Its not you, its me? WTF

[ruggy]

More pissed about the time and money lost than the none response. As a gentleman, I paid for everything. Even though we earned about the same. Movies are expensive. In the winter there is little free stuff to do.

 

The DVD Movie was "W".

[Art_Critic]

I'm beginning to think the DVD that you have mentioned 5 times in this thread is more important than your dignity or showing your maturity.

 

A 10.00 DVD that has been watched by you has only about 1.00 worth to you.. You are willing to make a big deal over a buck.. you have left her a VM for a buck?

 

Dude.. you seem to be using this DVD to keep contacting her.. put it in perspective and move on.. you will feel better in the long run if you just leave her alone at this point...

[marlena]

As a gentleman, I paid for everything. Even though we earned about the same. Movies are expensive. In the winter there is little free stuff to do.

 

 

A gentleman would never say something like this. Never in a milllion days.

[Art_Critic]

More pissed about the time and money lost than the none response. As a gentleman, I paid for everything. Even though we earned about the same. Movies are expensive. In the winter there is little free stuff to do.

 

The DVD Movie was "W".

 

All part of dating.. suck it up, learn from this and move on.. if you made any mistakes then learn from them and don't take it to your next relationship..

 

Paying for dates is all part of it.. you cannot expect to get equal dollar value out of dating..

[ruggy]

Contacting her? Before I remembered the DVD (hadn't contacted her for a week and a half. It was only for the DVD, nothing else. If she does not contact me back, I will not chase after it.

[ruggy]

A gentleman would never say something like this. Never in a milllion days.

 

You start paying for everything and I am sure your opinion would change.

[marlena]

You start paying for everything and I am sure your opinion would change.

 

 

 

No, I wouldn't care less. I don't expect money to buy me love.

[carhill]

Yep, and, sometimes, one gets exactly what they pay for

[marlena]

Yep, and, sometimes, one gets exactly what they pay for

 

Yes, they do, don't they? And then they wonder why?

[calazhage]

Marlena, lol...

 

Ok.. You call a guy, pick him up, take him out every week,plan things, pay for dinner, pay for movies,(for 6 weeks) etc, and then he just ignores you and stands you up..

 

I think all the op is saying is that it does not feel good, and if money is no issue, then why don't women just pay half, especially if not interested?

[torranceshipman]

I don't think this woman acted badly...I think she was being very honest, i.e. she sees qualities she really likes in you, but realises that, after 6weeks of getting to know you, that the chemistry is not there, so it is best to let you know that. i.e. 'it;s not you, it's me' - the absolute truth.

 

You seem unduly resentful and down on her for saying that and I dpnt think you should - if you're angry at being dumped then fine, youre o only human!-but dont make out she acted like a cow because she was obviously trying to find a polite way of ending it....also, I do think the gentleman comment was a little off.

 

Sorry you got dumped tho, happens to all of us at one time or another...

[carhill]

There's no law that says a gentleman has to date. Such actions are a choice.

 

OP, seriously, if these issues irritate you so greatly, do not ever, under no circumstances, even under the influence of psychedelic drugs, consider getting married. You will certainly go insane

[Strawberry Fields]

Basically, she isn't feeling you. Like she said, you're a nice guy and all but there's something about you that she doesn't like. At least that's how I see it.

 

As far as the DVD goes, I'd be like: "Damn right it's you, you're the one stealing my DVDs, woman!"

[fishtaco]

Pretty common.

 

I would not worry about the DVD. When you date someone, any money or time you put in is "placing your bet". When you don't win, you're supposed to lose your bet. So bet small. $10 DVD is small unless you're starving. If you're starving why did you spend $10 on a DVD instead of food.

 

This is also why you want to multi date. Multi dating really fixes a lot of dating issues.

 

And remember that "it's not you it's me" line. It means no without being in your face harsh like an actual "no". Don't worry, you'll get to use the same line on women in the future.

[Taramere]

What the ++++ does its not you its me mean?

