pelicanpreacher Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Been awhile since I posted. I thought I was doing OK, keeping busy, etc. I thought knowing that my stbx didn't want to be in my life was enought for me to move on. But in the last couple of days I had nagging questions on why she didn't becuase I never fully understood. I drove past her new place and saw a car in her driveway. I ended up calling her to talk and she told me her girlfriend was over watching TV. Well, I ended up going back and waiting for them to leave, following them, and finding out it was a guy from her work. When I contronted her she still denied anything was going on, and claimed that her girlfriend had been over earlier too. She still swears on our sons life that there is nobody else. Anyway, I said my piece last night. How I felt this was all her decision, etc. and that she walked away when the going got tuff, etc. I am so angry at her though. How do I not end up hating her? Judas Priest, do you have to catch this guy on the downstroke before you believe the truth in your eyes before the lies in your ears? Until you can accept what you see and have seen over the trail of her words there's little advice that anyone can give to help you move forwad. You need to grow up and start looking at the big picture. She doesn't want you, she's committed to a life without you, and she is involved with someone else to replace you! Though rejectiion be a jagged little pill promising excruciating pain to swallow you need to get it down your throat, digested in your stomach, and dumped from your body the next time nature calls for only once through and out of your system will you find a big wide world beyond the bathroom door. You've been constipated with denial for too long so its time to sh#t or get off the pot! Link to post Share on other sites
suzanne2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Amen to that Pelican.... Listen to this guy, he know what he is talking about Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillshocked Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 I hear you, but would anyone actually swear on their sons life and then lie? I mean who could do that. Maybe I am gullable but... But you are right. It is time to swallow that pill. Thanks for posting. Link to post Share on other sites
suzanne2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 She is a liar and what liars do is lie - and very well I might add. You need to put as much distance between her and you as possible. For your own sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 She was already cheating with this guy and jumped for joy inside when you confessed to her. Reason to exit. Bit*h. Divorce her. Oh year but be sure to tell her mom that she was cheating on you. At least let her get some hell from her family. Link to post Share on other sites
newscs Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 lostsunset, Involving family to pick sides is not fair. I would not recommend that. All of us here in this forum have not been perfect, nor does that exist. We need to own our mistakes and correct them not invite others to play our game. If this couple will be going through divorce/separation each of them will need lots of friends and family support. peace Link to post Share on other sites
newscs Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Flash582...I really appreciate your advice to stillshocked. Time does heal and in the end the kids are more important. Link to post Share on other sites
newscs Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Flash582...I really appreciate your advice to stillshocked. Time does heal and in the end the kids are more important. Link to post Share on other sites
cyabye Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 lostsunset, Involving family to pick sides is not fair. I would not recommend that. All of us here in this forum have not been perfect, nor does that exist. We need to own our mistakes and correct them not invite others to play our game. If this couple will be going through divorce/separation each of them will need lots of friends and family support. peace Whatever . Whos knows what she is telling her family about him. I'd expose the whole thing to everyone. Been there done that and it was the right thing to do. Perfect? C'mon. She is the one who broke the wedding vows and keeping him on the back burner like cake eaters do. cyabye Link to post Share on other sites
