DayDreamer75 Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 I always received a lot of attention from men. But lately it's becoming unbearable. On one hand, I work in a man-dominated industry and I get continuously hit by my collagues and business partners both locally and internationally. I always thought that when you tell men that you live with your partner, this should be enough to chill them off. But this is not always the case and some continue to nag. On another hand, I had a breast biopsy 3 weeks ago and both, my doctor and my surgeon hit on me. When I was younger and single, I loved all this attention. Now this attention bothers me. Also, I have a partner as I indicated. Sometimes I wonder how I would feel if my partner received all this attention from his co-workers or doctors or any other women he meets in the course of his life. Probably it would bother me. So I question myself, should I feel guilty for all this? I am always upfront with these people and I always tell them that I have a partner and that our relationship needs to be only professional. Sometimes they get it but sometimes they don't. Now, I am a very good professional. I work hard and am respected in my business. So, I don't do anything in order to arouse interests by people I am surrounded by. I don't flirt and I don't show any particular interest. Rather, I should say that I am direct and assertive and concentrate on my work and really don't do anything in order to lead them on. I know that a lot of people say in such situations it's better to change jobs. But I really don't want to and won't change my job because it's always been like this wherever I worked and I don't want to change just because some men bother me. Another point that bothers me is that considering our age, most men who hit on me are married and even with children. So, to an extent I feel offended cause it seems to me like I have an invitation written all over me! So, I am looking for an advice. How do I avoid all this? It makes me feel guilty and I don't want my partner to feel uncomfortable with this. I usually tell him honestly when someone approaches me and he knows everything about these people because I usually work with them or because in case of my health issue, they're my doctors (these ones I can definitely change). And usually he takes it fine. It seems like he trusts me a lot and even comforts me by saying that it's normal and that I can't avoid it. He even offers advice when I receive highly sexual text messages from my business partners that make me angry! But I really want to prevent for this situation to get complicated in any way in the future. I know it's going to bring to only the worst. I want to any hurt to my partner and any potential temptation for myself in the future. I know that relationships are a lot of work and I don't want to feel any distraction. So, what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Take it like a woman. All of the ways for men to lose interest are not practical. If a man hits on you it just means he wants to sex you, which is where babies come from, and everyone likes babies, so sex is good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DayDreamer75 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Share Posted February 14, 2009 BoredPerson, thanks for your input . But what I don't understand is whether you're telling me I should do nothing and just live with it. Link to post Share on other sites
BoredPerson Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 BoredPerson, thanks for your input . But what I don't understand is whether you're telling me I should do nothing and just live with it. Yeah I say to live with it. Some girls don't have power like you and might have to sleep with the boss. I gather you are not from America. You can always just reject men. But imagine if they could fire you for refusing advances ? There is no easy way. You have to live with it. You are sexy woman and that is what happens. Until attitudes change or there are laws. Fighting it would be useless. As you said it is the same wherever you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DayDreamer75 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Share Posted February 14, 2009 Thanks BoredPerson. Yes I am from East and I live in Italy. And you can imagine Italian men! I guess I am lucky to have a partner who cares less about this. So I should just accept it and live with it. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
Author DayDreamer75 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Share Posted February 14, 2009 Although, I would rather leave the job myself than give in just to fear being fired for refusing advances. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I don't do anything in order to arouse interests by people I am surrounded by. Famous last words Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Gain 100 lbs.. they will leave you alone.. Seriously.. there is not much you can do.. except be nice and firm about having someone in your life.. I know how you feel.. Just enjoy.. lots of women would love to be in your shoes.. I have to say, unlike you, I do love the attention men give me... Link to post Share on other sites
bella23 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Seriously.. there is not much you can do.. except be nice and firm about having someone in your life..-Lizzie60- I Agree with you Lizzie... I was tanking my car and I was on the phone talking to a friend of mine on the phone. A guy was finishing tanking his car and it looked like as if he was checking out my car. But I didn't take it serious, until I finished tanking and this guy came over and started a conversation but I'm on the phone and then he asked me for my number, I said sorry I have a bf and even said i'm on the phone with him... he continued talking and whispering "what he doesn't know won't kill him... here's my number".... I just got into my car... while his daughter came out "daddy i'm thursty"... You as a woman has to know how to reject everything that you don't like. Link to post Share on other sites
Neutrino Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Daydreamer75, if this is your biggest problem - you have a great life... although mind, this can get very annoying and mostly accompanied by people not taking you very seriously. There are several very effective ways to repel men in a way they will never forget : Embarrass them by saying their fly is open, or be rude. Don't say you have a boyfriend - be practical - say you have a girlfriend then they realize they are totally the wrong audience. I don't know how you dress and how you act - and these things can convey the wrong signal even if you dress like a nun.... Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 While there is certainly nothing unusual about an attractive woman getting hit on by men - It is very unusual, in the states and in europe, for a woman to get hit on by nearly ALL men. Workplace flirting is common, but frowned upon . Yet, your partners, your equals, are hitting on you. To the point where you find it "unbearable". For 2 different doctors to hit on you while you are under their care is , VERY unusual, and a career breaker. Men flirt and most times it is harmless, they are not aggressive about it. But the men that flirt with you are different than men that flirt with most women...They wont stop, even when put off. Are you sure you are not misunderstanding common friendliness with flirting? This may be part of the reason your partner has no issue with it and tells you its normal. I've never heard of someone being flirted with by so many men that it is "unbearable". Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I do not find it unusual that a beautiful woman gets a lot of attention. Like other posters, though, I find it so strange (unless you found yourself in a very unfortunate environment). What do your colleagues do to hit on you? May I ask what the doctors said? And what the text message you received from your colleagues said? Have you taken your bf's advice about how to reply to messages? Did it work? If you do not mind me asking, what country are you from? Which part of Italy do you live in? And what line of work are you in? I am asking because I live in Italy and I've noticed that there are unfortunately some prejudices about - women from some foreign countries (I hate to say it, and I feel ashamed for my fellow countrymen, but a number of men will see a woman from some countries and just assume that she is "not very serious"). - men from some parts of Italy and men in some lines of work have a reputation for being *very* insisting when hitting on a girl - they will keep nagging you until they get a very direct negative answer. It is great that some of the men who hit on you get very soon the message and stop bothering you; about the ones who will not leave you alone, just be as direct as possible without being offending. Tell them plainly to keep it professional, that you are embarassed and feel unconfortable, that it is very rude of them to insist. Mention your bf, let them know that your bf knows about them. Show them clearly that you are bothered. Get angry if you must. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I always received a lot of attention from men. But lately it's becoming unbearable. On one hand, I work in a man-dominated industry and I get continuously hit by my collagues and business partners both locally and internationally. I always thought that when you tell men that you live with your partner, this should be enough to chill them off. But this is not always the case and some continue to nag. On another hand, I had a breast biopsy 3 weeks ago and both, my doctor and my surgeon hit on me. Must really suck to be so desirable!! Undergo some plastic surgery and make yourself butt fuggin ugly and your problem will be solved. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Gain 100 lbs.. they will leave you alone.. Or I like this idea. That way you can be fat....happy that you can eat whatever you want, and you won't get hit on anymore. But I suspect that wouldn't be too desirable...would it. Oh well, gonna have to settle for being desired. What a hell that must be Link to post Share on other sites
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