I am seriously confused over my ex

[rlori]

Sorry if this is long but this whole situation has confused the hell out of me and i need someone else's perspective.

I'm at college and i met this girl at work. We started dating and our whole relationship was unbelievably good to the point it freaked me out how strong we both felt about each other. We were together for three months and spent most of that time with each other. She told me nearly every day how much she loved me and then one day she just said, you can finish with me if you want'. I said of course not and asked what was wrong, she said nothing and that she was really happy and just wanted reassurance i wasn't going to end things. Two days later she left me a message saying how much she loved me, then the next she finished with me saying she just saw me as a friend.

 

Understandably i was confused, upset and pissed so when she begged to be friends i was harsh and said no. A week or so later i missed her so thought maybe we can be friends but she said it was too late. Eventually at work we started talking and had a really good time just laughing and joking and i thought maybe things were getting back on track.

 

A really good friend then told me she had joked about how coldly she broke up with me and also said she was just pretending to be friends. This really hurt so i asked her and she said it was true but she had been drunk. I still love the girl so much so even then i tried my best to still be friends.

Whilst at work she made a big deal about guys asking her out in front of me and then deliberately started talking about her new boyfriend when she knew i could hear. She also started making up stories to other people to justify why she broke up with me.

 

At that point i thought forget it if she can act like that she's not worth it and i broke off all contact with her. I was getting over her fine and then she made a complaint at work about me. She cried her eyes out saying how upset she was because i wouldn't speak to her. I don't know what to do, i know i still love her with all my heart and i know she still cares about me. I want to get back with her so much but after the way she's acted i feel like some desperate loser. Any advice is welcome

[2SidestoStories]

Sorry to be blunt, but it sounds like this girl doesn't have all her eggs in one basket, is a taco short of a combination plate, etc. Which is to say nothing of her character, mind you.

 

However, based on what you've described, it sounds like she's confused but just wants you to hang around until such time as SHE decides that for a brief moment or so you're worth her time and energy. Then the cycle will continue so long as you let it.

 

You were right to stand up to her and say "Forget it!" about being friends, but you lack the strength of conviction thus far to stand behind what you've said. Perhaps she was testing you in that way, and you've "failed" her test. Something to consider, no?

 

Don't play the "Maybe" game anymore. Turn the cold shoulder, and NOT for effect, do it for your own good, and hers.

[midori]

Let's see what we've got here:

 

1. girl who seems to sincerely love you deeply turns on a dime and dumps you without meaningful explanation.

2. having done the above, girl wants to be friends but it's a limited-time offer.

3. girl rubs her new admirers in your face.

 

So far this sounds like a seriously immature person who cannot communicate, probably says things (like "I love you") without really knowing what she's saying, and who expects people to read her mind. Maybe you weren't saying "I love you" back enough, or with enough fervor -- so she dumped you. Then you weren't eager enough to be her friend -- so she gave you the cold shoulder AND taunted you about other guys for good measure.

 

Sounds like a great person to be with. But let's continue to examine the evidence:

 

4. After things normalize somewhat, our favorite girl lets it be known that she took pleasure in treating you so coldly, and that she doesn't really consider you a friend, even though she pretends to.

5. When confronted about the above, she cites drinking as the cause.

6. In order to make herself look good to others, she makes up stories about you.

7. She causes a melodramatic scene at work when you, the person about whom she'd spread malicious stories and whom she does not consider to be a true friend, refuse to talk to her.

 

Now we've got a selfish, dishonest, conniving, melodramatic shrew who apparently lacks appropriate discretion when drinking with her coworkers. Sounds like a real winner to me.

 

This girl is toxic. Very often toxic people seem lovely and wonderful at first, it's only later that their horrid side comes to light. But once it's out, that's it. I think you've had ample evidence of what she's capable of. What is going through her mixed-up little head is immaterial. You're not going to save her: you can't and it's not your burden. Since, as she is, she is awful, you'd do well to have as little to do with her as possible.

 

Talk to your manager about her instability if it gets to be disruptive. Tell him or her that you are resolutely staying away from her as she is unpredictable and difficult. Don't ask them to do anything about the situation, just let them know what you're doing about it. That ought to nip her histrionics in the bud, or at least greatly lessen their impact on your coworkers.

[RAJPEM]

