herenow Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Any OW/OM who thinks they're not settling for scraps is delusional. Sadly, the BS is also settling for less. It's a sad situation for all I'm sure. Problem is, the BS isn't aware of why she is getting less than she deserves. My guess is if she knew that her H was having sex with someone else, she wouldn't be as accepting of it as the OW is. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Problem is, the BS isn't aware of why she is getting less than she deserves. My guess is if she knew that her H was having sex with someone else, she wouldn't be as accepting of it as the OW is. I would agree with that. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I would agree with that. and the "eyes" have it! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 and the "eyes" have it! very clever! I did just notice our similar avvys. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 It so interesting that whenever I post about my situation I'm told that I'm either in denial or my H didn't tell me the "whole" truth. I think it's because some OW find it hard to believe that, at least in my case, there was no emotional bond. I know the OW believed that my H loved her because he never said he didn't. He never said he did (and that really pissed her off), but he never said he didn't. So, she took that as fact that he did love her. She continually begged him to tell her that it wasn't all about sex and he wouldn't answer. True, he never lied to her, but he just avoided telling her the truth, which allowed her to come to her own conclusions. That's why she had so many meltdowns, but still continued having sex with him, because she believed what she wanted to believe despite how he treated her. I'm not saying he loved me during the affair because I really don't think he did. I don't think he was really capable of truly loving anyone because of his own self loathing at the time.Herenow, I didnt say you were in denial. How long did the A last? If it were only casual sex , why would she have meltdowns? Usually one has a meltdown when the other 'promises something and then does not come through. For her to continue havinbg sex with him he had to be telling her something. I dont think women just keep holding on, suffering in pain, melting down ..etc, if he was not at least acting on his part. Because no guys dont keep getting sex by being an *******. OMG, I think I have been threadjacking, sorry op:o Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Hereand now, I didnt say you were in denial. How long did the A last? If it were only casual sex , why would she have meltdowns? Usually one has a meltdown when the other 'promises something and then does not come through. For her to continue havinbg sex with him he had to be telling her something. I dont think women just keep holding on, suffering in pain, melting down ..etc, if he was not at least acting on his part. Because no guys dont keep getting sex by being an *******. OMG, I think I have been threadjacking, sorry op:o I can't answer for her. I have no idea why she would continue having sex with him, he was a true a**hole in every way to both of us. Her meltdowns, from what I could tell were out of frustration that she wasn't getting what she wanted from him. She wanted more time, more emotion, she wanted him to "open up to her about his true feelings" she wanted real dates outside of her apartment. I heard it all and IMO, she was very frustrated. She loved him and believed that he loved her because, like I said, he never told her he didn't. He did keep showing up at her door and she kept letting him in. Why? I don't know. I just remembered something: one time he even brought the condoms, because she did say that he should never show up empty handed and he wanted to buy something they could use. I think I even chuckled at that one when he told me. That is an a**hole move if I ever heard one. But, she still let him in and had sex with him even though they both knew they had more than enough condoms already. And then she got pissed at him later for not being more thoughtful. Wow, I forgot most of this stuff. I guess he was just too good for her to resist standing there with condoms in hand. I don't know why women continue affairs when they aren't getting what they want. Can't answer that one now and I probably never will be able to shed any light on the situation. Actually, Tom Lykus (spelling?) tells all his listeners to be a**holes because that is what women find attractive. Not a Tom fan myself, but maybe he has your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 That condom story was something HN! Wow, and she still let him in? You know something...and watch me get bashed for this, but I can admire a prostitute more than an OW like this. I mean at least the prostitute is smart enough to get PAID, right? The OW in your case was being treated like one but wasn't smart enough to get paid. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 That condom story was something HN! Wow, and she still let him in? You know something...and watch me get bashed for this, but I can admire a prostitute more than an OW like this. I mean at least the prostitute is smart enough to get PAID, right? The OW in your case was being treated like one but wasn't smart enough to get paid. Probably due to the fact that she was in love (and foolishly believed he was also) and love never requires payment. Love is about giving, and she was hurt that he didn't give in return (actions did not match words) hence the meltdown. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 That condom story was something HN! Wow, and she still let him in? You know something...and watch me get bashed for this, but I can admire a prostitute more than an OW like this. I mean at least the prostitute is smart enough to get PAID, right? The OW in your case was being treated like one but wasn't smart enough to get paid. Well, she did get some hefty cash bonuses, but I can't say that she was a prostitute. Prostitutes are able to remove emotions from their job. This woman really loved my H, she had no idea that she was dealing with an addict looking for a fix. If she said no, he would have found someone else. She was just willing to give him what he wanted and she hoped he would return her proclamations of love. His affair had nothing to do with her, me or our marriage. It was all about him and she was unable to see that. As long as women are willing to have sex with MM, men like my H will continue to get their fixes. Again, if he hadn't been caught and faced with the reality that his actions had consequences, there is no doubt in my mind (or his) that he would have continued having affairs. Probably not with the first OW, because she was asking him for more than he was willing to give. But, I'm sure there would have been another OW just as willing to accept less. