He's bragging about having had sex with me

[hermit]

Ok. First of all, I know I did all the wrong things in this situation, I'm well aware of it.

I've liked this guy for ages, but was always too shy to talk to him. Only recently I had the guts to suggest we go for a drink one time. We did. We got very, very drunk. We got on really well, laughed a lot. I ended up at his place, and we had sex. It was the kind of fun, kinky sex, you know, we had a good laugh, and kind of talked about repeating it sometime. I sent him a few suggestive texts in the day, omg, I know this was just the WORST thing to do. I really like him, even just as a friend, thats fine, but he so must think i'm a slut.

Now I've discovered that he's bragging about what happened to his mates. Wouldn't care so much if he was just a stranger, but he's a fellow student and also helps me out with my spare time project now and again. What shall I do/ not do??? Help, please...

[Island Girl]

OUCH I feel for you!

 

The best thing you can do is to do nothing.

 

It sucks but he has the texts (another reason I hate texts) so you can't do the normal deny deny deny.

 

It will eventually blow over. I just wouldn't show him any kind of attention or friendliness.

 

And if you can find someone else to work on projects with.

I don't know how old he is but he is acting like a complete loser by doing that. A real man doesn't advertise his conquests.

 

But now you know it is better to wait wait wait when it comes to sexual involvement so you really know who it is you're getting into bed with.

 

I am so sorry.

[hermit]

Thanks for your kind reply... I feel so down. It's not that I'm in love with him or anything, but I thought we might be friends. The guy's in his mid- 20s, an intelligent person, and I didn't expect that kind of school boy behaviour off him. To be honest it bugs me that I enjoyed a good time with him and still respect him as a person, while he probably just thinks of me as some slut.

[Island Girl]

This kind of behavior would drive any respect I had for him out the door.

 

He is terrible to do this. It is very mean. I couldn't respect anyone who has such little compassion for another human being.

 

I hope you feel better about it. You made a mistake that's all. Lesson learned. You probably will never do it again and your life - including your love life - will be better for it.

 

At least you didn't end up wasting a whole lot of time on this slimeball.

[hermit]

ok... I'm seeing him in a couple of hours. Because of this project. No way I can call it off, because other people are involved as well. I don't know what to do! I don't know why I still fancy and respect him.

[Island Girl]

Just go and try to act compltely oblivious to all of it.

 

Be cordial but think of it as a professional relationship at this point and act accordingly.

 

I don't know why you still fancy him either but sometimes the head is quicker to react than the heart in these matters.

 

Just remember to let your head do the thinking and reacting. You'll be fine.

[Geishawhelk]

He has walked all over you and been extremely nasty, disrespectful and insulting.

It's going to be difficult I realise this, but you have to let your Head rule your Heart.

You need to be very cold and abrupt, and if he asks what the matter is, just tell him - "I think we both know, don't we?"

And leave it at that.

 

He will doubtless ask you to clarify, and you should ignore that, by cutting him off by referring to something - anything - to do with the project.

 

He may well come to you later and ask you what the matter is, and it's at this point - no matter whether it is in front of others, or not - that you tell him how insulted and belittled you feel about his indiscreet comments.

Fortunately you haven't been as indiscreet, otherwise others would be fully aware of what a dreadful lover, he is.

 

Then turn, and walk away.

[hermit]

Ok, he's now full-on talking about it with his mates via facebook wall. Can't believe this, I'm so furious!!!

[Geishawhelk]

Good.

Keep that state of mind.

Let him know in no uncertain terms that he does not fit the image of a gentleman.

How dare he!!

 

Be as mad as you want with him.

Maintain your dignity.

 

You'll come out of this better. Trust me.

[hermit]

Ok, I couldn't take it anymore. Sent him a text message advising him to delete the comments as they're a bit lame. He said he didn't know what I'm on about!!! I said I don't have a problem with blokes bragging if it's in private. Did I act too fast????

[Geishawhelk]

Yes.

He's now going to think you're not that fussed about it and that you're treating it more lightly, because you did it through an ordinary text.

 

A visual, face-to-face confrontation is far more effective.

 

He's not going to delete the texts if he says he doesn't 'know what you're on about'..... He wants to keep them, and keep using them.

He's even more of a jerk than I first thought.

And I thought he was the King of all jerks, before......

 

Your only course of action is actually to get hold of his 'phone, somehow, and delete them yourself.

 

But I don't know how you'd do that.....

[hermit]

No, I didn't mean the text messages i sent, I'm on about the comment he made on fb. He apologised and said he made them when drunk and felt bad now and was going to remove them. And he has. Glad he has some kind of sense.

[Geishawhelk]

Shame he didn't have that before he opened his big mouth.

[wuggle]

The guy sounds like a complete immature ar**, you've not done anything to be ashamed of he has. Tell him if he does anything else disrespectful you will put a post on FB telling all the girls he is crap in bed, has a small dick and will talk about them behind thier back. That should stop him, if not then at least you will have warned all your friends.