amerikajin Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 Bloggity, blog. Pardon me in advance. I've been seeing this girl for about almost 2 months now. We started off as friends before we got into each other, which actually just sorta happened by surprise. Anyway... ...I think she's a great girl. I'm totally smitten. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time, and maybe never. It just feels right. I'm actually in between a rock and a hard place because I need to find work soon and the jobs in my field are hard to come by out here (especially now). I don't want to move but there's the possibility I might have to at the end of next month. We sorta talked about it and while she understands I can tell she's nervous. Anyway, she's out on the East Coast now. She's actually out visiting with some friends she knows from when she used to live out there. She's also going to meet with someone she's been dating long distance for a while. She did tell me about this in advance -- voluntarily. In fact, I never would have known about their relationship had she not told me about it -- I never asked. It's not like I would have found out either, because I don't think anyone else I know knows about this either. She could have kept me totally in the dark if she wanted to. She had made plans for the trip a while ago because she knew she'd have an extended weekend. So, I basically trust her on this one. I have to admit, though, that it feels kinda strange and I'm not sure how to feel about it. I mean, she's out there and I'm sure they're going to go have a dinner or lunch or something together. A part of me feels jealous, but on the other hand, I'm not even sure that I should be. I mean, I'm worried that I might have to move. I'm not even sure it's right for me to push her to make a commitment to me when I am not sure where I'll be. If I move, we'll both be living alone. I'm not sure it would be right for me to tell her that she totally has to give someone up until we've worked out our long-term plans. I don't know what to make of this. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 What you make of it: If something happens between them, you'll find out. She won't be able to hide it. And if that happens, then her feelings for you aren't strong enough for you to have a relationship with her worth worrying about. Regardless of the fact that this person exists in her life, if her feelings aren't strong enough, you'll find out. Maybe this person is the catalyst for you and her figuring out where you stand. And no matter what happens you know you'll be fine. So you should think of it as if she's doing you a favor. She'll be saving you from wasting more time, if being with her happens to be a waste of time. Relax. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 I don't know what to make of this. for a man work and career should ALWAYS take precedence over women, especially if you enjoy what you do. women will come and go so never make career choices based upon a woman (unless you're married, of course) Link to post Share on other sites
Author amerikajin Posted February 15, 2009 Author Share Posted February 15, 2009 Yeah, I have to protect myself financially first -- I know that. I hope I can find work close by and hang around here, but I'm not sure that I can. I guess that while I'm really into her, there's a part of me that has my reservations - not about her, but more about the state of things and how they will impact our relationship in the next couple of months. I don't want to tell her she can't keep someone in their life when I don't know for sure if I'll be close by. I've done long distance before, and while I would certainly be willing to try it, my experience with it isn't great. If I had to leave, I don't know if we'd be that close over time. I've got so much crap on my mind right now. When I was in overseas, I had had women problems but my personal life was otherwise easy. I had a job, some money, no debt, and I felt pretty easy about things. Now it's the opposite. I'm stressed out. I sometimes wonder if going back to school wasn't a huge mistake, despite my "enlightenment". Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 It seems like most of the stuff you're worrying about is beyond your control, so you could just view it as a time to lay low and let things gel. Wait and see how it pans out. You may have a much better sense of direction after a month goes by. Link to post Share on other sites
Saint Valentine Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 It seems like most of the stuff you're worrying about is beyond your control, so you could just view it as a time to lay low and let things gel. Wait and see how it pans out. You may have a much better sense of direction after a month goes by. This is great advice. On this day of all days, think happy thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 for a man work and career should ALWAYS take precedence over women, especially if you enjoy what you do. women will come and go so never make career choices based upon a woman (unless you're married, of course) :eek: So you've changed your mind about coming to Canada then? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 :eek: So you've changed your mind about coming to Canada then? well lets see, i'd probably make less, pay 45% of that in taxes and the women are all wearing parkas and snow shoes year around. no, i think i'll stay here Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted February 15, 2009 Share Posted February 15, 2009 the women are all wearing parkas and snow shoes year around. no, i think i'll stay here not on the west coast.... Link to post Share on other sites
Aabaakawad Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 To amerikajin I don't know anything about your work situation, so I don't know how badly you might damage your career by not adjusting to accomodate it. But I am going to go directly against your friend's advice. I have followed your romance, and I recognize the feelings. You say (paraphrasing and perhaps elaborating on my part) that this is the only time you have felt so connected, at ease, sensually engaged, in phase. You have been touched; penetrated, if that metaphor does not offend you. I am male, but I am using female allusions, because you are experiencing a condition rarer for a man than a woman, but to be valued by both. Tenderness. The beginnings of love. Do you really want to go another 6 years without this? It could even be the best chance you have in your life. Do whatever you have to do to preserve this in the short term. Yes, it is rushing it compared what you wanted, or even what would otherwise be wise. Can't be helped. The stress on your relationship, because you have had to compromise other goals for its sake and you both will know it, will push things to a head within months to either drive you apart or drive you together. If you are driven apart, you have simply lost time. If you are driven together, you will face the challenges as a team. Believe me, at that point she will gladly move to a location good for both your careers. But hey, I am a hopeless romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
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