20 year old unexperienced single virgin and I feel it will only get worse

[sunshinegirl]

OP, I agree with the others who say - don't fret! It'll happen. Don't be afraid to wait for the right guy/situation. (I was a virgin til I was 33.)

[Isolde]

I wish I'd been brave enough to wait for a situation that was right for me. Having had sex, and yet not having had a relationship, seems very dissonant to me psychologically. It doesn't feel quite right.

[Groovy]

I lost it to a Roman Catholic from Ireland who also was a virgin and we were both 20. Most of my friends lost it many years ago and I got teased too. Like you I was looking for the right time and I'm sure the fact my parents were super religious has something to do with it too.

 

I'm 36 now and although he has a family we keep in touch. I am so glad I am not one of the many girls who decided everyone else is doing it and hooked up with the next best thing. Most of my friends were hurt by their first time, forgotten, cheated on, etc and I feel very luck to consider this person a friend for life. It should be a special time in your life and I think it is great you are waiting for someone special.

[diskey23]

i lost my virginity in high school, been in a few serious relationships & had a few one-night stands. i have friends that have had a lot of one night stands. & i have friends that never dated & never got laid through HS & most of college. Im 26, single & my friends with my similar past are single, some in relationships. BUT- the ones who got no play growing up are now the ones either married or engaged. i would say dont marry the first guy/girl you meet, but a lot my friends did.

 

Shnuggles has a good point- its crazy how much more a guy becomes attractive to girls when they get older. suddenly being stable and having a good job is where its at.

[Nikki Sahagin]

DON'T CHANGE. I am 19, in a 2 year relationship and we've had the whole courtship thing Before that I hadn't even kissed a boy and was made to feel strange and abnormal because of it in a world where every teenager is seen to be out of control. I am so proud and happy that I waited Don't give up. It's hard when everyone around you behaves differently but definately do not change!

[moman]

girl don't worry. Just go out, be yourself, and don't give it up for just anyone, especially one of those frat type guys.

 

I felt like you did when I was in undergrad. I didn't lose it until I was 21. I was looking for some long term relationship and while I had lots of meaningless opportunities, I just couldn't give it up for something like that. I really wanted to wait until I was married, but it's a good thing as I'd be a 30 y/o virgin. I finally met this totally hot girl on a spring break trip, we spent a couple nights together and it was just perfect.

 

The point being that just relax and one day you will have a great story of your own.

 

I see your in PA, what part?

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

Hey. I met a girl when I was 21, an we were both waiting for the right partner. Both virgins... We are now married for 15 years and have 5 children.

 

Honestly, I am not sure how much longer the relationship will go on (forever in my dream world, but it just seems that is not likely), but I have no regrets.

 

If I could advise my children (and know they would heed my advice), I would tell them to wait until they were at least 20 before even thinking about a LTR, and only being intimate with someone who they had been in LTR with...

 

You should be proud that you are 20 and a virgin, not insecure about being a virgin!

[ianandris]

26 year old virgin here. Plenty of opportunities to lose it, but I'm holding onto it until marriage because, well, I've gone 26 years. Why throw that away at this point? If I don't get married, I'll have gambled and lost in a BIG way, but sometimes you've got to just roll the dice, you know?

 

As far as looking at the courtship thing: you're just hanging around the wrong crowds. If you want to go on a bunch of dates and not feel too rushed into the physical aspect of a relationship, look into dating mormons or something.

 

Don't expect to find a guy to date at a club or a bar (although you can always find people like that in those places, too). College parties are basically like bringing the club home, so don't count on finding them there, either. Look into singles activities in your area, like mixed gender sports leagues or speed dating places (lots of fun there, btw. Corny? Absolutely, but it's a kick ) or whatever. Book clubs, hell. It's all about the the venue, hun.

[Green]

First off this thread is awsome its become like an aa meeting for virgins. I was a virgin longer then most people didn't lose it until I was finishing college. I wasn't waiting for marriage and I wasn't a complete loser only when it came to being intimate. I had some tragedy in my life and it messed me up especialy when it came to opening up with a women but after I lost my virginity it gave me alot of confidence and I really hadn't had a problem since and currently have a gf who I love and have a great sex life with and I respect her even though her past is diff then mind and she lost hers when she was a teenager in HS.

