signedin2008 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Are you sure he is not having an affair where he puts all his love, affection, and attention? Link to post Share on other sites
ferraridave Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Honestly, you need to gather up your courage, kids, and posessions and leave him. When I first read your post I was going to say well talk it out with him and see what exactly compelled him to forget Valentines day.... but as I read further down, its clear to me that he is an insensitive prick. its true with guys that sometimes we have "those days" that just make us need some space or to be alone or do whatever it takes to unwind indifferent to whats going on. But when this happens we are quick to expain ourselves, appologize, and make it up by doing something extravagant. Though in reality, there is no excuse for forgetting Valentines day or your B-day or anniversary. He needs to at the VERY least acknowledge it by saying it, giving u a kiss, and making u dinner. There is no excuse for this sort of blatant disregard for your feelings. Leave the bastard, and find someone to treat you the way you deserve to be treated: like a princess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theBrokenMuse Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Are you sure he is not having an affair where he puts all his love, affection, and attention? If he is (I wouldn't know for certain because I do not keep tabs on him. I'm not his mother and I refuse to try and keep him on a short leash as if I were.), she has my deepest condolences. I wouldn't wish the depths of the pain he's brought to my doorstep on anyone, even an OW. I honestly think no matter who it was, he'd end up treating her in the same manner eventually. I've come to discover over the course of my marriage that he has no deep relationships with anyone. Not friends, not family, nobody at all. I don't think he's capable of having a meaningful relationship or a real connection to other people. He is profoundly broken. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theBrokenMuse Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Leave the bastard, and find someone to treat you the way you deserve to be treated: like a princess. It's hard. I've never given up on a family member before. That's what it feels like to me even though I know he does not love me and probably wouldn't give a crap if I live or die. I have tried very hard to work on this marriage. I have tried to get him to participate in this marriage to the best of my ability and he's in denial that there is anything wrong with anything other than ME. I know I need to give up. I have a lot of changes that need to happen before that can occur and it's just so damn overwhelming. I now understand why some people have exit affairs. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I really wish I had someone to lean on. The pain is just crippling. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I can not believe all this advice to leave him. So what do you want, Muse? You want validation for breaking apart your family? You want his behavior to validate your actions? I would suggest growing up. You are a mother and wife and just because you don't get romanced on Valentine's Day, doesn't mean you have a right to create expectations your husband doesn't understand. Simple truth. He's in a fog of addiction. That game is an addiction and you should address it in that manner. What is inside your realm of control? His behavior is not. So stop trying to give! Why be angry over expectations that you are creating? You can not show him what you need. So stop being angry and hurt over something he doesn't even understand and you are not properly communicating. You want to hate this man for having no clue what you expect or demand? Feel free. What is my suggestion? Talk with him. Lay it all out on the table. I am sure he will be surprised. Imagine that. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 If he is (I wouldn't know for certain because I do not keep tabs on him. I'm not his mother and I refuse to try and keep him on a short leash as if I were.), she has my deepest condolences. I wouldn't wish the depths of the pain he's brought to my doorstep on anyone, even an OW. I honestly think no matter who it was, he'd end up treating her in the same manner eventually. I've come to discover over the course of my marriage that he has no deep relationships with anyone. Not friends, not family, nobody at all. I don't think he's capable of having a meaningful relationship or a real connection to other people. He is profoundly broken. This is all situational recollection. When we are in hurt, pain, misery our reflections of the past and future seem to be tainted by this overcoming sense of our current emotional state. You feel sad, pain, angry now. You are going to validate your emotions by thinking about why. What's the solution? This man was once everything for you. Try and see that part of him again. Help to encourage that man to come away from his games again. He's not a monster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theBrokenMuse Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 This is all situational recollection. When we are in hurt, pain, misery our reflections of the past and future seem to be tainted by this overcoming sense of our current emotional state. You feel sad, pain, angry now. You are going to validate your emotions by thinking about why. What's the solution? This man was once everything for you. Try and see that part of him again. Help to encourage that man to come away from his games again. He's not a monster. The man I thought I loved, doesn't exist. Never did. My husband put on a show, a facade to entice but it was all smoke and mirrors. He's even bragged about this before. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 The man I thought I loved, doesn't exist. Never did. My husband put on a show, a facade to entice but it was all smoke and mirrors. He's even bragged about this before. If that's how you choose to see it, then that is what you will see. When you married him, you chose to see him a certain way. Now after being married, you refuse to see him that same way. You want me to agree that since he bragged about being a player, you should leave him. He has the ability to be a better man. We all have the ability to be better people. I can agree with you, but I refuse to give up on your marriage. What does your husband think about his gaming addiction and knowing his wife doesn't love him anymore. Have you dropped that bomb on him? Link to post Share on other sites
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