Why the perfect love just dies without notice?? Please help!!

[fcleitao]

I get devastated everyday.Everyday I find out more problems, more things about her; and today, I found out out part of the reason for all this.

 

I might have given her some invible pressure or invisible dislike that she haven't really discussed with me. I have a bit of jealousy problem, but its not that we can't talk it over. She might have been lying to me that she's seeing elementary school friends, but from sources I found the friends are known for few weeks. I mean I ask who she goes out with, I might ask if guys were involved or I might give a sad face. I have my problems, I totally admit. We could solve the problem. I'm always open to change for the better. But it seems like I don't know why she got intimidated.

 

Is there any chance I could sit down and talk to her about the surfaced problems, and save this relationship? What are my chances? I understand what Amerikajin meant, but I don't know why I'm still head over heal with her.

[kclay21]

Give her time, bro. I know all this feels urgent right now. You just have to respect her wishes and give her time. Take this time to get YOURSELF together If it is meant to be, it will be...

[julieg]

i think you are delusioned based on my experiences. here is my reasoning:

1. she is feeling real guilty about leaving you. DO NOT MISINTERPET THIS AS WANTING TO GET BACK TOGETHER. it is so---o much easier to be nice and give a bit of false hope. sometimes we women do not think fully the ramifications of what we say. it is not being mean, it is just avoiding the unpleasantness of telling you things that may hurt.

 

2. believe me she does love you and may not realize now how much but this does not override her desire to see what is out there. she feels if she stays in the relationship it may be "settling" perhaps.

 

3. can you talk to someone who really knows her and you to get their perspective?

 

4. get out and start socializing. this is the only way you will get your mind off of her. go to the gym and work out, let your friends know you are available for set up dates, focus on your future. you can put all your energies into you and your future-not thinking of her. hope this helps.

[fcleitao]

Just as I started to recover from this painful and hurting relationship, I'm being hurt to a new degree. I just found out from reliable source, that the reason she left is from a new guy. I never thought this would happen. I know I can't ask love to be fair, but I loved her with all my heart and soul and i treasured her more than anything else in the world, and she met a new guy!!! Being so true andloving, and I deserve this??? And the worse part is, I'm not sure if the affair happened before the break up or not, I really try hard not to think about it. The guy have a girlfriend who just left to Japan to teach English for a year, and he and my ex...... Now this new guy and my ex is going underground, and the guy's family really disagree with this.

I feel so sad, we we're so good before. We really loved each other with so much passion and love. Such change is so....... can't describe. Why can girls change heart like that? My female friends have done the same thing, but I didn't know how devastating is to the guy until I experienced myself.

I don't know what to do. I should hate her, but I really don't. I'm still trying to be protective for her, what a moron i am. I only hate that this affair have happened, why that guy appeared, and why both could do such thing. My ex might have ended the relationship before she really started this new one, but all this just hurts. Why can she change heart just like that, we we so good before!! I don't know what to do, I know i should move on.... But I'm feeling very very painful.

[kclay21]

Man, I'm sorry. I know it must be devastating.

 

This may sound harsh, but at least now...you may have CLOSURE. Take this as the door that just closed and you are now free to go through any of the other open ones. Take this time to do for yourself and think about the things that went wrong in the relationship that you may have done wrong. Once you find these answers and come to terms with them, try to work hard to not let them occur again. You will be so much more attractive to someone who really wants to be with you and only you. Just know that there is someone out there that is worthy of your love and care.

 

Man, again, I'm sorry for how you feel, but seize this opportunity to get on with your life. Take control...

Take the knowledge you learned in this relationship and subsequent breakup, and apply it to the next one.

 

Life is hard to deal with sometimes, but ain't it awesome?!!

 

 

kc

[kurty]

my friend, you are not the only one.

 

your story is smiliar to mine.

 

i notice this change in my ex during july when her Uni started. she become ambitious, demanding.

eventually, we broke her as she told me she tired of giving.

