Is 'Dinner with a Friend' Code for "Dinner with a Woman' ? Is he cheating ?

[Nagini]

let's not JUMP to assuming he's sleeping with her. if nothing else, he has something going. if you are unable to drive over there now, then i would call and ask him for the truth.

 

what's wrong with asking? better to ask than to assume. see what he says. don't over react, just face it head on and find out the facts.

 

 

well problem is he DOES wake up every morning at 5:30 am

so he would have excuse not to answer....

[2sunny]

it's a good thing you didn't sleep with him. good move.

 

don't call tonight. don't call tomorrow. don't text or email. let him call or contact you now. he could be making an effort but he hasn't, he needs to make more of an effort now since the last events this past week. if he calls, play it cool, but ask where he was and what he did. listen to what he says and the way he says it.

 

if he doesn't step up the effort when you back off - then he has his attention and time with someone else. you don't want to be competing to get his attention. play it cool for now. see if you can fish around behind the scene and find out what he might have going on.

[Nagini]

it's a good thing you didn't sleep with him. good move.

 

don't call tonight. don't call tomorrow. don't text or email. let him call or contact you now. he could be making an effort but he hasn't, he needs to make more of an effort now since the last events this past week. if he calls, play it cool, but ask where he was and what he did. listen to what he says and the way he says it.

 

if he doesn't step up the effort when you back off - then he has his attention and time with someone else. you don't want to be competing to get his attention. play it cool for now. see if you can fish around behind the scene and find out what he might have going on.

 

 

Thanks for your help.... In one way Im happy Im completely sick with the flu.... Gives me an excuse to not talk, not see him for awhile AND figure out what IS going on with him.

There is one old friend of his on his facebook page who I met with him at party last week.

she seems to have this like /hate vibe towards him...

she kept telling me that her husband knows stuff about him that maybe i would want to know too.

 

im glad she sees im listed as being in a relationship with him and took a shine to me...

 

she is a busybody and knows everyone's business.

her husband is one of his oldest friends.......

[2sunny]

oooowwweee, a busybody can cause serious damage... steer clear.

 

you want to work from facts right now and not gossip. gossip from his past can cloud the waters.

 

you need to look at what he is presently doing - with you, and with the possible other interest.

 

step back, but keep your eyes open. see if he makes an effort to romance you. things will become clear for you.

[2sunny]

i think your time zone must be ahead of mine - what time does your clock say now?

[Nagini]

i think your time zone must be ahead of mine - what time does your clock say now?

 

it's 1:53 am here....

[2sunny]

ouch... i hope you had a chance to rest plenty today - yesterday for you...

 

can you tell when he was last on facebook and who he has corresponded with (gals) in the past week or so?

[Nagini]

ouch... i hope you had a chance to rest plenty today - yesterday for you...

 

can you tell when he was last on facebook and who he has corresponded with (gals) in the past week or so?

 

he actually didn't appear to log into facebook after 3pm today

his work partners are on it and i only see conversations between them and old friends (all men over last week)

 

we've been in contact at least by phone every day for the last 57 days except for yesterday.....

[Nagini]

Oh well only 5 hours sleep.....

 

But I woke up with perfect clarity....

I suddenly saw chain of events in his behavior very well.

He was still acting warm and wonderful the night we went to a huge birthday party with his son and closest friends.

two nights before he had been wonderful and cooked a 3 course dinner at his house , watched a movie and made out.

Inbetween the those two days he had gone to a BIG important opening event and party with media coverage... He had begged me to come along but I had been feeling crappy and frankly didnt have th emoney to get a red carpet dress.

he said he was cool about going alone but i must come with him next time.....

well that night after the opening he called me several times still sweet and saying he adored me.....

well flashforward to night of his friends birthday party.....On the way home i told him i could see him after all on the next night Saturday.... I had told him earlier in the week i probably would be spending it locally with a friend who just lost her dad....

i told him no the friend was going ot be busy after all.

he said i never told him there was a chance i would see him and that i had told him i would be out of town ... anyway i will be out of town the end of the month on a saturday....

anyway he didnt see me the next night.....

he did take me out sunday night to dinner and a movie.......

but thats when i noticed a shift in behavior AND also frankly spending....

he took me to some cheap pub place before our movie.... he acted distracted, not to happy.....

usually he takes my hands into his during dinner...

nothing.....

he thne said he woke up depressed saturday....

i asked him it was because his friend turned 40 and he is about to too.

He said so, he just was depressed.

(unlike him)

anyway he then perked up after the movie we saw and asked to see me again on wednesday, he said he would cook me dinner yet again and watch a movie...

great..... well then the mysterious behavior on Tuesday occured and when he picked me up wednesday he changed from cooking me dinner to asking if we could just pick up a pizza....

and that brings us around to his change in 'planning' ahead when he would see me........

 

Ok I havent had coffee yet, so Im probably not lucid yet...

Anyway it nearly nine am and he is ALWAYS up by 6 or 7 am...

And checks his email and voicemail first thing....

I checked my email/vm..... Still nothing...

