Extra marital sex

[jenny]

i am a 28 yr married and attractive and friendly woman with a very

 

loving husband.

 

We are very honest to each other. i have never had sex with any other man so far.

 

But have recieved plenty of offers from men. they seem to fall for me every now

 

and then. I keep telling them not to think of me in any way other than as a friend.

 

I tell my husband about these men and he laughs it off.

 

He has told me frequently that if i want to sleep with any other man he wouldnt

 

mind at all as long as it was done with the right intention-just fun but no affair.

 

If i start loving some other man then it would shatter him. Sex is just a sport

 

according to him. In fact he suggests i should try it out once if i fancied anyone.

 

But there should be no second time with the same person. Other wise it might lead

 

to emotional involvement and only a few episodes in all.

 

I still have some pending offers with some good guys but my husband has left the

 

decision on me.

 

Can any one advice? is it possible for a woman to keep sex and love separate?

 

Would it improve my self confidence in bed. I am still a shy girl.

 

i would appreciate an honest opinion

[Nina]

It's not a healthy thing to introduce other people into your relationship. And even if you only do it for one night, it will still be an issue. Did you ever see "Indecent Proposal"?

 

The thing about sex is that men are socialized to be able to separate the ideas of love and sex. This also involves biology since the man is the one who penetrates. On the other hand, it takes a little more trust for a woman. She is penetrated. You should seriously think about the implications of this action. How would you feel if your husband had sex with another woman?

 

Some couples claim to be able to have open marriages. But honestly, those marriages don't involve emotional investment if this is the case. Marriage is promise you make to the other person to be committed to them for as long as the marriage lasts, regardless of your religious preferences or lack thereof. But the choice, of course, is yours.

 

If you do choose to do this, I recommend going to couples counseling so you can have a safe place to discuss issues openly, which might prevent some associated problems.

[Tony T]

This is a question that can be answered differently for different generations and for different people.

 

I would have to know you a lot better to be able to do a really good job giving you advice here on this one. You are of the generation that is, for the most part, much more sexually free than previous.

 

I never used to think of the marital committment being divided into categories of sport sex, intimate emotional sex, etc. However, I'm game.

 

Frankly, I think you should be questioning your husband's nonchalance when it comes to you having sex with other men. This is simply not normal. But, I agree it can happen. My gut is that your husband is placating you in hopes that by giving you the freedom, you won't do it.

 

Many men would either have to be nuts or not care about their wife at all to not care about them having sex with other men. They may not even care about their own lives either in the age of STDs and AIDS. You need to discuss this further with your husband and let him know you are about to act (if that is what you decide to do.)

 

So, if you feel you can handle episodes of sexual encounters and have the resistance to keep the guy from persuing you more agressively and you can do it with good conscience and with the sincere endorsement of your husband, go for it.

 

I think the majority of people reading these posts believe in the sanctity of marriage but in today's world, you have to define marriage for yourself. Some 25 years ago, a book called "Open Marriage" was published and encouraged the kind of sexual encounters you describe.

 

There are so many really hot and sensitive emotional issues involved with what you want to do. You will just have to deal with those as they come.

 

I wish you luck. But please don't construe this advice as being that I would do this myself. Marriage to me is a sacred bond involving emotional and sexual committment. While I state them freely, I don't impose my views on other people.

[Lisa]

You must not be too shy!

 

I cannot even imagine entertaining the thought of doing what you are suggesting. An extramarital affair with ONE person is one thing. But a number of men, and not more than once. Wow! A Whitman Sampler of sex!!! Novel idea. And not on any moral grounds but because of the disease issues and just the sheer logistical planning it would involve. Suppose you get pregnant? Every birth control method can fail now and then.

 

If you want to sleep with lots of men, be single. If you are committed to your loving husband, then be married. There is a reason there are 2 categories here; of course, they overlap at times, but I try not to confuse them.

 

Men paying attention to you is heady and flattering of course. But can't you just enjoy the flirting and leave the sex alone? After 3 months with any person the sex tends to not be quite as exciting but you made that committment when you married your husband.

 

I guess because I have had an EM(extra marital relationship) and have seen friends ruined by them I am especially appalled that you would consider this. And when you read all the heartache on this board because someone cannot have just ONE person to love them, how can you even consider playing fast and loose with people's hearts and sex organs?

 

yuck

[Brooke]

i am a 28 yr married and attractive and friendly woman with a very loving husband. We are very honest to each other. i have never had sex with any other man so far. But have recieved plenty of offers from men. they seem to fall for me every now and then. I keep telling them not to think of me in any way other than as a friend. I tell my husband about these men and he laughs it off. He has told me frequently that if i want to sleep with any other man he wouldnt mind at all as long as it was done with the right intention-just fun but no affair. If i start loving some other man then it would shatter him. Sex is just a sport according to him. In fact he suggests i should try it out once if i fancied anyone. But there should be no second time with the same person. Other wise it might lead to emotional involvement and only a few episodes in all. I still have some pending offers with some good guys but my husband has left the decision on me. Can any one advice? is it possible for a woman to keep sex and love separate? Would it improve my self confidence in bed. I am still a shy girl. i would appreciate an honest opinion

I can't imagine any man willing to let his wife have sex with another man. Have you ever thought that maybe your husband has been involved sexually with other women? This may contribute to his attitude. More importantly though, remember your wedding vows? What is wrong with our society? Better yet you? You are married! Sleeping with other men you should have done before you decided to get married. This should not be an option in your life anymore.

[swampfoxx]

I couldnt agree more with what Brook had to say on this issue, she's got a very good point about your husbands casual attitude over his wife having sex with another man.

 

Either he's having an affair or is seeking too, and therefore can be supportive of you in doing the same. Or perhaps he's just saying yes just to see what you'd really do, giving you the ultimate test that any healthy relationship should not have to endure. My last thought is maybe it's a sexual turn on for him. But, no matter what ailment he suffers with, the fact that you'd even give any credence to the idea says just as much about you as wife as it does about him as a husband.