Desperate for a second chance

[jasminetea]

Is this for real?

 

Seems like the story should actually be:

 

- Met a guy, shagged him on the first date. He said all the right things to get me hooked, but after all, I am wonderful so of course he fell in love with me.

- Texted him ever increasingly clingy texts. He must be really sensitive because he ignored them.

- In a last ditch attempt to lure him back to me, I used sex and texted him compromising MMS's.

- He's blocked my number but I can't lose face on LS and I want to show them I was right to text my undying love/snatch to him so I'll make up a great story about how I was right and all those nasty people were wrong.

[Fun2BMe]

Is this for real?

 

Seems like the story should actually be:

 

- Met a guy, shagged him on the first date. He said all the right things to get me hooked, but after all, I am wonderful so of course he fell in love with me.

- Texted him ever increasingly clingy texts. He must be really sensitive because he ignored them.

- In a last ditch attempt to lure him back to me, I used sex and texted him compromising MMS's.

- He's blocked my number but I can't lose face on LS and I want to show them I was right to text my undying love/snatch to him so I'll make up a great story about how I was right and all those nasty people were wrong.

 

Wow you're the crazy one saying things I never even wrote here that I won't bother addressing. And how is having sent texts a few times over a 5 week period being clingy? He responded to the early one and then not the later 2, until this past weekend (over 2 weeks later) when I finally texted again after which he responded and we texted throughout the day, later he gave me his email address and called me several times and asked to see me when he gets back from his trip, gave me his itinerary of where he'll be at for the next 2 weeks in detail. He asked why I hadn't called him, I didn't want to put him on the spot and say he didn't respond to my later texts or that he had told me to text him and hadn't mentioned calling, so I threw it back at him and asked why he hadn't called and he made the excuse he's been busy and traveling which considering we barely know each other is fine with me.

 

I'm realizing it's hard for others to understand the situation and I shouldn't be taking the terrible advice I've been given. I woudln't even have spoken to him had I took the advice to be passive and not contact him. I had another update as of last night but the environment here is so negative and hostile I'm in no mood to share. Why would he block my number? That makes no sense at all and I don't think cell phones can even do that for that matter, at least not in the US, you sound like you're from somewhere else with your dirty shagging comment.

[Geishawhelk]

Fun2BMe...

The problem here is that your thread title is quite descriptive.

 

"Desperate" for a second chance.

 

Now, by all means ignore the posts of those whom you just find plain bloody rude - but don't 'hear' just what you want to 'hear'.

Listen, even if it makes for uncomfortable listening.

 

There's a difference there.

 

The big problem is that the only means of communciation here, is 'pen to paper'... there's no body language, no tone, no gesture.

So you'll just have to sort the wheat from the chaff by sight alone.

 

It's likely that most of the people writing really rude and insulting things with no basis for it other than their own assumptions, would probably not say these things to your face. And if they did, not so directly.....

 

Island Girl and I tried last night to give you a bit of a shake up. It seems as though we might have given you a different perspective for a while.

Now, you say you've had an update.

 

So, come on.

Let's have it.....

Let's see what we can make of the latest, constructively.

[Touche]

You have another update but won't post it because people are negative and hostile? Or is it because there's not really much of an update?

 

Let me guess...he asked for more dirty pictures, right? Only this time he called you to ask for them.

 

Or maybe he arranged for a "date" when he gets back.

[Geishawhelk]

Aw c'mon Touche.... why don't we just wait, huh?

[Touche]

Aw c'mon Touche.... why don't we just wait, huh?

 

I hear you, Geish but let's be real...if the update was all that great Fun would be on here crowing about it and showing those of us who were skeptical that we were dead wrong.

 

But she's not. So I am inclined to think that I'm right..that she's excited about him getting in touch but the nature of the contact is questionable and I think she knows it too.

[Fun2BMe]

So, come on.

Let's have it.....

Let's see what we can make of the latest, constructively.

 

Well when I read your comment I was ready to post my update, but after reading Touche's comment I know it would be foolish of me to set myeslf up for criticism so I don't know if I should post it or not. Maybe I'll wait for another update first.

[Art_Critic]

It sounds to me that it could be one of 2 things...

 

Either he is already in a relationship and you are his backburner babe or he finally responded to your texts and pictures to see how far he could go with you..

