! so so

[sleepy100]

First time post here..

 

I'm good (most of the time), but confused with what is going on so need some other opinions and advice to keep me level headed through this initial dating phase.. I'm lacking a bit of sleep and not eatting as well as I should be heheh.

 

Pretty much the story goes I've been dating this girl for the last 7 weeks that I believe is a 10 out of 10 for me. Same values, morals, lifestyles, very attracted to each other etc.. Basically we get on like a house on fire, ie massive spark with a comfortable silence. She is 21 and im 30 though but age is not important as she is alot more mature than her age.

 

Met through friends about a year and a half ago but only ran into her about half a dozen times but had always thought she was amazing (but not single).

 

Anyway story goes we run into each other on new years and we hit it off , this time she is single. We have had a few drinks but are both pretty sober. She start holding my hand, kisses me and tell's me that she has always thought that I was cute.. So turns out we have both had a crush on each other for a while.

 

Over the following five weeks we have 5 amazing dates where we both have a fantastic night. Most dates last for over 6 hours that tend to feel like 30 minutes. Casual, fun, lots of laughes and no sex yet (which works for us). :love:

 

Now here is the part that I need clarification in.

The dates are great, very open and in the moment, but the communication between dates is very poor. Basically it is very hard to get in contact with her during the week. That is I call and never once has she answered. She always calls back two days later or not at all which makes it hard to plan proper dates.

 

I've mentioned that she is impossible to get in contact with during the week. Her reply "I know, I'm hopeless!"

 

Last 3 times I've asked to spend some time with her she has been busy (all on short notice as I cant get in contact with her) and when I asked her if she had any free nights this week, her response was "not many free nights this week, but I will speak to you later"

 

It's a change from the first few weeks when we where both to available.

 

Is she playing hard to get? Or is she blowing me off? Or is this just the way she is?

 

I ask if she is playing hard to get as she made the first move on new years and i'm asking if she is blowing me off because well i'm confussed between what happens on dates and the communication I get over the phone. :confused: or have I come on to strong and it sounds like i'm scaring her away?

 

 

Should I tell her how frustrating this is? put her on the back burner for a bit or just be patient and continue as things are and hope things get better?

 

 

Also on our first date she mention if she could goto 1 concert is would be kings of leon. 3rd date I bought her kings of leon tickets which is on march 17th. she loved them but mention "you will probably be sick of me by then"

 

Burnt before and is now trying to protect herself from getting hurt?

 

So what should I do?

 

and I'll be honest and say past relations have been friends that have turned into something more, so this is a new way of doing things.

[calazhage]

Wow, exact same situation I was(am) in.. Dates are wonderful, communication in between horrible. Perhaps she is a bit emotionally unavailable, or not ready for a relationship.

 

I know the feeling.. Great time, great date, then contact is hard, they are busy etc. I do not understand it myself.

[sleepy100]

So how did this end for you, or what happened?

 

 

personally from what I think i know, she got burnt pretty bad in her last relationship..

 

how do i handle this?

[calazhage]

There is not much you can do... I think the one I am seeing filled her schedule up so she does not have time to think of being single. We just started seeing each other more, and had a talk, but still not ideal, in my opinion. It seems a bit forced.

 

I wish I had the answers. Sometimes people get burned and take things slower, or just completely distrust the opposite sex. Me and my girl have been having sex, so that makes it all the more confusing. We date, have a great time, have sex, then she is busy or vague, until we get together again. She opened up to me and told me how bad she was hurt by her father recently (just found out he is gay), and her ex whom she had a restraining order against.

 

So where do we go from here? I have no idea.

[salmagundi]

I can't speak for your pseudo-girlfriend but what she is doing is something that sometimes I do as well with girls I'm dating. I know its not really a good thing but...so it goes, I've got my issues like everyone else.

 

When I do this, when I'm fully into someone in the moment but difficult to get ahold of in between dates its usually because, for one reason or another I dont want the other person getting too far into my life. Its usually because I may like the person well enough, but I dont really know how far I want it to go and I dont want the other person getting too involved and, honestly, maybe I still want to keep my options open and see other people. I'm therefore basically keeping the other person at arms length.

 

Needless to say, this is somethig I would never do with someone I was fully 100% into.

 

I'd bet this girl is giving you enough to keep you in rotation, to keep you as an option. But she isnt willing or ready to let it go to far. She might be seeing other people.

 

She might also just be really busy but you know that's bulls&?t because if she was really into you she would make sure you would be able to get ahold of her. She would want to hear from you because she would want to make you a priority.

 

All I can suggest is back off, stop chasing after her and see what she does.

 

Or find a woman who has more time for you.

[lululucy]

I definitely agree with salmagundi. As harsh as it sounds, she seems to just be taking you up when she's completely free of plans. If I'm into a guy, I will make time no matter what. It's about priority and unfortunately you are not hers. I'd say ditch before you get your feelings hurt and find a girl who can appreciate you more.

