Phone Calls and my problem with them...and how to make friends?

[winsmith-84]

Ok, since I grew up in the south with the vision of the 'manly' man all around me, I've never been fond of calling people up just to talk. Yes, I do that every once in a while if something big happens, but normally when I do call someone I usually have a purpose like, 'let's hang out,' or I have a question that I need the you to answer.

 

The problem with that is that I don't think I'm building strong enough friendships with guys/girls. I try to hang out with people as much as possible, but you can only hang out certain times.

 

Basically I feel like I need more good friends and I'm trying figure out how to accomplish that. Normally I found out in order to be good friends with someone, you need to hang out with them a lot - but what about the 'talking over the phone' aspect?

 

Thanks!

[nana yaw II]

make small talk.

 

ask open ended questions about others you work with, study with, etc. and go from there.

[Geishawhelk]

Winsmith, I actually think that the very fact you find it hard to do inane small-talk banter over the 'phone is a very positive sign.

 

You obviously thrive in face-to-face environments, so I think you should cultivate and focus on that aspect, and let people know, when talking about mobiles and texting that you prefer to speak to people in person.

It's so much nicer, it's more personal and it's more effective because 70% of communication is body language.

 

There is some very legitimate and serious concern that in our technological environment, people are losing the ability to communicate effectively, face to face.

Furthermore, there is growing social, economical and educational alarm, particularly because many young people cannot either speak - or write - effectively, to transmit the message thery're trying to put over.

 

I'm with you.

The phone is for the basic essential elements of keeping in touch for the rudimentary fundamental issues.

Talking and being with people, cultivating a good social reputation AND a wide circle of friends, IN PERSON, is definitely the way to go.

 

I don't know where you live, but joining clubs, voluntary groups, doing sports, and - getting a dog! - are good ways to broaden your friendship base!

[stepka]

Winsmith, I get the impression that you're a man, and most men I know don't do phone conversations very well. Geishawhelk is right--go out and do things. I don't live where I used to live, but I made a lot of my friends thru the church I went to for years, and still keep in touch with many of those people. We have a summer camp we all volunteer at each summer, and I have made many very close friends thru there--it is an atmosphere that fosters intimacy, and even though it's only a week each year, we all know each other extremely well. Now I'm in a new city and faced with the same dilemma, and as soon as I get over my broken heart, I plan to get some new hobbies that are mostly social, b/c I need more friends myself. I won't be hitting the bar circuit, that's for sure. Well, unless it's to hear a great band, and then I'll try to go with a friend.

[Ronni_W]

I've never been fond of calling people up just to talk. Yes, I do that every once in a while if something big happens, but normally when I do call someone I usually have a purpose like, 'let's hang out,' or I have a question that I need the you to answer.

Yep, it can be draining trying to "chit chat" about nothing.

 

OTOH, it seems that the calls you DO get around to making are only from a self-interested perspective...when YOU have something to say, or when YOU need a question answered, or when YOU want in-person company.

 

Such lack of interest in others certainly will not encourage deeper bonds, nor make them feel cherished and appreciated.

 

So, you may want to practice by just calling someone for "no reason"...other than to find out what is going on in her/his life, which is a very important reason to stay in touch .

 

A short email can also help to let others know that you're thinking of them and wishing them well, and willing to expend your time and energy on them even when you don't need/want something.

[monkey00]

Winsmith, I actually think that the very fact you find it hard to do inane small-talk banter over the 'phone is a very positive sign.

 

You obviously thrive in face-to-face environments, so I think you should cultivate and focus on that aspect, and let people know, when talking about mobiles and texting that you prefer to speak to people in person.

It's so much nicer, it's more personal and it's more effective because 70% of communication is body language.

 

There is some very legitimate and serious concern that in our technological environment, people are losing the ability to communicate effectively, face to face.

Furthermore, there is growing social, economical and educational alarm, particularly because many young people cannot either speak - or write - effectively, to transmit the message thery're trying to put over.

 

I'm with you.

The phone is for the basic essential elements of keeping in touch for the rudimentary fundamental issues.

Talking and being with people, cultivating a good social reputation AND a wide circle of friends, IN PERSON, is definitely the way to go.

 

I don't know where you live, but joining clubs, voluntary groups, doing sports, and - getting a dog! - are good ways to broaden your friendship base!

 

I agree with Geisha, I'm kind of the like the OP. The older I get, the more face time I prefer among people than texting or phoning. And a lot of times when I call or text my friends, it's to invite them to do some activity..so there isn't much small talk happening. Humans are social animals, we weren't born with a phone or email from the dawn of time...no matter what nothing beats genuine human interaction.

 

It depends the kind of person you are, there's nothing wrong with not making small talk over the phone compared to just calling to hangout. As long as rapport exists things should be fine.