 

Either way this guy isn't worthy of you and isn't great dating material as he hasn't treated you properly..

 

Sorry Fun...

[Geishawhelk]

I know.

Maybe she's reading things into it.

Maybe she's trying to convince herself.

Maybe she's clutching at straws.

 

It happens....

I'm just saying, let's wait until we at least see the red flag before we say it's flapping.....

[Geishawhelk]

Well when I read your comment I was ready to post my update, but after reading Touche's comment I know it would be foolish of me to set myeslf up for criticism so I don't know if I should post it or not. Maybe I'll wait for another update first.

 

Well, if you're as confident about him as you say you are, posting it to prove people wrong, shouldn't be a problem.

Which leads me to believe you're actually unsure.

 

Look, if it makes you feel any better - PM me with it.

[Fun2BMe]

I hear you, Geish but let's be real...if the update was all that great Fun would be on here crowing about it and showing those of us who were skeptical that we were dead wrong.

 

But she's not. So I am inclined to think that I'm right..that she's excited about him getting in touch but the nature of the contact is questionable and I think she knows it too.

 

 

Listen, I've made myself vulnerable by exposing my feelings and admitting I'm desperate to see him again and everything most people might cover up, but all it's done is opened me up for ridicule and people poking at me, pouring salt to the wound whenever possible. I really don't get it, I thought I was going to get some help here. And if the nature of his contact was questionable you are already warning me you are ready to throw it in my face like it's a battle. I just don't get the bullying/cruelty/attitude, so w/e.

[Touche]

Well when I read your comment I was ready to post my update, but after reading Touche's comment I know it would be foolish of me to set myeslf up for criticism so I don't know if I should post it or not. Maybe I'll wait for another update first.

 

Well that just confirms that I'm right then. If it was such great news, what would there be to criticize as you say?

 

Why do you have to wait for another update before you'll post? Are you hoping the quality of the next contact will be better? I wouldn't hold my breath.

 

Look, Fun I've never been mean to you. I've been supportive but I also don't mince words.

 

This guy is out to use you. I think by now, I know the difference in how an interested (genuinely interested) guy behaves and how one who is just out to use you behaves.

 

This guy is the latter. Sorry. But I have zero doubt about it. Nothing about the way he acts shows me that he respects you.

[Fun2BMe]

Well, if you're as confident about him as you say you are, posting it to prove people wrong, shouldn't be a problem.

Which leads me to believe you're actually unsure.

 

Look, if it makes you feel any better - PM me with it.

 

I'm not here to prove anything, I've only been sharing things as they unfold. I feel like my audience is made up of teenagers. I just don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Touche]

Listen, I've made myself vulnerable by exposing my feelings and admitting I'm desperate to see him again and everything most people might cover up, but all it's done is opened me up for ridicule and people poking at me, pouring salt to the wound whenever possible. I really don't get it, I thought I was going to get some help here. And if the nature of his contact was questionable you are already warning me you are ready to throw it in my face like it's a battle. I just don't get the bullying/cruelty/attitude, so w/e.

 

Just saw this after I posted.

 

What kind of help are you looking for?

 

I would never throw anything in your face. I'm trying to spare you further heartache. Sorry you see me as bully and cruel.

 

I'm no such thing.

[Geishawhelk]

By your protests and persistence, it sounds to us as if actually, you're out to prove us all wrong about him. but so far, no dice.

 

Harsh words, kind words, gentle, rough. It doesn't matter.

We've all been saying the same thing.

And gentle, harsh, rough, kind - you've studiously ignored the lot really.

Haven't you.....?

 

So it doesn't matter HOW people have been saying it.

 

You're not listening.

So why is this thread 4 - 5 pages long, already, if you're not looking for some kind of proof?

[Touche]

I'm not here to prove anything, I've only been sharing things as they unfold. I feel like my audience is made up of teenagers. I just don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Huh? Look, speaking for myself I'm over 40 and in a successful marriage. I know there are others on here posting who are also in successful relationships and over 40.

 

I'd really like to know what kind of support you're looking for.

 

EDIT: Audience? We're not your audience, Fun. We're members of a forum just as you are.

[whichwayisup]

Fun - I've been saying this for a long time and I'll say it again..

