sad_panda Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 My ex greeted me on my birthday this Monday, and I'm honestly surprised. I didn't expect it at all. I'm also annoyed and a little bit wistful. My other posts already tell the story between us, but long story short, here goes: He broke up with me two months ago because he felt that his needs were different from what the relationship could give him, and that he wanted his tired heart to rest first. I asked him if there was someone else he liked, and he said that there was absolutely no one and that he still loved me. I begged for another chance, but his mind was already set, so after an hour or so I accepted the breakup as gracefully as I could. I asked him to not contact me for whatever reason, and that he could send text messages to my sister regarding unfinished business (e.g. returning my stuff left at his place, etc.). Anyway, I believed all his reasons until I discovered last week that he already hooked up with a girl he's working with, and that they've been dating exclusively mere days after the breakup. My ex doesn't know that I know. So there, given our history, I don't think he should've greeted me a happy birthday. I respected his request for space but not bothering him in any way; I wish he respected my wish to have no contact, too. I sent him a succinct "thanks" but I now wish I didn't. Oh well. His birthday us coming up in two weeks (we were both born in February). I really don't want to greet him...is this the right thing to do, or will it make me seem so bitter and petty? How do you deal with exes' birthdays? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 I don't know about birthdays, but over 10 years ago an X, who was going to be my wife, who I caught in bed with someone else contacted me a few years later after I left her. She used my grandfather's death as an excuse to contact me and pour her heart out to me. Pissed me off! So what did I do? I mailed the letter back, but with her husband's name on it and wrote on a post-it: "Tell your wife to leave me alone" Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 My b-day came. No 'happy b-day' from the ex. I didn't expect one. She won't be getting one either. No Contact is 24/7/365, regardless of anything. Link to post Share on other sites
janjan Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I don't know about birthdays, but over 10 years ago an X, who was going to be my wife, who I caught in bed with someone else contacted me a few years later after I left her. She used my grandfather's death as an excuse to contact me and pour her heart out to me. Pissed me off! So what did I do? I mailed the letter back, but with her husband's name on it and wrote on a post-it: "Tell your wife to leave me alone" that's bad ass! Link to post Share on other sites
RogueAC Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Hey Sad Panda – First, Happy Belated Birthday! Second, I know how frustrating this is. Don’t beat yourself up for saying thanks to the ex’s birthday text. You handled the contact the best way that you knew how. His birthday us coming up in two weeks (we were both born in February). I really don't want to greet him...is this the right thing to do, or will it make me seem so bitter and petty? How do you deal with exes' birthdays? Most on Loveshack will say NC – that any ex is not worth your time, etc. The question to me is will you feel better or worse saying happy birthday. Are you friends? Do you want to be friends? It is not about what the ex thinks of you or “how you seem” but rather what do you want to do? Link to post Share on other sites
RogueAC Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I actually started a similar thread a week or so ago. It turned out differently than my last post because I ran into my ex but that is kind of a long story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t178684 Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I think you can send a Happy Birthday...If it makes you feel better. Why not. I know I am going to....his bday is coming up 2 weeks as well. Whats sad is...I always made a tradition of singing and giving him a nice day. God..I MISS HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter_pan Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 well my ex's bday wasnt long ago. i left for a ski trip on her bday so o well ! didnt get a happy b day last year from her on my bday so didnt do anything on hers. we are 100% gone, done, past, nc contact from her in ages. saw her once and had it out. how it was left undone when she left. got drunk sent an email to her. her bf replied. to i just deleted it and moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
alwayssme Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 if he replied to you....what would a "happy birthday" text do?? i dont think it really matters... Link to post Share on other sites
wareagle Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 No Contact is 24/7/365, regardless of anything. I could not have said it any better than Kizik!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 that's bad ass! Must have worked, she never contacted me again. Mission accomplished!! Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Several times an ex has used some excuse like B-Days, etc. to make contact. It is always unwelcome - I have moved on or I wouldn't have broken up with the guy and I usually am dating someone else which then I am also unhappy that such contact could possibly cause an issue with the current man in my life. I do not see a reason to be friends with any of my exes. If I wanted them in my life I would not have broken up with them in the first place. And honestly for them to contact me just shows me that they are indeed weak and desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sad_panda Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Hey Sad Panda – First, Happy Belated Birthday! Second, I know how frustrating this is. Don’t beat yourself up for saying thanks to the ex’s birthday text. You handled the contact the best way that you knew how. Most on Loveshack will say NC – that any ex is not worth your time, etc. The question to me is will you feel better or worse saying happy birthday. Are you friends? Do you want to be friends? It is not about what the ex thinks of you or “how you seem” but rather what do you want to do? Thanks for the greeting. We are not friends but I'm hoping we will be after a year or two which is why I'm enforcing strict NC (for faster healing, I hope). I feel obligated to greet him on his birthday for old times' sake though...I did love him after all, and I know that I wasn't the greatest girlfriend either. Heaven knows he also went through a lot of hell in our relationship, so even if he fell out of love with me and started liking someone else while we were still together, I couldn't find it in my heart to be passionately angry. Besides, he greeted me on my birthday, and I thought that was nice of him. I felt annoyed, though, because I realized he still has considerable influence over me based on the sudden wistfulness I felt immediately after reading his greeting. But feelings of obligations aside, deep down in my heart I know I want to greet him on his birthday, but I'm scared of being seen as weak and desperate. Eventually I hope I can do whatever I want without me having to worry about what he thinks, but at this point I still haven't reached that stage. Also, I know that whatever he does in response to my greeting will only bring me pain. If he doesn't reply, I know I will feel down. If he does, I will only overanalyze his response and end up feeling down as well. Lastly, I haven't fully forgiven him yet for lying to me. It's so confusing. I really don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Also, I know that whatever he does in response to my greeting will only bring me pain. If he doesn't reply, I know I will feel down. If he does, I will only overanalyze his response and end up feeling down as well. Lastly, I haven't fully forgiven him yet for lying to me. If you contact him and no matter what the outcome is you will be worse off then I think your answer is NC, right? And why do you want to wish someone a Happy Birthday who lied to you (in effect treated you like crap)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sad_panda Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 If you contact him and no matter what the outcome is you will be worse off then I think your answer is NC, right? And why do you want to wish someone a Happy Birthday who lied to you (in effect treated you like crap)? Because I'm such a sentimental fool I guess. Honestly I'm not sure what I want to do. I fear that not greeting him will just make me seem like a bitter, jilted ex. I would like to take the high road and greet him on his birthday but I'm not sure if I'm ready for whatever pain that will cause me. I can't help but feel that whatever I choose to do, I'm on the losing end. Link to post Share on other sites
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