Survey says: Women like money, men like youth

[Tomcat33]

If I were a full time home maker a comment like that would make me livid.

 

 

Well you are not a home maker OR a woman so I am not too worried about it.

 

If you were a full time home maker, you would completely get what I meant within the context of what I said. If you take offense to that then maybe you are feeling like you really didn't have many aspirations in life other than devoting yourself to a man for material gains in return.

A working woman does not get any less love or affection from a working man than a non-working woman who devotes her life to cleaning and catering to a man, so really it boils down to needing a man for financial security.

 

The fulfillment a woman might get from giving up a career to become a home maker and to devote herself to her family I think would be far more fruitful than a woman who made a career out of landing a man and being kept.

[calazhage]

Let's face it. The vast majority of people work because THEY HAVE TO. You would not be getting paid if it was something really enjoyable and great.

 

Who is to say a SAHM cannot pursue things that SHE WANTS TOO? Who said raising children is less fulfilling than doing some job? Who said being loved by a man is less fulfilling than working for a boss? Sure, if you can have it all then great. But if you work until 35-40 years old and just want to party, don't expect to just then settle down with any man of your choice. Timing is important.

 

Also, sometimes when people wait too long, they are too set in their ways to even be datable, much less marriageable.

[movingonandon]

Let's face it. The vast majority of people work because THEY HAVE TO. You would not be getting paid if it was something really enjoyable and great.

 

Who is to say a SAHM cannot pursue things that SHE WANTS TOO? Who said raising children is less fulfilling than doing some job? Who said being loved by a man is less fulfilling than working for a boss? Sure, if you can have it all then great. But if you work until 35-40 years old and just want to party, don't expect to just then settle down with any man of your choice. Timing is important.

 

Also, sometimes when people wait too long, they are too set in their ways to even be datable, much less marriageable.

 

 

This is actually one of the most sensible posts in the entire thread, and it summarizes a great deal of the frustration spilled here . The bottom line is that everybody is completely free to make their choices, as long as they iunderstand that these choices inevitably involve consequences and tradeoffs; so no need to lash out on fellow posters after realising that it is probably not possible to "have it all"

[CandyGirlXO]

*sigh*

 

Men with money aren't more attractive by default. I walked away from my engagement. I had a 2 ct. princess cut on my finger, an offer for a BMW Z4, a half million dollar home in an affluent suburb. On and on.

 

But he was controlling. That is, would get suspicious and/or jealous if I went down the street to Starbucks with a girlfriend.

 

And he could not satisfy me sexually.

 

So he had to go, and he could take his wallet with him.

 

Samehere! I left my EX who was a multi-millionaire. He is controlling and demanding, a little abusive.

 

My BF now makes only 10K/a year more than me, and I rather have him any day!

 

I have had other millionaires ask me out, all old men. I am 26, one was in his early 50's. I said no.

 

I just can't do that, and I am very poor. Grew up VERY VERY poor. Always had to work for everything I have. And still I just can't do that. I need love.

[clv0116]

This is actually one of the most sensible posts in the entire thread, and it summarizes a great deal of the frustration spilled here . The bottom line is that everybody is completely free to make their choices, as long as they iunderstand that these choices inevitably involve consequences and tradeoffs; so no need to lash out on fellow posters after realising that it is probably not possible to "have it all"

 

Indeed. The tone taken by some who clearly believe their life choices make them better, more multifaceted, interesting, multi-dimensional etc. than others are somewhat troubling. A stay at home wife who enjoys and finds the role fulfilling shouldn't be looked down on. She has picked an honorable, challenging and ultimately a very potentially rewarding life.

 

For what it's worth the study never said a rich guy had unrestricted choice in mates, merely that money made women perceive his attractiveness differently. That's all. Of course other factors come to bear as well in the overall assessment of suitability.

 

Another point made was that women's selection process is actually very complex whereas men's seems to be much simpler.

[PinkKittyKat]

Hmmm, most of my exes have either been very low wage paid, or high wages but so far in debt that they don't see any of it. One of my exes was on welfare!

 

Maybe I'm an exception, but I tend to view guys that make more money as boring cubicle bots. I don't care how much you make, as long as you love your job and be interesting damnit!

 

Either that or (I know this isn't actually TRUE) if I think a guy makes anything over 70k a year my brain tells me "PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE!", or sometimes "DRUG DEALER!".

 

My longest most successful relationship prior to this was with a shipper/reciever, welder and IT guy. He did all 3 one after another and seldom made much money doing any of them... I've almost always had more money than my bfs.

 

I am usually the one to pay the entire rent, cable, hydro in all my relationships.... and gladly. Also, because I was the only one who could afford it. Maybe it's just that I don't tend to go for the "professional/business casual look" so many women are crazy about. I like the alternative rocker type guys with shaggy hair, ripped jeans and tattoos. Those don't tend to come with large paycheques. They mostly come with a retail job, an aspiring music career and a dingy basement suite.

 

Although having 2 exes declare bankruptcy, and one being on welfare isn't exactly something to boast about... Hmmm, at least I'm not a gold digger.

[Star Gazer]

I just turned 30, but I'm looking forward to 40:

 

Elizabeth Hurley – 43

Diane Lane – 43

Ashley Judd – 43

Halle Berry – 42

Demi More – 46

Maria Bello (I’d do her!) – 41

Michelle Pfeiffer – 50

Nicollette Sheridan – 45

Marisa Tomei – 44

Monica Bellucci – 43

Heather Locklear – 47

Tea Leoni – 42

Courtney Cox – 44

Lucy Lawless – 40

Kristen Davis – 43

Gena Gershon – 46

Famke Janssen – 43

Stacy Dash – 42

Naomi Watts – 40

Salma Hayek – 42

[burning 4 revenge]

the fact that youre a rich lawyer and im a total loser makes me want to throw up

[Trialbyfire]

I'm also looking forward to 40. As long as you take care of yourself in all ways, emotionally, intellectually and physically, it's not a scary prospect. From 30 - 40, there's that much more experience gained, especially in understanding yourself.

[Star Gazer]

Either that or (I know this isn't actually TRUE) if I think a guy makes anything over 70k a year my brain tells me "PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE!", or sometimes "DRUG DEALER!".

 

I'm glad you realize that isn't true!

[stillafool]

I am usually the one to pay the entire rent, cable, hydro in all my relationships.... and gladly. Also, because I was the only one who could afford it. Maybe it's just that I don't tend to go for the "professional/business casual look" so many women are crazy about. I like the alternative rocker type guys with shaggy hair, ripped jeans and tattoos. Those don't tend to come with large paycheques. They mostly come with a retail job, an aspiring music career and a dingy basement suite.

 

 

Pinkkittykat, there are a lot of women who feel the way you do these days. Simply because women seem to make more money than the guys they want to date. If he makes you happy and you are the one with the money why not pay. Men have done it for years. I like you would never compromise love for money.

[clv0116]

Either that or (I know this isn't actually TRUE) if I think a guy makes anything over 70k a year my brain tells me "PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE!", or sometimes "DRUG DEALER!".

 

Wow, I'm just a guy with a decent career and I more than doubled that last year. We're talking American dollars?

 

 

 

I just turned 30, but I'm looking forward to 40:

 

Elizabeth Hurley –

 

Not trying to insult, just injecting reality. Having said that ...

 

They didn't look better with age and frankly, you won't either. If you're as hot as Liz Hurley was at 30 and if you can afford the level of maintenance she has spent in the last 13 years then maybe you will look as good at 43 as she does.

[movingonandon]

I am usually the one to pay the entire rent, cable, hydro in all my relationships.... and gladly. Also, because I was the only one who could afford it. Maybe it's just that I don't tend to go for the "professional/business casual look" so many women are crazy about. I like the alternative rocker type guys with shaggy hair, ripped jeans and tattoos. Those don't tend to come with large paycheques. They mostly come with a retail job, an aspiring music career and a dingy basement suite.

 

 

Pinkkittykat, there are a lot of women who feel the way you do these days. Simply because women seem to make more money than the guys they want to date. If he makes you happy and you are the one with the money why not pay. Men have done it for years. I like you would never compromise love for money.

 

 

Well, that's great - I'm happy to hear, and see that. So why didn't you marry any of those great guys, huh?

The problem is - as I have concluded based on everyday experiences and reading here - is that many girls do have this attitude to a much greater extent in their 20s. Then, a decade later all of a suddedn many/some ger the "marriage itch" and the priorities shift dramatically. All of a sudden a guy with no checking account doesn't cut it quite as easily.

This transition - when it happens - IMO is at the core of much bitterness from men, simply because who wants to satisfy changing priorities, rather than be valued in a relationship for who he is, hmm? There is no bigger turn off than a woman who wants to get married because "it's time". I hope this becomes less and less common. I love marriage, as long as it's for the right reasons.