 

Like the title says I'm a 20 year old unexperienced single virgin and I feel its only going to get worse. I've never had a serious relationship. The longest I "dated" someone was one week in middle school

 

When I first started reading your post I thought you were a guy. I think that it is painful not to have a close connection with another person and we crave it from a young age just my OP. The reason I thought you were a guy is I think it is a deeper and different pain for a guy to be such an utter virgin both in relationships and sex at the age of 20. Girls are usualy alot more rewarded both in the attitude of society, and family if they stay virginal when 20 and before. I truely think that it will only be a short time before you form a mutual bond with another person that will lead to sex and lots of dates and ups and downs and you will see for yourself how great and how scary at times relationships are.

 

I happen to be a 41-yo MALE virgin (yeah, so sue me) and a keeper, but that hasn't stopped me from living comfortably. I figure if women don't want to nab a nice guy, they can forget about me and keep hanging around with the jerks. 'Nuff said.

 

I have to say sir that while I love the movie 40 year old virgin and genuinly assume you are probably a great person there is no doubt your thoughts are tainted. Sex is so great and more then that a combination of emotional and physical bonds you can build with a person are awsome. Just because a guy gets a girl doesn't make them a jerk and I don't believe in a black and white deff of what makes a jerk and what makes a nice guy. If you were my friends I would help you get laid this weekend. Seriously there is nothing like feeling attracted to a person and holding there naked body and knowing that at that moment they are so hot for you.

 

I am in the same boat as you! I'm a 25 year old male. I'm also a virgin.

 

I am a quiet and shy guy. If a girl like you came over and started talking to me or asked me out, I would jump on an opportunity to get to know someone like you. Take a more proactive role, and ask out a quiet/shy guy you like. Trust me, being three years out of University, you are in the best place to meet someone. It is very slim pickings for me now.

 

Being a good amount older and a Man you are in a completly different boat then her. Your advice about being proactive and aproaching people shes interested in would 100% work its just that most girls don't have the confidence to deal with putting themselves out there and being rejected. If you took your own advice you would have gf right now! Have you been aproaching girls and telling them to join you for dinner? Have you been trying to kiss girls? Personaly I think a 25 year old man has the world as his pickings you look just as good if not better then a 20 year old guy, and on average a 25 year old guy will be more confident and more sucessful then he was when he was younger. So good luck man I think u could lose ur virginity this month if u actualy put urself out there and took the pssy off the pedestal...

 

I'm in the same boat as you. 21 years old and a virgin, I know I have a great personality and have been told I'm also good looking, but alas I have standards. And that's what stops me from getting anywhere.

 

I started talking to a couple of the shy guys from school and just my luck they turned out to be total creeps.

 

One day it will happen! I have faith for us

 

The same way i told the last post he needs to take the pssy off the pedestal... u need to take yourself off the pedestal. Shy guys are going to seem like creeps because they are unconfident and thats what makes a person seem creepy. If you had given them more of a chance they would have probably become confident I mean love might be the one arena they are shy in and once they became confident and u knew them some creepy thing they said would just seem cute. I have faith you will find the man of your dreams when you least expect and when you've thrown out ur list of what ur looking for in a man and really open ur eyes/

 

this is starting to sound like a broken record but 24 year old male virgin here. I dont know what to say except if you are who you describe yourself as then whoever does get you should count themselves lucky... stay strong

 

She'll be fine truth is shes a young attractive chick.. I mean just being 20 makes her hot. If thats you in your avatar you seem like a sharp looking guy and your 24... If you really want a women let your hornyness lead the way and just give in and you'll be so happy!

 

36-year-old ugly female virgin here who's never been asked on a date in her life. And yet, I have a life just one devoid of human companionship. Fret not! I'm sure you'll find someone soon.