 

I think it means "don't tie yourself in knots trying to figure out whether there's something seriously wrong with you. I'm just not feeling it, that's all, and that's why I want to end the relationship. It's not that there's something horrible about you that needs to change."

 

As opposed to "you drink too much, and you're an obnoxious drunk" or "you appear to have a bi-polar disorder"...or anything else that seems unlikely to change and is having an adverse effect on your partner.

 

It's a bit of a cliche, but you can't really knock someone for trying to end the relationship without making you feel that there's something wrong with you as a person. Well - I suppose you can if you want, but it probably won't achieve much.

[marlena]

Marlena, lol...

 

Ok.. You call a guy, pick him up, take him out every week,plan things, pay for dinner, pay for movies,(for 6 weeks) etc, and then he just ignores you and stands you up..

 

 

I'd be upset, distraught, disappointed, missing him If I liked him a lot, perhaps a bit angry but the last thing on my mind would be the money. I paid because I wanted to not because I expected to be reimbursed in any way!!!

[Trialbyfire]

OP, this is what dating is all about. You date people so you can find the person who you're into, to have a relationship with. Not every dating situation is going to turn into a relationship.

 

I do have to vent. If you try to keep an open mind and date someone for awhile, even though you're not feeling it, then realize it's not going to work, you get crapped on for it. If you turn someone down for a second date since you're not feeling it, you get crapped on for not keeping an open mind. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

Whether she's being gentle or being honest, does it really matter? In the end, no one enjoys rejection. You can also look at it another way. She could have continued this for much longer, then dropped the hammer when you were fully invested.

[fishtaco]

I'd be upset, distraught, disappointed, missing him If I liked him a lot, perhaps a bit angry but the last thing on my mind would be the money. I paid because I wanted to not because I expected to be reimbursed in any way!!!

 

Heh, good answer.

 

The problem comes from that some men don't understand the purpose of spending money on a date. A date (unless with a gold digger), isn't about money. It's about spending time together to get a good feel of the other person. That's the #1 objective. What you eat and what you do is actually secondary. The money is spent not to impress the girl, but to create the opportunity to hang out together. Then you impress her with you, and see if she managed to impress you back.

 

Some men would go all out, buy gifts even. Then when things don't work out they feel like they threw their money away. No, that's because they used their money for the wrong purpose. The money is for purchasing the food and drinks so you can have the opportunity to converse and interact. And if a guy goes, that's all I'm getting out of it? Then I'm only willing to spend $15. Ok fine, take her to a $15 place. $5? Ok, take her out for coffee. $0? Fine, take her to the park. Be creative. She's big on gay rights? Take her to a protest, $0. She's into art? Take her to an "art walk", those are generally free.

 

As long as you can keep the interaction going, you're good. Dinner just happens to be a common way of doing that, and happens to cost money.

 

Throwing money at this dating game won't solve anything for us commoners. Don't get me wrong, money works wonders. Men with lots of cash are like women with killer bodies - doesn't mean they'll be good relationship partners, but they are highly sought after. Money works, period. But you have to be pretty damn rich. Not many people can claim that.

[calazhage]

I'd be upset, distraught, disappointed, missing him If I liked him a lot, perhaps a bit angry but the last thing on my mind would be the money. I paid because I wanted to not because I expected to be reimbursed in any way!!!

 

Marlena, I think he would much much rather prefer the girl than the money. I think the DVD is more principle. He took her out for 6 weeks, put thought into it, and she just didn't show, AND kept his DVD. Then of course, the money is also thought of. It does not grow on trees. But you don't pay/plan/pursue so you have no idea what it is like.

 

Multi dating? Taking out 3 or 4 girls in a rotation gets expensive. Who has time for that anyway?

[ruggy]

Dating multiple women at once. Becomes expensive. Hence I try on to focus on one. Obviously this ain't working too well. It is what it is. However, if I did not call her out on the "forgetting" of the Friday night, we would had still gone out this past Saturday. As you know, the damn restaurants jack up the prices. If I continued to just go along and mosey on by, I would had been stiffed with that too. But I did push her to the litmus test and she showed her true colors. Hence, I was smart enough to wake-up and see she was playing me. For what, I think a safety, nothing more.

