OW: Feeling scorned? Madder then I thought I would be....

[jj33]

It might be hard. Having stayed out of an A with a man I really loved for the past year and a half when I am in contact with him on a regular basis has been very hard. It took me the better part of the past year and a half not to be in love with him anymore.

 

Its not easy but that doesnt mean it doesnt have to be done. I am not asking you to do anything I havent done myself.

 

It is hard but now I can say I am not in love with him anymore. I have fond feelings for him but its not the way it was. I used to think there was noone else for me. Now I know that it was what it was but there is no future in it. the feelings have faded. It took a long time. It would have been faster if we werent in touch but our business relationship precluded total NC. And it was excruciatingly painful.

 

I am likely a lot older than you are. This could really have been the last time I will fall in love (i hope not but you never know). He was the love of my life. But he was married and we would never have been able to have more than we did, and it wasnt enough. And it isnt better to take crumbs than to have nothing. Its better to have your dignity than to be a mess, thinking that you are worthless and deserve crumbs. Once you are feeling better your hope returns. If I could find hope for my future, than anyone can. People only stay in these situations that cause them so much pain, because for all the pain they cant imagine anything better in their future.

This guy has lied to you from day one, so the idea that things might change is very very unlikely. If he respected your relationship at all, he wouldnt mess you around.

 

Not letting go of someone who is treating you so badly is a sign that your self esteem is in tatters. That happens in an A. You need to find the strength.

 

Who cares if he calls. Yes your ego cares but beyond that it doesnt matter. He is not with you. if he treated you decently I would be saying if he is ever single, then perhaps you can try again.

 

But based on all his lies, this is someone who needs to leave your life forever. I am sorry because you love him but you have to protect yourself. he is not a good man. He is a charming narcissistic liar.

 

Tkae WWIU's advice go to the coping section.

[Holding-On]

I have to re-read all the posts on here on a regular basis to stop me from calling, texting or Iming him.

There are no more excuses. He is a liar. I do want out. I do not want to be treated like dirt. I just did not think it would be this hard......or that I would still care and find myself in love with him even after the truth came out.

I found a forum on here under breakups where you can post a letter to your ex instead of saying what you want to say to them. I will be doing that. hopefully it'll help.

 

It is that hard because, I'm guessing, the sex and attention made you feel really good and biologically speaking you got addicted to that happy feeling. Your body chemicals/arousal to his voice/smell/touch are not going to just turn off because your mind recognized his dishonesty.

 

Basically I'm telling you are an okay person. You are staying away from him even though it is hard. Cheer for yourself.

 

Keep reading here. If you can afford/find someone in real life do that also.

But above all else, stay away from him.

 

he still lied to you from the beginning. He still set you up to take a fall. Would you trust him with your heart? With your daughter's well-being?

Best wishes to you.

[katterskacy]

Below is the letter I will never send to him but it gets alot off my chest.

I felt so much better after doing this.

 

You are a liar. At this point, I only have questions;why? Why did you go through all the lies? Why was it so hard for you to just be upfront with me from the beginning(a year and a half ago)? She says the two of you have been together fr 9 years. You told me that she was crazy and obsessive and that you guys broke up because she wanted to get married and you did not (at least not to her). So why then did you bring her on a cruise last week? Why did you take her to the boat show? Why did you lie to me to my face about it? Were you afraid I would walk away? Well guess what, I'm walking away now. I will not take your calls, your texts or anything.

Just to let you know when you do call, I will look at my phone with tears streaming down my face because I want to talk to you. I want to see you because even after all your lies and the way you used me, I'm still in love with you.

Had you not f'ed all this up with your lies I would have promised that I will love you better then she ever did. I would be a better girlfriend. I would have made you the happiest man in the world. It's obvious you are not happy with her, there is a reason that you cheated on her with me. Anyone person with eyes can see that I'm hotter, prettier, funnier, sexier, smarter and nicer then she could ever be. So why then? Why her over me? I look way better in a bikini on your boat. I give way better blow J's, I make you smile more, I make you laugh more and the chemistry we have together is unmatched. We have the same goals, the same wants and desires......

I just want to know: WHY ALL THE LIES? Is the only way you can get a women by TELLING LIES? Are you THAT insecure that you can't break up with one if you are not happy before moving on to the next?

