Beffie40 Posted September 29, 2003 Share Posted September 29, 2003 [font=arial][/font][color=blue][/color] Hi all! This is my first post! I have a problem that is breaking my heart. I have been in a relationship with DA for 2 1/2 years. I am 40, he is 33. I was married for 9 years before being widowed in 1994. My daughters are 17 and 15. DA has never been married and has no children. DA and I see each other about 3 times a week and we don't spend the night with each other. I love DA very much and want to make a lifetime commitment to him. He has made it clear that he does not want to get married. At first I assumed that he meant he didn't want to get married right away, but he never talks about our future together nor does he ever make any reference to engagement or marriage in any context. I love him and love being with him the precious little bit that we are together. I would hate to end the relationship, but I am just sick most of the time missing him when we aren't together (we talk by phone on the days that we don't see each other). I find that I feel sad more than happy because of the situation. I cry a lot because I feel as if he doesn't want to marry me because he finds me inadequate somehow. He says it's him and not me that is the problem. It's getting to be work to continue the relationship as it is now. He lives about 20 minutes from me and driving back and forth is getting to be very tiring ... I sometimes drive home at 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning from his apartment on the weekends. I am completely clueless as to what to do. I need someone to help me out and give me an objective opinion. Please help!! Link to post Share on other sites
luvmyboys Posted September 29, 2003 Share Posted September 29, 2003 I know it's hard to face, but you say he has made it clear he has no intention of getting married. If after close to three years of being together that he has not changed his mind, I doubt very much he will. He seems content in being a bachelor and there's nothing wrong with that. You, on the other hand, want to move in the next logical direction in making a commitment to one another, and I don't blame you. Thing is, he isn't and probably never will be. Perhaps the thought of being a stepfather to teens terrifies him, or maybe he just isn't the marrying kind. So as hard as it is to accept, you must make a decision if you're willing to just be forever more his girlfriend or end it and find someone who shares the same thoughts on marriage. I know it's difficult, but be true to yourself first and don't settle for anything less. Link to post Share on other sites
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