digigurl Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 My boyfriend of 6 monthes who also lives with me, a wonderful guy who I was friends with prior to our relationship, has an evil ex who won't leave him alone. They were really close, lived together, had all of the same friends and dated for almost two years. He said that while she was the one that dumped him, it was also kind of a mutual agreement that there were problems in their relationship. She was really horrible to him when they initially broke up but after 8 months of being broken up, she returned. He has assured me many times that he definitely will never go back to her. At one point he even talked with her and told her it was never going to happen, to which he said she was very sad. After all of that, she still continues to text him multiple times every couple of days. He asked her not to text him anymore, and she still continues. I saw some of the messages, at first things were just normal and friendly, but then they took an obvious turn for the flirty. He told her that if he talked to her he would just be leading her on, but she pays no mind and will not leave him alone. He assured me again that I had nothing to worry about, but I was out of town for a week because my grandmother passed away, thought everything was fine, but then in a very bad haze of wanting to prove to myself that I could trust him had an opportunity to look at his aim chat's when he left it logged in on my computer. Not only were they chatting when I was away but she was talking about "them" like they had a future. "We'll have a cat and go to balls..." As well as trying to come over to my house to give him a massage, which thank goodness he declined. What hurt the most was seeing him tell her that they couldn't hang out because he would try to make out with her, which she promptly replied that she would like to do with him. He hasn't given me any indication that anything is wrong in our relationship, he's still very loving and concealing these tidbits from me very well. I just don't know what to think and I'd like for the ex to stop being so manipulative and aggressive. He's a little shy and values their friendship but it is obvious that they can't be friends. I don't want to issue any ultimatums or seem overly jealous but obviously I have to do something... any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
MotherGooze Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Not that I want to hurt you or anything, but why is he stil chatting with her? You say he doesn't reply to her text messages but still they are chatting on the computer, that seems wrong. Have you tried talking to him about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author digigurl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 Thanks for your reply! He replies to her texts out of politeness and told her that texting him was against the rules, that they could be friends but that meant an occasional email. She however replied to that by saying it was very hard for her not to text him and then asked if aim chatting was okay as it is close to emailing. He thought that it would be, but it's not. The initial talk I had with him I was pretty lenient because he swore he would never get back with her, but valued her friendship. I told him it was a bad idea that they texted because she would obviously try to manipulate the situation to get back together with him. He didn't believe me about that and said they were friends. Sometimes I doubt he is over her, but might not want to date her again because of the hurt she caused him and the terrible things she did to him when they broke up. The nature of their relationship escalated while I was away, mainly due to the fact that she is hardcore badgering him. In the chats I read, she would say things and then apologize for putting pressure on him. Things like "I'm just throwing it out there, but I'm not seeing that guy anymore" when originally they'd be talking about a tv show. And constantly reminding him of good times they had when they were together. I just don't know what to say to him, but it seems like I should talk with him because the kind of chats he is having with her are really inappropriate, but I'm not sure how to do that without admitting I looked at something I shouldn't have, or without telling him that he can't do something. ? Link to post Share on other sites
MotherGooze Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 I really think he should stop texting her. Just friends? Sorry, but I don't think so because clearly she's not over him. I wouldn't even allow him to text back because I find it not respectul towards you. If he can't stop having contact with her then you should really consider if he's the right person for you. Link to post Share on other sites
nittanylion Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 I think he should just stop all the texting, chatting or any form of communication with his x. Its very inappropiate to continue to some sort of relationship with his ex. He is really disrespecting you if this communication continues with his x . I think you should put your foot down in this situation, and tell him to put an end to this nonsenses. An x is there for a reason. If he does not listened than you ask who is more value in your life now? Me or her? You need to continue put pressure on him otherwise it will fall on deaf ear. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 He's baiting her. She won't stop texting because it is a consistent two-way communication. I doubt he is as blameless in this as he would have you believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Why is she evil, and why is she the one refusing to move on? From my standpoint, he is the one who is wrong here. She knows what she wants, and she is taking steps to have that happen; he is not. All he has to do to stop the texting and chatting is to say "Do not text me anymore. I am with Digi, and I love her very much, and I am not interested in talking with you." He should take her off his friends list on AIM or block her. He is the one whose behavior is hurtful. He is the one carrying on his side of an inappropriate relationship. He has admitted to her that he would like to kiss her again - that is on HIM, not on her. Link to post Share on other sites
JoL Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Your boyfriend is allowing this to go on. If he really didn't want to lead her on or hurt you he would be cutting contact with her. Instead, he is telling her he would "try and make out with her" if they were alone together. That says to me your boyfriend is keeping her strung along because he is enjoying the interaction they have. He is letting this go on. How do you feel knowing your boyfriend would like to make out with her if they were alone?? This girl is not the only person in this situation to blame. Your boyfriend is just as much to blame as she is. She would not be acting like this if she wasn't getting some encouragement from your boyfriend. I would seriously consider what kind of future you would have with this guy if he is interacting with his ex in this manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 From my standpoint, he is the one who is wrong here. She knows what she wants, and she is taking steps to have that happen; he is not. All he has to do to stop the texting and chatting is to say "Do not text me anymore. I am with Digi, and I love her very much, and I am not interested in talking with you." He should take her off his friends list on AIM or block her. Agree 100%. I get many unwanted emails and texts a day, I just delete them. Were he to do the same, her communication would just be so much spam, off to the recycle bin. That he doesn't do this tells you all you need to know. What weapon is she using - gun? knife? bomb threat? - to force him to respond to her messages ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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