 

i too wonder why a gal change so sudden. i too can't bear to let go now, even when i typing here.

 

but do we have a say? NO, we got nothing to hold them back. they are gone for good.

at times, i wish i can hate them, but i can't. the guity in me holding me back. i regreted i did not cherish her at the start.

i wish that she can see the important of her in me, i want her to see the changes in me.

but i don't have a choice.

 

during the day, she told me to let her go, pls. you know its cut me like a knife. how i wish i could just drop dead and die.

 

dude, we are going through this. it hurts, nothing we can do. NOTHING. if anyone to blame, blame it on FATE.

i got no advice for you nor comfort words, as i myself is struggling at the moment.

 

maybe only one word, take care

[UCFKevin]

At least we're not alone.

 

Hmm...that doesn't help much actually.

[fcleitao]

Thank you so much for the sympathy... But it's REALLY REALLY tought to move on, as her memories are like a ghost that comes to me like a loop. I try so hard not to think, but the second I imagine her with someone else (and I saw the guy's picture somehow)...... that is really unbearable. It's not that I don't wanna move on, I don't know what to do for not being so attached to her emotionally and physically.

 

Yeah, I do with I could hate her, but I can't. I would still defend her, and put all the blame to myself. I would hate the incident and the guy, but I can never hate her. I'm starting to not talk or message her now. I'm trying so hard to control my feelings, my emotions, but I don't know what to do when the bucket gets full... I feel I'm getting destructive at some point. My head hurts, but my hearts is 100 times worse than hurt. I feel so emotionally and mentally unstable....

 

KC, thanks for still being there and giving me advices. And thanks to all other people who cared for at least a bit, that help really made a lot of difference.

[kclay21]

No prob, man. My heart goes out to you for we are rowing that same boat...

I wish you all the best.

 

Blessings,

kc

[carra]

hi there fcleitao, i too have been in your shoes. my boyfriend two years ago did the same thing

 

to me. i felt lonely, depressed, and worthless. i felt he was my world. i kept seeing him, even though he treated me like "just a friend". i too was soo heartbroken. i was broken up with him for about two months. meanwhile, i started over, new job, seeing new people.

 

the whole experience taught me independence and maturity, which my boyfriend saw, and wanted me back, because i was a better person.

 

my advise to you would be to agree with her decision, agree with her on everything she says is wrong, and she will see you as more of a comrad then the enemy. also, show and prove to her you are a man, strong and independent. act like you dont need her, and who knows, maybe she will run after you. infact, since you keep seeing her (which i know hurts you when you do) act like "just a friend" toward her, and you will switch your negatve feelings to her, because she will begin to wonder why you are not chasing her anymore.

 

i would just like to say that nothing is impossible, all things happen for a reason, and you just have to allow yourself to move on for now, and grow from this experience. good luck.

[carra]

hi there fcleitao, i too have been in your shoes. my boyfriend two years ago did the same thing

 

to me. i felt lonely, depressed, and worthless. i felt he was my world. i kept seeing him, even though he treated me like "just a friend". i too was soo heartbroken. i was broken up with him for about two months. meanwhile, i started over, new job, seeing new people.

 

the whole experience taught me independence and maturity, which my boyfriend saw, and wanted me back, because i was a better person.

 

my advise to you would be to agree with her decision, agree with her on everything she says is wrong, and she will see you as more of a comrad then the enemy. also, show and prove to her you are a man, strong and independent. act like you dont need her, and who knows, maybe she will run after you. infact, since you keep seeing her (which i know hurts you when you do) act like "just a friend" toward her, and you will switch your negatve feelings to her, because she will begin to wonder why you are not chasing her anymore.

 

i would just like to say that nothing is impossible, all things happen for a reason, and you just have to allow yourself to move on for now, and grow from this experience. good luck.

[kurty]

we should set up a club or something. named it heartbroke something.

 

sound lame...

