Is 'Dinner with a Friend' Code for "Dinner with a Woman' ? Is he cheating ?

[Nagini]

was friends with my bf for 9 months before dating

we had a wonderful whirlwind courtship

he wrote me poems, took me to best restaurants

told me he adored me, we were made for each , he is mine and mine forever, etc etc.

we had the TALK and have been exclusive for over 5 weeks now.

we see each other on saturdays and mid week

well i ASSUMED that since its Vday and saturday that mr romantic wou,d be planning something great

well he finally called me friday night and talked briefly

he asked if he would get to see me Saturday and i said well yes he is my bf so of course i was planning to see him saturday/vday night !

he said he didnt want to assume i would be seeing him... weird, very weird.

he said he was doing some things and would call me back a bit later

well its now 1 am and he never called back .........

 

this is not like him....

 

the only thing i can think of that makes me wonder if he just met someone new is that Tuesday night he called me and said he had had dinner with a 'friend'

he never says that,,, he always says his friends names.

so now im confused.

he is 40 , im 31 btw

[2sunny]

i think your hunch is right.

 

if he planned to see you for Sat. eve - he would have said so, and made plans with you.

 

if it were me, and he called now or anytime Sat - i wouldn't answer and let it go to voicemail. my next conversation would state that he never made plans - so i made other plans without him.

[Nagini]

i think your hunch is right.

 

if he planned to see you for Sat. eve - he would have said so, and made plans with you.

 

if it were me, and he called now or anytime Sat - i wouldn't answer and let it go to voicemail. my next conversation would state that he never made plans - so i made other plans without him.

 

i hate that i have this 100% track record of being right with my gut intuition.

and the few times ive ignored ive kicked myself.

 

so im very used to feeling when something is ever so slightly 'off'

really he ALWAYS tells me every name of every person he sees or speaks to.... its just force of habit....

so when he called me earlier this week and sounded slightly drunk and told me he had had 'lunch with a friend' and then quickly corrected himself and said dinner with a friend, something struck me as odd....

 

he also was supposed to cook us dinner the next night.... instead he decided to just get pizza.

just little things have been off....

[2sunny]

well if he's not making the effort - he may have lost interest in you.

 

the fact that you had the exclusive talk means that if he were planning to see someone else - he should have told you ahead of time. so, if he's seeing someone, that means that his word means nothing and he can't be trusted. if that is the case, then at least he showed his cheating ways early enough to get out without years of the same behavior.

 

either way, the bottom line is, he disrespected you by blowing you off for your standing date of Sat. he also didn't keep his word by calling you back. when a man doesn't do what he says he's going to do - it's a pretty good indicator that he will mislead you in other areas.

 

if you choose to continue seeing him, just expect that this is what you will always get from him. he may not be capable of giving you any more than that - but he certainly could at least he honest with you.

[Nagini]

well if he's not making the effort - he may have lost interest in you.

 

the fact that you had the exclusive talk means that if he were planning to see someone else - he should have told you ahead of time. so, if he's seeing someone, that means that his word means nothing and he can't be trusted. if that is the case, then at least he showed his cheating ways early enough to get out without years of the same behavior.

 

either way, the bottom line is, he disrespected you by blowing you off for your standing date of Sat. he also didn't keep his word by calling you back. when a man doesn't do what he says he's going to do - it's a pretty good indicator that he will mislead you in other areas.

 

if you choose to continue seeing him, just expect that this is what you will always get from him. he may not be capable of giving you any more than that - but he certainly could at least he honest with you.

 

 

you're right on target....... not calling me back is a bad sign...

i should be in bed right now, but have stayed up hoping he would still call

so now Ill wake up valentine's day not know what's happening.

[LucreziaBorgia]

we had the TALK and have been exclusive for over 5 weeks now

 

Go back and reread your posts about this guy. A talk and five weeks are not enough to show any real change. The only real change I see is that you have convinced yourself that he meant it when he agreed to be exclusive. 'Exclusive' is not a part of this guy's vocabulary.

 

I think he lied. Based on his track record with you, I don't think he changed at all, and he more than likely has a date or at the very least has plans with someone else before or after he sees you.

[Nagini]

I would suggest going back and rereading your posts about this guy. A talk and five weeks are not enough to show any real change. The only real change I see is that you have convinced yourself that he meant it when he agreed to be exclusive. 'Exclusive' is not a part of this guy's vocabulary.

 

I think he lied. Based on his track record with you, I don't think he changed at all, and he more than likely has a date or at the very least has plans with someone else before or after he sees you - if he sees you at all.

