Acquaintance Rape

[Green]

I've recently found out some one I know was acquaintance raped freshmen year of college. The rape was never reported to the police. I don't want to get into details because what this person told me was in confidence but she knows the name of the person who did this to her. Its been years since it happened but ever since I recently found out it just bothers me so much that some guy is out there who took such great advantage of a person I care about. Its really sick how I think about it so much now that I found out

[Geishawhelk]

Do you feel there is something you should do about it?

If your friend has let matters go, then it's going to be difficult to do anything.

 

Do you think writing the culprit an anonymous letter of warning, might help?

 

I don't know if you know them or still see them.... Little to go on in your post (not a criticism.....)

[Squirtal]

Its a hard situation.

Is the friend still affected by it.

Some people handle things in different ways.

If the friend has left it in the past wouldn't it do more harm than good to make it the present.

If your friend is still hurting then maybe you could just be there for them, rather than dragging it all up again.

I understand that that sort of revelation would shock you and make you protective, but maybe doing something about it directly would cause more damage than good.

Unless of course she has made it clear she now wants to do something about it.

Horrible situation and I hope shes okay.

[Green]

Do you feel there is something you should do about it?

If your friend has let matters go, then it's going to be difficult to do anything.

 

Do you think writing the culprit an anonymous letter of warning, might help?

 

I don't know if you know them or still see them.... Little to go on in your post (not a criticism.....)

 

The fact is I feel there is nothing I can do and its just in my mind now burdening me. its been years since she was a college freshmen and she still says remembers the guys name and face but I have no idea where he is. And the reason my post is so cryptic is I don't want to identify who the person is because what they told me is very private. I seriously wish I could just forget now and who knows maybe I will.

 

Its a hard situation.

Is the friend still affected by it.

Some people handle things in different ways.

If the friend has left it in the past wouldn't it do more harm than good to make it the present.

If your friend is still hurting then maybe you could just be there for them, rather than dragging it all up again.

I understand that that sort of revelation would shock you and make you protective, but maybe doing something about it directly would cause more damage than good.

Unless of course she has made it clear she now wants to do something about it.

Horrible situation and I hope shes okay.

 

She says that she put it behind her but shes a really depressed person but it may just be work or family depressing her. And I agree it would do more harm then good to bring it to the present but thats exactly what shes done to me. It was weird she just kind of told me out of the blue, and then I kind of let it go but then started thinking about it again after about a month and just recently I asked her to tell me the entire story of exactly what happened every detail the name of the guy. Seriously I doubt the guy is some serial rapist sounds like the kind of thing that can only happen in a college dorm but I told her maybe she could file a police report that way if some one else ever gets raped she might be able to atleast testify... I'm not to sure about the law. Well I don't even understand why this has upset me so much especialy if she has put it behind her.

[Geishawhelk]

...... Well I don't even understand why this has upset me so much especialy if she has put it behind her.

 

I would hazard a guess that it's because you're a caring, sensitive individual, to whom this kind of behaviour is so alien that it hurts you to your core, and that you feel deeply for your friend and the situation has awoken a "knight in shining armour" response in you?

 

......maybe?

[Green]

I would hazard a guess that it's because you're a caring, sensitive individual, to whom this kind of behaviour is so alien that it hurts you to your core, and that you feel deeply for your friend and the situation has awoken a "knight in shining armour" response in you?

 

......maybe?

 

thanks thats probably why. I'm not going to talk about it with her anymore. When I asked her questions I made her feel like it was her fault. She compared the situation she was in to doing something stupid like picking up a hitch hiker. And suprisingly one of my male friends had picked up a hitch hiker and got attacked luckily not seriously hurt just scared. And when my car broke down on the highway I actualy did hitch hike and I was a teenager then so something horible happened to me. And I really don't blame her for putting herself in a situation where she was alone in a bedroom with a guy she didn't know I mean I read on the internet people like this are very manipulative at getting alone with their victim. Any ways thanks for the kind words.

[whichwayisup]

Did she ever seek therapy to help her cope with what happened to her during college?

[Green]

Did she ever seek therapy to help her cope with what happened to her during college?

 

she said she saw a free therapist at her school.

[whichwayisup]

And what about now? It could be she's suffering not only from depression but PTSD as well..

[Green]

she really wants to go see a therapist now but can't afford one (I don't know if its specificaly about the rape). I told her maybe she could join a support group but she says she doesn't do those.

[Isolde]

You're a good friend. There must be some resource available that offers some subsidized counseling for people who have gone through this kind of thing.

[2sure]

To be violated is a tragedy. When a person is violated like that when they are young...it becomes part of who you are, it is formative, it leads to other things.

 

From experience, I can tell you that it is possible she has incorporated this tragedy into her life. She may still have an anger, fear, sadness, shame...but this tragedy, like many others life throws at us...can simply become a part of us. All the parts, the good stuff, the bad stuff are required to make us individual. What I'm saying is...some things therapy doesnt fix, some things you just dont get over. And thats ok, thats life. She just wanted to say it, say the words.

 

She is much further than me.

[Green]

You're a good friend. There must be some resource available that offers some subsidized counseling for people who have gone through this kind of thing.

 

I'm really not that great of a friend I think some of the questions I asked made her feel guilty or responsible for what happened. Shes a really smart person actualy in some way smarter then me but acording to her she cant get any counsling right now I think she just wants a therapist.

 

To be violated is a tragedy. When a person is violated like that when they are young...it becomes part of who you are, it is formative, it leads to other things.

 

From experience, I can tell you that it is possible she has incorporated this tragedy into her life. She may still have an anger, fear, sadness, shame...but this tragedy, like many others life throws at us...can simply become a part of us. All the parts, the good stuff, the bad stuff are required to make us individual. What I'm saying is...some things therapy doesnt fix, some things you just dont get over. And thats ok, thats life. She just wanted to say it, say the words.

 

She is much further than me.

 

maybe she did just want to say the words. Well thank you for the insight

[Trialbyfire]

I've recently found out some one I know was acquaintance raped freshmen year of college. The rape was never reported to the police. I don't want to get into details because what this person told me was in confidence but she knows the name of the person who did this to her. Its been years since it happened but ever since I recently found out it just bothers me so much that some guy is out there who took such great advantage of a person I care about. Its really sick how I think about it so much now that I found out

Kudos Green, for caring about your friend. It's what makes or breaks a man.

[Trialbyfire]

Oh great-- validate the obsession, why don't you?

 

It seems to me that if the "victim" has moved on, then Green needs to move on as well.

Is this what you think? It's an obsession? That's not my take at all. If anything, it's primordial. No real man hides behind the skirts of a woman. If so, he's Peter Pan in the flesh.

 

There are also two aspects of this:

 

Sexual - Men mark their turf, territorial. This is MY woman and no one touches or hurts her. Women are magnetically drawn to this. I know I am and need a man who's like this. Rational? Not much. Instinctual? Totally.

 

Softer emotions - Not only are men territorial, if they care enough, they have the need to protect.

 

Both aspects make a man, a man.

[gr8lips]

It neeeeds immediate attention and proffessional help.

Not a therapists, but there are several organizations that will help the abused.

I am sure you can find a chapter nearby.

 

If you and ur friend let such thing go without having him punished, he might do the same thing again to some other victim.

 

It is known fact Most of Rapes are perpetrated by ACQUAINTANCES.

 

So No Exceptions.

And unless he is punished ur friend will never come out of that depression.