An update

[MotherGooze]

You can read my situation here and here

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t178859/

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t179094/

 

 

Well. Thought I'd give an update. Yesterday, around noon, I called him because he promised me to help moving and I had to set a date and such. And a few hours later he was at my door. He was feeling horrible and we spend rest of the day together. These are the things he said:

 

- He told me he felt really bad about ending the relationship, and he wish he didn't. Still he thinks he had no other choice, because I pushed him away, but he feels horrible about it, because he misses me and my son. (He's right, I pushed him away, I was such a bitch in the end)

 

- He feels empty like something is missing. He says he feels so empty that he can't get back with me, because he first has to get this feeling away.

 

- He says he still cares for me a lot. He thinks about me everyday, and several times when he get's back home from work he stood on my doorstep instead of his.

 

- He says he's not sure we'll ever get back together because of the pain he's feeling. ( he was crying when he said that )

 

 

- He says that he doesn't want to lose me because he thinks about me all the time and we connect more then he ever felt connected with anyone else. I'm the only person he'll ever talk to about certain things, and he has no secrets from me. He says I'm the only one he can be the real him with.

 

- He says that now I'm so happy and got my life under control, he's afraid to ruin it again and make me unhappy again (he really thinks he's the cause of me being unhappy during the relationship). (I said i didn't think that would happen)

 

Well that all confused the hell out of me, because he did kiss me and we hold hands the whole day and cuddled and hugged. He does sweet things like caressing my hair for an hour and smiling at me, and looking all lovey dovey at me. I feel that he still loves me, but is so hurt that he's looking for answers. But i don't think I can give them. I can only be there for him as a friend, allthough I want more, if he can't decide I won't give him more then that. But last night, we were more then friends, and I'm worried about it. I don't think he took advantage of me, because of my feelings for him. There are too many signs to see that it wasn't just physical attention he needed. He wanted to talk with me about so many things, my plans for the future.

 

Now what do I do, give him time?

[Ronni_W]

Hey, MG.

I think just continue to listen to your own Intuition. In one of your previous posts, you said that N/C felt like what is in your best interest right now.

 

You can't, in any case, "give time" to him. It is up to him to take whatever time he needs.

 

IMO, he is correct that he needs to heal his own stuff before he will be able to be a really strong and fully engaged partner for anyone else.

 

Leave him to it, and focus on your OWN goals, needs, healing, etc. That is, FOLLOW YOUR OWN INTUITION...it has a deep knowledge and wisdom of what is in YOUR best interest. IMO.

[MotherGooze]

He said: 'you're my angel and your my nemessis and my mind hasn't made up yet what you really are'

 

He thinks that I will hurt myself again, and he can't stand to see hurting myself.

 

Oh well....I feel very sad now. Allthough he hasn't made up his mind yet, he still sees me as a 'sick'girl with psychological problems.

[Ronni_W]

Did he specifically SAY that he still sees you as someone with overwhelming-to-him mental/emotional issues?

 

If not, I'd caution against attaching YOUR interpretation to HIS words, and then telling yourself it is fact. Also not wise to make everything he says about you. Turn it around so that you know that he is communicating about himself 99.99% of the time. That is true for most of us...if not 100% of the time .

 

What you quoted is giving you information about HIM, and HIS feelings and thoughts. From HIS perspective, if you were in HIS shoes, what is it that you'd be trying to tell the person to whom you said that?

 

OTOH, if he DID say, in a clear and direct way, that he finds your issues overwhelming, and/or if you guys are communicating on entirely different levels (as in, you're not properly interpreting his meaning) then your intuition is STILL correct and N/C is STILL your wisest next step.

[MotherGooze]

I want to thank you for all the advice you've given me. You are right 100%, but just like him I'm having a hard time with letting him go.

 

Last night he came over again and we cuddled again. Dididn't kiss this time though. It's like he can't miss me and I can't miss him. We talked a bit more about my psychological problems and he said he knows that I'm a stronger person now, and that he's seen that, but that he want to give it some time first and not to rush things. I agree with that of course. So that eased my mind. With that said, I decided to focus more on other things, and let him do initiative.

[MotherGooze]

So...another update:p

 

last night he came over again, said he wanted to see me. We wtached some tv together and I noticed he was having troubles about something. I asked him what and he said 'you'. He said I'm his beautiful girl and that he still cares for me a lot, really a lot lot. But he thinks he can't make me happy. I responded by saying that I don't need him to be happy but that I love him and want him around to make my happiness more complete. Then he kissed me and we made out. And it was all very loving and touching. He said so many sweet things.

 

I think he's leaning more forward to approching this into a relationship. He calls me everyday, steps by everyday. He said he missed me allthough he had seen me the day before.