[2sunny]

it looks like he's got someone else he's spending time with. i'd wait until he calls, don't respond to an email. ask him when he calls.

 

be prepared that he has someone else he's interested in.

[2sunny]

and try to remember what the specifics were about VDay. what did he say the plans were to be? did he specifically ask you out earlier in the week or did he just mention it in passing?

[Nagini]

and try to remember what the specifics were about VDay. what did he say the plans were to be? did he specifically ask you out earlier in the week or did he just mention it in passing?

 

 

well i posted this morning and then fell back into the worst nightmare dream

he was dating some super tall brunette and she was prancing around in front of me in a white swimsuit

 

some of our mutual friends were there and they felt horrible for me.......

 

anyway it's NOON here...

 

no email, no phone call, nada....

 

but i don;t see any activity on his facebook.

 

his closest friends and biz partner ARE on facebook too and 3 are on my friends list...

if something happened to him, they would alert me.

 

so im just sitting here BRACING myself.

[bubblegum]

Hi Nagini, this sounds situation sounds so stressful for you! I'm sorry.

 

Did your last vm and email to him last night specifically ask him to call you when he got the msgs? I know 2sunny has suggested you pull back and wait for him to contact you now, but I'm wondering if just one more call now telling him you're worried you hadn't heard from him because it's so unusual for you not to, and just straight out asking him where he was and why he didn't have a chance to call back, would be ok? (not an angry or accusatory call, just a concerned call)

 

That might bring this all to a head right now if he was with someone else, or he might have a reasonable explanation. Ideally you could see him in person before bringing up this issue, so you could read him more accurately... so I don't know.

 

I've been reading following your thread so I may be a bit caught up in the anxiety myself, but I do definately agree, his behavior has changed and you are correct in at least identifying that. Who knows what it means.

[Nagini]

Hi Nagini, this sounds situation sounds so stressful for you! I'm sorry.

 

Did your last vm and email to him last night specifically ask him to call you when he got the msgs? I know 2sunny has suggested you pull back and wait for him to contact you now, but I'm wondering if just one more call now telling him you're worried you hadn't heard from him because it's so unusual for you not to, and just straight out asking him where he was and why he didn't have a chance to call back, would be ok? (not an angry or accusatory call, just a concerned call)

 

That might bring this all to a head right now if he was with someone else, or he might have a reasonable explanation. Ideally you could see him in person before bringing up this issue, so you could read him more accurately... so I don't know.

 

I've been reading following your thread so I may be a bit caught up in the anxiety myself, but I do definately agree, his behavior has changed and you are correct in at least identifying that. Who knows what it means.

 

Thanks...I never asked for him to call me back

Anyway he just called and we talked and talked....

He is freaked out and embarrassed over biz stress.

he has 90 % of his net invested in one of his companies and has been stressed over an investor not panning out.....

he has until start of march to raise it..

he had he hates having to tell me this.

he sounded utterly freaked out. actually he said he is freaking out.

 

he was with two friends last night. one guy we're both friends with

he said since my voicemail said i was running a temp and taking a nap at 9 pm that he didnt think he should call me late at night.

he said he can spend his personal money on me his son and his cat until this is figured out

he then said he hopes i rest up and get well so he can see me saturday.

he also said he was sorry for being MIA and misses me madly

i said it was only one day, not a big deal...

he sending me the info on what the company needs because i know people who are investor types

 

so there you go....

[bubblegum]

Voila! I hope you feel better soon and that things work out for his business...

[Nagini]

Voila! I hope you feel better soon and that things work out for his business...

 

Thanks !

[2sunny]

Thanks...I never asked for him to call me back

Anyway he just called and we talked and talked....

He is freaked out and embarrassed over biz stress.

he has 90 % of his net invested in one of his companies and has been stressed over an investor not panning out.....

he has until start of march to raise it..

he had he hates having to tell me this.

he sounded utterly freaked out. actually he said he is freaking out.

 

he was with two friends last night. one guy we're both friends with

he said since my voicemail said i was running a temp and taking a nap at 9 pm that he didnt think he should call me late at night.

he said he can spend his personal money on me his son and his cat until this is figured out

he then said he hopes i rest up and get well so he can see me saturday.

he also said he was sorry for being MIA and misses me madly

i said it was only one day, not a big deal...

he sending me the info on what the company needs because i know people who are investor types

 

so there you go....

 

that's it? hmmm, okay.... i would have thought that at least he would want to be sure YOU don't need anything since you're sick. did he offer? if he did offer, take him up on it and see if he makes an effort for YOU.

 

and the - get better so i can see you Saturday? geez, is he always this selfish? it's all about him! his money problems, business issues, his Sat night entertainment.

 

the distraction of all his chaos is sometimes presented that way so you don't stop to think about what the real issue is - in THAT moment.

 

did you ask him about last week's dinner outing? i bet not - he was in too much of a fluster right? wouldn't want to bother him with more concerns right now because he's overwhelmed. besides, he just wants a date for Saturday at this point.