 

 

we were friends before dating

that counts in the equation

he called me at 8 am he fell asleep next to his son last night while they were 'camping out' in his den...

he is picking me up at 4 pm and i have a long date ahead

 

 

happy valentine's day !

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm hoping for the best for you, even if it doesn't sound like it.

 

Please don't forget his past track record though - always keep a part of your heart set aside just for yourself, and do not under any circumstances give 100% of yourself yet.

 

He may be doing some good things, but behavior is pattern based. New patterns don't necessarily mean that the old ones won't be repeated.

 

Just be careful with that heart of yours, aye?

[2sunny]

he's still not good with his word. his words didn't match his actions and that seems to be key. those little things add up to bigger things when they justify bad behavior.

 

why couldn't he have just said "want to go out tomorrow for v-day? instead he said "i'll call you back later" then didn't.

 

now he assumes that you have time tonight... even when he dismissed you yesterday. he is setting you up to expect half of a commitment - and you are willingly playing along. is this enough for you? i guess it is. pay attention to his words. do they match his actions?

 

good luck and have fun tonight.

[Nagini]

yes and yes to Lucrezia and 2Sunny.....

 

He always sees me either around 5 or 6 on Saturdays and usually jokes can he see me at noon onwards...

 

 

well he has now said he'll come pick me up around 7pm...He asked me what time I would like to see him and I said 5:30 would be fine.

He said 4 and now changing to 7 ?

 

Something stinks in Denmark as the Bard would say.

Thats okay. Better to know now then later. I'm usually very romantic/passionate feeling (no we've not gone passed 2nd base)

but tonight ?

Im on ICE after this malarky.

 

I have a plan B that I changed around when we became exclusive so fast.

 

I was planning to move to Chicago for new higher paying job AND to possibly start dating an exbf who is dear to me, who still wants to date if im local and who I ONLY broke up with because of distance and family emergencies on my end (my dad had heart attack and i couldnt see him)

[2sunny]

I WOULDN'T GO!!! this guy is yanking your chain, and you're letting him... which screams "please disrespect me"

 

tell him you're busy - without any explanation. then go to a movie alone or with a friend. you'll probably have more fun anyway. to sit with someone all evening wondering if they are jerking you around is NOT my idea of a good time.

 

now it just looks like he's trying to do you a favor by going out tonight... tell him to F-off.

[Nagini]

I WOULDN'T GO!!! this guy is yanking your chain, and you're letting him... which screams "please disrespect me"

 

tell him you're busy - without any explanation. then go to a movie alone or with a friend. you'll probably have more fun anyway. to sit with someone all evening wondering if they are jerking you around is NOT my idea of a good time.

 

now it just looks like he's trying to do you a favor by going out tonight... tell him to F-off.

 

 

Since he has been great as a friend before dating and because he has treated me so well on our dates, I'm not going to skip tonight...

I will wonder and wonder and post more silly questions on here.

Instead I will get done up, look lovely, hold my chin high and be dignified.

I will be able to suss out what is going on when i ask him a few pertinent questions.

[fishtaco]

Well, at this point I'd say keep your eyes open. Something is definitely up. Exclusive doesn't mean crap to cheaters. You have to find out if he is or is not a cheater. I'd suggest don't jump to any conclusions, because if he does turn out to have legit reasons, you'll just feel bad afterward. You're in a good position that you have plan B, options are always good.

 

Technically you haven't proven that he's a cheater, and you are still bf and gf. Even if he's dropping the ball on his bf duties, you don't want to be passive aggressive and drop your gf duties, that's just going to make things worse. So keep an watchful eye and be prepared. If you find out he's a cheater, don't hold back and let him have it.

 

Another possibility is that he's starting to take you for granted because "he has you" already. A lot of people do this after the wedding. But for some, "exclusive" could be enough of a threshold to go in to the "haha I got you now you're chopped liver" mode. In that case you just need to wake him up. Let him know he better not take you for granted or you'll be outta there.

 

But you have to figure out what the problem is first.

[Trialbyfire]

He's got a cavalier attitude towards exclusive relationships, which isn't admirable. Who knows if he's cheating or not.

 

His shifting around about the time could be a by-product of waiting until too late to make reservations. If he's found a half-decent place to go to, it will be based on the restaurant's available timing v. the time you or he wants.

[Nagini]

oh man

 

 

now he calls me saying he feels sick .... so i said what are symptoms and sorry he is sick...

 

he said headache stomach ache

 

yeah so NOW im expecting he'll cancel last minute.