WELL I SERIOUSLY CANT GET OVER MY EX, WELL WHERE SHOULD I START I MEET HIM AT WORK HE WAS MY MANAGER HE JUST CAME BACK FROM WINTER BREAK FROM SCHOOL AND I KNEW THE MOMENT I SAW HIM THAT I HAD TO HAVE HIM. AT THE TIME I JUST TURNED 16 AND HAD TO SELF ESTEEM PROBLEMS SO WHEN ME AND HIM STARTED TO TALK I WAS THRILLED CAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS SO HANDSOME. WELL I ASKED FOR HIS NUMBER ONE TIME AT WORK BUT IN A INNOCENT WAY AND NEXT THING I CALLED HIM AND WE STRATED TALKIN I WAS SO EXCITED BECAUSE I REALLY NEVER HAD A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. WELL NEXT THING I KNOW IM OVER HIS HOUSE AND ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND WE WHERE IN HIS ROOM I WAS JUST 16 AND STILL A VIRGIN AND NOT TO MENTION NOT EXPERIENCED AT ALL. SO I WAS JUST IN HIS BED LAYIN THERE AND IT JUST HAPPEND, HE TOOK IT FROM ME OR I LET HIM TAKE IT. SO HE LEFT TO SCHOOL FOR HIS SPRING SEMESTER AND I DIDT HEAR FROM HIM FRO 3MONTHS WELL I GOT A CALL AND IT WAS HIM SAYIN THAT HIS BACK AND WANTS TO SEE HOW I WAS AND THAT HE DIDNT HAVE MY NUMBET BACK IN SCHOOL SO THATS Y HE DIDNT CALL ME. WELL ME BEING STILL 16 YOUNG AND STUPID BELEIVED HIM, I GUESS I WANTED TO. SO THEN WE STARTED TALKIN AND NOW THAT I SEE IT HE WAS IN HEAVEN HE HAD IT SO EASY HE WOULD **** ME, HE NEVER TOOK ME OUT WELL WE WENT TO THE MOVIES ONCE BUT THATS IT NEVER OUT NEVER, WELL MAYBE ITS CAUSE I SAW HIM AT WORK EVERYDAY. SO I GUESS I WAS SATISFIED WITH JUST BEING AROUND HIM. WELL AS THINGS GOES WENT ON WE WERE TALKIN ONE NIGHT AND HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO BE HIS SHORTY, AT FIRST I WAS ACTING STUPID AND I WAS LIKE NO CAUSE I DIDNT KNOW WHAT I WANTED well it stayed liked that. till one day i was going to ask him to go to my prom well he thought i was askin him out and it stayed like that we went out for 1 year and 4 months and then he broke up with me sayin we wasnt comunicating well he broke my heart i cried but still after we broke up i still called him i just got used to him just being there that i couldnt accept that it was finally over so we chilled(****ed) like 4 times during the summer after he dumped me. i mean dont get me wrong his not a bad person or a bad guy he was the opposite he treated me good when we spent time together he did try to make it work. so the summer left i went to my first year of college got distracted here and there but he was still on my mind and i still called him while i was at school we talked he told me how he missed me he said he wanted me to go out there and everythin i remember he called me two days in a row i was estatic i even wrote it on my friends calendar. well from then he called me on my b-day that was cute i wasnt expectin to hear from him. from then it was k. WELL TO CUT THIS STORY SHORT WE STARTED TALKIN AGAIN I CALLED HIM AT WORK AND HE CALLED ME ONE NIGHT AFTER HE GOT OUT OF WORK AND HE WAS LIKE TO TAKE A RIDE WIT HIM AND I DID IT WAS LATE SO HE DROPPED ME HOME AND HE CALLED ME LIKE A HOUR LATER AND HE WAS LIKE HOW HE MISSES ME AND HE WAS JERK FOR LETTIN ME GO AND THAT HE JUST WANTS TO BE CLOSE TO ME BUT I KNOW HE DONT WANT TO TITLES INVOLVED AND I DONT JUST WANT TO MESS WITH HIM LIKE THAT. WELL AFTER THAT HE DIDNT CALL ME FOR A WEEK BUT HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT NIGHT THAT HE DONT WANT TO CALL ME EVERYDAY CAUSE IM GOING TO GET TIRED OF HIM SO THEN HE CALLED ME AFTER A WEEK OR SO SAYIN HE WANTS ME TO COME OVER I WAS LIKE K WE CHILLED WATCHED A MOVIE AND OF COURSED MESSED AROUND NOTHIN HAPPEN CAUSE I HAD MY PRD, SO THAT WAS THAT. HE DIDNT CALL ME FOR ANOTHER WEEK OR SO SO I CALLED HIM AND WE TALKED AND HE CALLED OF WORK TO BE WITH ME WE CHILLED AND WE WERE MESSIN AND WE WENT TO HIS ROOM AND WHEN IT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEND IT JUST FELT WEIRD ACKWARD I WAS DIGUSTED AND PLUS WE HAD SEX RAW I FELT LIKE CRYIN I WANTED TO THROW UP . WELL AFTER THIS DAY HE HASNT CALLED AND ITS BEEN LIKE TO WEEKS OR SO, IM REALLY CONFUSED LIKE HE WAS MY FIRST LOVE HE WAS MY FIRST REAL BOYFRIEND I WAS WITH HIM SINCE I WAS 16 AND NOW IM 18 SO ITS LIKE I DONT KNOW. I THINK ABOUT HIM EVERYDAY ALL THE TIME AND IT HURTS I WANT HIM AND HIS NOT HERE I WONDER SOMETIMES IF HIS SOMEONE ELSE I WONDER Y HE DONT CALL JUST TO SEE IF IM GOOD OR EVEN ALIVE I DONT KNOW MAYBE I SHOULD JUST MOVE ON MAYBE ITS TIME TO MOVE BUT EVERYTIME I SEE HIM OR HEAR HIS VOICE I FALL BACK. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET OVER HIM I WANT TO CALL HIM BUT I ALREADY DID CALL HIM A FEW DAYS AGO AND HE DIDNT PICK UP HIS PHONE HE SENT ME STRAIGHT TO HIS VOICEMAIL HE HASNT RETURNED MY CALLS I WANT TO CALL HIM RIGHT NOW BUT IF I DO ILL JUST FALL BACK, MAYBE ITS SO HARD CAUSE HIS BEEN A PART OF MY LIFE FOR SO LONG EVERYTHIN REMAINS ME OF HIM I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!