Wanting to be together so much, but how to do it?

[Dragonflys]

Hi to everyone

 

I need some urgent help here. My post 'when a breakup doesn't make sense' described my breakup on Monday by my ex and how I couldn't understand why.

 

Last night, just 22 hours later she came to me after having cried virtually the whole day and being unable to concentrate at work. We had to talk.

 

We talked for a total of 4 hours last night and this morning and couldn't work out what to do. I don't want to lose her and care for her dearly and want to continue trying to develop our feelings for each other. She has deep freindship feelings for me and some romantic feelings, but she is afraid it may not be enough to sustain a happy relationship, but really does not want to hurt me, but definately does not want to lose me either. She ideally wants us to be freinds and continue to spend 3-4 days a week together because she just adores my company, but I can't as freinds commit that time to her knowing that we are both fair game, even though I really want to. We are stuck and it hurts so much. We both want each other, but she feels an element is missing for it to be likely to develop into love.

 

What should we do?, I have some ideas, are any of them good?

 

(1) Take a week off seeing each other to find some clarity in our feelings and see what happens

 

(2) Continue the relationship as before without any romantic initiation from me, so she can be comfortable and we can be ourselves and see if she can desire me if I am not doing the chasing. One of the problems has been that she has not been herself when I am trying to be romantic, so we had been unable to share our feelings with other.

 

(3) Find some other way of trying to generate the spark needed for her to desire me (any ideas?)

 

(4) Get advice from a professional source?

 

It is clear from her that this problem has absolutely nothing to do with me and there is nothing I can improve.

 

Can by being together the spark just happen???. I know there are intense feelings there because we are suffering when we are apart for just days!!.

 

We are talking again tonight, can anyone offer advice that may help?

[JayMan]

oliver,

 

im going through a similar affair presently. An old friend from middle school(long time ago huh)and me started dating a few months ago.we had always messed around but never dated. After about a month and a half we broke up, not because there wasnt anything there, but because we are both terrified. there is too much love there. i know it sounds rediculous and you probably dont know how this relates.but our fear that there is nothing beyond me and her is scarry. im only 21 years old shes 18, and all i can think about is marriage, but we cant even stay togeathertwo months.(if you have any suggestion for me let me know)oh yeah where our situation is similar, even though we are broke up, we are togeather at least 8 hours every day, and it hurts( alot) but i feel us growing closer agian. the question you have to ask is "Do i love her enough to be around her and her new flames untill we are back togeather. and it is anything but easy.as for taking time apart, hasnt worked for me yet. yeah i took about a week from seeing , talking, and truthfully not thinking of her (as best i could). she started tracking me down even more, but when she found me she was pissed, and then hardly talked to me, so dont go that route, if you do, try just two days in a row.

 

Ahh. now one thing that did work decently(i dont know where you live but im in texas and its warm enough to go to the lake here) since weve broken up, for some reason when we go to the lake its like the kindling has been relit(not full flame but where theres smoke there fire.)thats worked both times, including last night.so basically man, 1.no 2.yes (but very hard)3.if you have any ideas send them my way, 4.is why i came here.here is my email <e-mail address removed> adn im only six classes from finishing my psychology degree, ill do my best to help, its always easier an sombody else.

Hi to everyone I need some urgent help here. My post 'when a breakup doesn't make sense' described my breakup on Monday by my ex and how I couldn't understand why. Last night, just 22 hours later she came to me after having cried virtually the whole day and being unable to concentrate at work. We had to talk. We talked for a total of 4 hours last night and this morning and couldn't work out what to do. I don't want to lose her and care for her dearly and want to continue trying to develop our feelings for each other. She has deep freindship feelings for me and some romantic feelings, but she is afraid it may not be enough to sustain a happy relationship, but really does not want to hurt me, but definately does not want to lose me either. She ideally wants us to be freinds and continue to spend 3-4 days a week together because she just adores my company, but I can't as freinds commit that time to her knowing that we are both fair game, even though I really want to. We are stuck and it hurts so much. We both want each other, but she feels an element is missing for it to be likely to develop into love. What should we do?, I have some ideas, are any of them good? (1) Take a week off seeing each other to find some clarity in our feelings and see what happens (2) Continue the relationship as before without any romantic initiation from me, so she can be comfortable and we can be ourselves and see if she can desire me if I am not doing the chasing. One of the problems has been that she has not been herself when I am trying to be romantic, so we had been unable to share our feelings with other. (3) Find some other way of trying to generate the spark needed for her to desire me (any ideas?)

