Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Unless you're a "litigator.";) Couldn't resist. Hey now! Your relationship should be your "soft spot" to land as they say. Awww, love that... and totally agree! Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I agree with the above but when it comes to choosing a mate it's irrelevant. I happen to have some traits that are normally considered more "male" and my H has some traits most people would consider as typically "female." In other ways we might fit the stereotypes for our gender. But it's all moot in the end since what really matters is finding someone we're compatible with. Right. But for purposes of this topic, we are talking in general terms and not about specific individuals. I think when talking about groups of people generalizations are perfectly fine and useful. For individuals not as much since almost no one fits the stereotype or generalization exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Hey now! But it's true! Your kind (I include H in that of course) loves to talk and you know it! Awww, love that... and totally agree! Yep. I mean that's how it's supposed to be. We spend all day working and sometimes being stressed, why would anyone want to come home to that...to more "work?" Makes no sense. It's not the way I'd ever want to live. We should strive to make our partner's lives better..not add to their pressure. And they should be doing the same for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Right. But for purposes of this topic, we are talking in general terms and not about specific individuals. I think when talking about groups of people generalizations are perfectly fine and useful. For individuals not as much since almost no one fits the stereotype or generalization exactly. I agree but what does that have to do with finding the right person..someone who is "into you" as you are "into them?" Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Some people want a more comfortable, quiet relationship. Other people thrive more on tension and in high stress situations. I'm not saying an R should ever be high stress, but some people thrive on the excitement of differences (to a point). Some married couples are sidekicks and others prefer more "me" time. There is no ideal relationship. It's whatever works for you. I don't understand why people are arguing over this. If someone is into you, they will be willing to put in some effort. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Exactly. It's simple. If someone is into you, then they will put forth the effort to get to know you, understand you, want to meet your needs, work through problems, etc. If they aren't doing that, then they aren't into you at whatever stage of the relationship, and consequently aren't worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Some people want a more comfortable, quiet relationship. Other people thrive more on tension and in high stress situations. I'm not saying an R should ever be high stress, but some people thrive on the excitement of differences (to a point). Funny you should say that. That was one of the points made in the movie. Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwyn) kept having problems getting a guy to call her - either after getting her number or after the first date. She'd devise this big dramatic scenario in her head: that guys don't call because they're intimidated, because they're scared, because they're busy, because, because, because. A guy pal (Justin Long) suggested to her that she was caught up in the dramatic cycle of pining over men who weren't interested because she THRIVED on drama. He even asked her if she paid bills on the very last day and something else I can't remember now, to which she agreed... and he said the reason she did that was just to see if she can make it, to create even MORE drama for herself. Once she started paying her bills on time and not thriving on drama, a great guy who was ACTUALLY INTO HER came along. If you thrive on drama, that's all you're gonna get. And it doesn't breed happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Funny you should say that. That was one of the points made in the movie. I'm not saying you should thrive on drama at all. I was saying that relationships are never going to be cushy. That's not how life works. I meant that people who thrive on stress to SOME EXTENT may be better at accepting that fact and working with it. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Some people want a more comfortable, quiet relationship. Other people thrive more on tension and in high stress situations. I'm not saying an R should ever be high stress, but some people thrive on the excitement of differences (to a point). When all is said and done, this is ultimately true. Who are we to judge and say which is right and which is wrong? One man's hell is another man's paradise! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Ok, I’ll agree to disagree. I believe men and women have certain traits and behaviors that we are each more prone to and you don’t seem to. Do you think there are there any behaviors/traits that are more likely to be male or female? Or do you think it’s all an individual thing, irrespective of whether or not the person has a penis or a vagina? You seem to be very averse to stereotypes and generalizations. It's ok if you're the exception to the rule, but that doesn't make the stereotype or generalization untrue. I just look around at the people and the world around me and I see behavioral patterns that tend to congregate more so in each sex. I don't see myself as an exception to any rule. I just don't think that mass generalizations when it comes to relationships, makes any sense at all. People are a combination of nature and nurture. IF either man or woman is raised in a family of non-communicators, they're both going to grunt to each other, as a way of communicating. IF both come from vocal backgrounds, they're going to talk. IF both come from avoidance style family lives, regardless of vocalness, they're going to prefer to avoid conflict. The same goes for abusive backgrounds. Many, not all, that come from physically abusive backgrounds, will feel that physical abuse is an acceptable way to live. So you take one physically abusive person, with someone who has been raised with respect and no matter what male or female traits they have, there's no way this is going to work, no matter how much effort both put into it. If anything, it won't even get the point of a relationship because foundational triggers will be very different. I doubt there would even be attraction, except on the most shallow criteria of physicality. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I'm not saying you should thrive on drama at all. I was saying that relationships are never going to be cushy. That's not how life works. I meant that people who thrive on stress to SOME EXTENT may be better at accepting that fact and working with it. I know you didn't say that one "should" thrive on drama. However, those that only "thrive" on drama and excitement are destined to be unhappy. As for my relationship, it's pretty cushy. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Relationships are never going to be cushy because that's not how life works? Hmmm, mine is cushy too. So in my life, it does work that way. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I've had enough relationship drama to last me a lifetime. No more. I'm happy to have a cushy relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Cushy relationships FTW!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 So you guys never fight? How boring. I have a great relationship with my parents--but we do argue plenty. I think that's the reason I can't imagine having a relationship that is completely free of tension. I'll believe in the cushiness when I experience it for myself Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Of course people disagree about issues. What's key is resolution. If you're fighting about the same things over and over again, you've got serious issues in your relationship. Once an issue has been resolved, it has to be laid to rest. As for deliberate agitation into a fight, no way! I've got way more use for passion and energy, rather than wasting it fighting with my SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 So you guys never fight? How boring. It's not boring at all! And we never fight. We disagree, and we tease... I mean, we're not each other's twin. But we don't "fight." When we disagree, we still have a good time. And if/when we ever do end up in a "fight" or argument, I'm certain we'll resolve it rationally. Tension will always be the exception in my relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My answer is pretty much the same as the other ladies. No, we don't agree on everything. We do agree on all of the important things though. And yes, we know how to resolve things so that we don't have the same fight over and over again. So you have "tension" with your parents and you like that? As for the "cushiness", you don't have to believe it. That's sad though because if you don't believe in it, you may not ever actually experience it. Anyway, why would any of us lie about it? Trust me, there's nothing at all boring about not having drama and not having to constantly "adjust" where we're emotionally coming from. It's actually freeing. It also leaves us open to enjoy other parts of our relationship since our emotional energy isn't wasted on arguments and "issues" and drama. Trust me..there's nothing boring about it. I really, really hope you get to find out for yourself some day. Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 For some reason, the choir of female voices shouting how very truly indeed happy they are in their current relationships scares me just little a bit . Of course, beyond the loveable LS posters, I wish this to absolutely everybody on the planet . It's just that being happy is unfunny and provides little or no insight , being unhappy is sometimes funny, and in most cases provides at least some sort of insight :lmao:. All happy couples are alike , all uhappy couples are unhappy in their unique way . My theory is that if a girl is attracted to somebody, she'll rationalize it to death, though in reality it is pretty much irrelevant how exactly she will ratoinalize it - it will be perfect through and through for her anyway. If a guy is attracted to somebody, he doesn't overthink it - he's just happy to hang out Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I thought we were here to learn from each other. I didn't know I was here to entertain you. Sorry if some of us bore you. Oh and guess what? It's not true that all happy couples are alike. We're as varied as the unhappy variety and equally as interesting if you ever care to dig deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 The overabundance of smilies in one post from a guy, scares me more than the text! Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 The overabundance of smilies in one post from a guy, scares me more than the text! Aww, stop it! You're on my azz non stop because you can't fight the attraction anymore - it's okay, sweetheart . Link to post Share on other sites
kittykatz Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 When it comes to guys I understand that they do have other things going on in their lives (i actually don't want to be in a relationship where I am dependent on another person). But, if that means that he's "too busy" to make time to call or see me then to me that sends a signal that he's not interested and to me it's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
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