 

You need to be on your own for a while..No men, no relationships.. You don't NEED any man to complete you, to make you feel good about you. That has to come within.

 

Keep doing counselling, spend time with your family, your friends and live life..Be happy. Just seems that everytime a guy comes into your life there's always issues/problems that end up hurting you and causing unnecessary drama and heartache.

[jasminetea]

EDIT: Audience? We're not your audience, Fun.

 

That says it all, don't you think?

 

Fun2bme - you're self-obsessed.

[Fun2BMe]

It sounds to me that it could be one of 2 things...

 

Either he is already in a relationship and you are his backburner babe or he finally responded to your texts and pictures to see how far he could go with you..

 

Either way this guy isn't worthy of you and isn't great dating material as he hasn't treated you properly..

 

Sorry Fun...

 

 

I was upset so I didn't see all these responses before I left. As for being his backburner, who knows, maybe that's the case. Like I said we just met in January and all I want is a chance to see him again to find out if he'd want to be with me. And now I have a lot of hope because he said he wants to see me the same night he gets back from his trip and have a nice dinner together, which wouldn't be the case if he was in a serious relationship with somebody else.

 

But I am nervous reading about the pictures and maybe that wasn't so right I just don't know, I am a little confused because I am going back and forth on that one.

[Fun2BMe]

Just saw this after I posted.

 

What kind of help are you looking for?

 

I would never throw anything in your face. I'm trying to spare you further heartache. Sorry you see me as bully and cruel.

 

I'm no such thing.

 

Ok good to hear that. It was freaking me out how everyone seemed to be on attack mode.

[Fun2BMe]

By your protests and persistence, it sounds to us as if actually, you're out to prove us all wrong about him. but so far, no dice.

No, the thing is, I came asking for help on what to do but instead I got a lot of judgement and what I should NOT do, so I was pinned in a corner trying to explain and justify why I wanted to do what I was asking help for, but it never went there, instead it was stuck in trying to justify myself, that's why it got very irritating.

 

 

 

So it doesn't matter HOW people have been saying it.

 

You're not listening.

So why is this thread 4 - 5 pages long, already, if you're not looking for some kind of proof?

If I wasn't listening, I wouldn't be responding. Like I said I am thinking about the pics now after the comments. Maybe you are used to within 5 pages of posts someone makes a 180 on how they FEEL for someone? I don't know if that is realistic, and since I don't have the power to turn off my feelings I am this monster? That's not realistic, but maybe you haven't fallen for someone before so you don't know how that feels?

[Touche]

I don't think you're being attacked, Fun. I think you're just being really sensitive because you're nervous about this guy.

 

But anyway, stop worrying about the pics. What's done is done. You can't undo it. But from now on play it cool. Don't act so desperate. Wait and see if he calls you for dinner. Go to dinner and just be yourself and have fun. Eventually, you'll know what his true motives are and whether he's really sincere or not.

 

But yeah, I'd cool it on the texting, the pics and the calls. And just really try not to dwell on what's already taken place.

 

As for this:

 

I came asking for help on what to do but instead I got a lot of judgement and what I should NOT do, so I was pinned in a corner trying to explain and justify why I wanted to do what I was asking help for, but it never went there, instead it was stuck in trying to justify myself, that's why it got very irritating./QUOTE]

 

In advising you what NOT to do we ARE in a way telling you what to do.

 

It never went where you wanted it to go because most of us didn't agree with what you were doing. So that's why it veered off into what you shouldn't be doing.

 

I mean supporting your actions would be like helping to push you off a cliff. We were trying to pull you back so you wouldn't fall. And you were like "well, I have to keep walking, I really want to see what's down there. I know it's going to be something good. So what if I smash myself up on the way down." Kind of like that.

 

I sincerely hope this goes where you want it to go but as you already know, I don't think it will.

[Mad Hatter]

Fun, I am a new member here but I have read this site for a long time. I remember some of your previous threads, and it is clear that your relationships have been very rocky, to say the least.

 

I am not judging you, please do not think that I am. I have been where you are so many times. I understand the anxiety and heartache and uncertainty you are feeling now all too well.