[carra]

i know what you're going through, i've been there with my boyfriend. but you have to be strong

and say to yourself" forget her, i do not deserve this, and get mad at her, see her as being immature.

 

 

this is a new beginning for you, take the opputunity to learn new things, meet new people(girls). have fun, see it as an adventure to do new exciting things. you have the power to block the thought of your ex from your mind, so do it! think negative about her if you have to, get mad at her ( keep it to your self), you might just realize she is not the person you thought she was. you deserve better, someone who appreciates your love. don't give up! it will get better, things in life have a way of working themselves out.

 

so go have fun and don't think about your ex. there are many girls out there who would love to have someone as sweet and loving as yourself.

[fcleitao]

Thanks for your help carra, but I don't know. There's no way I could get mad at her, I mean not only that I still love her, I totally care for her well being as a close friend. I don't want hatred to cover my head, only the guy behind it disgusts me and the fact that the cruel world made people move on without being grateful of the past.

 

It's been a very hurtful time for me, my emotions are so unstable. I'm trying so hard to move on, but her shadow and the shadow of her being with someone else have totally consumed me. Logic doesn't make sense anymore, emotions taking control most of me. But my passion for true love never died. I hope my pain will go one day, and I could love as freely as before. But then, I don't think I could love as freely, as she has claimed the ultimate love of my life.

 

Never in my life, have I ever seen a mutual love who has such passion and care. I would go to the end of the world for her, as she would do the same for me. Grieve is the price you pay for love, I guess I'm paying it right now for a price I'm unbearable of. She will be in my memories forever, as I will wish for her happiness forever.

 

I guess I'm going through my calm emotional time now. Wish this emotion will stay for a little longer.

[fcleitao]

My emotions finally got out of control. I had to see my doctor, because i'm physically and emotionally broken down. I'm haivng depression right now, and I have to take antidepressant pills everyday.

 

I can't stop thinking about her. I really miss her. She is having her normal life She is going out with someone; my heart is broken into pieces. My heart is unbearable to such shock. Now, whenever I think about the shock, I would feel headache and chill from my body; I don't know if it's from the pills.

 

I still love her as much, I still care her more than myself. I'm letting my mind and my body deteriorate, I can't do anything about it, all my energy is drained. I'm trying so hard to accept the truth, but I stil can't move on.

 

Lost, totally lost...

[Coffee13]

I had a similar situation. My fiance still says he loves me but apparently not enough to work things out. He broke up with me out of nowhere it seemed to me. He tried to tell me it wasn't my fault but I didn't believe him. He tried to tell me that he has issues but I kept trying to fix it or take on his issues as my own. It made no sense to me that I could love someone my whole heart and try my best (not that I never hurt him) and have him turn around and dismiss our committment to one another. He hasn't begun dating anyone yet but he plans to when he's up to it. And he thinks the only way he'll know if we were meant to be is through hindsight. How twisted is that? 'I have to break up with you and let time pass and date others before I would know if we're meant to be '...this after he proposed and swore I was the "one", he'd never loved anyone like me etc. etc. I stopped eating, sleeping etc for weeks, lost weight and was going crazy. I had just started grad school but was ready to quit my life's dream because of the pain. The thing is, I can't control him, I can't worry about what he's doing, and I can't wait for him to come back. Likewise, you have to love yourself enough to realize that she does not have all the power. You could decide that you will not take her back even if she were to come crawling. Being open and loving in a relationship is fine but if your partner breaks that bond, breaks that trust and keeps on moving, no matter how unfair and painful it is you have to move on too because torturing yourself is the greatest unfairness. Plus, the sooner you heal the sooner you may find the love you deserve. A love that will accept you and not be selfish and not get bored. Think of the trauma you self-induce when you start agreeing that somehow you don't deserve to be loved better because she's worth more than your peace. Love isn't fair. Life isn't fair. I still hurt, I still grieve, I still wonder if he's the same man I fell in love with, I wonder how he could tell me I was his peace and whole world then leave...but I have to love me. I chose to love me again when I was at my lowest low and could not see past the pain because I had no rest and no peace of my own. I couldn't even smile or look at my own face without remembering how he used to perceive my face, stroke my temple, love my eyes blah blah blah UNHEALTHY. Then I decided I am not willing to sacrifice my life to him even though memories haunt me too. He used to see my love as an offering of my soul to be cherished, he used to think I was beautiful and wonderful and irreplaceable, he used to tell me that we were going to be together forever but those are things he USED to do. Don't lose faith in love but don't keep faith in this woman who is not concerned with being with you. It's so easy to live in the past but it's not healthy! You deserve to live and not in misery. Seek out various professionals to talk to in addition to anti-depressants. And if you haven't, read some of the other stories on this site and maybe that can help you see that survival is possible and you are not alone.