 

(4) Get advice from a professional source?

 

It is clear from her that this problem has absolutely nothing to do with me and there is nothing I can improve. Can by being together the spark just happen???. I know there are intense feelings there because we are suffering when we are apart for just days!!.

 

We are talking again tonight, can anyone offer advice that may help?

[Desperado]

hi oliver....perhaps u can relate to this song......I listen to this song all the time when I'm down and out...

 

Don't Treat Me Bad

 

-W.Leverty-C.Snare-C.Ellis-M.Foster-

 

I never thought you'd hurt me

 

I guess you live and learn

 

That when you're playin' with fire you're bound to get burned

 

I've been mistreated, I've been used before

 

I get kicked in the face still I come back for more

 

But I won't cry no more 'cause the tears are all in vain

 

We can pick up the pieces and start it all again

 

Let's just get back to the way it was before

 

Oh, girl I can't take anymore

 

Chorus:

 

Baby, don't treat me bad

 

Well, this could be the best thing that you'll ever have

 

Baby, don't treat me bad

 

(Well) you can do anything, but baby, don't treat me bad

 

Oh, don't treat me bad

 

I gave it everything, but you threw it all away

 

I can't take anymore of these games that you play

 

I've been through heartache and I've been through pain

 

And it's hard to believe you still treat me this way

 

But I won't cry no more 'cause the tears are all in vain

 

We can pick up the pieces and start it all again

 

Let's just get back to the way it was before

 

Oh, girl I can't take anymore

 

Chorus

 

Oh girl, I can't take anymore, oh yeah, now listen to me

 

Chorus

[James]

take a few day's apart, it really works, but don't mope around go out and do something... and that doesn't mean chasing other women.....visit old friends ( but don't talk about this), take a trip out of town, go to a garage sale, see a new movie.... anything new so your not laying around feeling sorry for your self....

Hi to everyone I need some urgent help here. My post 'when a breakup doesn't make sense' described my breakup on Monday by my ex and how I couldn't understand why. Last night, just 22 hours later she came to me after having cried virtually the whole day and being unable to concentrate at work. We had to talk. We talked for a total of 4 hours last night and this morning and couldn't work out what to do. I don't want to lose her and care for her dearly and want to continue trying to develop our feelings for each other. She has deep freindship feelings for me and some romantic feelings, but she is afraid it may not be enough to sustain a happy relationship, but really does not want to hurt me, but definately does not want to lose me either. She ideally wants us to be freinds and continue to spend 3-4 days a week together because she just adores my company, but I can't as freinds commit that time to her knowing that we are both fair game, even though I really want to. We are stuck and it hurts so much. We both want each other, but she feels an element is missing for it to be likely to develop into love. What should we do?, I have some ideas, are any of them good? (1) Take a week off seeing each other to find some clarity in our feelings and see what happens (2) Continue the relationship as before without any romantic initiation from me, so she can be comfortable and we can be ourselves and see if she can desire me if I am not doing the chasing. One of the problems has been that she has not been herself when I am trying to be romantic, so we had been unable to share our feelings with other. (3) Find some other way of trying to generate the spark needed for her to desire me (any ideas?)

 

(4) Get advice from a professional source?

 

It is clear from her that this problem has absolutely nothing to do with me and there is nothing I can improve. Can by being together the spark just happen???. I know there are intense feelings there because we are suffering when we are apart for just days!!.

 

We are talking again tonight, can anyone offer advice that may help?