very infatuated with a married woman

[chrislovestosurf]

Is it morally wrong to just flirt with a married woman? I used to work with a very attractive blond girl who is 2 years into her marriage. Its not like she makes it seem like shes in love with me but I feel that we have a very casual mutual attraction to each other. We just goof around and flirt in a very innocent way, but to me she is the girl of my dreams. Jokingly I tell her that in the next life we would be together. Basically all we do is talk to each other via facebook once in awhile now and the last time we saw each other was at a happy hour where we flirted some more. Shes a good person who would never cheat and i know it wont go anywhere.

 

I know that if i was in her husbands shoes i would not like the flirting and im not the type of person who would try to ruin a marriage, but I think I am in love with her. So, is it wrong to tell her that I think shes beautiful? For some reason I just want her to know how I feel about her, even if it ends up with her not wanting to be friends with me anymore.

[norajane]

I know that if i was in her husbands shoes i would not like the flirting and im not the type of person who would try to ruin a marriage, but I think I am in love with her. So, is it wrong to tell her that I think shes beautiful?

Yes, it's wrong and you know it. If it were a casual comment you might make to your sister, fine. But you have feelings for her, and you want to start something deep down inside whether you admit it or not, and THAT is wrong.

 

For some reason I just want her to know how I feel about her, even if it ends up with her not wanting to be friends with me anymore.

Why is it soooooooo important to you that she know how you feel? Why? Why? If you don't want to start something, WHY is it so important to you that she know?

 

You want to tell her because you want her to tell you she feels the same. ADMIT it to yourself!

 

You only talk on Facebook and you think you're in love with her?

 

That's call infatuation, lust, a crush. Love is something entirely different.

[chrislovestosurf]

agreed, its a crush. As far as talking on facebook, thats only because we dont work together anymore so i dont see her. We were in the same area for 8 hours a day for over a year so you can imagine how much time we spent together. I get crushes on other girls but havent felt this way about someone in a very long time. Yes I want to be with her, but I know it will never happen so I guess its just a fantasy. Normally in front of very beautiful women I get a little nervous but with this girl I feel like I can talk to her about anything. Its crazy.

In the back of my mind I guess I just want her to know how I feel in case her marriage didnt work out in the future. Again, just a stupid fantasy but I hope I am not crossing the line by doing a little flirting when we talk.

[lkjh]

It is wrong. Just stop contact with her.

[chrislovestosurf]

ok. just sucks that all the good women out there are taken. I shouldnt have been so shy in my mid 20's.

[Island Girl]

I know that if i was in her husbands shoes i would not like the flirting

 

So why are you doing it if you know you wouldn't like it? That makes you a douche and you don't really want to be a douche do you?

 

and im not the type of person who would try to ruin a marriage,

 

Then why are you even flirting with her or chatting with her on Facebook? She is not available. You are wasting your time with all of this inappropriate behavior.

 

but I think I am in love with her. So, is it wrong to tell her that I think shes beautiful?

 

No you aren't in love with her.

 

You are in love with the fantasy. She may be quite beautiful (there are a lot of beautiful women out there) but she is unavailable.

 

Let her husband who she goes home to at night, who supports her, loves her, and made promises to her - let HIM tell her she is beautiful.

 

For some reason I just want her to know how I feel about her, even if it ends up with her not wanting to be friends with me anymore.

 

You want to tell her because of your own selfishness.

 

You aren't stopping to think how awkward that will make her feel or what problems that could cause for her since she has to work with you.

Yeah that's love for you.

 

Just move on. There are plenty of women out there. You just need to quit fantasizing about what you can't have and focus on finding one that you can have - and want.

[sw1911ct]

When her husband sees the facebook messages it's going to be no bueno

[chrislovestosurf]

slow your roll there island girl.. dont call me names, you DONT know me. Do you normally talk **** to people you dont know?

 

Furthermore, I was asking for advice, and I got it. I said "ok" and pretty much the issue is closed.

 

I talk to her because I am friends with her and always have been. You have never heard of a friend falling for another? Maybe you need to get out more.

 

"Just move on. There are plenty of women out there. You just need to quit fantasizing about what you can't have and focus on finding one that you can have - and want. "9

 

This is the only constructive piece of advice you provided me, thanks.

[chrislovestosurf]

When her husband sees the facebook messages it's going to be no bueno

 

 

No no no, i dont facebook her saying that I am madly in love with her, you have the wrong idea. It is just friendly, asking about work, life etc. I said to her once months ago that I thought she was pretty. I think marriage is a sacred thing and I wouldnt want to cross the line. Thats why I posted on here. If you read the messages you would see that its all good.