 

Oh side note -- a friend of mine (21) just dumped her boyfriend (29) because, while she had liked him enough to hang out with him, she knew he was not the one. Not a huge deal at 21 to date others your age without settling down but she knew he wanted to settle so she wanted to minimize damages. Maybe she thinks you're going to want kids/house/etc before she does.

[sleepy100]

 

I'd bet this girl is giving you enough to keep you in rotation, to keep you as an option. But she isnt willing or ready to let it go to far. She might be seeing other people.

 

 

All I can suggest is back off, stop chasing after her and see what she does.

 

 

I think you might have nailed it on the head.

 

I dont have a problem with her dating other people as it is still only early days.

She backed away from an offer to come to a BBQ with my friends, too early yup.

 

So yeah I think she isnt willing to let it go to far yet. So being patient here is the key.

 

I have been to available so I guess she has also started to take that for granted as she has not had to chase me after the first 2 weeks. i.e She knows atm she can keep me without fear of losing me.

 

Lucy I aint going to ditch her, differnt story if we were going out as bf/gf and she still didnt have time for me. I do really like her.

 

You are right salmagundi, I have backed off and stopped chasing her. Lets see if she is worried about loosing me. (damn this is hard) But hey everytime I have hinted that i'm a little pissy at how hard it is to get in contact with her the communication gets really good

 

So I might be good with this one.

[calazhage]

The problem is, all women are different...

 

Just when I think I figured one out, they pull something new.

 

Some might be dating many men... Some might be hurt and cautious, so they go slower. Some might not be that into you, but do not know how to put it. There is no way to tell.

 

I would not suggest waiting, or pulling away,, Say what you want and expect then see what she says. I think many women are receptive to that. If nothing else it will make them think.

 

Women are not instantly 100% sure they are into you after a couple dates. Sometimes, but not always.

[Tomcat33]

I've mentioned that she is impossible to get in contact with during the week. Her reply "I know, I'm hopeless!"

 

 

Take it from me, because I am EXACTLY like this when I am only mildly interested in a guy, she is only mildly interested. You are reading into it much more than she is.

 

Women are not instantly 100% sure they are into you after a couple dates. Sometimes, but not always.

 

While that is true, it only applies to when we are midlly intersted. When we are a bit interested we are keeping an open mind and might be willing to see if it will grow so we are at least open to further contact though minimal as it can be. BUT on the contrary when we are really interested in a guy we know right away and our actions reflect that.

 

Sounds to me she is having fun while you are reading into it a lot more than she is.

[sleepy100]

I think you have also got a good point calazhage.

 

 

My gutt feeling is she is someone who want's to be chased, old school romantic style. So I guess I have to find the right balance of chasing her and not being to available.

 

I keep thinking back to the time when i bought the Kings of Leon tickets for her. "you will probably be sick of me by then"

 

She aint easy to get into bed and guys have given up the chase?

 

When ever I dont call for a 4 or 5 days she has agreed to see me... just thinking out aloud now.

 

i called on friday, will ask her out on tuesday or wednesday night... and hopefully give her that valentines day card i made for her.

[sleepy100]

tomcat, thanks for the reply..

 

Thats why I am confused.

 

Her actions on dates says she is really into me.. No doubt about it.

 

maybe i'm being optermistic but after that "I know, I'm hopeless!" she did make a real effort and the communication was really good.. called a few times, left a couple of text messages...

 

every peron is differnt..

 

really apprieciate the differnt opinions..

 

my gutt still says she is taking i slow as not to get hurt again.

[calazhage]

I would NEVER ask women for dating advice..

 

I was in almost the exact situation recently...I talked to the girl, and she wants to see me much more often. She agreed she was a certain way, she told me why, talked about her concerns etc. She opened up to me.. She did not think I was that interested..Or serious about her.

 

I am not saying that is the case for you, but being a man you can tell if a woman enjoys your company. Female posters on this board cannot tell what is in that woman's head. Why they are so quick to all say she is not interested, I have no idea.

 

We all know women are not straightforward, and often times they are confused, not sure what they want, scared, shy etc. I went through this a few times, and my gut was always correct. If you feel she is interested in your company, she usually is.

[Tomcat33]

Female posters on this board cannot tell what is in that woman's head.

 

 

Well when I was 21 and if I had the chance to date someone a lot older I was never serious and I broke a LOT of men's hearts and even lead some on because I did not want to be tied down in any way (I know it's bad). I liked to have fun but did not want any sort of commitments with any kind of guy let alone much older ones that represented too much responsibility for me.

 

And though now it is not a case of not wanting any sort of commitment anymore I know how I act when I like a guy and I know how I act when I am mildly interested. When I am mildly intersted I act like the woman in this scenario.

 

 

Why they are so quick to all say she is not interested, I have no idea.

 

 

Because when someone is into something they show it, when they are not they flake.

 

That's why, and that is not gender specific, it is just the way it is.

 

But yeah sure I could be wrong.