How can I fully trust her?

[cp3]

Ive been dating this girl for a year now, and I love her more than anything. The problem is last week she told me she's getting a new job, one where she will be working with all guys her age, and the majority of customers are guys as well. (Sports store) I didnt think too much of it, expcept that most of my friends are telling me "I wouldnt want my gf to work there..." and all this other crap. And now Im worried...

 

I expressed my concern to her, and she said she understood and would get another job if I wanted her to, but of course I said no because I dont want to be controlling. But the thing is, I dont want her working there. Shes very pretty, and guys flirt with her all the time. And with her personality, she's very kind, outgoing and at the same time naive. When guys flirt with her, she thinks they're "just being nice".

 

What makes this worse is a couple weeks into our relationship a guy from her last job came over to her house and hung out with her and her roommate for awhile and he ended up kissing her. She made him leave and never talked to him again, but she was being completely naive by letting him in her house in the first place (he showed up drunk and she wanted him to sober up before he drove again). And some of her guy friends have come out and told her that they love her and everything... So ive had to deal with her talking to them once in awhile too, saying that she has no interest in them, but wants to still be friends with them. It can be amazing dating such an attractive girl, but I hate the attention other guys give her.

 

I dont know what to do. The main thing is with me.. I need to be able to trust her more. She's been completely honest with me about everything, and were together everyday and I have no doubt in my mind she loves me more than anyone else she's ever been with. Everyone tells me how much she cares about me.. So how can I get over every little guy talking to her or flirting with her? Or how can I accept her taking this job and not have it drive me insane?

[Confissledone]

Hey I've been in situations like this before. I have a suggestion which may help you on on the co-worker level but about the customers there's nothing much you can do except get her a ring to kind notify them that she's taken.

 

What you can do is try to pick her up a couple of days a week from work. Considering its a store, you can arrive 15 minutes prior to her getting off. Walk around the store browsing at stuff and as soon as someone (other than her) walks up to you offering help just reply with "I'm good thanks, I'm here to pick up my g/f" or something along those lines. What you might also wanna do is make her coworkers your friends by immediately introducing yourself and just try and talk to them.

 

If you some how manage to become cool with all the guys there, you can earn respect to the point where they'll say "Nah, he's cool and thats his gf so dont mess with her"

 

I hope that helps, it's what I'd in your situation. How old are both of you by the way?

[cp3]

Yea thats good advice, thanks. Shes 20 and Im 22... So just the thought of my 20yr old gf going to work 40hrs/week at a place with only guys her age, and 90% of the customers being guys, it just kinda worries me. Especially because I think the main reason they hired her was her looks, and her personality worries me. Shes completely naive to when guys are flirting with her, and she's so kind and outgoing that guys think that she might be flirting back.. And it seems like any cheating that happens in a relationship starts at work anyway, so with her being around the same guys 40hrs/week... Im just uneasy about it.

 

Im gonna propose to her in a couple weeks, (before she even starts this job) so maybe that will change things a bit.. But at the same time I think 99% of guys are scumbags anyway and wont care one bit that she's engaged... but maybe Im wrong.

[Confissledone]

Yea thats good advice, thanks. Shes 20 and Im 22... So just the thought of my 20yr old gf going to work 40hrs/week at a place with only guys her age, and 90% of the customers being guys, it just kinda worries me. Especially because I think the main reason they hired her was her looks, and her personality worries me. Shes completely naive to when guys are flirting with her, and she so kind and outgoing guys think that she might be flirting back.. So Im just concerned about it. It seems like any cheating that happens in a relationship starts at work. And with her being around the same guys 40hrs/week... Im just uneasy about it.

 

Im gonna propose to her in a couple weeks, (before she even starts this job) so maybe that will change things a bit.. But at the same time I think 99% of guys are scumbags anyway and wont care one bit that she's engaged... but maybe Im wrong.

 

Don't propose to her unless you really intend to spend the rest of your life with her and expect the same from her. Don't just do it to keep her from cheating, cuz you can just simply give her a nice ring to wear if thats the cause. You seem a bit unsecure, just try to relax a bit and don't be so insecure. Just focus on keeping her happy with the relationship the two of you have and she will keep focused on it rather than going looking for it somewhere else.

 

So here's another tip. Dont show your insecurity to her. Yes let her know you're afraid of losing her but be confident that you wont by showing her you love her and that you're there for her. Dont get mad when she says somethig that bothers you, rather stay cool and try to work it out and by doing this it basically lets her know she can confide in you with whatever and you wont throw a tantrum to the point where she's afraid to be honest with you. Just take my relationship for example...we do some weird stuff but I'm confident and I know that what I give her she cant get with any other man. If you 're curious just check my thread.