 

I can dig that someone is not interested in me. I have not issues with that. It is the way she did it. Why continue on with something for no reason. I would had rather had a dead honest opinion earlier than the who shenanigan. I loved it when she said she did not pay games and said it like it is. Obviously, she wasn't what she believed. Then to steal my DVD, yes steal, is unbelievable. Crazy. Just crazy. Going to be more nimble in future dates. This behavior (from an "older" woman none the less) will probably influence future dates. Need to be better on my game.

 

Luckily I don't hold grudges..

[fishtaco]

Multi dating? Taking out 3 or 4 girls in a rotation gets expensive. Who has time for that anyway?

 

Whether you multi-date or not, the percentage of finding someone with chemistry that also happens to not be psycho is the same. So you either date one at a time, or multiple ones at a time, your choice. But you'll end up going through the same amount of women anyway. It's not like if you don't multi date, suddenly you get higher quality women.

 

Multi dating is easier on you mentally. If you get rejected, you don't feel like you're back to square one, you still have others on the hook. It also makes you less susceptible to mind games, like mixed signals, hard to get... etc. It's also more fun, at least to me.

 

However hobbies are important, for me. I will multi date until it cuts into my hobby time, then I won't increase my roster anymore (or I'll kick one off to make room). I'm comfortable with 3. 4 would cut into my hobby time, and 5 is just too much.

 

As for the money, I have a real job. I can afford normal dates. I never do anything extravagant anyway. That's reserved for someone that has earned it. But there are other LS members that are very good at no-money dates. I think Surfer Dude (? not sure if I got his name right) seems to never spend money on women, but he gets them anyway. So there is a way. Although personally if you can't even afford to go on dates, I would say you should be working on your financial situation first. Dating is fun, relationships are important, but there are more important things in life. Priorities.

[movingonandon]

The cliche is actually generally accurate, but it is so overused that it has lost its meaning. I wish women were able to own their feelings and were just able to say "Hey, please don't second guess yourself, you're just not what I'm looking for/I'm not attracted to you/whatEver". Making it sound that the break up is a function of some personal quirky pathology over which have no control over does not make is any more endearing or pleasant for anybody involved .

[fishtaco]

I loved it when she said she did not pay games and said it like it is. Obviously, she wasn't what she believed.

 

LOL. Never believe what women say. In fact, never believe what anyone say. Action speaks louder than words. Cliche, but golden words to live by.

 

The women that say they don't play games often are the ones that do. The women that say they don't want drama often have a whole boatload full of it waiting to unload on you.

 

I'd trust a woman that never said anything about games more than one that voluntarily said she doesn't play games without any prompting from me. And I never prompt, it's a pointless question to ask.

 

When people do something, a lot of the times it's to cover for something else. For example, I've had the unfortunate run-in with a woman that seemed to be overly considerate. After we got close, I found out it's because she's extremely selfish. She covers that up by being extra considerate whenever it's convenient for her to do so, to keep the illusion that she's a considerate person. But when crunch time comes, it's all about her and what she wants. If she doesn't get what she wants, get ready for extreme passive aggression. What a gem.

[ruggy]

So the old saying applies? If their lips are moving, chances are they are lying?

 

Or use them and then loose them?

 

 

Either are not how I envisioned women, but maybe my ideology of them should change.

[anne1707]

Sorry but I really have had enough of all this self pity and moaning about a $10 DVD.

 

In one of your other threads you said:

 

Lets say you were dating a couple of times or so and your girl of the day gives you oral sex. You want to recipocate, but concerned about the STD possibility. So early on it is not easy to get a STD test especially after she just pleased you. What do you do? Run in to CVS for dental dam? Do people even still use that stuff anymore? What I hear is it is easier to get and STD from oral sex on a woman than on a man, larger opening.

 

Is this the same woman? Did you tell her how you felt? That you felt she was an STD risk whilst you were more than happy for her to go down on you? If so, can't really blame her for not calling you.