neveragain2493 Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Lately, I recently had an old friend come back into my life. We used to like each other until he had a girlfriend come along that did a lot of things to purposely tear us apart. They broke up, and we're friends again. Well, we flirt a lot, and he's asked me to send him 'stuff'. He told me he would never ruin my life by showing other guys or putting it on the Internet. He promised me he wouldn't tell anyone what we talk about. I believe him since I've known him for so long. He's made it clear he's interested. Still, I see him and his ex around sometimes. I doubt he knows she is 'talking' to someone. She tells her friends she's not interested in him. I asked him about her, and he said 'It's a tough situation. I don't know what I am going to do'. I haven't sent him anything.. I told him he is slowly gaining my trust back. What do I do? Any insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Don't send him any "stuff" if it's pictures and movieclips. Not sure if it's that stuff but yea, don't do it. Because if it ends up wrong you will feel "used". Just be friends, get trust back and see how it goes. Just don't send stuff, really don't . Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Don't hold your breath. He's still not over her, so you're rebound material anyway. Past friendships do not translate well into new relationships. Stay friends - but really? I wouldn't hang out for anything more than that. Not for the foreseeable future......... Link to post Share on other sites
citizen67 Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 it is a really really bad idea to send anyone any kind of compromising photos of yourself- ask Michael Phelps. Oh and dirty texts are bad too - remember the Mayor or Gov'r or whatever he was from Detroit? His led to criminal perjury charges Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Going by his track record, the next time he gets a g/f who feels threatened by his friendship with you, he will AGAIN dump you as a friend until the next time he breaks up and finds himself at a lose ends. He isn't mature enough to make wise decisions about his current "tough situation" -- how is he going to be mature enough to make wise decisions about compromising "stuff" that he has on you? I've never had a genuine male "friend" ask me for compromising "stuff". And those who've been genuinely interested in me romantically have also behaved in somewhat more gentlemanly fashion, especially while still exploring relationship possibilities. My suggestion is to only exchange compromising "stuff" AFTER you have been in a healthy, exclusive, committed relationship with him (or anyone else) for quite some time. And definitely NOT as long as you don't have complete and total trust in him/anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I don't know how I missed the bit about "stuff".... Tell him to get stuffed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 I'm being very careful. He is an all-around good guy, and we get along great, including in person. I agree, it's probably a bad idea to send. I'm trying to figure out some way to talk to him about what kind of choices he is planning to make regarding her and regarding me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 I told him to tell me what he'd been thinking about this. He said, 'I'm thinking you're my friend.' I said, 'I know that.. but you asking me to send you stuff confuses me.' It was really late, so he probably went to bed. Nothing back, but I am being honest. He is a really good guy in general. When we were friends before, he never showed me this side. I have friends that have once gotten hold of his ex's phone while they dated and found 'stuff' all over it. That would make a lot of sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 You're not his friend. he's using you. Listen, sorry hun, but get it out of your head that he's an all-round good guy. All round good guys don't do weird things like this. he has a sinister, manipulative, creepy side to him that you really don't want to get involved in. I'm afraid I'd be very relieved; by his silence, know that you've kinda put him on the spot. By asking you for stuff, you're not his friend. He just wants something porno to oggle at. You want to do that for him? Of course not. Even a GF shouldn't do that for her BF unless she can be sure it will never go elsewhere. And judging by the amount of break-ups and revenge actions by guys like this - there are no guarantees. Walk away. Really. Fast and permanently. Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Have to agree with Geisha again. I've been in this situation myself too. The guy always asked for things, then it made me confused cause he always said I was just a friend. When I asked him why he wanted that stuff he didn't say much about it. He will use you undoubtedly. I thought my friend was my friend too, but think again. He got a girlfriend now and he didn't care about what happened between us one but. Lucky I was first "dumping" his ass, rather then him dumping mine. Though, walk away from guys like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 He sent me a reply first thing this morning that said, "I'll stop. I'm sorry." I haven't responded to him all day, and that really doesn't bother me. I agree, I think he's probably using me... as much as that hurts, I can't afford to put myself through that. It just blows