[fcleitao]

Thanks coffee13. I think I'm getting a little bit better, although I still feel sad and cry when I remember all the beautiful memories I had with her. I'm still under anti-depressants, I hope I could stop that and live a normal life again soon. Losing her at the beginning is really tough, I lost control over myself and everything. And now I'm on the verge to having to drop out of college because I wasn't able to study at all for the past two months. I hated that this happened, but still it's just something I have to be responsible of, I guess.

 

I feel so sad hearing about your story coffee13, I guess your hurt was much greater than mine. I totally agree on what you've said, we should've love ourselves better and not destroy ourselves. I've been starting to be able to think logically and come to my senses; I hope I did. I still miss her so much, but as you mentioned, if she's decided to move on then there isn't really anything I can do. I guess all I could do is to try to hide those feelings for her and let it be hidden, as it's impossible for me to forget her ever.

 

Love is so unpredictable, it comes with no reason and it goes with no reason. Sigh... I've been told by someone once that, grieve is the price you pay for love. I've been in so much grieve, I must've been trully loving with my heart. I guess I don't need to that to prove my love. But I believe I would still try to love with all my heart, although grieve would be at the corner. For people who are afraid to love because of being afraid of pain, I pity you as you'll never experience the most beautiful thing in the world called love. That's just my thought, hope I didn't offended anyone.

[superman]

Hey man. Sorry I am so late jumping in on your thread. I am new to the site but if anyone can relate to you it is me. I have loved twice in my life. Both time I was hurt more than I ever thought a person could hurt. I still keep in touch with my first girlfriend (after we went months for not talking). And if it is any consilation she wanted me back after not talking for months. She left me after dating for 3 years to try to date other guys that she was attracted to. She left the relationship knowing she would not find anyone that would treat her better and time only proved that to her. But in the end I didn't want her back. (Actually I did but after so much pain and heartache I could not do put myself in that position again.) I thought I would never love anyone as much again.

About the time she came back wanting to get back together I had started dating someone else. This girl was everything I ever wanted. She was perfect. She had the same sort of thing happen to her. Only she had been dating the guy for 7 years. When we started dating she was afraid I would some day hurt her and leave her. I got her to trust me. And I was right. I made her happier than she had been in a long time (maybe ever). Her friends and family all saw a difference in her. We lived together last summer and everything was great. Money forced us to both move back home but we planned on moving back together in December and start searching for jobs together after she graduates. She kept saying she wanted to marry me and wanted to go looking for rings. Then out of nowhere she said she needed a break. It was nothing I did but she had a lot going on in her life and she needed to get her life organized. We kept in touch for a little while and then out of nowhere she stopped emailing, returning phone calls, ect. I wrote a long poem about her meaning to me and sent her flowers. I drove 2 1/2 hours to give her the note and more flowers in person. We talked and she again said she thinks she is not sure she is making the right decision and knows she will never find someone that will treat her as good. But she is still doing it. We have not talked since. It has been almost 4 weeks now. I love her with all of my heart and I tried as hard as I could to be perfect. And I was. Her friends that were married even told her how lucky she was to have found me. But that was not enough. She told me she was seeing someone else. I don't even want to know if it is true or not or how long it has been going on.