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Probably due to the fact that she was in love (and foolishly believed he was also) and love never requires payment. Love is about giving, and she was hurt that he didn't give in return (actions did not match words) hence the meltdown. Exactly right WF. And the gifts that she demanded he bring with him helped her believe the fantasy. I don't think it was payment as much as a way for her to think that he cares because he brings her gifts. I'm sure the fact that she said he wouldn't be let in empty handed is lost in the fantasy. If anyone wonders how I know that she said it, it's because she constantly reminded him in VM's and emails. What frustrated her is that he didn't give to her emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 So, back to VDay. From my point of view, there was nothing wrong on the VDay during my H's affair. We bought each other gifts, had a romantic dinner at home (sent the kids to spend the day with my mom) and had great sex. I had no idea he was having sex with an OW at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 his W and he did not celebrate. (He does not like VD or any other day where you "have" to celebrate, and it would make little sense for them to celebrate since they are about to get separated.) If my H was having his EA during this time' date=' I wouldn't have noticed because [b']we don't celebrate the day.[/b] He has lots of autonomy so he wouldn't have needed to come up with a lie to be absent. What's all this about married couples not celebrating VD?? (That's Valentines Day, not Venereal Disease.) Does it just become insignificant after years of marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 What's all this about married couples not celebrating VD?? (That's Valentines Day, not Venereal Disease.) Does it just become insignificant after years of marriage? Some couples (married and not married) just do not like celebrating Valentine's Day. I also think it is normal not to feel like celebrating VD while you are separating, divorcing, breaking up or going trough a relationship crisis. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Probably due to the fact that she was in love (and foolishly believed he was also) and love never requires payment. Love is about giving, and she was hurt that he didn't give in return (actions did not match words) hence the meltdown. whiteflower thats what I mean , actions did not match the words" He must have been telling her SOMETHING, and he is not admitting it to herenow out of fear, I suppose. But I cant believe its that cut and dry. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Probably due to the fact that she was in love (and foolishly believed he was also) and love never requires payment. Love is about giving, and she was hurt that he didn't give in return (actions did not match words) hence the meltdown. Its like he says to w, look honey, I treated ow like S**T, listen to all these stories I have to tell, See? So can I come home now? Where in actuallity he talked future, love , and whatever to the ow....But a ws would NEVER admit this to the BS. NEVER>>>>> Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Maybe in the middle of effing these guys are saying something like "Oh baby, you're the best" and they're taking that a little too seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 What's all this about married couples not celebrating VD?? (That's Valentines Day, not Venereal Disease.) Does it just become insignificant after years of marriage?:lmao::lmao::lmao:That was really funny open book... Veneral Disease:lmao::lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 or the Significant Other becomes the insignificant other.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Maybe in the middle of effing these guys are saying something like "Oh baby, you're the best" and they're taking that a little too seriously. I am taking A, not a one night stand..... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Its like he says to w, look honey, I treated ow like S**T, listen to all these stories I have to tell, See? So can I come home now? Where in actuallity he talked future, love , and whatever to the ow....But a ws would NEVER admit this to the BS. NEVER>>>>> By saying this, you're saying that herenow is lying then. And I doubt she is. The cheating spouse will tell ALL - they'll do ANYTHING to keep from losing their marriage once everything is out in the open. The BS will DEMAND that everything be out on the table. They have no choice. And by then the cheater has already been exposed. So of course they'll tell all. They have too much to lose by NOT telling. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 or the Significant Other becomes the insignificant other.. Lizzie... be good:p Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Lizzie... be good:p I'm always good.. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I am taking A, not a one night stand..... So am I. Some of these women ARE treated like one night stands in every way other than the fact that it goes on for a little while. But they seem to be ok with it since they continue it. Heck, just read the stories on here. There's quite a few like this. They get almost nothing emotionally really from these guys...just little bits and pieces. The guys give them JUST enough to keep them hanging on and spreading their legs. The women take just the smallest little compliment or any little scrap and blow it up to give it more meaning that it really has. That's why I used the "baby you're the best" example. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I'm always good.. GRRRRR....I guess the eyes don't have it anymore herenow! Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 By saying this, you're saying that herenow is lying then. And I doubt she is. The cheating spouse will tell ALL - they'll do ANYTHING to keep from losing their marriage once everything is out in the open. The BS will DEMAND that everything be out on the table. They have no choice. And by then the cheater has already been exposed. So of course they'll tell all. They have too much to lose by NOT telling.Touche. I AM NOT SAYING that herenow is lying, so dont go there, I am having a decent repectful conversation, ok? You are right, the ws needs to talk, especially after being caught. But Hello, if they are lying, cheating bastards, why would they tell the truth, especially if their ass is on the line. Link to post Share on other sites
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