Handsome men = a rarity

[movingonandon]

So what if she is overweight or not in good shape? She may be a good person. People often grow on you.

 

This society devalues overweight women and men who are not fit. Maybe I see this more as a man who has never been fit. Overweight does not equal ugly in a women to me. In fact some women who are overweight I find very attractive.

 

Actions speak louder than words in all of this and many people of both sexes are overly picky about outward looks, yet overlook some of the most basic things like are they a good person inside. Now that would be a must for me, being a good person.

 

 

I'm not big on ****ting on media etc. (a pathetic past-time for poor humanities types, IMO ) but the prevailing stereotypes has probably influenced my own preferences, at least a bit, and that's why it took me a while to grow fond of my current girlfriend. She certainly's got some curves, but the the funny thing is that she's actually perfectly proportionate and in fact *much thinner* than most girls, given that so many are overweight (she's 5'2", ~120 lbs). The thing is, I was so *wrapped up* in the barbie doll build (which I still prefer - my ex was 105 lbs of the same height), that it took me forever to come back from this and realise that there is absolutely nothing wrong or unnatractive about her . she can still loose some weight and conform to my 'young boy' ideal, but she doesn't have to . I'll just wave the dessert cart away when we go out .

 

Things are different for men though. Unless you're Tony Soprano or Orson Wells, I don't think any man looks good with any 'curves'. The problem is that many men out there have both baby faces AND are also a bit on the chubby side. You can't pull off the "boyish charm" thing if you have any amount of fat what-so-ever... If you're going to have some junk in the trunk, better make sure you look like Don Corleone in his heyday too

[CaliGuy]

Anyone else think that there is an infinitely larger number of good looking women, than good looking men?

 

I am not attracted to women but I never go out without seeing several attractive women--but I can go a week without seeing a handsome man.

 

Generally handsome men are in such short supply, that it is impossible to find one that is available, and if he is, chances he wants a relationship are not high. The dating and sociological implications are obvious.

 

I wonder if it has always been this way or if it is regional or if women just have so many more ways to beautify themselves?

 

Now I am not restricting myself to handsome men but more eye candy would sure be nice!

 

Hmmmm....I'm very handsome, confident, intelligent, atheletic and have good credit. What's NOT to like about me? Maybe I'm a rare commodity in today's market, but I am sure there are a ton of other guys like me out there.

 

Maybe what you think is handsome is more like "drop dead gorgeous" which is much more rare than being handsome.

[Isolde]

Isolde, if I didn't know better, some of your posts come across as you almost being drunk and randomly posting whatever thought flitted through your mind. No offense, but if this is how you conduct yourself on a daily basis (saying/posting whatever you happen to think at the moment), you might come across as vapid and "just kinda there"

 

I post whatever comes to mind. No, I don't talk in this fashion nor about these subjects with people that I see day to day. Perhaps my thinking is just not your style. I admit that I can be scatterbrained, but vapid, no way, that's just hurtful.

[Isolde]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article694620.ece

 

This article actually says it has been proven that more women than men are attractive nowadays due to natural selection.

"According to research, attractive parents are 26% more likely to have a daughter than a son as their first child. It is an inexorable process that has resulted in women becoming increasingly more attractive than men. "

 

Maybe it's a crock of BS but hey, there is SOME support for what I'm saying, somewhere. At least I'm no more drunk than the scientists...

[Star Gazer]

Isolde, while you claim to seek a certain "aura" or "force" with a man, admittedly you require that aura or force to be coupled with an objectively very attractive appearance and style. Sometimes I find your focus a little superficial and vain, at least compared to myself, and Touche, who have, and would, be much more forgiving in the outward-appearances department.

 

You claim to have zero options right now. I'm fairly certain that between your striking intelligence and own level of attractiveness, you're not lacking in suitors. Thus, it must be YOUR criteria that cause your loneliness.

 

I can really only chalk this up to a certain immaturity. And I don't mean to be insulting by saying that, but you are young. Given time I think your perspective will change and you'll find yourself seeing that "aura" and "force" in men you would have considered objectively less attractive when you were younger.

[Double Oh Seven]

There's lotsa handsome guys out there but we don't show off.