 

I almost don't believe this is a real post. There is no way you are ugly you could look 70 years old, fat, smelly and cripple with a voice only smoker could have and some guy would be plenty hard for you. Lady change your attitude and you'll have the human companionship you crave your beutiful and some one beutiful will notice you and you guys can hold eachother naked

[Green]

I know what most of you guys mean, lol. I'm turning 20 this year and I have never kissed a guy, let alone having sex or a relationship. I am a very introverted person, not too keen on meeting new people and I spend my spare time on the Internet so it's not surprising that I've never had a boyfriend. I've been considering getting one but I'm kinda used to being alone and independent (I hope you get what I mean ) and therefore I'm scared of commitment. Most of my classmates are in relationships and seeing them posting pictures with their bfs/gfs on a social networking website makes me feel like a total loser. Another thing is, it's hard for me to find a guy who would be similar to me - quiet, a little shy, with similar interests (I know I may be too picky but I don't want to be with someone just for the sake of it, I want to have a bf with whom I would have lots of things in common).

 

I bet your family and society make you feel some satisfaction for being young and virginal though. You could easily have a bf if you really wanted one. You sound like a happy person but those social networking sites make me feel like a loser every once and while and I have a gf. Like seeing some cool party some one went to or like seeing how people went on vaction to Africa or something cool

 

Girls don't realize how easy they have it. They really don't have to do anything to get a good boyfriend. All they need to do is get out of their rooms and they're set.

 

If you're pretty and intelligent, then I guarantee guys hit on you daily, and not all of them are just looking to get in your pants. You just don't notice them.

 

Well it depends what you mean when you say girls have it easy. First off in my opinion girls have a shorter shelf life or atleast for the great majority of history and in to current times a great focus has been put on young girls. Sure a girl doesn't even really have to be pretty to get a guy but they have to pretty much wait for guys to hit on them I mean brave ones will smile or flirt a little but rarely any girls ask guys out to dinner and then make moves like being the first to kiss. On the other hand if your a man with confidence you have it easy because rejection will be nothing to fear for you and if you like a girl you'll have no problem making it known and women will be very attracted to how confident and genuine you are. But if you’re a women with no experience say a 24 year old female virgin you’ll have an easier time then a 24 year old male with little dating success and low confidence because although confidence is a magic thing that can come from anywhere generally success in the dating arena is what gives a man confidence so a 24yr old virgin will have to find his confidence else where.

 

And if you go to UCI, there's no way you have this problem FYI haha.

 

And what do you know it sounds like she does go to UCI if I read her reply correctly. hmmm so if she does go to UCI are you going to be her Love Dr. find her a man or are you going to step up to the plate. By the way if you stick around here a month you become an established member and can send Private msgs to other estab members

 

You'll learn that nice guys tend to be creeps. That is why they are alone so frequently. Social retardation does not mean that someone is 'nice'. I never understood why so many people made that erroneous connection. Don't be afraid to date a boy who is more aggressive, and isn't just a total shrinking violet.

 

They make the connection because they see lack of confidence as creepy. When some one lacks confidence they generaly hold back, speak quitly, don't necesarily say or do the things they want which makes them seem fake or atleast odd less passionate and unconfident... all things that repulse women and add to the creep factor. I think that if women give a nice guy a chance he may come out of his shell and be confident but I think its more important for shy guys to learn to believe in themselves and they will be attractive

 

I wish I'd been brave enough to wait for a situation that was right for me. Having had sex, and yet not having had a relationship, seems very dissonant to me psychologically. It doesn't feel quite right.

 

Seriously your situation is going to give me some kind of brain tumor cause I just an grasp how you are still single... I mean even if you were that alien who lays chest bursting eggs in my chest I'd risk it and date you! You are brave and I think the fact that ur not a virgin will only help you in finding a guy because its not that elephant in the room scenario worry about being a virgin

 

26 year old virgin here. Plenty of opportunities to lose it, but I'm holding onto it until marriage because, well, I've gone 26 years. Why throw that away at this point? If I don't get married, I'll have gambled and lost in a BIG way, but sometimes you've got to just roll the dice, you know?

 

Don't expect to find a guy to date at a club or a bar (although you can always find people like that in those places, too).

