don't want to lose him

[xlor7]

In advance, if anybody takes the time to read this and reply I really appreciate it. Thankyou.

 

It’s kind of a long story, I’ll summarise it as best as I can.

 

I’ve known this guy since I was about 11 and I am now 19. We’ve always been really good friends, always able to have a laugh and just enjoy each other’s company. Our families are very close, but we don’t live near each other so we only get to see one another at family dinners or events. When I was about 14, I started to realise that I liked him and obviously gained a little crush on him, and I done this on and off all through high school.

 

So we had always been really good friends, then when I was about 16 and he 15 (I’m 10 months older than him) I guess I realised that I really, really had strong feelings for him and guessed he liked me too by the way we interacted, but I still wasn’t really sure. As usual, we could laugh and joke, but it got more “touchy” if you suppose. He’d pull/play with my hair, touch my nose, all this cute little things, then one day we had a moment alone and we just sat across from one another, staring. I asked him “what?” and all he could do was smile and nudge me and say “nothing”, that’s when I was fairly sure (or maybe just hoping) that he may have actually felt something for me, too.

 

On occasions of seeing each other, we still had this easygoing natural flirting going on. It didn’t seem weird to be near him or let him make fun of me or ruffle my hair up, I liked it, and I didn’t want it to stop…but after a while it did. I don’t really know what happened, I’m fairly sure he got scared, though, because as I said, our families are very close, like family close even though we’re not related, he is my sister-in-laws nephew. If my brother hadn’t of married his wife, I would have never even known him.

 

So we had this distance between us, and I was growing tired of it. I missed him but more so I missed my friend. We used to talk occasionally on msn or myspace, but he disappeared from everywhere. So one night I was going to my brother’s restaurant, where he works, hoping he would be there so I could finally just break the ice, but alas he wasn’t working, so I felt defeated again. I finally just decided to txt message him and asked where he was, saying it’s like he had fallen off the face of the earth. I got no reply and felt horrible, that’s when I was really giving up.

 

A couple of weeks later he signed onto msn, and I had another chance. I asked him where he’d been and that I messaged him, he said he didn’t get it (stupid me had gotten a new phone and didn’t enter the right number under him). After this we started talking constantly, nearly everyday, it was a really big turnaround. We talked about everything, which was really new and weird but I liked it, we were more open about relationships, flirted in a more heated way, just little things. I eventually started talking about the guy I liked (him) and told him that I was thinking of telling this boy how I felt. He was supportive at first, then once he realised I was seriously going to tell who ever it was that I liked them, he started telling me I shouldn’t. I told him one night that I was doing it, and all he could tell me was “do whatever” he wasn’t very impressed. I wonder what he felt like when I said it was him, lol. He told me he liked me too, and I felt such a relief, I could finally stop shaking and accept that he had feelings for me.

 

Everything was good, we talked all the time, and it was normal again when we saw each other, but there was always the situation of our families in the back of everything. We couldn’t get too close, or seem too affectionate. I finally decided to tell my Mum, to see if she thought it was a bad idea, she told me she wasn’t surprised, that he had seen our connection from when we were younger. I was glad she supported me, she said to see where it goes, if it’s a relationship or just a really great friendship.

 

I decided I’d ask him if that’s what he wanted, a relationship, we both agreed we’d see where it goes, but our families is what was holding us back. We agreed that we’d always be good friends, no matter what.

 

So this went on for nearly a whole year, then suddenly again he slowly started to disappear. I’d message him occasionally, we talked but it was a bit different.

 

Then when we’d be in the same place at the same time it’s like he couldn’t even look at me, or I’d catch him starting from across the room. He wouldn’t come up and talk to me like he did, he didn’t make sure I was near him anymore. I felt horrible and confused. So I decided I’d ask what’s going on, because communicating didn’t seem like something we could do anymore, I asked what he thought of the whole ‘us’ thing, he said it probably isn’t a good idea, and that he’s sorry. I told him not to be sorry, that I wasn’t upset…and at the time I wasn’t, I was too numb and bored of the situation to really feel it.

 

But now that’s changed, I feel lonely. I don’t have my friend to talk to anymore, the person I could joke with and tell stupid stuff too. I’ve seen him a few times since, and still I catch his glances from across the room, but he can’t come up to me and talk anymore, even after we promised we could always be friends. I just want my friend back more than anything, but I can’t control these emotions and feelings I have for him. We have a good connection and people from our families even picked up on this bond, I just can’t help but feel happy being near him and feel attached to him in a deeper way, now I feel like I can’t even talk to him. I miss him and don’t know what to do.

 

I still have feelings for him, and want to tell him, because deep down I think there is still something there. I may just be deluding myself, though.

 

Does anybody have any advice?

 

Why do you think he would act this way? Do you think he ever really had feelings for me, or just said he did not to make me feel bad? Do you think he’s moved on? Should I open up to him or will it make it more uncomfortable for us? Do you think he’s scared of where it was going? Do you think he felt pressured? Is the best way to save the friendship to just not say anything about what happened in the past, even though I have these strong feelings?

 

I just really want him back in my life, I want to know what I should do, because I haven’t a clue.

 

help.

[Island Girl]

I think you need to accept the fact that he doesn't want a romantic relationship.

 

If you can't put your feelings aside then you need to just move on as best you can.

 

If you can put your feelings aside then perhaps you can pursue a friendship. But you are going to have to broach the subject with him and explain that all you want is to be friends.

 

Then be willing to accept it if it is not something he can do. He may like you too - but does not want to act on it for whatever reason - and he may not be able to talk to you or be around you without feeling those romantic feelings. In that case he will not want to talk to you even if it is just a friendship.