I am with you in not understanding how someone can go from loving you with all of their heart and wanting nothing more than to be with you to not even paying attention to what is going on in your life.

My first girlfriend and I have been talking lately. (not about getting back together) She is convinced that a day will come that this girl will realize what she had and how special it was. She says this because she knows. She has been there. She has dated many guys and none have come close to giving her what I did.

I still pray for the girl I am in love with everyday. I pray that she is safe and making the right decisions. I also pray that she will realize before it is too late.

I feel that you and I are very similar. I can honestly say that this girl will someday realize how good she had it with you. But the pressure is on her. It will be her loss.

In the meantime keep doing what you are doing. You are on the right track. One thing that has worked for me is to read. I have never been much of a reader but lately I have been reading all the time. Look in the self-help section of a book store. There are lots of books to get your mind off of things. It doesn't have to be about relationships but by reading a self-help it gets your mind off of her and on to you. Which is what you need to be doing.

I hope I have helped. I am really feeling for you.

[starwarsnerd1]

After coming across this board a week ago, it has helped me tremendously. My girlfriend broke up with 4 months ago to be with another guy. We were together three years, and I was going to propose to her on her birthday in New York City this month. I have gone through the pain the last three months of trying to be her friend. The one night we hung out, I gave her hug and said I can’t be a friend anymore, and that I will give her a call when I’m ready to talk. That has been three weeks ago and I feel the best I have. She was a great girl whom I will always love in my heart, and always would want to live my life with her. But I can’t look at the sad part of the last few months; I will always cherish the great things we did together. She came to me when I wasn’t doing very good in college, and completely flipped my outlook 180 degrees and I ended up with an Associate and Bacc. degree in Information Technology. After school I ended up delivering furniture for 9 months, which probably had to do with our breakup, since I would come home from work and never want to do anything. She would be home all day wishing I was with her and then I would fall asleep at 10pm. After our split, it became one great big reality kick, and I did get a job in my field. Even though I had quit in the middle of my shift, but that has nothing to do with her, just the job setting. But I have countless job interviews and even scored a job at Circuit City where I am the happiest I have been in awhile. No matter the pain she caused me in my heart, those actions have helped me better myself. Little things during the day trigger sadness, but I just need to tell myself that without her breaking my heart, I would probably still be delivering furniture and feeling miserable and depressed about myself; and bringing her down as well. She will always be a part of my life, my first love, and hopefully my soul mate later down the road. The moral of this is, even though it is hard at first, just be thankful to have shared a part of your significant others life.

[fcleitao]

Superman, bennettwebdesign, thanks for sharing your insights with me. Life isn't easy when you're most precious someone suddenly decides to move on without you. Sigh is the only word I could mutter out.

 

I have to say, Superman, I deeply feel for you too. Sometimes, I really don't know if the perfect love is perfect after all. If it was, then why does the perfect love have to end up in pure sadness and grieve? Maybe we would treasure more what we couldn't have? Or the love has to end, before the most beautiful part ends to make our love perfect? So, should we say it's a perfect memory of love? I've dated a lot of girls, but I only had three relationships in my life. All three ended me being left, but my first love, the ending was in the script before the story started. It was my most memorable memory, until my last one became the love of my life. My second relationship ended because she thinks really can't workout and she was dating someone before we ended, not worth meantioning.

 

If I were in your shoes, Superman, I really don't know what I would do. If my ex comes back to me after a few years, I really don't know if I would be back with her. On one side, I would think maybe she was too young and needed to see the world; but on the other side, I would be afraid I might be hurt again. But then, I know she won't come back. Maybe I'm starting to come to my senses that we live in two different world, and I don't match with her. Calll me a pessimist, but I'm so beaten out.

