Interesting...

[marlena]

I don't understand this need. It's based on pure malice and cruelty.

 

Sorry, I don't see how Lizzie's post is malicious or cruel. This is what she thinks and she put it out there to see what the rest of us think. What's wrong with that?

[Trialbyfire]

Sorry, I don't see how Lizzie's post is malicious or cruel. This is what she thinks and she put it out there to see what the rest of us think. What's wrong with that?

Take the blinders off marlena. This isn't solely an observational thread. The OP gets off on this kind of thing.

[JamesM]

Sorry, I don't see how Lizzie's post is malicious or cruel. This is what she thinks and she put it out there to see what the rest of us think. What's wrong with that?

 

I agree.

 

While I do see some of what you are saying, TBF, I probably must have some blinders on, too.

 

I don't see her posts as malicious and cruel. However, she may brag just a wee bit about her attractiveness to men...as it is or is perceived.

[grogster]

I agree.

 

While I do see some of what you are saying, TBF, I probably must have some blinders on, too.

 

I don't see her posts as malicious and cruel. However, she may brag just a wee bit about her attractiveness to men...as it is or is perceived.

 

 

I concur. Lizzie's not the first OP to start a self-reinforcing Thread. I can disagree with Lizzie, as I've done here, without disparaging her or her mental health.

[carhill]

It is curious regarding the connection of MM, comparing, and "worthy", a derivation of the word "valens", one historical impetus to the descriptor of "Valentine".

 

Perhaps some who value the purity of romantic love, symbolized by Valentine's Day, find it a bit muddied by the dilution of a wandering eye (or heart)

[Trialbyfire]

There's a difference between an appreciation of attractiveness and a wandering eye with intent. The latter deserves to be dumped on their arse, the former, pretty normal for people in general.

 

The balanced mind will be able to appreciate without intent or comparison.

 

The unbalanced mind cannot differentiate, ascribing both behaviours to attraction to self.

[marlena]

Lizzie's not the first OP to start a self-reinforcing Thread. I can disagree with Lizzie, as I've done here, without disparaging her or her mental health.

 

Exactly. Lots of people perhaps myself included do this. There are people on here who like to show off and brag. That's just the way things are. I don't think there's anything wrong with Lizzie's mental health at all. On the contrary, I think she is one of the most realistic and together posters on this board. People just don't like what she says and by proxy target her rather than debate her points.

[Trialbyfire]

This thread is posted in the Marriage and Life Partnership forum, soliciting views from MM, about whether or not they compare attractive women to their wives and find their wives wanting.

 

Members need to ask themselves what kind of person would do that, leveraging off potential insecurities within wives, for personal validation purposes?

 

As previously stated, everyone wants validation sometimes. It's how you go about getting it that defines who you are inside. There's no realism here. There's only a sick feed.

[grogster]

Exactly. Lots of people perhaps myself included do this. There are people on here who like to show off and brag. That's just the way things are. I don't think there's anything wrong with Lizzie's mental health at all. On the contrary, I think she is one of the most realistic and together posters on this board. People just don't like what she says and by proxy target her rather than debate her points.

 

Well said, marlena. It's much easier to attack an opponent's character or mental health (today, mental health is often a proxy for character) than it is to refute arguments.

 

Is lizzie always right? No. None of us is always right especially when opining about this or that. We're in the realm of opinion and observation where being "right" is highly qualified. It's more a question as to which opinion is more popular.

 

Lizzie is, however, almost always interesting. Like you.

[Storyrider]

twisted behaviour.

Yes, I worry that if she doesn't focus on what she's doing with that thong, she's going to give herself an atomic wedgie.

[JamesM]

 

Members need to ask themselves what kind of person would do that, leveraging off potential insecurities within wives, for personal validation purposes?

 

 

Or it could be viewed as pointing out to MM that they are shallow and obvious.

 

Or it could simply be a thread intended to start a discussion. As always, Lizzie does well in doing that.

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, I worry that if she doesn't focus on what she's doing with that thong, she's going to give herself an atomic wedgie.

It could prove to be detrimental to the brain.

 

Or it could be viewed as pointing out to MM that they are shallow and obvious.

 

Or it could simply be a thread intended to start a discussion. As always, Lizzie does well in doing that.

So then, why the need to pinpoint the shallowness in MM or married people in general? What's the feed? That she despises her revenue source?

[fral945]

I agree with Lizzie. I think it is only natural for men to compare their wives or GFs with other women (especially physically). I’m guilty of it. I’m not married but anytime I am out on a date and I see other attractive women the physical comparisons do go through my head. It’s unconscious for me and I generally don't vocalize it, but they are there.

 

I guess if you are happily married and satisfied with your relationship then maybe those thoughts wouldn’t be there as much or you would quickly dismiss them. But I can’t imagine the average married guy doesn’t have some thoughts pop up in his head from time to time.

[Star Gazer]

This thread once again, is about where the OP is, not what's reality.

 

As people age, the ones that rely solely on the external, will need to be validated externally, whether through compliments, through actions such as overt sexuality or by creating some form of narcissistic supply, through leveraging off others.

