Questions???

[Cora]

Island Girl: The church comment made me laugh indeed!! It so totally sounds like something I would do. I'm always finding new ways to completely mortify myself. LOL

[Els]

I think that that's probably really what we need right now is a face to face meeting finally. It's been far too long and I think each of us has kind of settled into the way things are right now. We need that meeting to either keep us strong or to tell us it's over. I can't wait and now comes the planning. How long would you guys suggest staying on a first meeting? I would def be staying in a hotel so I can't stay as long as I would really like due to financial issues. I figured maybe a nice weekend visit? This will all have to be discussed with him anyway so that it does not conflict with his schedule. It would kind of defeat the purpose of going up there if I never get to see him. Thanks guys for all your advice!! I feel like alot has been lifted off of me.

 

How long can your schedule allow you to stay? I would suggest at least 3-4 days or so if at all possible, since it takes such a long time to even get there... if it were 1-2 days you'd be so tired from the trip the first day, and you'd have to go back the second!

 

Btw, about your financial issues... I personally think he should offer to pay at least half the costs of your visit, unless he's in a worse financial state himself. If not, you might want to bring it up nicely -- 'I'd love to stay longer but can only afford this much'. If he still doesn't, no need to sweat it, but his response should show you how willing HE is to work towards a meeting with you and help to make it happen.

[KikiW]

Ok, yeah it sounds like he is trying to juggle a lot, and I was pleased to see he made the effort when you gave him the huge hint that you weren't happy.

 

Effort is good and counts for a lot!

 

Agree with others - you guys need to visit. It will put a lot in perspective

 

Good luck!

[Els]

Cora! How's it going?

[Island Girl]

Hey Cora -

 

How'd things go with everything and V-Day, arranging a meeting, etc.?

 

Hope you are doing well girlfriend.

[Lucky_One]

"Apparently he is working a new job. He was working two jobs before, quit one and got a new one. He is still working two jobs though and working on the weekends now unfortunately."

 

He doesn't talk about things like quitting a job and starting a new one with you? Or how a new job will make him work weekends, and how this will impact any sort of future relationship with you?

 

I am thinking this guy is married or living with someone. That's why you can't get him, that's why he hasn't pushed to meet, that's why your calls are so short. He has the "working" excuse all sewn up, so you can't ever count on him having a fixed contact schedule.

[Cora]

Hey guys, I suppose it's about time for an update but first....

 

Lucky One: I knew he was applying to other jobs and even had an interview set up at one point I just didn't know he had gotten the position. After I found out about the interview, that is when communication became almost null on his end but that has since been straightened out THANK GOD!!! About the whole being married or living with another woman.......yes I totally agree that it is very well possible but gee I sure hope not. I am trying to have enough faith in him to where I would think he wouldn't do that to me. If I allow myself to constantly dwell on the worst possible situation then I might as well give up because I wouldn't be able to handle that. I am tired of always being insecure and thinking the worst. Another reason for wanting to go and visit him. I think this will give me peace of mind. Until then I will just have to believe in his word because that's all I have at the moment. Thank you so very much for your input though!!

 

Okay my update....well things have def improved!! He has made a huge effort on keeping in touch with me more. I would say going from once or twice a week contact to everyday or every other day is a big improvement! Wouldn't you think so? Especially since he is so busy!! He will text me just to say he is thinking about me or misses me. He has also been calling me more which I love!!! The only thing is I have been missing most of his calls since our schedules conflict. I do try to call him back when I can, although usually by then he is busy with work and can't talk at the moment. But he will leave me voicemails just to say I love you. So at least I know I am on his mind and he does care. Also when I send him texts now he will respond.....it may not be right away which is understandable but he does get back to me eventually. I suppose that talk I had with him did some good? LOL so we will see if it keeps up.

 

We don't usually buy each other gifts or anything like that since we are both pretty much financially strapped right now so Valentines Day wasn't a huge deal for us. He did acknoledge it with sending me a text even though it was late. He basically just wished me a happy vday, and appologized for it being late and told me he was thinking about me. I know he had to work that day so I chose to let it go and didn't say anything. After all he is extremely busy, and he is a guy and tends to forget. He has improved and is trying so hard so I can't complain. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, just saying things are so much better and I basically couldn't be happier!!

 

Now for the best news. I wasn't going to say anything until I knew for sure and didn't want to jinx it but I can't keep it inside any longer!!! If things go as planned, I will be making a trip up to NJ to finally meet him and this trip will take place either the weekend of March 6th or the weekend of March 20th!!! OMG that's next month!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought I would have more time to plan than this but I'm not complaining at all!! This opportunity just kind of presented itself all of a sudden and I can't turn it down. Now this is not set in stone yet but it's as close as we have ever come to meeting and I just have a good feeling that it's finally going to happen for real this time!! We just have to sort out the details etc... I haven't told him yet either that I may be coming up there since I just found out about this opportunity yesterday and I wanted to kind of know more for certain. I will tell him though as soon as I talk to him next. I need to find out if either of those weekends are good for him. It wont be a long visit. I will be going up there on a Thursday and staying through Sunday. I'm just so excited that I will finally get to see him!!! This post has gotten way too long so as soon as I find out more and sort out the details I will fill you guys in! Wow next month!!! I'm getting so nervous!!! Please pray that this meeting will work out!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Thanks you guys for all of your thoughts, encouragement, advice etc.. You don't know how appreciated it all is. Will let you know when I know more!

