lilJ88 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Hi Everyone, I'm new to this website and found it after searching around on google about relationships. Like the title says I'm a 20 year old unexperienced single virgin and I feel its only going to get worse. I've never had a serious relationship. The longest I "dated" someone was one week in middle school. There have been guys in my life though. I'm not a total shut in. I have had friendships where the lines have kinda blurred especially with one boy in my life who I've known since elementary school. Many are shocked that I haven't had a relationship. I'm smart, outgoing and love sports. I don't think I'm a "10" but guys have told me I'm cute and beautiful so I don't think its my looks that are chasing them away. I think it's my outlook on love. My "problem" is that I'm a romantic at heart. I'm old fashioned and want to be courted but I am in an environment that doesn't support this kind of thinking AKA college where one night stands are not only common but expected and dating is a long lost tradition only seen in sappy movies. I have read so many articles about how my generation is obsessed with instant gratification and how hooking up has now completely replaced courting. My generation's view is to have sex and only after that do they date and form a relationship. I want a boyfriend or at least to date and have that companionship but am I going at this the wrong way? I feel at this rate I'm not going to have a serious relationship until AFTER I get out of college but I seriously don't want to wait that long to lose my virginity (relationship virginity as well as the sexual kind). But I don't want to go out and date and sleep with a random person either. I've got standards. What am I doing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Shnuggles Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Find one of those quiet, shy guys. They will love the fact they have a hot girl who actually wants them and you can both 'grow' together. Be careful what guys tell you. Lies are all too well known at your age. Years ago, my wonderful friend Alison lost her innocents when she was 22. She was in no hurry and liked her virginity just fine. Once its gone, its gone. Then again, sex is far better anyway ha. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 lilj88, I see the problem here... you are a keeper, surrounded by players. Don't expect them to understand your point of view, because they can't do it. I happen to be a 41-yo MALE virgin (yeah, so sue me) and a keeper, but that hasn't stopped me from living comfortably. I figure if women don't want to nab a nice guy, they can forget about me and keep hanging around with the jerks. 'Nuff said. Link to post Share on other sites
D-D Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I am in the same boat as you! I'm a 25 year old male. I'm also a virgin. I have never dated anyone, not even kissed a girl. Had lots of friends who were girls in JH/HS that bordered on being more, but they never became anything. I've asked out lots of girls, and gone out on lots of first dates, but they never went anywhere. Aside from being on the shorter side, I am OK looking, physically fit and have a good job. I would love to meet a good girl and have a serious relationship. I understand exactly what you mean when you say you are old school. Today's youth are so obsessed with sex, that seems like it is all that is important. I would love to lose my virginity, but I would wait 5 more years if I found someone whom it would be meaningful with. I am a quiet and shy guy. If a girl like you came over and started talking to me or asked me out, I would jump on an opportunity to get to know someone like you. Take a more proactive role, and ask out a quiet/shy guy you like. Trust me, being three years out of University, you are in the best place to meet someone. It is very slim pickings for me now. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I understand exactly what you mean when you say you are old school. Today's youth are so obsessed with sex, that seems like it is all that is important. It was the same 25 years ago, when I was in school. BTW anyone know why "scoring" is such a big deal? How are we supposed to redeem our points? Link to post Share on other sites
doomed Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 It was the same 25 years ago, when I was in school. BTW anyone know why "scoring" is such a big deal? How are we supposed to redeem our points? LMAO. Before anybody here worries too much about scoring, go read the breaking up forums to see what you're in for after you "win" ... Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodlife Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I'm in the same boat as you. 21 years old and a virgin, I know I have a great personality and have been told I'm also good looking, but alas I have standards. And that's what stops me from getting anywhere. I started talking to a couple of the shy guys from school and just my luck they turned out to be total creeps. One day it will happen! I have faith for us:D Link to post Share on other sites
I'm Joe Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 this is starting to sound like a broken record but 24 year old male virgin here. I dont know what to say except if you are who you describe yourself as then whoever does get you should count themselves lucky... stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