[Isolde]

Isolde, while you claim to seek a certain "aura" or "force" with a man, admittedly you require that aura or force to be coupled with an objectively very attractive appearance and style. Sometimes I find your focus a little superficial and vain, at least compared to myself, and Touche, who have, and would, be much more forgiving in the outward-appearances department.

 

You claim to have zero options right now. I'm fairly certain that between your striking intelligence and own level of attractiveness, you're not lacking in suitors. Thus, it must be YOUR criteria that cause your loneliness.

 

I can really only chalk this up to a certain immaturity. And I don't mean to be insulting by saying that, but you are young. Given time I think your perspective will change and you'll find yourself seeing that "aura" and "force" in men you would have considered objectively less attractive when you were younger.

 

Ironically, I currently like someone for his personality this time. He's cute, but not really handsome.

 

BTW, I haven't been approached in months, so don't say that I'm not lacking in suitors. I really am!

[Isolde]

 

Maybe what you think is handsome is more like "drop dead gorgeous" which is much more rare than being handsome.

 

No, I swear I'm not as picky as everyone on this board makes me out to be. It's hard to express what I mean sometimes.

[movingonandon]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article694620.ece

 

This article actually says it has been proven that more women than men are attractive nowadays due to natural selection.

"According to research, attractive parents are 26% more likely to have a daughter than a son as their first child. It is an inexorable process that has resulted in women becoming increasingly more attractive than men. "

 

Maybe it's a crock of BS but hey, there is SOME support for what I'm saying, somewhere. At least I'm no more drunk than the scientists...

 

 

Makes perfect sense from evolutionary perspective: the female needs to be as pretty as possible in order to motivate the male to drag her by her hair into his cave and do as mother nature ordered (and you don't have to be pretty to be able to do that, just strong - especially to fight off the other dudes, if the chick is particularly pretty! :laugh:). Another cruel joke civlisation and 'empowerment' played on mating

[Storyrider]

Isolde, while you claim to seek a certain "aura" or "force" with a man, admittedly you require that aura or force to be coupled with an objectively very attractive appearance and style. Sometimes I find your focus a little superficial and vain, at least compared to myself, and Touche, who have, and would, be much more forgiving in the outward-appearances department.

 

You claim to have zero options right now. I'm fairly certain that between your striking intelligence and own level of attractiveness, you're not lacking in suitors. Thus, it must be YOUR criteria that cause your loneliness.

 

I can really only chalk this up to a certain immaturity. And I don't mean to be insulting by saying that, but you are young. Given time I think your perspective will change and you'll find yourself seeing that "aura" and "force" in men you would have considered objectively less attractive when you were younger.

I have to agree with Star here (not about I. in particular, but about young women in general) because I saw this tendency in my younger self and have seen it younger posters.

 

Don't get me wrong, women should never compromise when it comes to what turns them on.

 

But here is how men and women differ--and of course this is just my opinion--when women get fussed about whether a man is visually "attractive", it is b/c they are imagining what the rest of the world will think of him and not whether his looks "do it for them." In fact, I believe an immature woman will reject a man who she finds attractive if she thinks other women will disapprove of the way he comes across in public.

 

With most men, how she looks is usually all about how she makes him feel. They really don't have this self-consciousness about how others will perceive them as a couple.

 

Yes, I know I'm generalizing at the above doesn't apply to all situations.

[Isolde]

Funny, but my mom says the same thing--that I'm immature and inexperienced and therefore superficial. But she married a pretty good looking man so I don't think she has the right to judge me.

[Star Gazer]

But here is how men and women differ--and of course this is just my opinion--when women get fussed about whether a man is visually "attractive", it is b/c they are imagining what the rest of the world will think of him and not whether his looks "do it for them." In fact, I believe an immature woman will reject a man who she finds attractive if she thinks other women will disapprove of the way he comes across in public.

 

This is SO true. I've absolutely been guilty of this in the past.

[Isolde]

The truth is, when I reject people it's because I'm either genuinely turned off or because I don't like their personalities. I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER REJECT SOMEONE FOR HAVING ONE OR TWO FLAWS, PEOPLE!

 

Maybe I should shut up... and end this incoherent mess of a thread?