[Cora]

Okay here is somewhat of another update........I talked to Eric on the phone today and told him my plans of coming up there to see him. He was so excited and said he can't wait to see me and how he can't wait for me to meet his little boy. (In case I failed to mention he does have a 4 year old son who doesn't live with him but whom he does get to see every Sunday and sometimes more often) I have seen many pictures of him and have spoken to him on the phone before and he is just the cutest thing! Eric also want's me to meet his family, especially his mother. Yikes!! I may tell him I don't know if I'm ready for that and maybe we should get to know each other a bit better before he goes introducing me to everyone. After all this is the first meeting LOL.

 

I asked if he would be able to see me and spend time with me when I come because I know how busy he is with work. His answer was hell yes, I will make time. He said if I could just let him know ahead of time which weekend in March I plan on coming then he can try to switch schedules with another coworker. I told him I would feel more comfortable staying in a hotel so he is giving me suggestions on where to stay. So right now I'm just trying to get everything planned and figure out which weekend will work best. I am so excited but very nervous at the same time!! I just don't want it to be awkward. I mean I feel so comfortable when talking to him, like I can really just open up and be myself, but that can all change in person right? Wow I hope we still have that connection and that the chemistry we have shared over the past eight months is still there when we meet face to face. Maybe I should tell him not to get his hopes up and expect much? Oh I'm getting so nervous!! Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone been through something similar and have stories of there first face to face meeting? Any advice, encouragement, thoughts are all welcomed!! I don't know if I'm more excited or more nervous!!! Ahhh this is actually happening!

[BrownEyes25]

Hey Cora...long time no talk, on my part at least!! I am so happy for you that you are going to be able to meet him FINALLY!! And like I mentioned before, the same chemistry you had over the phone, will pretty much be there in person also...I'm sure your nerves may make you a little shy or quiet (like mine did the first time I met my friend) but it will all be good I'm sure. You've seen pictures of each other and talked on the phone...after meeting there's not much difference...I think if anything it makes you closer after you meet, so beware of that. Because once that weekend is over, its back to your life and your life without him, you know...takes some getting used to. But you will be fine:)

 

So to update you, just a little on my situation. I haven't been on here for some weeks because I have had to do some real SOUL SEARCHING after ending things with my friend. It just got to be too much and it became clear, especially after I told him I was falling for him, that he didn't feel the same way. Up to that point, we hardly talked and if we did it was because of me and the text or call I would send his way. I texted him and told him I needed to talk to him about something important. He called me during his lunch break. I told him how deeply I felt for him...no response, no response for like a day or two. So I sent him a text telling him that "he need not worry about me anymore becasue it was clear how he felt and I thanked him for the good times." He called right after that message was sent and I didn't answer. Then I called back the next day and texted him a couple of days later...no answer, no reply. So I emailed him and explained what I meant by that original text...he said he ultimately "loved my personality and the beautiful person I am even though we are not in the best situtation for a relationship." So that was enough right there for me....because clearly if you care for someone or love them, you will move mountains to be with them, he did none of that. So I'm still hurting but over the idea of me and him and I'm just doing me, living my life and having fun!! Took a couple of weeks or so, but I'm much better...I'll admit I went through some sad, depressed states...not anymore, lol!! Oh yea, we agreed we'd be friends and he was going to help me out with something, haven't heard from him since then, so that further lets me know, he was not who he portrayed to me he was or meant to be in my life...that loser, lol!! Anyways, sorry this was long, just had to update you...still happy about you and your first meeting though, about time!! Lol!!

[Cora]

BrownEyes25: I have missed you and have been thinking about you often!! My heart sank when I read your post because I had such hope for you two. Well, it is def his loss because he doesn't know what a wonderful person he is giving up on!! If he can't see it then he doesn't deserve someone as amazing as you! This only means that there is someone out there so much better and so much more deserving of your love!!! I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glad you are doing better and can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you and what you still must be going through. Keep your chin up and know that you did all that you could and gave all that you had. You are strong and I so admire your courage!! I am here if you ever need someone to talk to. I wish threre was some way we could keep in touch. Hmm.. I don't know if we are allowed to do this on here but my email is [email protected] so please don't hesitate to write if you need to talk. Besides I would enjoy hearing from you. You are in my thoughts girl!! Thanks for all of your advice. Big (((HUGS))) to you and I meant what I said, don't hesitate to contact me.