meowry Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 lol, You're young. I didn't lose my virginity until after I turned 24. And through most of my 20s, I had a BIG sex life. By the time I was 23 y.o., I thought I was doomed to celibacy. Boy, was I wrong! Link to post Share on other sites
Superloser Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 36-year-old ugly female virgin here who's never been asked on a date in her life. And yet, I have a life just one devoid of human companionship. Fret not! I'm sure you'll find someone soon. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 LilJ88, I don't see your age (20 years) as a reason for desperation, at this point. (Smile) Sorry, I just don't. And besides who says you have to set the world on fire with a steaming love relationship right away? Love begins with *friendship*. Start there. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
YoungDiva Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I know what most of you guys mean, lol. I'm turning 20 this year and I have never kissed a guy, let alone having sex or a relationship. I am a very introverted person, not too keen on meeting new people and I spend my spare time on the Internet so it's not surprising that I've never had a boyfriend. I've been considering getting one but I'm kinda used to being alone and independent (I hope you get what I mean:p) and therefore I'm scared of commitment. Most of my classmates are in relationships and seeing them posting pictures with their bfs/gfs on a social networking website makes me feel like a total loser. Another thing is, it's hard for me to find a guy who would be similar to me - quiet, a little shy, with similar interests (I know I may be too picky but I don't want to be with someone just for the sake of it, I want to have a bf with whom I would have lots of things in common). Link to post Share on other sites
kashmir Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Girls don't realize how easy they have it. They really don't have to do anything to get a good boyfriend. All they need to do is get out of their rooms and they're set. If you're pretty and intelligent, then I guarantee guys hit on you daily, and not all of them are just looking to get in your pants. You just don't notice them. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 LMAO. Before anybody here worries too much about scoring, go read the breaking up forums to see what you're in for after you "win" ... LOL! Oh darn... I thought if you score 100 points, you earn one day free at a whorehouse or something. Link to post Share on other sites
greta12 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I didn't get a boyfriend til i was 21. There is no great rush and don't drop your standards for ANYONE! You'll regret it if you do. There is nothing wrong with waiting til after college to get into a real relationship but in the meantime you can date. In fact go on lots of dates! Coffee, lunch, movie, that kind of thing. Dating prepares you for a relationship and shows you the qualities that you admire in a person. It will also help you identify men who are trouble. Relax and date - you should be courted and if that is the standard you set for yourself you need to meet a man who will measure up to that! don't settle for anything less! Link to post Share on other sites
typicaljs Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Wow. I'm a 20 yr old male on a big university campus, I would send any of the lady virgins a message personally but since this site doesn't allow it hopefully you can all read it here. Someone before already slightly said it, but I'd like to expand or collobrate on his work. You really don't have to do anything aside from put yourself out there and be more aware of your situation/surroundings. The type of guys most of you girls want to meet is I assume a nice, quiet, studious-individual who doesn't really enjoy partying as much as your other peers. Do you have any idea how many guys there are at each school and in each city like that ? If you really want to a find a nice, quiet, sweet, smart guy....Go to the effin library at your local school. Now, here comes the hard part... You're actually going to have to initiate a conversation with him. I'm sorry, I understand this might be the hardest thing in the world for you to drag yourself to do (I'm extremely guilty, though the more often you do it the easier it becomes..I learned that through experience) but it's really not hard. You hardly need to say anything, in fact you could probally just look at a guy and smile and get him to start a convo with you. So in Summary: 1. Go to the library or any place where you think you might find a guy who's company you enjoy. I love hockey, so for myself I would go to the ice rinks during a free skate or local hockey games or NHL games. Obviously, the library is the best spot imo becuase that's where you are going to find the type of guy you are looking for. If you really want to find a guy who values things like his GPA over partying, go on a friday night ( that's when youll find the real dedicated kids). So first off, find a venue that the kind of guy your attracted to is also attracted to. 2 - Conversation. Maybe you won't always have to start it. But if you're honest about looking for a guy who is also as romantic as yourself, you're probally going to have to start the first conversation. Why ? Those guys (myself