[movingonandon]

With most men, how she looks is usually all about how she makes him feel. They really don't have this self-consciousness about how others will perceive them as a couple.

Yes, 100% true. Incredibly hot women are not necessarily always attractive in this sense - they often make me feel more like "um, a lot of work" rather than send me the "rest your head on my tummy, sweetie" (which is what ultimately makes a nice sunday afternoon )

[Kamille]

But here is how men and women differ--and of course this is just my opinion--when women get fussed about whether a man is visually "attractive", it is b/c they are imagining what the rest of the world will think of him and not whether his looks "do it for them." In fact, I believe an immature woman will reject a man who she finds attractive if she thinks other women will disapprove of the way he comes across in public.

 

 

Very true... I've seen myself struggle with the "what my friends think" reflex. But generally, if what I start thinking about my friends' opinions, it's because I'm not into the guy to begin with.

 

That being said, in a way, I have always thought something along the lines of Isolde with the exception that I seem to be a lot more boy crazy then she is... I see good looking men everywhere, but I feel like there are a great many more good looking women out there. Perhaps it's just grooming? Women spend a lot more time and money on their looks then men will. I was looking at pictures of a party I attended on Facebook and the difference between the men and the women's 'hotness' level was noticeable. All the girls had made an effort to look good, and most of them acheived their desire to look hot. Meanwhile, in the background, you had men with beards and plaid shirts. (Not that there's anything wrong with beards and plaid shirts )

[Star Gazer]

Funny, but my mom says the same thing--that I'm immature and inexperienced and therefore superficial. But she married a pretty good looking man so I don't think she has the right to judge me.

 

Just because she happened to marry a good looking man doesn't mean that his appearance was at the top of her list at the time. Sometimes a gal just gets lucky.

 

The truth of the matter is, Isolde, that younger women are, in fact, less experienced and do tend to be more superficial than women who are older with more life experience.

 

It's not an evolution or maturity you need to force. It'll happen over time. As you mature, you'll find MORE men attractive.

 

Unfortunately, by the time you do, most of them will already be married!

[Star Gazer]

The truth is, when I reject people it's because I'm either genuinely turned off or because I don't like their personalities. I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER REJECT SOMEONE FOR HAVING ONE OR TWO FLAWS, PEOPLE!

 

Maybe I should shut up... and end this incoherent mess of a thread?

 

I, for one, am not basing my opinion based on this thread alone. You do have an external focus... at least right now.

[Miss Ting]

Anyone else think that there is an infinitely larger number of good looking women, than good looking men?

 

I am not attracted to women but I never go out without seeing several attractive women--but I can go a week without seeing a handsome man.

 

Generally handsome men are in such short supply, that it is impossible to find one that is available...

 

AMEN! I have ALWAYS felt the same way. And you're right, it probably has something to do with the fact that women have so many more ways to beautify themselves, versus men, who are all naturale. Chances are, if we had to see women the same way we see men (no makeup, no plastic surgery, just what good Genes and random, god given physical qualities has given us), we wouldn't be so much more attractive as a whole.

 

I thought it would be impossible for me to end up with someone I found wildly attractive for this very reason (scarcity). Luckily for me, I met an insanely attractive man (by my standards of course ), recently and to my surprise, he was looking for the same things I have been looking for. Just the luck of the draw I tell you!

[fral945]

BTW, I haven't been approached in months, so don't say that I'm not lacking in suitors. I really am!

 

That's really hard to believe. You must be either:

 

a) hideous looking

b) so attractive that you are intimidating (and give off that aura)

c) live in a cave

[Isolde]

Just because she happened to marry a good looking man doesn't mean that his appearance was at the top of her list at the time. Sometimes a gal just gets lucky.

 

The truth of the matter is, Isolde, that younger women are, in fact, less experienced and do tend to be more superficial than women who are older with more life experience.

 

It's not an evolution or maturity you need to force. It'll happen over time. As you mature, you'll find MORE men attractive.

 

Unfortunately, by the time you do, most of them will already be married!

 

I'm trying, believe me.

There are days when I see several guys around that I find attractive. There are days when I see none.

 

I don't think I'm really that bad.