[Island Girl]

slow your roll there island girl.. dont call me names, you DONT know me. Do you normally talk **** to people you dont know?

 

I didn't call you names. I labeled your behavior. You don't like the inference? Then stop the behavior and go back to being a compassionate human being.

 

You said you wouldn't like it if a guy was doing the same thing to you. I just pointed out that if you do things to people that you wouldn't like done to you it makes you a douche.

So don't do horrible things to other people and you won't be a douche.

 

Easy, right?

 

Furthermore, I was asking for advice, and I got it. I said "ok" and pretty much the issue is closed.

 

Oh. Did you post that? No more responses please. I am closing this thread?

Or you could choose not to revisit.

It was open so I posted.

 

I talk to her because I am friends with her and always have been. You have never heard of a friend falling for another? Maybe you need to get out more.

 

I know it happens plenty. However when a person is married then it should not be explored further, correct? That "love" becomes the problem of the one who feels it. It does not give a person the right to assert themselves to the other person who has made it known they are unavailable.

Just the very idea of that shows it isn't love.

"Just move on. There are plenty of women out there. You just need to quit fantasizing about what you can't have and focus on finding one that you can have - and want. "9

 

This is the only constructive piece of advice you provided me, thanks.

 

Glad I could help!

[chrislovestosurf]

you labeled my behavior? You called me a DOUCHE. who the hell do you think you are?

 

And horrible behavior?? Now I am laughing... maybe I didnt explain it well enough. I didnt do anything wrong except flirt. I would a horrible person if I broke up her marriage. I came here and asked a question, I really didnt need your smartass insults and sarcastic tone.

 

Do me a favor. When you see my name under a thread title move on to the next one, K?

[nittanylion]

You should not flirt with someone wife. This is totally unacceptable on ur part. stop being pathetic man.

 

let say, you are married, if someone flirts with ur wife and try to steal her away from you, would u have a problem with it? Hell yes!

 

Go find someone who is available and single! stop wasting ur time on her. its not productive.

[chrislovestosurf]

im not trying to steal anybody, as I said I just am infatuated and you know what, I have every right to be. Shes hot as hell.

 

There arent any single available women anymore. They are all taken by overweight, fat rich *******s.

[snoopy girl]

chris

it's normal to feel the way you do towards some women and it just happened to be the girl you worked with, you say she is pretty and easy to talk to, which makes you feel good, like a high when you are around her....... she is your friend and you are her friend, you can tell your friend she is pretty without any feeling of lust. it is nice to be told that us women look pretty, but we don't like it when it crosses the line and only she will know. be her friend and only her friend. control your feeling and just be there for her as a friend...........down the road if she leaves her husband, then the door is open but for now, harmless flirting is okay and goofing off is to. just don't cross the line, you may make her feel weird and she will back off maybe even let your friendship go. just let your friendship grow, be thankful that she is your friend, it will be hard but nothing good ever comes out...... if you tell her how you feel, becuse she is married. its not only about her but it's about her, her husband and you. she may not want that, she may just want someone to talk to and have fun with as a friend. good luck

[Geishawhelk]

Chris, you have to take it on the chin, man.

You are on a slippery slope if you continue as you are.

For your information Island Girl gives consistently wise, honest, frank and absolutely accurate advice.

If you're choosing to see her as insulting, that's really your problem.

My guess is that you are simply frustrated because you can't find the woman of your dreams.

 

That doesn't give you carte blanche to flirt with somebody else's.

 

Maybe you should put weight on, and make some money.

 

Then you too could qualify as a far rich B*****d, and you too, would find a single available woman.

 

Sorted.

Hit the doughnuts!

[Dexter Morgan]

Is it morally wrong to just flirt with a married woman?

 

People will say no, but I say yes.

 

Why? Because what is the purpose of flirting? To see if there is interest and to basically SHOW interest.

 

 

I used to work with a very attractive blond girl who is 2 years into her marriage. Its not like she makes it seem like shes in love with me but I feel that we have a very casual mutual attraction to each other. We just goof around and flirt in a very innocent way

 

Flirting, in my opinion, is not innocent as for the reason stated above.

 

 

but to me she is the girl of my dreams. Jokingly I tell her that in the next life we would be together.

 

Uh huh, you are laying groundwork to get in her pants and you know it.

 

 

 

I know that if i was in her husbands shoes i would not like the flirting

 

There is your answer. If you wouldn't like it as her husband, then you know that it is wrong.

