Author chrislovestosurf Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 I'm 52 and British - why would that mean a thing to me - ?? I feel for you bro Link to post Share on other sites
KismetGirl Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Is it morally wrong to just flirt with a married woman? I used to work with a very attractive blond girl who is 2 years into her marriage. Its not like she makes it seem like shes in love with me but I feel that we have a very casual mutual attraction to each other. We just goof around and flirt in a very innocent way, but to me she is the girl of my dreams. Jokingly I tell her that in the next life we would be together. Basically all we do is talk to each other via facebook once in awhile now and the last time we saw each other was at a happy hour where we flirted some more. Shes a good person who would never cheat and i know it wont go anywhere. I know that if i was in her husbands shoes i would not like the flirting and im not the type of person who would try to ruin a marriage, but I think I am in love with her. So, is it wrong to tell her that I think shes beautiful? For some reason I just want her to know how I feel about her, even if it ends up with her not wanting to be friends with me anymore. You know....I havent even read anything else in this thread and I just am shaking my head already. You're in love with her? How can you be in love with someone you don't even know? Who you haven't dated, you haven't been intimate with, you haven't been close to. You work together, and talk via facebook once in a while. You went to happy hour once. And this classifies as being in love? It sicks me when people throw this word around the way they do. Being attracted to someone and flirting with them does not mean you are in love with them. But I digress. She's married. Before you get into a situation you don't know how to get out of, move on. Speaking from experience. But at least I wasn't stupid enough to think I was in love with MM right away. It took four years of an A with him to even fathom I felt that way, and now four years in I feel stuck. Not to minimize your feelings, but youre going where you shouldnt go. No, you should not tell her you think she's beautiful. She's married. She's a "good person" according to you. What is the point of making her uncomfortable by crossing the line? People flirt all the time. Just because a person is married doesn't mean they aren't attracted to other people. Flirting by itself is harmless and fun. But that's all it is. So let it be just that and find someone single. You'll thank yourself for it when you don't have to deal with either A) insulting and embarressing rejection from her, followed by awkwardness at work or B) if by some chance she took you up on a fling, you'll just be left in the wind when she eventually goes back to her husband, as most married people in affairs tend to do. Just how it is. Good luck, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrislovestosurf Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 thanks, dude Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I feel for you bro That would be 'Sis. (since when is a Geisha male....?) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I don't think he'll be turning Japanese anytime soon Link to post Share on other sites
Strawberry Fields Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 You're playing with fire here and I think that has a major influence with how you feel towards her. You're approaching someone who is obviously off limits and can never truly be yours and because of this, you're even more attracted to her. It's a classic "forbidden love" situation and you're driven by that. Love is also a very strong word for this situation. How you can love someone through flirting? You're getting a bit ahead of yourself here. Consider her husband and their new family, how would you like it if your wife did that to you? In fact, say if things fell through and she divorced her current husband to be with you. What does that really say to you? You married a cheater - what makes you think she won't do it again, only this time you're the husband that has to deal with it? Calm down and step outside of your situation. Also, please, if you can find love through flirting with a married woman - I'm pretty sure you can find love with a single woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I don't think he'll be turning Japanese anytime soon Or based on the meaning of the song and his attraction to unavailable women, maybe "turning Japanese" is all he'll be doing ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrislovestosurf Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 I know, being attracted to unavailable women is such a crime... give me a break. Youd get a chubby on the spot if you saw this girl. Im not going after her at all, we just flirted from time to time. As far as it goes. And ya know what, she probably really does have a crush on me judging on the way she acts towards me. Yes guys, your women do look at other people besides you.. even though they wouldnt think of cheating (well some would). Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Good feedback from each of you overall, although some of your smartass responses really werent necessary. Yes, it was. You need to be taken down a notch or 2 since you felt the need to put down other women's husbands as if you are the answer to their dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I know, being attracted to unavailable women is such a crime... give me a break. Well, let's see. Since your thread is titled: very infatuated with a married woman and you were considering at least telling her how you felt (just in case her marriage broke up, right?), then you don't get a break. You get fairly consistent feedback here that you're headed in the wrong direction. Isn't that why you posted? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrislovestosurf Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Yes, it was. You need to be taken down a notch or 2 since you felt the need to put down other women's husbands as if you are the answer to their dreams. I am in the answer to their dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrislovestosurf Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Well, let's see. Since your thread is titled: very infatuated with a married woman and you were considering at least telling her how you felt (just in case her marriage broke up, right?), then you don't get a break. You get fairly consistent feedback here that you're headed in the wrong direction. Isn't that why you posted? Mr. Lucky Considering is the key word there. And sure, id be all over her if her marriage broke up. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I am in the answer to their dreams. See, thats why you are in the position you are in. You are in a convenient position. You aren't the one that has to live every day life with these wives. You can go home at the end of the day and play Xbox. But you say that you aren't that way, then come back with that line above. You are showing why you are partial to wanting to get inside a married woman's pants. You are a narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrislovestosurf Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 i was kidding, totally. Im not into video games playa Link to post Share on other sites
confuseddd Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Hey back to the original issue...you don't have to tell her dude....she knows she's beautiful and she knows you think so. Trust me. Been there, done that and got the t-shirt. I can always tell when a man finds me attractive...I'm not oblivous. I'm sure she's use to it if she is as attractive as you say. She's not oblivous neither! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrislovestosurf Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 come to think about it, I would be pissed if i was her husband with the way she flirts or comes off as flirting. I guess i just got sucked into it. Shes just as much to blame as i am. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 come to think about it, I would be pissed if i was her husband with the way she flirts or comes off as flirting. I guess i just got sucked into it. Shes just as much to blame as i am. So she's unavailable AND manipulative? I can see why your hung up on her ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 i was kidding, totally. Uh huh..... Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 come to think about it, I would be pissed if i was her husband with the way she flirts or comes off as flirting. I guess i just got sucked into it. Shes just as much to blame as i am. Well there you go. If you were to swoon her away from her H, then you'd be getting yourself a "hot" woman with no substance. And someone that would do this behind your back as well. So if you'd be pissed off as her husband, imagine how you'd feel if she became yours. You'd be pissed off because you are getting the same untrustworthy tart. And her husband obviously doesn't know about it. Link to post Share on other sites
bearhugs Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Yo man.....dont go any further. I did and ended up destroying a family. We ended up messing around and she told her husband and he called me devistated. Im an ex marine and he was in the army and neither of us are a pushover. When he told me how bad it hurt him and disrupted their entire life, I cried and he did as well.....I know it takes two to tango, dont be the other half. DonT even tell her shes beautiful...she already knows you think that. Im getting engaged in june and now I know how bad it would hurt if it happened to me. People invest sooo much of their heart and soul into eachother. Be a solid man and back off......dont think with your weiner bud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chrislovestosurf Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 thanks for the replies, i wont do anything to hurt someones marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 thanks for the replies, i wont do anything to hurt someones marriage. Glad to hear it. And chances are if she is this way, she will hurt her own marriage at some point. But that wouldn't be an excuse to say, "might as well be me". (I know you didn't say that, but some people think that way) Link to post Share on other sites
Ricky01 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Shes a good person who would never cheat and i know it wont go anywhere. As safe as that sounds, it is uncertain when you keep persisting. For some reason I just want her to know how I feel about her, Save it for yourself, all you will do is launch a cycle of events unfavorable to your emotions, whether this interest materializes or not. I will tell you as a indescriptive friend. I am recently very familiar with this topic. To save yourself the trouble, heartache, and stress. Just let your curiosity be just that. Please don't press the envelope, the worse thing that can happen is exactly what you want to happen. Example: She feels the same and in a moment, you two delve into a blissful time together, but an affair is an affair. That bliss will eventually end, and you will be back here with a new slew of questions, confusions, and uncertainties. I can go on forever with this, but since you haven't actually had an affair, I wont. No matter how cool you think you can play it, it will test your wits and endurance. I will just say, if you can avoid this type of situation, then do. We are all human, and in that none of us are perfect, but we have to aspire to be nonetheless. I hope you can maintain your course as is because, thinking is still technically innocent. I myself have stumbled and hopefully will one day retain my own proud stride again. <focus here> I just hope I didn't ruin a relationship... a marriage. This could be your shoes friend, if you don't mind how far you press this, right now you might think it is what you want. You might even feel flattered by the fact you attracted a beautiful woman away from her husband, but I can tell you. You will have the short end of the stick in the end. You wont have a committed spouse to lean on emotionally when this expires, she will. Link to post Share on other sites
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