 

Well if thats you in the avatar you seem like a cool guy shaved head and a face I can only assume girls would be into. first off you havn't really gone 26 years with out sex i mean I didn't really start craving sex untill I was 20 I mean before that my fear of women overcame my hornyness and porn as just fine. Dude you should just get engaged to some lucky lady and set a summer wedding date because you are missing out on what in my OP is the best thing in life.

 

As far as meeting people in clubs i personaly think its fine. Who knows who you'll meet at a popular club could be one of the brides maids out celebrating with the bachlorette party, could be the librarien who just went out that one single night and never goes out to clubs but her friends dragged her. I'll agree that certain venues lend themselves better like if I met a girl at a book store after having a conversation about some author we both liked that would be more solid and likely to lead to a date then if I met that same girl after drinking on the dance floor.

[Dee_Smith]

36-year-old ugly female virgin here who's never been asked on a date in her life. And yet, I have a life just one devoid of human companionship. Fret not! I'm sure you'll find someone soon.

 

I would like to talk to you via email, and go from there... if you are interested...

[Athena]

lilJ88,

 

I only read your two posts, not the others, just wanted to let you know you are not alone... I was 21 and in college when I had sex for the first time (now my H of 22 years).

 

I had had 3 boyfriends before, R's about nine months each. I had also kissed a lot of guys -- about 20 aside from the b/f's.

 

I could have had sex at a much earlier age, but like you, am old fashioned in that way (my upbringing).... so I CHOSE it to be at 21. Let me tell you that first time was absolutely fantastic wow wow wow (3times!!! ) and it was well worth the wait.

As opposed to some girls who have sex early at 13,14,15 and don't really enjoy it or climax, I am so glad I waited for what was right for ME.

[lilJ88]

Wow so much to read!! I'll get around to it eventually but just one comment to Green for now: unfortunately no I don't go to UCI but I just happen to know people that go there and know the stereotype so I thought it was a little funny.

 

General thanks for all the support from everyone!

 

You've all really helped me and I love love love reading about other's experiences. Gives me better perspective on the real world in comparison to here inside the college bubble.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I am in the exact same situation as you. 20 yr male virgin. Sophmore in college. I hate one night stands or random BS with girls and guys. I am looking for a LTR. I feel like no one notices me becasue i dont go out and party much but its not me. 99% of people in college are party hounds. The others like you and me are real keepers. I am a quiet guy who loves sports and has many friends. I have had a few chances to lose it but you know what..i passed on it. May have been nerves or something else. I as well felt like it will get worse but i am just livin life one day at a time and being as happy as i can be

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm new to this website and found it after searching around on google about relationships.

 

Like the title says I'm a 20 year old unexperienced single virgin and I feel its only going to get worse. I've never had a serious relationship. The longest I "dated" someone was one week in middle school. There have been guys in my life though. I'm not a total shut in. I have had friendships where the lines have kinda blurred especially with one boy in my life who I've known since elementary school.

 

Many are shocked that I haven't had a relationship. I'm smart, outgoing and love sports. I don't think I'm a "10" but guys have told me I'm cute and beautiful so I don't think its my looks that are chasing them away. I think it's my outlook on love.

 

My "problem" is that I'm a romantic at heart. I'm old fashioned and want to be courted but I am in an environment that doesn't support this kind of thinking AKA college where one night stands are not only common but expected and dating is a long lost tradition only seen in sappy movies.

 

I have read so many articles about how my generation is obsessed with instant gratification and how hooking up has now completely replaced courting. My generation's view is to have sex and only after that do they date and form a relationship.

 

I want a boyfriend or at least to date and have that companionship but am I going at this the wrong way? I feel at this rate I'm not going to have a serious relationship until AFTER I get out of college but I seriously don't want to wait that long to lose my virginity (relationship virginity as well as the sexual kind). But I don't want to go out and date and sleep with a random person either. I've got standards. What am I doing wrong?

 

If your not real fat or ugly then you gotta put yourself out there, dating websites, you gotta be open to all races of men. If your white you cant just be swimming in the white section of the pool. You gotta branch out.

 

If you think a guy is cute beyond his identity aspects then ask him to hang out and chill some time. Guys like it when women approach them, it shows us that she's confident and likes us. more importantly it shows us that you as a female aint playing games.