[clv0116]

There is no bigger turn off than a woman who wants to get married because "it's time".

 

Really? Personally I'm fine with it, I think that it's normal for people to realize time is passing and at some point they are well off to stake a claim so to speak. I just think a lot of westernized women put that point off to a time when it's no longer optimal for finding the best quality mate, essentially they don't decide to stick with one guy until their market value is obviously and rapidly declining.

 

Then the anger comes out and they start accusing the cute 22 year olds who already want to settle of being empty headed, only good for one thing, one dimensional and so on. The men who express an interest in such women are shamed by being called dirty old men and so on. It's so predictable it's almost funny if not for being so tragic.

[movingonandon]

I just think a lot of westernized women put that point off to a time when it's no longer optimal for finding the best quality mate, essentially they don't decide to stick with one guy until their market value is obviously and rapidly declining.

 

That's what I meant...

[Star Gazer]

Not trying to insult, just injecting reality. Having said that ...

 

They didn't look better with age and frankly, you won't either. If you're as hot as Liz Hurley was at 30 and if you can afford the level of maintenance she has spent in the last 13 years then maybe you will look as good at 43 as she does.

 

I look better at 30 than I did at 21.

 

While I might not look as good at 43 as I do now, I'm confident I'll be A-okay in the looks department. I'm not afraid of aging.

[Tomcat33]

Let's face it. The vast majority of people work because THEY HAVE TO. You would not be getting paid if it was something really enjoyable and great.

 

 

No GUFF!! I agree, work is work and they pay us to do it because it is THAT bad regardless of how much you enjoy your job. Though you gotta admit there are some jobs people enjoy doing more than others,

for example if I had a choice I would rather write and launch a marketing campaign to sell a product than I would to clean cow dung from a barn. They are both ok jobs and you deal with a lot of "shet" in both, but in one you have to develop skills for the other pretty much anyone can do.

 

In your 20's or even earlier than that actually is your chance to determine if you will want to do the kind of jobs that anyone can do or the more skilled jobs that are slightly more pleasant to do and therefore enjoyable and fulfilling. OR you have a third option, as a good looking woman in her 20's you can opt to find a wealthy catch whom you depend on in every way, and will support you and give you all the financial needs she would have had she had her own career/job. That's a pretty pathetic existence. And I would like to see you encourage your daughters some day to sit on their pretty little azzes and wait around until prince "chi-ching" comes along and pays their way to survive in the world.

 

 

Who said raising children is less fulfilling than doing some job?

 

NO ONE said that in fact raising children is MORE fulfilling.But not all women aspire to do that some women can't EVEN have children. But if you have 0 schooling, no aspirations to have your own life, you get hitched up with some guy who makes ok money and is considerably older and then have children with him and have the nanny and maid take care of the kids, what is the fulfilling "raising children?" part you are talking about? WHERE are you "raising children"?

 

 

OR if SHE does it and not the nannies, you think a woman that goes straight into child rearing at 21 and becomes the molly maid for you and the happy hooker, when she reaches 30 she will not be looking back going "my youth, where is my youth? I have a lot in me still that I never got out of my system because I was bogged down with responsibility and demands at 21, now I want to recapture my youth."

 

Well think again it WILL happen to her. And that is when you read about the 30 something MILFs that hang out at cougar bars trying to recapture their youth dancing on the bar, while 50 yr old husband sits at home going "I don't know what happened, why this is is happening to her suddenly?" AHH HELLO because YOU STOLE her youth, that's why.

 

Who said being loved by a man is less fulfilling than working for a boss? Sure, if you can have it all then great.

 

And who said that because a woman goes in to work everyday she can't be loved by a man!?!?!?

 

Listen men eventually ALL lose interest at some point or another in a relationship, for the most part become complacent and unappreciative and distance themselves from their wives as women do too from their husbands. When this happens which is pretty much inevitable in a long term marriage, it is important for the woman to have a sense of self a sense of WHO she is within the marital unit, or else she will feel very alone and lost.

 

And No I am sorry but a man does not show equals amounts of love and interest for the rest of his life just because he marries you, nor is there any sort of guarantee that he will always love you because you devote to him all of your soul and hard work. A job is for sure, you work you get paid and if you work on something you really enjoy you get plenty of satisfaction from the hard work that you put into it. Loving a man and only loving a man is NO guarantee to happiness or personal satisfaction PUHHHHLEASE! If that were so divorce rate and infidelity would not be so RAMPANT.

