gogarth Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I have read two such ebooks. Save your money. Instead, read the two links in CaliGuy's posts. You'll get more out of those. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 "Love must be tough" by Lou Dobbs is a much better read.... There are underlying tones of relegion... but the message is very clear... and helps whether it is an affair, or just having respect for yourself.... I am one of the few that has reconcilled.... I did NC...Maybe one getting back together book mentioned him seeing me on the road, and waving... not stopping and talking but just him seeing me brought back to a certain degree a reality of looking at me... Not to get your hopes up.... but our connection including him being sorry, communicating, tears and realizing how much I was a best friend, and was able to express feelings, admit sorrow, and has realized he does not want to be with any one else... It is not easy, as we have to communicate, express, figure out why we felt the need to seperate and get over some of those scary feelings that may haunt us and wonder will it happen again.... Getting back trust.... Reconcilliation is not for sissys... and requires alot of hard work... both have to be willing to participate as a new beginning and make changes in their lives to see it grow... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 "Love must be tough" by Lou Dobbs is a much better read.... There are underlying tones of relegion... but the message is very clear... and helps whether it is an affair, or just having respect for yourself.... James Dobson is the author of "Love Must Be Tough" and yes, he is a Christian psychologist and I have recommended that book many times to people with marriages in trouble. It is not easy, as we have to communicate, express, figure out why we felt the need to seperate and get over some of those scary feelings that may haunt us and wonder will it happen again.... Getting back trust.... Reconcilliation is not for sissys... and requires alot of hard work... both have to be willing to participate as a new beginning and make changes in their lives to see it grow... True and thus the reason many second chances do not work out. Both have to want it AND be willing to work very hard to make it succeed. Definitely not for sissys, I agree! Link to post Share on other sites
Vyliss Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Just wanted to comment a bit on the mention of these ebooks. I don't think they could possibly cater to everyone and people should really use their brains and adapt the strategies to their own situation instead of following them blindly. With that said, sometimes you need to get these books to finally be able to admit to yourself that your ex is gone and no matter what you do they are never going to come back. If they have lost all feelings, then you have to move on. The problem is a lot of people don't WANT to accept that directly after a break up. These books were created because of this... people wanted more answers, they wanted hope that there still IS a way etc... and the books provided that. They're not out to scam, they're only trying to give people answers and some possible things they can do to better their situation. One very important thing I want to mention is that a lot of people start trying to get their ex back without understanding why they left in the first place. I left my ex because: - He hardly followed through on anything he said he would do. - Was a child and wouldn't grow up. - Couldn't get his sh^t together. I got fed up of it, and told him so repeatedly why I was leaving him... of course he still acted like he had no clue what I was talking about and thought that if I loved him that should be enough. Well no it wasn't, I did love him but I felt I deserved better. As a female, I think that's a BIG reason why women will leave guys.. EG. men not providing for the women... they're not stepping up... they're not showing as much love/appreciation/whatever as they used to... etc Another reason is the relationship wasn't strong in the first place and one partner only wanted something casual while the other was expecting longterm. Back to my earlier example, if my ex had gotten his sh^t together, and I was willing to give him a few months to dot his, then I was going to go back to him. At the time I wanted to get back together again but he fked it up again and I'm happier now with someone better. Last I heard of him, he still wanted me back but he is still clueless so I think perhaps those books would have helped him a lot lol. Anyway, if there was love between the two of you in the first place... and I'm talking about real love not inflatuation, then most likely you didn't communicate properly with what you each needed from each other... because love isn't enough to maintain a relationship. When your ex isn't getting what they think they needed from you in the longterm.. it could be money, security, passion, excitement, whatever it may be for them, they will come across someone else who will provide those things. That's also assuming that they wanted a longterm relationship from you to begin with. Some men even women, just want casual flings but lead you to believe otherwise. Ask yourself how well do you really know your ex. Do you really know what she/he needs and can you step up to provide that for them, and no bullsh^tting to yourself about it. Are they even worth pursuing in the first place? Did you really get along as great as you first thought? Would being without them really be that bad? If you could picture a partner who has better qualities than your ex... who you know fits better with you... why would you want to settle for less? Some things to think about... it's a case of what you deserve and what your ex deserves. But start with what you really want first. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 As a female, I think that's a BIG reason why women will leave guys.. EG. men not providing for the women... they're not stepping up... they're not showing as much love/appreciation/whatever as they used to... etc A big reason, yet. Sometimes, it's because the guy goes to the other extreme and turns into a wussy door mat Anyway, if there was love between the two of you in the first place... and I'm talking about real love not inflatuation, then most likely you didn't communicate properly with what you each needed from each other... because love isn't enough to maintain a relationship. Agreed. Nor is LUST! When your ex isn't getting what they think they needed from you in the longterm.. it could be money, security, passion, excitement, whatever it may be for them, they will come across someone else who will provide those things. Absolutely! That's also assuming that they wanted a longterm relationship from you to begin with. Some men even women, just want casual flings but lead you to believe otherwise. This happens far often than we realize Overall some really good insight! Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowbrite Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Hi, Did anyone try an use one of those e books on how to win your ex back?? Did it work for anyone and did anyone sucessfully win their ex back?? i did it made things worse. as it turns out my ex wanted me back in the time frame you are supposed to ignore them, which is usually a month. wen i came back, he was over it. beware Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I used google and read those get your ex back sites but one thing that opened my eyes is that Yes You van attract You ex thru LOA ,Law of Attraction,if you google the way it says you'll see many posts on it and the most logical posts in the Yes you can attraction the ex back to you is to A. Move on (which is the hardest B. Dont obsess about it (guilty here) c. Dont care so much if they come back have the Universe send you someone even if its them,not them,or someone else. I rather get myself back than an ex,its a waste of time,but you never know stranget things has happened, hope it helps Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 The books assume for the most part that you did something to make your ex angry (thinking you didn't love them) and then tries to repair the damage. The problem is that many people are dumped because their Ex doesn't feel the same way anymore (and most likely they have someone new). In cases like that, none of these books are going to help. And IMHO, this is the MAJORITY of breakups. So as you can see, the books MAY help the people in the smallest percentage group (I'd say about 5% or less of the total breakups). I'd say in about 99% of the cases, they won't work. When women make the decision to leave it's usually final. Especially if they have someone new already in the works. Too many people worry that NC will make their Ex forget them when in reality, that will never happen. If your ex truly feels they made a mistake (male or female), they will let you know and no amount of NC will stop them from finding you. All you have to do as an individual is work on rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. The reason your ex cut you down was that she felt the relationship wasn't right for her. On top of that, YOU as the dumpee did the pursuing. This always leads to failure. If the dumper doesn't want to reconnect or repair the relationship there is nothing on earth the dumpee can do it about it. You need BOTH people in the relationship to want it to work. If only one wants it then you simply do not have a relationship. I'm going to add my comments to each one... Do NC until the ex contacts YOU. If they never do, you have your answer. In the meantime, live your life to the fullest. Yes definitely. But do this even when you are dating. Always take good care of yourself. I disagree. Date when you feel you can go on a date and not bring up your ex. Until then I would abstain from dating. Hang out with friends but don't go on any official dates. #4: That's fine as long as you're not doing it to make your ex jealous. #5: No no no. Any ex with half a brain is going to see that as trying to make them jealous. I personally believe you should hide everything you can from your ex. They should have zero access to your life if they walk away. Again, no. These are all manipulation tactics. If your ex comes back only because he/she is jealous, they will leave just as fast. You have to get to the root cause of why the relationship failed and learn from that, exactly what is said in #7 Agreed. No, let THEM reconnect. If they don't then so be it. You'll know it's over for good. In the meantime, LIVE YOUR LIFE. Why?! They know about the good times but it wasn't enough to keep them around then, why would it make them come back again? If they are in another relationship (and odds are they will be) then reminding them of the good times will be perceived on their end as creepy and manipulative. Neither of which will spark attraction again. LOL That is because as I said before, these books are based on the premise that you screwed up and made your ex believe you didn't love them. The tactics they use are great if that is the case. But most likely the reason your ex left you is because they fell out of love with you and fell for someone else. In that case, these books are worthless. PS: As a personal trainer you should have access to a lot of attractive women at the gym. From a personal and professional aspect you should be talking to as many of them as you can. It will boost your confidence and self-esteem and you might end up with some new clients in the process. Cheers. Caliguy Great answer!! i wouldve forget about my ex sooner if you were there to help!! i still think your pic looks like the actor Greg Harrison Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Caliguy Great answer!! i wouldve forget about my ex sooner if you were there to help!! i still think your pic looks like the actor Greg Harrison a. You're welcome b. I've always been here for anyone willing to listen! c. I'm better looking than Greg Harrison tee hee! Link to post Share on other sites
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