 

 

 

and im not the type of person who would try to ruin a marriage

 

Then stop with the crap like telling her you see yourself with her in another life.

 

 

 

So, is it wrong to tell her that I think shes beautiful?

 

What is the purpose in it? You are trying to score points with her.

 

Its not like saying, "hey, you hair looks different today, it looks good". Telling her you think she is beautiful shows that you are interested in her. Again, you are laying groundwork with what you are doing.

 

 

 

For some reason I just want her to know how I feel about her

 

See, right there.....that statement just negates all the minimizing you did of the flirting as if it were all innocent. It also negates your statement that you are not the type to break up a marriage.

 

so again, the answer to the question, especially in your case, to if its morally wrong to flirt with a married woman...the answer is yes....as you have helped prove.

[Dexter Morgan]

im not trying to steal anybody

 

Then what would be the purpose of you wanting her to know how you feel about her?

 

 

as I said I just am infatuated and you know what, I have every right to be. Shes hot as hell.

 

So thats what this is about.....looks?

 

 

There arent any single available women anymore. They are all taken by overweight, fat rich *******s.

 

Well for you to put down other women's husbands, you obviously are an adonis. So what is your problem? If you are all that and a bag of chips, then why can't you find yourself a hot woman?

 

Oh ya, I know....they are all taken by men that aren't up to your level of god-like stature.

[nicki]

She's. Off. Limits. End of story.

 

Keep it professional. Respect the confines of a relationship, or in this case, marriage. Two people on the inside. You on the outside. Stay there.

 

I really don't understand how people rationalize bad behavior. If a guy told me I was beautiful, I'd know in a minute he wanted me.

 

And if he told me his "feelings," then I would be the once who was uncomfortable and burdened by this info. A guy who cared about me wouldn't do this. But, a guy who wanted to sleep with me would.

 

You are transparent. Believe me, she already knows and is quite possibly getting an ego hit off it. Knock it off.

[chrislovestosurf]

Thanks for the comments people, you are right. No more thoughts of this woman other than friendship are going to go through my head. I actually dont even talk to her more than once every couple of weeks. I think I led you all to think that we talk all the time, and thats not the case. I am pretty much fooling myself.

 

Good feedback from each of you overall, although some of your smartass responses really werent necessary. And no I dont think im better than anyone's husband. I am actually quite humble in real life, and i was in a really bad mood last night.

 

Let me just leave on this note...

 

All right!

Stop whatcha doin'

'cause I'm about to ruin

the image and the style that ya used to.

I look funny

but yo I'm makin' money see

so yo world I hope you're ready for me.

Now gather round

I'm the new fool in town

and my sound's laid down by the Underground.

I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf

so just let me introduce myself

My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.

Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.

And all the rappers in the top ten--please allow me to bump thee.

I'm steppin' tall, y'all,

and just like Humpty Dumpty

you're gonna fall when the stereos pump me.

I like to rhyme,

I like my beats funky,

I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.

[whichwayisup]

I think marriage is a sacred thing and I wouldnt want to cross the line.

 

Then don't tell her that you've fallen inlove with her. Don't act inappropriate. You know she's married and you say you have respect for marriage..Prove it by keeping your feelings to yourself.

 

IF you find it's hard to be around her, or keep intouch with her (meaning your feelings are being fed and continue to grow) then think about distancing yourself and detaching. Having her around may prevent you from meeting or allowing anyone else into your heart.

 

Love her enough to NOT tell her, ever..

[chrislovestosurf]

Then don't tell her that you've fallen inlove with her. Don't act inappropriate. You know she's married and you say you have respect for marriage..Prove it by keeping your feelings to yourself.

 

IF you find it's hard to be around her, or keep intouch with her (meaning your feelings are being fed and continue to grow) then think about distancing yourself and detaching. Having her around may prevent you from meeting or allowing anyone else into your heart.

 

Love her enough to NOT tell her, ever..

 

 

Thats the plan, i probably wont even hear from her for another month or so anyway, i dont ever initiate contact... she does. Its really no big deal.

[Geishawhelk]

Chrislovestosurf....

 

about the rap....

 

Don't give up your day job just yet.

[chrislovestosurf]

Chrislovestosurf....

 

about the rap....

 

Don't give up your day job just yet.

 

 

Those arent my rhymes! You dont recognize that ? its digital underground

[Geishawhelk]

I'm 52 and British - why would that mean a thing to me - ??

[amerikajin]

I'm 52 and British - why would that mean a thing to me - ??

 

That song came out in late 1989 or early 1990, if I recall. Takes me back to my high school years.