newscs Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Two sides to every story. We only know one. I just had a friend commit suicide over a bad divorce and 3 weeks later wife died of a stroke (both were in their early 40's). Now there are 2 parentless kids . Family picking sides does not solve the problem. Give them the support they need to move on so no one offs themselves. This should not be war of the roses...no one won in that. so, yeah Whatever! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Would she swear on her son's head and still lie? Yes and no? Yes she could be telling the truth in that he's "just a friend" but most women I know would not expose their children to just any man in their lives let alone of their home? (Things that make you want to go hummmmm!) I dated my last LTR GF for three months before she introduced me to her DS10 and even showed me where she lived. (She was separated at the time, about her son and said she wanted to go slow) She could literally be telling the "truth" but its her version of the truth, in that she's not slept with him yet, or she's not "closed the deal" in so far as progressing the relationship to where she feels safe to jump from one relationship to another. She may be getting her ducks in a row with him, while keeping you tethered to the side. That is to say, she may not have actually "sealed the deal" but there are "IOI" on both parties side. (IOI = Indicators of Interest) at any rate you can bet your your horse, saddle, Colt 45, hat, and Hell even the ranch your not the one she falls to sleep dreaming of at night? And you can bet same that your not the one she's got on her mind during her waking hours either. She's already emotionally left you at the very least and your going to play Hell and pay the devil in getting her back. She's in "AF" ~ affair fog, and at the very least she's having an EA (emotional affair) with this Joker. She's off in fantasy la~la land. A lot of that could be driving this is that she could be "peaking" sexually, as most women do so as early as their early twenties to early forties. The nerve endings in a women's vagina are not even fully developed in most women until their mid thirties. Even if this clown is just a friend from work ~ what is he doing over at your wife's apartment. Most women I know who are in a rational state of mind ~ wouldn't even let him inside of the front door unless there was some romantic ~ intimate interest. Why? "Anti-Slut Defense" A very strong culturally-socially induced response that women are conditioned from childhood. So much so that its almost sub-conscious. And its not that she's so much concerned that you will find her to be a slut, but that her family, co-worker, boss, neighbors, and most importantly of all? Other women. And its more than that? Who wants to be used and abused and then discarded once they're done with you ~ had their way with you? You yourself have already described the reasons? You went to a strip bar and got a lap dance, and you were emotionally unavailable. To most women? Just kissing another woman = cheating! Getting a lap dance? Cheating! Flirting? Cheating! Eye-balling another woman? Cheating! In her mind your a cheat! (Sorry! I didn't write the rules!) It doesn't even have to be another woman? It could be your career, your job, sports, golf, hunting & fishing, your family, drinking, gambling, drugs, "gaming" ~ but for most women if your not making them 1. Happy the vast majority of the time 2. Entertained with your company ~ pleasant to be around 3. Smiling 4. Laughing 5. Secure ~ mentally, emotionally, physically, financially its your @ss, which they will all so happily hand to you as they walk out the door! Its not so much what you can do now, as what you should have been doing. The best thing you can do now is go NC, as if you were a nuclear sub under the freaking polar ice cap. "Run silent ~Run deep!" Acknowledge your faults, short-comings mistakes, and identify your weakness as an individual, person, man and human being. Get to working on yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. Admit that you screwed up, (primarily because you just didn't know any better) For the love of Pete ~ shut up! The more you try to fix it, and the more you say, the more you pursue ~ the further you push her away! Don't take it to DefCon4, pull back and re-group. Adapt, improvise and over-come! Worse case? She leaves you for another man, divorces you, all of which means this? "Damn! I've got to go and find myself some new GF(s)! DAMN THE BAD LUCK! Damn! I get to go where I want, when I want, how I want, as I want, wear what I want, with who I want as I damn well please! I don't have to go to all those "formal" occasions and talk to people that I don't even know ~ all those weddings, anniversaries, birthdays with people and relatives I don't even know or like? I get to spend my money the way I want? On what I want? I get to play the music I like as loud as I want, and watch something besides freaking "Lifetime" or "Chick-Flick" on TV! I get to go and meet new people! Date new women ~ and your complaining about this in your early thirties? WTF? From Joe Dolce song "Shadda Up You Face!" "What's-a matter you, hey, gotta no respect What-a you t'ink you do, why you look-a so sad It's-a not so bad, it's-a nice-a place Ah, shaddap you face" Bottom line? Its the end of your marriage! Not your Life! Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Would she swear on her son's head and still lie? Yes and no? Yes she could be telling the truth in that he's "just a friend" but most women I know would not expose their children to just any man in their lives let alone of their home? (Things that make you want to go hummmmm!) I dated my last LTR GF for three months before she introduced me to her DS10 and even showed me where she lived. (She was separated at the time, about her son and said she wanted to go slow) She could literally be telling the "truth" but its her version of the truth, in that she's not slept with him yet, or she's not "closed the deal" in so far as progressing the relationship to where she feels safe to jump from one relationship to another. She may be getting her ducks in a row with him, while keeping you tethered to the side. That is to say, she may not have actually "sealed the deal" but there are "IOI" on both parties side. (IOI = Indicators of Interest) at any rate you can bet your your horse, saddle, Colt 45, hat, and Hell even the ranch your not the one she falls to sleep dreaming of at night? And you can bet same that your not the one she's got on her mind during her waking hours either. She's already emotionally left you at the very least and your going to play Hell and pay the devil in getting her back. She's in "AF" ~ affair fog, and at the very least she's having an EA (emotional affair) with this Joker. She's off in fantasy la~la land. A lot of that could be driving this is that she could be "peaking" sexually, as most women do so as early as their early twenties to early forties. The nerve endings in a women's vagina are not even fully developed in most women until their mid thirties. Even if this clown is just a friend from work ~ what is he doing over at your wife's apartment. Most women I know who are in a rational state of mind ~ wouldn't even let him inside of the front door unless there was some romantic ~ intimate interest. Why? "Anti-Slut Defense" A very strong culturally-socially induced response that women are conditioned from childhood. So much so that its almost sub-conscious. And its not that she's so much concerned that you will find her to be a slut, but that her family, co-worker, boss, neighbors, and most importantly of all? Other women. And its more than that? Who wants to be used and abused and then discarded once they're done with you ~ had their way with you? You yourself have already described the reasons? You went to a strip bar and got a lap dance, and you were emotionally unavailable. To most women? Just kissing another woman = cheating! Getting a lap dance? Cheating! Flirting? Cheating! Eye-balling another woman? Cheating! In her mind your a cheat! (Sorry! I didn't write the rules!) It doesn't even have to be another woman? It could be your career, your job, sports, golf, hunting & fishing, your family, drinking, gambling, drugs, "gaming" ~ but for most women if your not making them 1. Happy the vast majority of the time 2. Entertained with your company ~ pleasant to be around 3. Smiling 4. Laughing 5. Secure ~ mentally, emotionally, physically, financially its your @ss, which they will all so happily hand to you as they walk out the door! Its not so much what you can do now, as what you should have been doing. The best thing you can do now is go NC, as if you were a nuclear sub under the freaking polar ice cap. "Run silent ~Run deep!" Acknowledge your faults, short-comings mistakes, and identify your weakness as an individual, person, man and human being. Get to working on yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. Admit that you screwed up, (primarily because you just didn't know any better) For the love of Pete ~ shut up! The more you try to fix it, and the more you say, the more you pursue ~ the further you push her away! Don't take it to DefCon4, pull back and re-group. Adapt, improvise and over-come! Worse case? She leaves you for another man, divorces you, all of which means this? "Damn! I've got to go and find myself some new GF(s)! DAMN THE BAD LUCK! Damn! I get to go where I want, when I want, how I want, as I want, wear what I want, with who I want as I damn well please! I don't have to go to all those "formal" occasions and talk to people that I don't even know ~ all those weddings, anniversaries, birthdays with people and relatives I don't even know or like? I get to spend my money the way I want? On what I want? I get to play the music I like as loud as I want, and watch something besides freaking "Lifetime" or "Chick-Flick" on TV! I get to go and meet new people! Date new women ~ and your complaining about this in your early thirties? WTF? From Joe Dolce song "Shadda Up You Face!" "What's-a matter you, hey, gotta no respect What-a you t'ink you do, why you look-a so sad It's-a not so bad, it's-a nice-a place Ah, shaddap you face" Bottom line? Its the end of your marriage! Not your Life! Gunny's always on the mark. No better advice here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillshocked Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 Would