 

where's HIS effort for YOU (and the fact that you've been sick- which he made you sick) is what i'm wondering...

[Trialbyfire]

Nagini, the pattern within this thread is that you go from one extreme, to the other. He's either a demon or an angel. Can he not be somewhere in the middle? Why ratchet up the drama?

[bearhugs]

Im a 29 year old male.......dinner with another individual of the opposite sex is an intimate situation! It means that they have reached a comfort level where they want to know more about eachother...yrust me. You know how girls dont like to have people watch them chew.......well, if she doesnt mind him watching her chew they are very comfortable....may sound crazy but trust me here....stop it at this level!

[Nagini]

Nagini, the pattern within this thread is that you go from one extreme, to the other. He's either a demon or an angel. Can he not be somewhere in the middle? Why ratchet up the drama?

 

 

Oh so this is why you're up to 28,000 posts.

[Nagini]

that's it? hmmm, okay.... i would have thought that at least he would want to be sure YOU don't need anything since you're sick. did he offer? if he did offer, take him up on it and see if he makes an effort for YOU.

 

and the - get better so i can see you Saturday? geez, is he always this selfish? it's all about him! his money problems, business issues, his Sat night entertainment.

 

the distraction of all his chaos is sometimes presented that way so you don't stop to think about what the real issue is - in THAT moment.

 

did you ask him about last week's dinner outing? i bet not - he was in too much of a fluster right? wouldn't want to bother him with more concerns right now because he's overwhelmed. besides, he just wants a date for Saturday at this point.

 

where's HIS effort for YOU (and the fact that you've been sick- which he made you sick) is what i'm wondering...

 

Well you raise some good points yet again...

He called me tonight at 9:30 pm... there were some men talking in the background and he said he had just had good business meeting and why did nt I answer my phone ever and that its not cool.

he then added he was joking......

(uh perhaps because im SICK WITH THE FLU ?)

He then said they were going for drinks and to call him back and thta it was good talking to me earlier and that I helped alleviate his stress.

 

hmm. i just think he is a bit unstable and this stress is going to be a usual thing.

i was talking to another ex who invests in similar companies to my bf.

he said that my bf should be caring for and about me being sick and that unless it was a family or health concern he shouldnt be laying out his burdens in business this early in relationship NOR should he be treating me so differently.

my ex is highly successful and total nice guy... we're just friends now but i take his advice very seriously...

 

and the fact that my bf wasnt happy i didnt answer the phone when he himself was MIA last night cracks me up

 

I didnt call him back.

I honestly just want to rest.

[2sunny]

this guy and his selfish approach is really starting to pi$$ me off!

 

he "joked" about you never answering your phone??? wtf? he's acting guilty! for not calling you... and trying to make it funny... it's not funny!

 

then he puts the burden to call BACK on you? when you've been sick? wtf? what an a$$!!! why the he11 doesn't he get his a$$ over to your place and help you? any guy that cared one ounce would!!! nope - he's out for the evening - again! and can't even make an effort to call much less to bring you food or ask if you want company for sympathy.

 

see a pattern here? it's not pretty for you. this guy is all about himself. you deserve more than that.

 

don't recommend anything for his business situation - that's his to figure out. no need for you to fix it. you've done enough giving here - let him do all the giving for a change. there's no chase for him.. not at all.

 

i'd dump him. even if he makes an effort now - he's shown his true colors of not being a giver one single bit. he'll suck the life out of you if you let him. these types of selfish people do that. find a giver not a taker. i'd ditch him - the quicker the better, life's too short to waste time and energy on little selfish boys like this. he needs to grow up and learn what it means to be a man.

 

tell him you're going to the movie on Saturday - then go with a friend that will be nice to you.

[2sunny]

you ok Nagini? just checking in to see if you're alright...

[Nagini]

you ok Nagini? just checking in to see if you're alright...

Hi 2Sunny....

I was busy getting over the flu. But thanks so much for checking in...

[Myob12345]

Nagini you need to calm down. From what i've read in your posts you seem like you overanaylze EVERY LITTLE THING. you feel a "vibe"? can you think rationally for a moment and seriously expect a guy to know every little thing that you want from him and read your mind and do everything right?

 

the fact that you have **** down to like specific times "oh he didn't call me at 9:30. it's now 11:30 maybe he's dating someone else" shows that you're picking at tiny details and making mountains out of mole hills.

 

guys have lives outside of their girlfriends. some guys tend to not be insanely thoughtful so sometimes they'll say "i'll call you later" and forget, or they just dont' know that you're sitting there with a ****ing timer counting down seconds waiting for him to call you. if you don't like it, tell him. or better yet, find something else to focus on so you aren't sitting there at his beck and call.

 

but seriously, not to sound like a dick but you need to relax. obviously everyone has little hang ups here and there, wondering about whats going on in the other person's life, but you're taking it to the point where you come off as both controlling and needy. and really? talking to your ex about this? expecting your current bf to be the "perfect man" while you're over here considering chatting up your ex boyfriend who WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU? LOL. ok. that's not hypocritical and selfish at all.