[cp3]

Thats funny that you say that.. Cause Ive been thinking the same thing. I dont want to show that Im insecure to her, but at the same time I want to be honest. And the thing is, I was never, ever even close to being insecure before I met her. She even thought I was a little cocky when we first met, and that I was a little too confident in myself... But now that Im in love with her, I feel like Ive lost a lot of my confidence. I have no idea why. The first couple months we dated, I had the mindset "theres no way she would ever cheat on me, shes lucky to have a guy like me"... And it worked out good cause I never thought twice about her talking to other guys.. But now, it makes my skin crawl to see a guy even look at her. The thought of losing her sickens me. I dont know whats happened.

 

About me proposing, it has nothing to do with the job. Its something Ive been planning for a couple months now, and we both are very excited about getting married. She talks to her mom and her friends all the time about it.

[voldigicam]

Talking with her openly about your concerns would be a good idea. If you're worrying about her faithfulness all the time it will ultimately poison things. Either that or change your view on faithfulness.

[jon3105]

She even thought I was a little cocky when we first met, and that I was a little too confident in myself... But now that Im in love with her, I feel like Ive lost a lot of my confidence. I have no idea why.

 

You havent so much lost your confidence, you have just discovered proper feelings towards her and so you feel vulnerable and worried at the idea of losing that.

 

Im also 22, and in a similar situation to you (girl with guy friends who like her, etc) and having to deal with that is tough I know. My problem is my gf is also a compulsive liar and Im having to face chucking it all away because I really dont think I can believe/trust her.

 

If she is genuinely honest with you then you have nothing to worry about, just focus on keeping her happy and things'll work out. Its when you dont trust in someone that it starts to push them away and into the arms of others. Jealousy and Paranoia will eat away at you and cause big problems that dont even need to be there.

[cp3]

Jealousy and Paranoia will eat away at you and cause big problems that dont even need to be there.

 

No joke. Ive really, really been working on not becoming jealous in situations where I dont need to be, and not being paranoid and reading into every little thing she says... But damn its hard. I couldnt imagine life w/o her, so every little thing she says about a guy friend, or this new job, and it just drives me nuts.

 

Any tips on not being so jealous and paranoid? I try to just let it go because I know she would never hurt me and she loves me probably more than I love her.. But I almost always think about the little stuff again later. Even stupid things that happened 6 months ago.

[bearhugs]

Bro...I feel you completely, you have every right to be worried im in a similar situation. It sucks bad. Were doomed...Im going crazy because I know how guys are and sometimes girls are so naive. I go through all these scenarios in my head and it makes me wanna kick some ass to be honest. im a well built attractive guy but feel so insecure right now. All I know is that we need to keep our insecurities and jealousy mainly to ourselves and here on this site, because if we dont we will push our ladies into the arms of someone else and then all of our worse fears will be lived! Just let her know that it bothers you some and make her aware that your well aware of ther situation at this place. We have to trust them and hope they make the right decisions, Its not wrong to tell her that she needs to keep these guys just casual work friends...even though im sure someone on her will eat me up for saying that..but whatever, I dont think hanging with new guy friends from work is a great idea and would put a heavy foot down there.....I hate when people think it ok for some guy to wanna hang out with our hot girlfreinds like they are old pals.....guys definately arent just thinking that they are cool chicks and we all know that......its BS. So dont get crazy unless you have to. But they have to work and we have to trust them while they are their...........but no way on the hanging out with the new work guys!

[cp3]

Im going crazy because I know how guys are and sometimes girls are so naive. I go through all these scenarios in my head and it makes me wanna kick some ass to be honest. im a well built attractive guy but feel so insecure right now.

 

Wow. That is EXACTLY how I feel. I know she would never purposely do anything to hurt me, but she can be so naive with guys sometimes. And I dont trust any guy, not even some of my friends. 95% of guys just want some p***y and they dont care who the chick is or especially who she's dating. Guys are scum when it comes to girls.

 

And to test my insecurities even more, I found out she's going to visit her best friend in NY for a week and a half and her best freinds bf keeps making comments about how he's gonna hook her up with one of his hot friends. My gf said not to worry about it, she thinks guys like that are d-bags and she's not even gonna see him while she's down there.. But damn my patience is being tested right now. I seriously could not think of a single worse thing that could happen in my life than losing her.

 

I certainly dont ever regret falling in love with her, but damn it can be tough sometimes. When Im with her, Ive never been happier. But when Im not with her, I go insane. And I worry constantly. I wish I could just completely trust her and get past my own insecurities.