Help me

[Alex]

I don't have anything to say that someone else has probably not already said. I am in love with Megan. We were together for four months, a large part of which, she was in the grips of depression. She has a number of issues, including her history of depression, an alcoholic father who beat her mother, and two rapes. Nevertheless, I fell deeply in love with her, and she with me. We felt so perfect together, and we felt as if we were both on the same page. We discussed marriage and the future frequently. As she began to come out of the depression, she felt as if she needed her space to rediscover the "old" Megan. She just wanted to have fun again and feel independent, but she never stopped thanking me and acknowledging that I was the one thing that got her through the tough times. She thought that I was her angel.

 

From there, she felt more and more need for independence, we had discussions about being just friends, etc. I needed some time to recover, and it was a bit easier knowing that she wasn't looking for anyone else, just herself. And She acknowledged often that she missed "us" and was scared about us not getting back together again. Now, she has come back to feeling a bit pressured because I am still in love with her, and she is not sure what she wants. She told me last night that she has recently (less than 2 weeks) met someone, seen him once, and is kind of interested in pursuing something. She also told me that she felt like it was too hard to be friends right now. And yet, last week, we were best friends, and last Monday, she said "thanks for being the greatest best friend ever."

 

It would be silly to think that she will not change her mind again, and she may not even be interested in this guy, just the idea of being free and independent and meeting someone new. And of course, it is not unusual in this sort of situation for her to see this guy, realize on her own that she wants me back, and then come running back to me.

 

I feel utterly drained, as if I gave her all I had, and then she took it and left. I had always thought that when she got back to her old self, she would recharge me. I even gave her my virginity, which was a very important thing to me.

 

Now I am left in despair, clutching onto the hopes of her coming back, even if only as friends, sometime in the future.

 

Where did it all go?

[Cheryl]

Hi,

 

I just want to commiserate with you. I understand what it is to give someone all that you have and feel utterly drained. You feel so drained because you gave everything, and she took it. That is the whole crux of the problem. if she didn't take then you wouldn't have felt so bad because you would have known that it was truly over.

 

My suggestion to you is to lay back and let nature take its course. That is what I am doing. And let me tell you, it is not easy at all. It is hard and very painful because you are in a sort of limbo. But, what is yours is yours and nothing and no person can change that. If it is meant for her to come back to you then she will. But don't try to force it. All you will do is push her away in the process. In this life you may have truly been her angel, her guardian angel. You have saved her from a lifetime of sadness, bitterness and distrust. You may have even saved her life.

 

Time will tell. Time also heals hearts. There is no greater pain than unrequited love. I know this all may sound kind of corny but try it. Go out with friends. Find a new hobby. Take long walks by yourself. Find your peace of mind. This will not stop you from thinking about her, no. But it will make you feel better and help you put things into perspective.

 

So remember, you may not be a part of her life like you want to be, but you will always be special for what you have sacrficed for her.

 

I hope this helps.

I don't have anything to say that someone else has probably not already said. I am in love with Megan. We were together for four months, a large part of which, she was in the grips of depression. She has a number of issues, including her history of depression, an alcoholic father who beat her mother, and two rapes. Nevertheless, I fell deeply in love with her, and she with me. We felt so perfect together, and we felt as if we were both on the same page. We discussed marriage and the future frequently. As she began to come out of the depression, she felt as if she needed her space to rediscover the "old" Megan. She just wanted to have fun again and feel independent, but she never stopped thanking me and acknowledging that I was the one thing that got her through the tough times. She thought that I was her angel.

 

From there, she felt more and more need for independence, we had discussions about being just friends, etc. I needed some time to recover, and it was a bit easier knowing that she wasn't looking for anyone else, just herself. And She acknowledged often that she missed "us" and was scared about us not getting back together again. Now, she has come back to feeling a bit pressured because I am still in love with her, and she is not sure what she wants. She told me last night that she has recently (less than 2 weeks) met someone, seen him once, and is kind of interested in pursuing something. She also told me that she felt like it was too hard to be friends right now. And yet, last week, we were best friends, and last Monday, she said "thanks for being the greatest best friend ever." It would be silly to think that she will not change her mind again, and she may not even be interested in this guy, just the idea of being free and independent and meeting someone new. And of course, it is not unusual in this sort of situation for her to see this guy, realize on her own that she wants me back, and then come running back to me. I feel utterly drained, as if I gave her all I had, and then she took it and left. I had always thought that when she got back to her old self, she would recharge me. I even gave her my virginity, which was a very important thing to me. Now I am left in despair, clutching onto the hopes of her coming back, even if only as friends, sometime in the future. Where did it all go?

[Brooke]

I don't have anything to say that someone else has probably not already said. I am in love with Megan. We were together for four months, a large part of which, she was in the grips of depression. She has a number of issues, including her history of depression, an alcoholic father who beat her mother, and two rapes. Nevertheless, I fell deeply in love with her, and she with me. We felt so perfect together, and we felt as if we were both on the same page. We discussed marriage and the future frequently. As she began to come out of the depression, she felt as if she needed her space to rediscover the "old" Megan. She just wanted to have fun again and feel independent, but she never stopped thanking me and acknowledging that I was the one thing that got her through the tough times. She thought that I was her angel.

 

From there, she felt more and more need for independence, we had discussions about being just friends, etc. I needed some time to recover, and it was a bit easier knowing that she wasn't looking for anyone else, just herself. And She acknowledged often that she missed "us" and was scared about us not getting back together again. Now, she has come back to feeling a bit pressured because I am still in love with her, and she is not sure what she wants. She told me last night that she has recently (less than 2 weeks) met someone, seen him once, and is kind of interested in pursuing something. She also told me that she felt like it was too hard to be friends right now. And yet, last week, we were best friends, and last Monday, she said "thanks for being the greatest best friend ever." It would be silly to think that she will not change her mind again, and she may not even be interested in this guy, just the idea of being free and independent and meeting someone new. And of course, it is not unusual in this sort of situation for her to see this guy, realize on her own that she wants me back, and then come running back to me. I feel utterly drained, as if I gave her all I had, and then she took it and left. I had always thought that when she got back to her old self, she would recharge me. I even gave her my virginity, which was a very important thing to me. Now I am left in despair, clutching onto the hopes of her coming back, even if only as friends, sometime in the future. Where did it all go?

This is a tough situation all around. You sound genuinely hurt. Do you know you will probably always be in Megan's life? She may forget the guy's name who she dated one summer. I don't think she could ever forget you. Sounds like you had a significant impact on Megan and her life..future. Whether or not she has had counseling I don't know (she needs to). I say she needs to only because, one cannot go through so much and not have wounds that need healing. You, I believe started the healing process for her. Showed her life and joy, where all she probably saw was darkness and despair. I am sorry you are hurting now. There would probably be more pain for you if you were still together with Megan. I am sure she is a very nice girl. However, there are too many issues Megan needs to face.

 

Relationships are hard enough with two healthy hearts and minds. You have to be complete with yourself before you can honestly give yourself to another...mind, body, and soul. The way you deserve to have a woman give herself to you. It doesn't sound as though Megan is ready for that...with you or any other man right now. If it gives you comfort think of this, you are probably the one man she will never forget throughout her life.

 

Have you ever read any books on Co-dependency? You may find them very interesting, I know I did.