included) are EXTREMELY shy and well mannered. Unless we're sure that your into us, we're not going to go out of our way to possibly get humiliated. So if you want a romantic, well-mannered guy...you're probally going to have to be the one to let the guy know that your into him. Otherwise, as a lonely-nerd, he'll probally just assume that you're there to meet up with your bf or something like that. So if you want just smile and say hi or ask what theyre reading or something. Or if your way too nervous to even try talking to a guy, try this: Buy a 5$ starbucks gift card, write your # on it, and leave it on his desk or near where he's studying and just run away if you feel the urge too. He'll call. Or just straight up offer to take him out to starbucks. I dont think very many guys in the library are likely to turn down making friends with a girl that picked them out of the library. I'm not saying it's guarunteed to work or anything close, but this is one where you've definitely got to play the odds. 3. Relax, he's probally just as freaked out about the idea of a girl coming onto him as you are freaked out about the idea of initiating a convo with a tottally random stranger. just don't think of it like that, he's just a friend (and for you hopefully lover), that you haven't met yet. Oh, and if you get to talking and you think you would like to make him the one, I would advise telling him that your a virgin. He probally won't believe you at first, but he'll be extremely infatuated with you once he does( I assume this one...mainly because I would be). That's all I have for now. As the sort of guy I think you're looking for, that would definitely be the advice I would give any girl in that situation. And if you need any more help approaching guys, just think of it this way. You're most likely making his day if you randomly come up to him and compliment him or something, assuming you've found the right guy. But unfortunately I have other things to do, and don't want to write another however long this is trieng to help girls find the right guy. And if you go to UCI, there's no way you have this problem FYI haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Throne Of Lies Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 You'll learn that nice guys tend to be creeps. That is why they are alone so frequently. Social retardation does not mean that someone is 'nice'. I never understood why so many people made that erroneous connection. Don't be afraid to date a boy who is more aggressive, and isn't just a total shrinking violet. I'm verrrrry aggressive, you know, wear lots of leather, eat lots of meat, drink rivers of booze, have a motorcycle and a muscle car and don't leave the house unless strapped down with iron, and a job killing bad guys kind of guy, and my girlfriend is a virgin and I would never ever ever push her past her boundaries. A dude that is a creepy virgin type is going to try and deflower you just so he can say he has done it and feel better about himself. Not always, but I've seen it happen before...4 times? I think. So be careful and don't rule out 'bad boys' just because they have bad reputations. Link to post Share on other sites
Mag-Lone-Freak Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I know, I hate thinking that especially online, they're only in it for booty calls:( But I'm staying faithful and positive that I'll find a rare exception:) Link to post Share on other sites
lazlow99 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 You'll learn that nice guys tend to be creeps. That is why they are alone so frequently. Social retardation does not mean that someone is 'nice'. I never understood why so many people made that erroneous connection. Don't be afraid to date a boy who is more aggressive, and isn't just a total shrinking violet. I'm verrrrry aggressive, you know, wear lots of leather, eat lots of meat, drink rivers of booze, have a motorcycle and a muscle car and don't leave the house unless strapped down with iron, and a job killing bad guys kind of guy, and my girlfriend is a virgin and I would never ever ever push her past her boundaries. A dude that is a creepy virgin type is going to try and deflower you just so he can say he has done it and feel better about himself. Not always, but I've seen it happen before...4 times? I think. So be careful and don't rule out 'bad boys' just because they have bad reputations. Don't think just because someone isn't full of himself or a bad boy or loud mouth that automatically makes them a ''nice guy.'' Some people like myself are just more laid back and reserved, I've been labelled as being 'nice' by a couple of girls when really I've just been a bit quiet and polite to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Karvinrules Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I've always heard the love starts with friendships sh*t. I totally disagree with that. I've tried it twice, and it's not worked. Just today I asked this girl out who I've seen about 15-20 times over a year as friends, we spent Valentine's together and I made her a spectacular card. Guess what? I got rejected with, "Well I would[go out on a date] but I'm kinda hanging out with someone". Her and I got along better than any girl I've hung out with. I'm just stewing about this right now. Link to post Share on other sites
