Being friends to rekindle...

[John]

My girlfriend of 4 months and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I walked out because while we were fooling

 

around, she said that she was just having a hard time getting turned on by me. This was about the third time

 

she had made a comment like this in the time we had been seeing each other, but it had been a couple of months

 

since the last mention so I figured things were getting better on her part. (In the interim, she had made

 

comments like "my feelings are growing".) She said this while I was practically inside of her, I was really

 

hurt and left. I called her up the next day, she said "I don't know what to say" and I said "there isn't

 

anything to say...when can we get together to exchange personal possesions?". She is 30 and was a virgin

 

before we met, I'm 38. I figured that if she was attracted to me enough for me to be her "first", great, then

 

we may have a future. Did I bail too soon? I really love this woman and would like to grow old with her, she's

 

not so sure about me. She left a note for me saying that she would like to be friends when and if I was ready

 

and if it works great, if not then we'll take it from there. I called her today and told her that I wanted to

 

take her up on her offer. She was glad I did and we spoke for a little while, then she said something like

 

"okay, we'll talk later". So it boils down to this, do I let her know that I want to try again right away or just

 

play it cool, spend time together as "friends" and see was happens? Please help. -John

[Tony T]

It sounds like your lady may just be brutally honest and without tact. My guess is a lot of ladies may feel the same way she does about the sexual experience at times but just don't have the guts to say it.

 

So she is just very honest. Well, for you that was bad because it hurt you. If you would have had better communication in your relationship, you could have used this opportunity for her to teach you exactly what kinds of things about you or men in general do turn her on.

 

I think this lady is frighteningly honest and may be worth sticking around for a while if you can use that trait to your advantage. Instead of being hurt, talk about her honesty and how the two of you can use it to an advantage. And also discuss with her the importance of using tact in how she communicates her feelings. Perhaps you could just touch on the possibility she might not express a few things that may be inappropriate or hurtful to you or others.

 

You might consider not being bothered so much by her brutal honesty and maybe developing a bit of a sense of humor about it. Don't let your ego come into play so much.

 

It's really up to you but my vote is to keep her around if both of you are willing to work on yourselves.