she swear on her son's head and still lie? Yes and no? Yes she could be telling the truth in that he's "just a friend" but most women I know would not expose their children to just any man in their lives let alone of their home? (Things that make you want to go hummmmm!) I dated my last LTR GF for three months before she introduced me to her DS10 and even showed me where she lived. (She was separated at the time, about her son and said she wanted to go slow) She could literally be telling the "truth" but its her version of the truth, in that she's not slept with him yet, or she's not "closed the deal" in so far as progressing the relationship to where she feels safe to jump from one relationship to another. She may be getting her ducks in a row with him, while keeping you tethered to the side. That is to say, she may not have actually "sealed the deal" but there are "IOI" on both parties side. (IOI = Indicators of Interest) at any rate you can bet your your horse, saddle, Colt 45, hat, and Hell even the ranch your not the one she falls to sleep dreaming of at night? And you can bet same that your not the one she's got on her mind during her waking hours either. She's already emotionally left you at the very least and your going to play Hell and pay the devil in getting her back. She's in "AF" ~ affair fog, and at the very least she's having an EA (emotional affair) with this Joker. She's off in fantasy la~la land. A lot of that could be driving this is that she could be "peaking" sexually, as most women do so as early as their early twenties to early forties. The nerve endings in a women's vagina are not even fully developed in most women until their mid thirties. Even if this clown is just a friend from work ~ what is he doing over at your wife's apartment. Most women I know who are in a rational state of mind ~ wouldn't even let him inside of the front door unless there was some romantic ~ intimate interest. Why? "Anti-Slut Defense" A very strong culturally-socially induced response that women are conditioned from childhood. So much so that its almost sub-conscious. And its not that she's so much concerned that you will find her to be a slut, but that her family, co-worker, boss, neighbors, and most importantly of all? Other women. And its more than that? Who wants to be used and abused and then discarded once they're done with you ~ had their way with you? You yourself have already described the reasons? You went to a strip bar and got a lap dance, and you were emotionally unavailable. To most women? Just kissing another woman = cheating! Getting a lap dance? Cheating! Flirting? Cheating! Eye-balling another woman? Cheating! In her mind your a cheat! (Sorry! I didn't write the rules!) It doesn't even have to be another woman? It could be your career, your job, sports, golf, hunting & fishing, your family, drinking, gambling, drugs, "gaming" ~ but for most women if your not making them 1. Happy the vast majority of the time 2. Entertained with your company ~ pleasant to be around 3. Smiling 4. Laughing 5. Secure ~ mentally, emotionally, physically, financially its your @ss, which they will all so happily hand to you as they walk out the door! Its not so much what you can do now, as what you should have been doing. The best thing you can do now is go NC, as if you were a nuclear sub under the freaking polar ice cap. "Run silent ~Run deep!" Acknowledge your faults, short-comings mistakes, and identify your weakness as an individual, person, man and human being. Get to working on yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. Admit that you screwed up, (primarily because you just didn't know any better) For the love of Pete ~ shut up! The more you try to fix it, and the more you say, the more you pursue ~ the further you push her away! Don't take it to DefCon4, pull back and re-group. Adapt, improvise and over-come! Worse case? She leaves you for another man, divorces you, all of which means this? "Damn! I've got to go and find myself some new GF(s)! DAMN THE BAD LUCK! Damn! I get to go where I want, when I want, how I want, as I want, wear what I want, with who I want as I damn well please! I don't have to go to all those "formal" occasions and talk to people that I don't even know ~ all those weddings, anniversaries, birthdays with people and relatives I don't even know or like? I get to spend my money the way I want? On what I want? I get to play the music I like as loud as I want, and watch something besides freaking "Lifetime" or "Chick-Flick" on TV! I get to go and meet new people! Date new women ~ and your complaining about this in your early thirties? WTF? From Joe Dolce song "Shadda Up You Face!" "What's-a matter you, hey, gotta no respect What-a you t'ink you do, why you look-a so sad It's-a not so bad, it's-a nice-a place Ah, shaddap you face" Bottom line? Its the end of your marriage! Not your Life! Thank you for this Link to post Share on other sites
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