kashmir Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 You'll learn that nice guys tend to be creeps. That is why they are alone so frequently. Social retardation does not mean that someone is 'nice'. I never understood why so many people made that erroneous connection. Don't be afraid to date a boy who is more aggressive, and isn't just a total shrinking violet. I'm verrrrry aggressive, you know, wear lots of leather, eat lots of meat, drink rivers of booze, have a motorcycle and a muscle car and don't leave the house unless strapped down with iron, and a job killing bad guys kind of guy, and my girlfriend is a virgin and I would never ever ever push her past her boundaries. A dude that is a creepy virgin type is going to try and deflower you just so he can say he has done it and feel better about himself. Not always, but I've seen it happen before...4 times? I think. So be careful and don't rule out 'bad boys' just because they have bad reputations. Not all shy nice guys are creeps. Not all bad boys are *******s. I don't think anybody's saying to go for a "shrinking violet" who you are surprised to find out isn't a gay fashion designer. You don't need to be loud and very aggressive to be a man. Things aren't that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilJ88 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Share Posted February 21, 2009 WOW! I didn't expect this many replies! Thanks for all the support. @Shnuggles - I don't know about finding a quiet shy guy. I'm pretty outgoing and do like to go to a lot of social events. I have attracted the quiet and shy guys before but they tend to get intimidated by the fact that I know a ton of people and constantly have something going on in my life. @thegoodlife - Thanks for relating to my story. I'm glad there are others out there like me! I've been told never to lower my standards but times like these I feel maybe I should. After reading your post I'm restored in my faith! Never give up Never surrender! @I'm Joe - Thanks Joe! @riobikini - I guess your right about the age thing. Our society is so hung up on age and I should just learn to ignore it. Age is but a number right? I don't necessarily agree with your friendship thing though. I tend to get stuck in the friend zone a lot since most of the time guys tend to think of me as "one of the boys" and life just sucks there when you like one of the boys in the group. @YoungDiva - Kissing is kinda overrated unless its with someone you actually like. Sounds like you should just join some clubs. I use to be pretty shy at the beginning of high school but once I started to get involved with clubs and sports and theatre and student government I really came out of my shell. @kashmir - Yes I do get hit on but again I have standards. I really wish I could believe what you are saying about not getting in my pants but I really do feel that the majority of the boys on my campus are just looking to get in my pants. @greta21 - Great advice. Thanks! @typicaljs - HAHAHAHA you go to UCI??? Small world. Link to post Share on other sites
GoneButNotForgotten Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Don't panic and put so much pressure on yourself to start with. I'm a 22 year old guy. Yes, I know a lot of guys go out with the just want to get into your pants attitude. There are also a lot of us that are like me. We go out to have a good time and see where that leads us. If I meet someone I do tend to favor the more traditional dating type philosophy. I have had friends that just sort of fell into their relationships. Every situation is different. Don't settle. But taking some chances sometimes can work out for the better. Personally, I can't stand dating a woman who agrees with me on every aspect. The world doesn't operate by finite rules that can be measured and quantified. Relax and see where life takes you. Link to post Share on other sites
blondesmiler Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I was a virgin til I was 21-22 and then it was with someone I stayed with for 7yrs. I know it feels like its a massive deal but really it isn't, you will when it happens be wondering, as I did, what I was stressing so much about. Link to post Share on other sites
Shnuggles Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 You'll learn that nice guys tend to be creeps. That is why they are alone so frequently. I have to disagree. Everyone has their opinion and experiences but this one is a little over the top I think. True, quiet people can be creeps but so can the noisy guys. My high school friends where the type you talk about. Quiet in school yet at home they would smoke joints, talk bad about girls and steal from the shops. These types tend to get rowdy when around friends but quiet around strangers. Relationships where always short lived unless they had a girlfriend just as bad as them. College friends where the quiet types as well but mature in their spare time. They planned there futures well and got into serious relationships early. Their girlfriends love them to death and still today I think these guys where 'the catch' for any girl. Sure, unpopular in the days of school but turned out to be gold mines later. My best friend was a big 'nerd' and was picked on a lot. He would hang around me when he could as I was tall and spooky looking. No one ever bothered me in school. Today he is very successful and great company. The girls that laughed at him in those day would sure regret what they could have had if they met him today. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts