we were both going to the same place or w/e. we met up, and we had maybe 1 short, mildly akward conversation and that was about it. they left the party after about 30-45 minutes. her friend AGAIN asked me "who do you have your eye on?" I dont know if this helps but I hope so!

[Island Girl]

She is unassertive when it comes to relationships and your friends describe you as timid.

 

You're going to have just ask her out on a real date.

 

I think you have a great chance. But you have to be willing to get a "no" as well.

 

If you do - no big deal. You move on and at least you will quit over-analyzing everything.

 

Also - as men mature they fill out so you won't be as skinny for long - just in case you are insecure about it.

And some girls really like thin guys. There is a lid for every pot you know!

[jimmyle]

Any more advice?

I would especially like tips on how to:

a) increase any attraction that we have right now, and

b) make it a little less akward. Whenever we talk it's like a coin-flip as to whether or not it will be akward.

Also I worry that a decent amount of the time that we talk it is after drinking and I worry that she will think that we can't have a sober conversation. It's just weird because for some reason with her either we stumble upon something to talk about or we don't, but after drinking, I think we both just don't care if we're talking about something stupid or not and just go for it.

[typicaljs]

As a peer (jr at a university), I think your friends should all be bitch slapped for not slapping you and telling you things the way as I see it.

 

From the info you've provided it sounds like

1) You're into her but your timid

2) She's into you but also timid

3) Her best friend keeps asking you about your love life because the girl your into wants to know

 

What do those three things mean ? You need to quit being so timid and tell her how you feel and ask her if she feels the same way. Her friend obviously is only interested in you to get information to relay to the girl you should be with. Ask the girl out on a date already.

 

There's no real advice on how to make it less akward, you just need to be more comfortable talking with her. Maybe it feels akward because you're both so attracted to each other but your both too shy to let the other know. I honestly think that that is the case, and it's akward because you both are almost forcing conversation because you would both rather be making out or something like that. Obviously you don't seem like the kind of kid that would just in the middle of a conversation try to make out with said girl, so you need to take it slow.

 

If you only see her when she's with all of her friends, it's really easy to get her alone. Simply go up to her in her circle of friends, give her a hug or whatever form of greeting you two are accustomed to, and say "hey, i've got something i'd like to talk to you in private about" and then look around for some place you can go away from her friends (or at least out of their sight) and say "how about there ?" and just grab her by the hand and take her over there then either tell her how you feel or ask her on a date. Or hell if it seems right give her a kiss. I've come to realize that it's normally akward like that with girls you want to kiss. Like when you're just sitting there watching a movie and talking with a girl, and suddenly you lean in for a kiss and make out and it's not akward anymore ? I dunno maybe I'm crazy but that's my two cents. good luck.