 

Bennettwebdesign, I totally agree with you. Even if our past relationship hurts so much ,we should be thankful that someone very special to us was in our life once, and brought us so many memorable memories and experiences. We learned our valuable lesson through heart-broken sadness.

 

I'm so happy yo hear that you could stand up again, bennettwebdesign. I was really really hurt, and I let myself deteriorate and let everything go down. I was so sad, I couldn't concentrate at school, and I'm on the verge to having to drop out. Sigh... I don't where I'll find the strength within, and go after my dream to finish school. My ex was my dream, my goal... I lost my ultimate dream, I can't find the will to follow my second dream.

 

The sleeping pill has kicked in, I can finally try to get some rest. Thanks for everyone who shared their stories, and to listen to my story. Good nite.

[NotaBadGuy]

Hello all,

 

I never have doen this type of thing before, but can relate to the posts. I too understand the pains of relationships. I married the woman of my dreams in May of this year, or at least so I thought.

 

Well, the short of it is that around 2 months ago, my wife came home from a weekend trip with a friend and acted like I did not exist. Like I said, I am not perfect and made some mistakes along the way. I am in graduate school and my schooling takes enormous amounts of time to keep up. Anyways, she completely closed me off at that point in time. I became curious and changed what I felt like were things on my part that needed change. But to no avail. I later found a picture of her and this guy from this weekend trip. At the same time, I also found out she had been talking to this guy on the phone daily and had even been going to his home on numerous ocasions. She said he was just a friend and I wanted to believe it. She started coming home late hours of the night after saying she was with her friends.

 

I later investigated the late night "study sessions" and found her over this guys house twice at 1am in the morning. She continued to say he was just a friend and turn the situation blaming things on me. That I did not trust her and that nothing was going on. The problem was that lie after lie piled up with her stories. I could not understand why a married woman (of less than 6 months) would be over another mans house alone with him at 1am in the morning and lie to me about it. She had even hid her car the second time and had him drive her to her car.

 

After catching her the second time, she decided she did not want to stay with me anymore, moved in with her parents, and took all of her belongings with her. She still sees and talks with this guy on a consistent basis. She later told me she was going to file for divorce and that our 3 yr relationship/marriage should have never happened because she never loved me from the beggining.

 

She has gotten an attorney and am to expect paperwork in the mail this week. I was married once before and was pulled through the coals by a cheating wife (3x that I know of). I would have to say that I know exactly where many of you are coming from. It was a tough decision to even consider marriage the second time and have now had everything I believed in stripped from me. I wanted to give the girl the world. Of course, none of are perfect and I do not claim to be. But I never in my wildest dreams would have ever thought the giril I was willing to give my life to would give up on our marriage before it began or would say she never loved me.

 

This whole situation has taken its toll on me persoannly, physically, and scholastically. I am not a bad guy, or at least do not think I am. I have been at the bottom of my barrel for some time now like several of you appear to be. Each day is a struggle, but I move one step at a time. I was out the other night after studying and ran into this guy with several of his friends. I had never seen him before, only the picture. The catch is that he has a girlfriend of 3 years he has been staying with off and on and has told my wife that they are over. Anyways, the guy is a police officer and he and his friends tried to get into a confrontation with me over nothing. Nothing happened though.

 

I am lost and confused with the whole situaiton and am looking for any type of guidance at this point. The blame has totally been shifted to me and I cannot see what I did to have her give up on us. How does a woman give up on her marriage before it has even begun?

[superman]

NotaBadGuy- welcome to the club. I think after reading your post it is safe to say that you are not a bad guy. I don't know what you could have done to provoke such action from your wife but it is obvious that your heart was in the right place. Clearly you wanted to be the man of her dreams. No marraige is perfect and no relationship is perfect. They are both controlled by the human element. But love is perfect because it can not be manipulated. If she says she never loved you in the first place it was her that doomed the marraige. It was never a big deal to her in the first place if she was willing to run away from it that quickly. I may be jumping to conclusions but maybe she is the type of girl who wanted to get married in for the wedding. If you loved her (and it sounds like you did) you will always know deep in your heart that you gave the relationship an honest chance and it was her that never gave you the chance. Even if it was the chance to make up for your mistakes. Hang in there and know that it will get better.