 

I am not a counselor so you can take what I say with a grain of salt if you like. I am convinced that you have borderline personality disorder. The reason I say I can relate is because I had it too, and I can see myself in what you write here.

 

Somewhere deep down you want a relationship to complete you, but I can assure you it will not happen. First, you have to know who you are. To have a strong sense of self-worth, you have to have the knowledge of who you are on a core, basic level. As of right now, I don't think you do. Please remember, I do not say this to judge you.

 

This guy is not the answer to your problems. This feeling of uncertainty would not go away even if you did get to see him again. You would constantly feel the need to prove yourself worthy to him, and no one should should ever have to do that.

 

I cannot say my experience is exactly like yours because I am not you, but it is pretty close. I had to change myself before I could find a good relationship.

 

Please look into DBT therapy. Even if you are not borderline, it can be very helpful. If it can help alleviate this pain you are feeling, isn't it worth it?

 

And PLEASE do not compromise yourself any further with sending pictures to this guy. I know it feels like you have known him forever, and that you have a connection. That feeling can be overwhelming. But also remember you have spent very little time with this man. You have no way of knowing what his intentions are.

 

As for now, take care of YOU. Do not think about what you have already done. It will not help. You can control what you do from this point on. My advice is to stop ALL communication with this guy. I am afraid he is trying to exploit you. That will only make you feel worse.

 

Unfortunately there are people out there that will exploit others. I know you want to trust but that trust must be earned. Do NOT give it away.

[Geishawhelk]

No, the thing is, I came asking for help on what to do but instead I got a lot of judgement and what I should NOT do, so I was pinned in a corner trying to explain and justify why I wanted to do what I was asking help for, but it never went there, instead it was stuck in trying to justify myself, that's why it got very irritating.

 

You read it as judgement.

Look at it from our PoV:

You came in for help - your words.

You got a lot of input on what you should not do. Not judgement, input.

You wanted to justify what why you wanted to do (the opposite) in most cases.

 

is there any wonder we're getting just a bit frustrated with you?

 

 

 

 

If I wasn't listening, I wouldn't be responding. Like I said I am thinking about the pics now after the comments. Maybe you are used to within 5 pages of posts someone makes a 180 on how they FEEL for someone? I don't know if that is realistic, and since I don't have the power to turn off my feelings I am this monster? That's not realistic, but maybe you haven't fallen for someone before so you don't know how that feels?

Excuse me but at 52, believe me, I've been to hell and back, and I've been where you are.

So don't ever think I haven't ever 'fallen for someone' because I could write the book and star in the movie. Which is why I can confidently say:

 

He wants dinner the moment he gets back, because he's hoping to follow up on your photographic promises.... he wants to see the underwear on you.

He reckons you're hot and up for it, so he's onto a cert, here.

And you would, wouldn't you?

Jump straight into bed with him, because it would mean you were right, and we are wrong?

 

Wrong.

 

You don't have to turn off your feelings You just have to stop them getting in the way of using your brain, because right now, your reasoning is controlled by a guided emotional missile with self-destruct written all over it.

[Island Girl]

I was pinned in a corner trying to explain and justify why I wanted to do what I was asking help for, but it never went there, instead it was stuck in trying to justify myself, that's why it got very irritating.

 

Exactly.

 

You were trying to justify yourself and what you wanted to do although most everyone here said it was a bad idea.

 

That's not realistic, but maybe you haven't fallen for someone before so you don't know how that feels?

 

You fell for him? C'mon Fun -- slow your roll.

 

You spent several hours with him almost two months ago. You are infatuated - but you have not "fallen" for him. You can't realistically fall for someone you do not know.

AND YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM.

 

That takes time. Hopefully you will get the chance to know him but don't go bat shyte crazy thinking you love him or "you are perfect together".

THIS is a problem.

 

Let him show he is interested.

 

He can't do that if you are constantly initiating contact and throwing yourself at him.

 

I really can't believe you took lingerie pictures and sent them to him. And changed so he'd have multiple outfits to look at. What kind of a message do you think that sends?

A. Hi, I am a strong confident woman with self respect.

B. Heya! Want a piece of this?!! I'm advertising if your looking!

 

Hmmmmmm. There's a thinker.

 

If you want him to be interested in YOU then you need to show him who you are - not why you should be objectified and used for sexual gratification.