 

 

 

To compare the two is silly, but since you wanted to compare...

 

 

MOST women can have it all these days that is what you don't seem to get and why MOST women prefer to have their own financial independence and work orientation. That's why MOST women don't wait around to be picked from a line of other women, by some guy, women are contributing participants of the selection process these days because the "need" factor has been removed. When you don't depend on a man to come along and pick you out of millions to be the next contestant on "this is your life", then YOU as a woman have options too.

 

Options are good, it helps you to avoid a lot sick demented fecks out there who look one way on paper and then once you marry them turn out to be nothing less than sick demented fecks. And there are PLENTY cases of abuse of wealthy men who marry the arm candy and they treat them like some slave once they have them.

 

I'm sorry but there is nothing GREAT or honorable about aspiring to be fully dependent on a man and only THAT in this life.

 

Also, sometimes when people wait too long, they are too set in their ways to even be datable, much less marriageable.

 

I agree and that happens to men too, and probably why a lot of 40something guys who have never had a relationship go for the really young women because a woman in their 30's and over who has been around the block a few times will cut through his bullshet like a hot knife through an iceblock. It's easier to get some young inexperienced girl to deal with his form or "abuse", for the simple fact that she doesn't know herself well enough yet, and she has no life experience.

 

 

 

The problem is - as I have concluded based on everyday experiences and reading here - is that many girls do have this attitude to a much greater extent in their 20s. Then, a decade later all of a suddedn many/some ger the "marriage itch" and the priorities shift dramatically. All of a sudden a guy with no checking account doesn't cut it quite as easily.

This transition - when it happens - IMO is at the core of much bitterness from men, simply because who wants to satisfy changing priorities, rather than be valued in a relationship for who he is, hmm? There is no bigger turn off than a woman who wants to get married because "it's time". I hope this becomes less and less common. I love marriage, as long as it's for the right reasons.

 

 

Because what man in his 30's or above and after having been at least 10 yrs in the workforce in a career, or even a job does not have a checking account after 30? HELLO HUGE red flag!

 

When women have become more stable after their 20's why would they feck down intstead of up all of a sudden? Unless you are like Pink Kitty in which case you prefer a man that makes less than you do, and I respect her attitude preference, it is just NOT mine.

[clv0116]

When women have become more stable after their 20's why would they feck down intstead of up all of a sudden? Unless you are like Pink Kitty in which case you prefer a man that makes less than you do, and I respect her attitude preference, it is just NOT mine.

 

That little snippet is pretty much the point of this thread. Women prefer men with money.

[clv0116]

While I might not look as good at 43 as I do now, I'm confident I'll be A-okay in the looks department. I'm not afraid of aging.

 

I'm sure you will be but the guys attracted to you as you fade will be fewer and of lower quality on average, thus even though you are apparently an exceptional woman you will be getting a 'worse deal' then than you can get now. So why wait and is it going to be worth it?

[Tomcat33]

That little snippet is pretty much the point of this thread. Women prefer men with money.

 

 

Because women with some money "a life" and stable jobs/careers want to feel sure that when they do give up their independence and freedome and financial stability to become home makers and moms we can still sustain a certain level of standard of living, while we do all that hard work at home.

 

Is that really so bad?

[blondesmiler]

I'm sure you will be but the guys attracted to you as you fade will be fewer and of lower quality on average, thus even though you are apparently an exceptional woman you will be getting a 'worse deal' then than you can get now. So why wait and is it going to be worth it?

 

Wait for what? Star never mentioned about standing still and waiting for anything!

 

And quality is not about looks and money, there are so many other traits that most find far more important than these like kindness, gentleness, love, laughter.

[movingonandon]

Because women with some money "a life" and stable jobs/careers want to feel sure that when they do give up their independence and freedome and financial stability to become home makers and moms we can still sustain a certain level of standard of living, while we do all that hard work at home.

 

Is that really so bad?

 

No, it's not, money are good. It's only bad when it becomes an explicit criterion for evaluating partners (and men almost never do that), and also a matter of extent (i.e. how high exactly are your expectations, and more importantly - why?) --> Per your reasoning, you can expect no better standard of living to be provided by your partner than you already make yourself, which of course means that you need to be a working mom and participate equally both in the household earnings and the childcare and housework.