[NotaBadGuy]

Thanks for the words of encouragement Superman. It has been very difficult to take. She shows no remorse or even acknowledgement that she has done anything wrong. I wonder at times what lesson I am supposed to learn from all of this. It doesn't make sense to me most of the time. I try not to think about it, but it does not last for long. Maybe the idea of marriage was all that she had in mind, but I would like to think that it was more than that and that I was not naive enough to believe she loved me when she did not. All the signs at that time point to her loving me, but then again, maybe I was naive. She was the perfect girl for so long that this situation has totally caught me off guard. Maybe she is lost and trying to find herself, but I hate the fact that it had to happen this way. I loved the girl as unconditional as a man can love a person and I at least thought the same was returned. But to have my wife of about 6 months step out on me with another man just blows my mind. I don't even know what to say. Speechless. I have never even thought about looking at another woman let alone being with another woman. I guess sometimes your the bug and sometimes you're the windshield. I have to choose which one I want to me. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I am hurting from the loss. Only time will tell. Aparently, she filed for divorce today. Tomorrows a new day. Again, thanks for the post Superman.

[fcleitao]

Notabadguy- I feel so bad for you, although I haven't been married before, but I could imagine how much it hurts. But its ok to feel sad, we should at least be true to our feelings. Marrying the perfect woman of our dreams is the happiest thing in our lives, but finding out she doesn't love you at the beginning is pretty shocking. I wouldn't know how would I be if I was you, you're coping ok, I guess.

 

I won't say anything about the cheating part, cause I definitely have a big issue with cheating. I'll get really furious. But trying to be at least a bit positive, having the accident to happen sooner might be good for you. If she did what she did after 10 years, it might be more complicated to deal, and you might be in a worse position. Now that you found out she isn't really the right person to be for your life, so to say, you can be wiser now and be more careful when finding your real prefect love.

 

I might be saying bs, I really have no experience dealing with marriages, but I can deeply feel your hurt and pain. Hmmmmm, I'd say we can't just blame on just one side, I guess love or marriage should be mutual. As I have learned through my lost, when a feeling is gone, its pretty much gone for good. We should focus on our future, cause we can never change the past, but we can create our future. Well, easier said than done, but at least I'm trying my best.

 

Don't lose hope, Notabadguy. At the beginning when my ex dumped me, I really couldn't think about any other woman. I had the same thought, I could never love anyone else again. But time will heal your heart, even if you're left with a scar, you will find your perfect love again. Me for example, I still don't believe I could be able to love someone so complete again. But now that I've been trying to recover, I feel I might be able to love soon, although I still have some reluctance. Just let time heal your heart.

 

Well, I don't know if I was of help, but hang in there.

[NotaBadGuy]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I know it takes two to make something work. I admit that I was not faultless in the whole deal, but at the same time, I tried to tell her I was willing to do whatever it took to make it. We have only been married a short time and yes, it may be a blessing in disguise for me. Maybe if we had stayed together, this same situation may have happened in the future. I just have a hard time with the idea that I committed to this woman with everything I have and she returns the favor by going out and finding some chump to be with. Of course, he is just a freind though. But his guy now consumes her life. That is the hardest part for me. Knowing that I have basically been replaced by a guy who is willing to mess with a married woman and take advantage of her while she is vulnerable. I don't know which one to be more upset with, her for doing what she has done to me, or him for knowing he was dealing with a married woman, having a girlfriend, and being such a man as to pull my wife from me. Neither party has no remorse. And on top of it all, my wife has repeatedly told me that she wants to be friends after the divorce because she wants to know how I am doing. What do you do?