 

It may be of interest, that I was pretty awkward growing up. I got attention from boys in high school, but I hadn't grown into my features or my personality at all. I still feel that way, sometimes, though the exterior is much better looking now.

[carhill]

OP, here's the conclusion of a letter I sent to a good friend on V-day:

 

So, to sum up, I think we're imperfect people in an imperfect world doing the best we can and, on this day of Saint Valentines, a day of recognizing the worthiness of love, I share these thoughts with you and thank you for being my friend, a friend whom I've always felt was worthy of the best and highest of myself. Wherever your path may take you, look next to you and I'll be there.

 

IMO, if you're summarily dismissing people because of three or even ten flaws, you're doing yourself a disservice in life. Take a real hard look in the mirror and I think you'll find that your perception of others is merely (and profoundly) a reflection of yourself

[movingonandon]

OP, here's the conclusion of a letter I sent to a good friend on V-day:

 

 

 

IMO, if you're summarily dismissing people because of three or even ten flaws, you're doing yourself a disservice in life. Take a real hard look in the mirror and I think you'll find that your perception of others is merely (and profoundly) a reflection of yourself

 

 

If people took this seriously, there would be almost no break-ups except in the rare cases of true dealbreakers.

My view is that *everybody* has flaws. If they are flaws that I can live with and we have no major disagreements about basic life goals, (and your bootie is hott enough ) we should be getting married .

Or, as stated above, dismissing people on the basis of flaws says more about my own fears, than about them as a person .

[Star Gazer]

I'm trying, believe me.

There are days when I see several guys around that I find attractive. There are days when I see none.

 

What do you mean "see several guys around" that you find attractive? Do you already know these men?

 

I don't think you're "that bad" either. But you give yourself and men such a hard time for not putting 2 and 2 together, like there's some part of the formula you're missing. You seek explanations - by even relying on some silly study about attractiveness - to justify or explain why you haven't met anyone who rocks your world.

 

Sometimes all it takes is an open mind and a WHOLE LOT of patience. Like they say, you find it when you're least looking for it. Like Touche, while she was recovering from a divorce. Or TBF, when she literally got stuck in snow.

 

It may be of interest, that I was pretty awkward growing up. I got attention from boys in high school, but I hadn't grown into my features or my personality at all. I still feel that way, sometimes, though the exterior is much better looking now.

 

Interesting. I'm not sure what significance this has. Perhaps because you went from a proverbial ugly duckling into a beautiful swan you now place the same expectations on others?

[carhill]

dismissing people on the basis of flaws says more about my own fears, than about them as a person

 

IMO, within the context the OP has stated here, I would agree. The key IMO is examining both the perceived flaw and the underlying reasoning for it being considered a negative. True incompatibility (or compatibility) can only be discerned over time, absent obvious dealbreakers (each defines those for themselves). None of us are perfect, no matter the shell we present to the world. IME, the true long-lived friendships I've had have resulted from acceptance rather than judgement, absent those dealbreakers (which I determine for myself). Although the OP's opinion will likely differ, no dealbreaker for me turns upon physicality (e.g. physical appearance). IMO, life is too short for such specific judgement, not to mention the mirror it throws up regarding my own image in the world.

[Isolde]

Just a couple more things before I get on to my work (yes, I do productive things, who knew?)

 

*I don't think being picky about looks in a romantic sense makes one shallow. After spending some time with a new friend I stop thinking about whether they are attractive or fashionable or not. I only care about the connection and the feelings.

Like it or not sex brings a different set of requirements to the table. I cannot imagine being intimate with someone significantly overweight or someone I found repulsive. That is my right, and a right which I think around 50% of women would probably claim also.

 

*I find myself lucky to have an appreciation of male beauty, not burdened.

 

*I genuinely think that the notion of women being the fair ones and men being the savage pursuing beasts is outdated by a few thousand years. Even the knights of the Round Table were said to be handsome.

 

*If one learns to let go of some of one's standards, that's awesome, but it's a journey that can't be forced. The whole beauty of being in relationships is you get to learn some of the deeper parts of being human, with someone that is compatible with you.

 

*For all the guys on this forum saying they're not picky about how girls look, there are millions of above average looking women who get rejected because guys aren't turned on enough by them.