Beffie40 Posted September 29, 2003 Share Posted September 29, 2003 Hi all! This is my first post! I have a problem that is breaking my heart. I have been in a relationship with DA for 2 1/2 years. I am 40, he is 33. I was married for 9 years before being widowed in 1994. My daughters are 17 and 15. DA has never been married and has no children. DA and I see each other about 3 times a week and we don't spend the night with each other. I love DA very much and want to make a lifetime commitment to him. He has made it clear that he does not want to get married. At first I assumed that he meant he didn't want to get married right away, but he never talks about our future together nor does he ever make any reference to engagement or marriage in any context. I love him and love being with him the precious little bit that we are together. I would hate to end the relationship, but I am just sick most of the time missing him when we aren't together (we talk by phone on the days that we don't see each other). I find that I feel sad more than happy because of the situation. I cry a lot because I feel as if he doesn't want to marry me because he finds me inadequate somehow. He says it's him and not me that is the problem. It's getting to be work to continue the relationship as it is now. He lives about 20 minutes from me and driving back and forth is getting to be very tiring ... I sometimes drive home at 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning from his apartment on the weekends. I am completely clueless as to what to do. I need someone to help me out and give me an objective opinion. Please help!! Link to post Share on other sites
Thor Posted September 29, 2003 Share Posted September 29, 2003 Maybe you know the answer to your question already and maybe you don't. Your title expresses that you have had enough torture about this situation which, to me, sounds like you need some assurance that leaving this relationship is the right thing to do. Well, here it is, leaving this relationship is the right thing to do for you. You obviously sound like someone who wants to be married again, and DA is obviously someone who does not want to be married. That's a big hurdle to overcome in a relationship. This guy may be great in all other aspects and you may love him, but why stay in a relationship that is obviously not going to lead to marriage as marriage is what you are seeking? Leave this guy. Go and find yourself someone who meets your "qualifications" and see where it goes from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 29, 2003 Share Posted September 29, 2003 You present no evidence that the two of you have a future together. He is 33 years old and if he isn't convinced after seeing you for 2.5 years that you are the one for him, I don't think you are. When somebody tells you it's them and not you, that's a very nice way of telling you it's the combination of the two of you they're having problems with. If you're looking for meaningful love of a stable and more permanent nature, you need to terminate your relationship with this guy...take some time to heal...and move on. Use this experience to determine the intentions of the next person you fall for. I know it's very hard but spending a lot of time with someone whose agenda does not equal yours is sort of a waste of time...and quite heartbreaking as well. You've had enough pain in your life. Now, it's time for you to find happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
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