 

keep yall posted

 

and ya know what im doing ?

im sharing this ALL with my ex bf who WANTS to date me....

 

hah

[2sunny]

Well then, it sounds like you have your answer. Anything that you do now and the repercussions thereof is going to be the result of your own conscious decision. You can then no longer shift the blame onto him.

 

 

 

 

I sincerely hope that you're prepared for the answers, whatever lies or shyt he throws at you.

 

Fell asleep next to his son while playing "camping"? Oh puh-leeze...

 

i think this is key. you are giving him too much power in the relationship and he knows it. set a boundary and stick to it.

 

the camping with his son... yep, he had a date and probably spent the evening or night with her. you are second choice because she isn't available.

 

i think he was feeling you out when he asked if you expected to see him for Saturday (V-Day). checking to see if you would be angry if he just bailed on you and made a date with her.

 

and friends for 9 months before dating? that only means he wasn't TOTALLY into you from the start or he would have asked you out then. he got something started 9 months later because you happened to still be around when he was bored... hence - the interest now in someone else. men don't hesitate when they REALLY want to be with you... he has hesitated too much throughout the year. big red flags to end it now before you really get hurt.

[2sunny]

oh man

 

 

now he calls me saying he feels sick .... so i said what are symptoms and sorry he is sick...

 

he said headache stomach ache

 

yeah so NOW im expecting he'll cancel last minute.

 

keep yall posted

 

and ya know what im doing ?

im sharing this ALL with my ex bf who WANTS to date me....

 

hah

 

awesome, then tell him never mind. he's playing you like a fiddle. this is a great chance to follow him tonight when he bails on you and heads out for his real date.

 

borrow a friends car and see who he's with and where he goes... mystery solved.

[Trialbyfire]

Nagini, if your ex bf is the LDR one, he's no better than this one. Your jerkdar needs a tune up!

[Nagini]

i think this is key. you are giving him too much power in the relationship and he knows it. set a boundary and stick to it.

 

the camping with his son... yep, he had a date and probably spent the evening or night with her. you are second choice because she isn't available.

 

i think he was feeling you out when he asked if you expected to see him for Saturday (V-Day). checking to see if you would be angry if he just bailed on you and made a date with her.

 

and friends for 9 months before dating? that only means he wasn't TOTALLY into you from the start or he would have asked you out then. he got something started 9 months later because you happened to still be around when he was bored... hence - the interest now in someone else. men don't hesitate when they REALLY want to be with you... he has hesitated too much throughout the year. big red flags to end it now before you really get hurt.

 

 

no i wouldnt let him DATE me for 9 months he pursued me the whole time

but because I was seeing someone else already he waited until I was single

;)

and yes he was camping out with his son

he does that every week to bond with him

 

the issue is that he didnt set timer to wake himself up and now waited to tell me he feels sicks 'all day' until 5 pm

[Nagini]

Nagini, if your ex bf is the LDR one, he's no better than this one. Your jerkdar needs a tune up!

the ex bf who is long distance is NOT the one i posted about on here.

busy girl ....

[2sunny]

looks like you are playing as many games as the guy you were supposed to see for dinner... hmmm

 

at this point any of it seems silly to me.

[Trialbyfire]

the ex bf who is long distance is NOT the one i posted about on here.

busy girl ....

Yes, you have been a busy girl.

 

If you want to verify if your current flake is lying, call him at around 7:10 p.m., when you're sitting outside his apartment or close to his home, asking him sweetly how he's doing and hoping he's doing well at home. Make sure he can't see you. After you hang up, knock on his door, to find out if he's really at home.

[Nagini]

awesome, then tell him never mind. he's playing you like a fiddle. this is a great chance to follow him tonight when he bails on you and heads out for his real date.

 

borrow a friends car and see who he's with and where he goes... mystery solved.

 

 

oh hell yeah

if he calls me up last minute saying he is to sick i will say oh i will come over and take care of him

 

yep

[2sunny]

i still vote for following him - he will go out...

 

if not, drop by with some soup around 730 or 8 and see if he answers the door.

 

even if he weren't feeling well - it's v-day - he would still ask you to come over and hang out with him if he didn't feel well enough to go out.

 

he's totally blowing you off, and you want dinner out so desperately with him that you continue to agree to crumbs, so now he HAS to find a way out - and that is by being sick. :rolleyes:

[Nagini]

looks like you are playing as many games as the guy you were supposed to see for dinner... hmmm

 

at this point any of it seems silly to me.

 

 

uh not playing any games

i always date guys at different times, never same time