I'm done being your little "while I'm in town" girl. I can do better and I WILL do better and you will regret not having me in your life more than you will ever know.

[2sure]

Your letter makes it clear that you do not believe the cheating is his fault. He cheats because he is unhappy? Because his relationship is bad?

If so, cheating is still HIS choice, HIS flaw, he isnt driven to it. And besides, this guy sounds like a serial cheater, like he cheats for no other reason than HE LIKES TO.

 

His girlfriends flaws are not why he cheats...so pointing out to HIM what you think her flaws are...only make you seem petty and small. And besides, if his girlfriend is that bad ...why does he take her places but hide you?

 

Its always a good thing to be emotionally honest so telling him how you feel is one thing...it just seems so pitiful in light of the fact that it seems you have not so much as crossed his mind lately.

 

Its ok to tell someone how you feel but this letter is taking so much away from you.

[whichwayisup]

He is a broken man. His cheating has nothing to do with his girlfriend of 9 years. Focus your anger on HIM, not her. Don't compare yourself to her or put her down to make yourself feel better.

 

This isn't and wasn't a competition between you and her - It's about HIM HIM and only HIM and how selfish he is. This guy lied to you and fooled you continually..You let him as well because you chose to continue having an affair once you found out the truth.

 

Do a site search on the username I'mstunned (I think that's her name) reading her threads may help you gain insight about how messed up this guy really is. Again, it's all about him and his ego feed than you or his girlfriend.

[katterskacy]

He is a broken man. His cheating has nothing to do with his girlfriend of 9 years. Focus your anger on HIM, not her. Don't compare yourself to her or put her down to make yourself feel better.

 

This isn't and wasn't a competition between you and her - It's about HIM HIM and only HIM and how selfish he is. This guy lied to you and fooled you continually..You let him as well because you chose to continue having an affair once you found out the truth.

 

Do a site search on the username I'mstunned (I think that's her name) reading her threads may help you gain insight about how messed up this guy really is. Again, it's all about him and his ego feed than you or his girlfriend.

 

I know it's not a competition, it just felt good to get it out. Trust me, the anger is focused on him. I'm still mad.

I found I'm stunned and i will continue to read her posts I think they will also be helpful.

[jj33]

You may still be in shock. And it may take awhile to really process it. In the meantime the important thing is to realise this is not a typical disagreement that happens in a romantic relationship.

 

This is him taking advantage and lying to you in ways that are unimaginable. There is nothing to fix here. There are no grounds for reconciliation or him changing (unless of course he gets a partial lobotomy).

 

We dont see things clearly when we are in the fog. MM recently suggested I do something as it would have shown him in a good light to an important client of mine. I was floored that he asked me to do it and said no, thats not appropriate. It wasnt a big deal but it made me wonder what made him think (for even half a second) that I would do it and that he could ask as if he were asking me to pass the mustard. And more importantly how many other things slipped past me when I was in the fog.

 

Obviously he takes for granted that he can ask anything of me all this time later and that I will do whatever he asks. Wrong on that one.... I am no longer vulnerable to his suggestions in any area (business or personal). The point for you is while you are in the fog you are more vulnerable to manipulation. You need to be vigilant. And to protect yourself. This man is not unhappy with his gf. He is a pathological liar who is only out for himself.

 

Because really what could he tell you? She made me take her with me I had no choice? Its OK for him to hurt you, while he makes sure she stays happy? You are at the bottom of hte barrel in terms of his priorities. Sorry not trying to be mean but this is crazy.

 

You will see it all clearly in time and you will heal and this will be just someone nuts that you dated when you were vulnerable. We all have them in our past (or most of us do) the people we thought might have been the one but turned out to be a big big mistake. The trick is cutting it off as soon as you realize its a mistake.

 

As I said before the only reason you would think it was hard not to speak to him is because you have not yet accepted that this man is a beast. That he is not your friend and that there is nothing to salvage here. You need to face the facts. As others have said this is nothing to do with his gf and everything to do with the fact that he is not a good man.

[Kamikaze]

Be careful! There is a woman in Texas who was just sentenced to 18 months in jail for doing something similar. The times they are a changing!

 

Kami