 

I'm uncertain why there's this dysfunctional need to emotionally vampire off others. Why not work on what's broken inside and if you're lucky, fix it? Or maybe it's a matter of old dogs, new tricks.

 

 

So true, it's not even funny.

 

someone else noticed this as i did. Lizzie tends to do things this way all the time.

 

All. The. Time.

 

There's no doubt there's a pattern of behaviour. I guess negative attention is better than none at all.

 

I don't understand this need. It's based on pure malice and cruelty. If you consider how many hurting people are on LS through insecurities and infidelity, this type of vampiric sucking of peoples' pain is horrific. I can't and won't condone, validate or enable it. I'd rather rip open the veil for what it truly is.

 

Everyone wants validation some of the time. This is pretty normal. Validation like the kind displayed in this thread, is twisted, displaying some serious core rot. No wonder the need for external validation, since internally, there's no humanity left.

 

Agreed.

 

I've observed some very twisted behaviour. I truly hope the OP considers some professional help, because she desperately needs it.

 

I couldn't agree more.

 

There's a difference between an appreciation of attractiveness and a wandering eye with intent. The latter deserves to be dumped on their arse, the former, pretty normal for people in general.

 

This thread is posted in the Marriage and Life Partnership forum, soliciting views from MM, about whether or not they compare attractive women to their wives and find their wives wanting.

Members need to ask themselves what kind of person would do that, leveraging off potential insecurities within wives, for personal validation purposes?

 

As previously stated, everyone wants validation sometimes. It's how you go about getting it that defines who you are inside. There's no realism here. There's only a sick feed.

 

I totally agree.

[Trialbyfire]

SG, I'll be the first one to validate someone who's aging and realistic. I can't validate someone who's malice and lack of attachment to reality, is palpable. If anything, it generates disgust and pity.

 

Sure, there are married men who are shallow, just like there are unmarried men who are shallow. Same goes with women.

 

Why this fixation on married people? Why this feed? It's not healthy.

[Star Gazer]

The OP did find an objectively unattractive man "very very good looking," so her own perception of beauty is quite lacking. Perhaps she sees it in herself, but doesn't get validation from those she really craves it from... hence why she seeks out MM? Just a theory. And quite frankly, when she toots her own horn in an attempt to gain even more external validation, I just pity her.

[Touche]

The sad thing is that this topic is not going to affect anyone who is in a secure marriage. It's those whose marriages might be a little shaky that might be affected by this kind of nonsense.

 

Of course according to the OP all marriages by definition are on shaky ground.

[Star Gazer]

Not just secure marriages, Touche, but secure relationships as well.

 

The OP likes to prey on the emotionally vulnerable women to make herself feel better about herself. It's really twisted.

[grogster]

Everyone who has never tooted her/his horn for external validation ("EV"), please raise your hand.

 

Wait, if you raise your hand are you tooting horn for that dreaded "EV"?

 

Cast the first stone, and all that.

[Trialbyfire]

I can sympathize with women in rocky relationships as I've been cheated on. People in a recovery process of getting over infidelity or going through rocky relationships don't need this kind of insidious cruelty because it serves no purpose beyond more pain and doubt.

[Trialbyfire]

Everyone who has never tooted her/his horn for external validation ("EV"), please raise your hand.

 

Wait, if you raise your hand are you tooting horn for that dreaded "EV"?

 

Cast the first stone, and all that.

I'm trying to figure out what you're getting from this. Are you as insensitive as the OP? Do you believe that validation at any cost, is a functional and balanced way to go through life?

[Touche]

Not just secure marriages, Touche, but secure relationships as well.

 

 

Yes, of course. I guess I just used "marriage" because the OP was specifically talking about MM.

 

I can sympathize with women in rocky relationships as I've been cheated on. People in a recovery process of getting over infidelity or going through rocky relationships don't need this kind of insidious cruelty because it serves no purpose beyond more pain and doubt.

 

It's true. And especially when you consider the entire nature of this site, it does make you wonder why someone would post something like this. And on V-day no less!

[wuggle]

Sorry TBF but I'm with Marlena et al. I think Lizzie is one of the most balanced people on this site, Her thread is perfectly ok (disagree totally with her opinion though). I think you might have some personal agenda in suddenly attacking her as mentally unbalanced ? nothing I have read on this thread would seem to justify this attack on her. Lighten up.

[marlena]

Lizzie is, however, almost always interesting. Like you.

 

Thanks, groggie. And you.

[Trialbyfire]

Sorry TBF but I'm with Marlena et al. I think Lizzie is one of the most balanced people on this site, Her thread is perfectly ok (disagree totally with her opinion though). I think you might have some personal agenda in suddenly attacking her as mentally unbalanced ? nothing I have read on this thread would seem to justify this attack on her. Lighten up.

No, no personal agenda beyond finding this and others of her thread, highly distasteful, in that it's a vampiric feed off hurting individuals. Go back and read her threads, so you can understand the pattern of behaviour.

 

Did you have a personal agenda, when you were going after spookie? Or was it the behaviour you found so distasteful?