 

That's why prioritization is important:you can choose either to be a career woman with a high standard of living, or more traditioinally oriented woman with not so high a standard of living. When you assume you can do both (i.e. quit your job to raise babies while maintaining same standard of living) - which is only possible if you find a man who earns *twice as much* as you do - that's when people become irritated , and rightly so.

 

Most people (men and women) are parfectly capable and willing to earn an okay wage to satisfy their needs, if in many cases modestly. Unless born and rised in the most unfortunate of circumstances, which applies to a pretty small proportion of the population in this country, most people can and do make an honest and respectable living, if not a glamorous one. The question is how willing are we (men or women) to dismiss potential mates for their level of income?

[clv0116]

Because women with some money "a life" and stable jobs/careers want to feel sure that when they do give up their independence and freedome and financial stability to become home makers and moms we can still sustain a certain level of standard of living, while we do all that hard work at home.

 

Is that really so bad?

 

Not bad just unrealistic.

 

If women and men average similar incomes not all women can marry up. If that is the case then men who make more than average become a scarce resource, whereas men are not looking to marry up financially. They value other things and are perfectly pleased to marry down financially to get those things.

[Tomcat33]

No, it's not, money are good. It's only bad when it becomes an explicit criterion for evaluating partners (and men almost never do that),

 

Men never do that because they don't have to give up anything to settled down and form a family they don't get to have that choice of "I want someone wealthy as opposed to someone poor" Men will have to take what they can in that respect. Other than their freedom to come and go as they please (which women lose that too) their ability to have variety when it comes to sex (which women lose that too) men really gain more than women when it comes to settling down. A man will get MORE regular sex while in a relationship than he will being single, unless he pays for sex and even if he is extremely good looking and charming it doesn't guarantee he will get sex, where women can get sex any time they want and they don't even have to be super good looking.

 

Women get the same amount of sex in or out of a rel if we want to, we call the shots sexually. So from that stand point alone, and seeing that men LOVE sex you should be happy you gain that when you settle down. And speaking of statistics and within the theme of this thread, it is proven that married men live longer. Women live the same married or single. So men have MORE to gain than lose by settling down. PLUS they gain emotional support while in a relationship which men don't get that from other men and as they get older and their parents die and buds marry off and go off to do their own thing they have even less "emotional companionship" around them. Women get emotional suport regardless. Our whole existence is built around a strong emotional support system, so again we don't really need men for that either. SO when you really look at it, it is the woman who gives up more to be a stay home mom and take care of her man and children than a man does.

 

 

A man gains regular sex, he gains home cooked meals and an emotional sounding board. All things a woman has already whether she marries or not.

 

 

 

 

 

Per your reasoning, you can expect no better standard of living to be provided by your partner than you already make yourself, which of course means that you need to be a working mom and participate equally both in the household earnings and the childcare and housework.

 

Exactly I DON'T expect a better standard of living I expect the SAME or around the same, FULLY understanding we will be a little more strapped after the kids come into the picture. Which is why I would find it hard to be with someone that makes half of what I make.

 

 

 

 

That's why prioritization is important:you can choose either to be a career woman with a high standard of living, or more traditioinally oriented woman with not so high a standard of living. When you assume you can do both (i.e. quit your job to raise babies while maintaining same standard of living) - which is only possible if you find a man who earns *twice as much* as you do - that's when people become irritated , and rightly so.

 

 

NO WAY! that is where my years of responsibilty and earnings come into the picture, we will use MY assests and earnings that I bring to the table to equalize those years where I will be depending solely on my parnter.

What do you think I did for 35 yrs with all my money, hurl it from my balcony for passerbys to grab and keep?

"Oh look everyone the crazy lady is throwing money out of her balcony again, I love the rain!!!"

 

I don't have a high standard of living I have a good standard, which is different. And while I understad that I won't be able to travel as much (one of my biggest passions) or spend as much on trendy clothes or go to the nail salon, spa, once a week or whatever, I do not want to give up going to get my hair done or eating organic and buying good food or being able to go out every so often for a night of entertainment the rest of my days because I chose to love someone who pissed away his life getting drunk and partying and is 40 and now has to work a $10 job and we have to feed ourselves and our children tv dinners and McDonalds.

 

I partied hard and wasted youth as well, but I was always smart enough to put a little aside for when I did choose to settle down and here I am.

 

You make it sound like women in their 30s bring NOTHING to the table.

[Star Gazer]

They value other things and are perfectly pleased to marry down financially to get those things.

 

Such as....?