deb Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 My fiance is what I would call a people person that's a part of what I love about him. He's so nice to people sometimes it's too nice. We've been together almost two years and the last 6 months I've noticed that everytime an attractive woman is around I completely lose him. I don't just mean that he looks...we all look right? He is completely and totally immersed in whatever he's thinking. At first I chalked it up to normal behavior and it really didn't bother me but now it's gotten to the point where I dread being with him in public because I know what's going to happen. I am a very self confident person and this is starting to make me feel like I'm not good enough for him. I've tried many times to talk to him about this and he gets very angry and defensive. He tells me it's all in my head and I need to grow up. Lately he's even started making these weird mmmmmm noises whenever there's another woman around. What is going on?! Link to post Share on other sites
theotherwoman100 Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Expect it to always be like that. If he is a dog now and does not care that he is hurting your feelings, he won't care EVER. I have met soooo many of those men...its like steps...as the years go by...the worse it gets. I have had husbands say to me INFRONT OF THEIR WIFES...Why can't you look like her or I would love to sleep with you. One guy actually asked if he could taste my breastmilk after I gave birth. ALL WITH THE WIFE STANDING RIGHT THERE. RUN, RUN! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Lately he's even started making these weird mmmmmm noises "mmmmmm" is right! I'm wondering if there is a different way you can broach the topic with him? Some way that does not focus on HIS behaviour but on your own slowly-eroding levels of confidence and esteem? Also perhaps, to do it when you're at home, just relaxing and 'feeling the love'. He is the only one who is going to be able to give you any insight into what is going on for him. And I do agree that it's something that needs to be addressed -- his defensiveness gives a good clue, about that. I'd suggest that if you two can't work it out by yourselves, then perhaps relationship counseling might be in order. Somehow, he needs to totally get it that "it's all in your head" really isn't an effective response or way to arrive at compromises and solutions. "Yeah...it is all in my head. NOW what do we do?" Right? (Not that I think it's all in your head. I think it is of concern, mostly due to his own defensiveness about it. If it was "nothing", then he'd be able to easily reassure you and be very light-hearted about it.) Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I've tried many times to talk to him about this and he gets very angry and defensive. He tells me it's all in my head and I need to grow up. Sounds like he's the one who needs to grow up and learn how to take other people's feelings into consideration, especially his fiance's. theotherwoman100 is right - this will never change. He will always be like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deb Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Thanks for all the replies. I think all of you are right. It's not going to get better. Last night there were a lot of people in our town for a snowmobile festival. Of course the first thing he does is start up a conversation with a very pretty woman. No big deal right? Wrong! He did what he always does. Laughs like a school girl at everything she says, puts a sexy look on his face, makes sure she knows how much money he has and what a nice guy he is. After several hours of patiently trying to ignore what's going on...I got irritated. He immediately started calling me names and telling the entire room full of people what a piece of *hit I am. This went on for at least an hour....he was literally screaming. I'm so hurt and humiliated by what happened yesturday. I feel like I'm almost in shock and don't know what to do. Well, anyway thank you all for being here and taking the time to read my post and respond. It has really helped me! Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Well ! Last nights events certainly answered the question of just who's crazy here !!! The other woman thing was bad enough, but a public humilaition and being berated like that ?!? I hope your next post is that you told this POS to get the hell out of your life !! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 After several hours of patiently trying to ignore what's going on...I got irritated. He immediately started calling me names and telling the entire room full of people what a piece of *hit I am. This went on for at least an hour....he was literally screaming. I'm so hurt and humiliated by what happened yesturday. I feel like I'm almost in shock and don't know what to do. Sweets, this is the time to break up with him and count your blessings that you didn't actually marry a verbal and emotional abuser!!! When a man does not control himself to the point of screaming at you for an hour, and who calls you names, he is a man to stay far, far away from. I don't know that it would escalate to physical abuse, but there's no reason to stay with a man who verbally abuses and belittles you and calls you names. That is not love. The longer you stay with a man like that, the more your self-esteem is eroded and the more stuck you find yourself. Get out now while you still have enough self-esteem to realize that he is the one in the wrong, and while you still have enough strength (and no children/financial strings tying you to him)!! Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Boy, I bet that REALLY impressed any women watching...he's a jerk, lose him! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Hugs, Deb. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I feel like I'm almost in shock and don't know what to do. Most likely you ARE in shock. I would be, if my fiance came all unglued like that, flew off on me in front of a room full of people and, basically, made me realize what I had to do in the names of sanity and self-preservation. My intuition is telling me that your intuition is telling you that you do know exactly what to do. It sucks, and it hurts, and its painful. But you do know, yes? Sending Courage and Comfort. Link to post Share on other sites
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