my mind that someone who claims to be a friend can want those kinds of things, but I think it all makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 He sent me a reply first thing this morning that said, "I'll stop. I'm sorry." I haven't responded to him all day, and that really doesn't bother me. I agree, I think he's probably using me... as much as that hurts, I can't afford to put myself through that. It just blows my mind that someone who claims to be a friend can want those kinds of things, but I think it all makes sense. Totally know how that feels as it has as a result that YOU'RE the one getting confused and hope for more. Sadly those idiots do exsist . Rather find it out sooner then later and feeling like crap really. /hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 He's stopped asking, but now he's talking about getting together and hanging out.. and now he talks about doing 'things' together, IF you know what I mean. He said, 'Of course I'm yours.. your friend..' And I told him, 'We're friends, but we're talking about this kind of stuff? I don't know what to call it.' He just said, 'We'll call it a secret.' What's funny is that when he and his ex first broke up, we flirted a bit, and he said, 'I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm looking for a friend right now, not someone to flirt with. I just need a lot of time for everything.' Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 He's stopped asking, but now he's talking about getting together and hanging out.. and now he talks about doing 'things' together, IF you know what I mean. He said, 'Of course I'm yours.. your friend..' And I told him, 'We're friends, but we're talking about this kind of stuff? I don't know what to call it.' He just said, 'We'll call it a secret.' What's funny is that when he and his ex first broke up, we flirted a bit, and he said, 'I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm looking for a friend right now, not someone to flirt with. I just need a lot of time for everything.' Right, well there you have it. He wants to screw you (in every sense of the word) but not be held responsible for being in a committed relationship. He wants it to be concealed (secret) so that if he finds another woman, he can drop you like a hot brick and nobody will be any the wiser. He's a disrespectful, cheating, using player, and just wants you as a fruck-buddy. I won't call it a FWB.... because the only one I can see gaining any benefit from this - is him. Come the moment, you would be kicked to the kerb faster than you could say "WTF".... Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Why are you still talking to him again? The second a guy asked me - especially a guy that is NOT my boyfriend - to send him "stuff" he'd be on the creepy loser list in my book. (I don't talk to people on that list.) But then to be absolutely disrespected by a guy who says he wants to do "things"?!! Forget it. Really. He isn't listening to you and doesn't think much of your character. He has treated you like he believes you are a slut. Yeah he's a real good guy and oh boy what a good friend. --- Not. Don't waste any more time remaining in contact with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain2493 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 He's made little comments on the side that relate back to something slutty. I'm not a slut at all. That's just what he's wanting. He's hanging out with his ex again, so I'm guessing they're back together. I'm hanging onto some of the stuff he's sent me just in case something comes up. I'm used to her trying to cause me a lot of grief. I talked with someone about it, and they said, 'It's simple. He misses the sex, so he's looking for it anywhere he can.' It makes me sick to think that he was my friend. I hung around longer than I should have because I know a better side to him than this, but apparently it's gone. No one knows this 'creepy' side to him, as some of you put it. Thanks for the support. Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 He's made little comments on the side that relate back to something slutty. I'm not a slut at all. That's just what he's wanting. He's hanging out with his ex again, so I'm guessing they're back together. I'm hanging onto some of the stuff he's sent me just in case something comes up. I'm used to her trying to cause me a lot of grief. I talked with someone about it, and they said, 'It's simple. He misses the sex, so he's looking for it anywhere he can.' It makes me sick to think that he was my friend. I hung around longer than I should have because I know a better side to him than this, but apparently it's gone. No one knows this 'creepy' side to him, as some of you put it. Thanks for the support. If you mean messages or whatever, just delete them. Else you keep reading and thinking and such, won't do you any good. Also if she gives you grief, just remove her messages too . Just toss away all contact with this dude, he's not worth it. Good luck though, it always sucks when someone gets betrayed by their supposedly friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I think she means that if his current ex-ex(!) starts coming up with funny stuff, she will be able to say - "Well look at this sweetie, this is what he wrote to me about you....." That's why she's holding on to it. But never again, neveragain.....! Link to post Share on other sites
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