movingonandon Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I predict American women will soon realize we have options, too, and marry foreign born men. J/K--I think plenty of American men are gorgeous you just gotta find them. That will be harder than the other way around . Many american men go the foreign route because they're simply tired by the demands of their american girlfriends, so why would foreign guys want to invite more trouble than they deal with in their country . (American guys married to asian girls - increasingly common. American girls married to asian men - not so much. Applies to all other continents/countries. i think that many american girls are simply unable or unwilling to form relationships with foreigners. On this one, I speak from experience. I've studied, and worked, primarily with foreigners, and I've been amused by the stubborn preference for the all-american beer-chugging, country-type boy, in spite of so many reasons to go the other way --> mind you, I'm talking about charming educated, and often well-off french, italian, and british guys, not about curry-infused indian guys. Yet, on average, they quickly got tired from the american girls, and had a much better success and time with the south-american and eastern-european chicks instead . Not to turn this into another gender-bashing thread, but - on average, and with the obvious exception of all here LS ladies, the american woman is not exactly the most feminine creature on the planet . Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Hahaha. Well it's possible but a lot of foreign people are not gonna be big earners, and as we have amply learned women are by and large unwilling to marry down financially whereas men have (mostly) no issue with it. My co-workers have married a Japanese woman, a Vietnamese woman and a Bulgarian woman. Educated women but they have to reset their careers. This is not necessarily the true reason. About half of the science PhDs are awarded to foreigners, so many of them are doing pretty well. Others come in as skilled (H1B) workers, so again, they're doing well. I think that the reason why such marriages won't be more common anytime soon is simply girls' unwillingness to step outside of their comfort zone . (While guys are perfectly willing to step out of their discomfort zone ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 That will be harder than the other way around . Many american men go the foreign route because they're simply tired by the demands of their american girlfriends, so why would foreign guys want to invite more trouble than they deal with in their country . (American guys married to asian girls - increasingly common. American girls married to asian men - not so much. Applies to all other continents/countries. I've seen increasingly more Asian man--American woman couples, but usually the guy is American born or American bred. often well-off french, italian, and british guys, not about curry-infused indian guys. No need to resort to ugly language moving on... keep it nice Not to turn this into another gender-bashing thread, but - on average, and with the obvious exception of all here LS ladies, the american woman is not exactly the most feminine creature on the planet . I agree that American women are not the most charming, but I think extreme femininity is a dumb criterion for a partner--I don't ask for extreme masculinity from a guy, in fact that would scare me off. I think compatibility is the most important thing and maybe those guys were more compatible with the foreign women because of shared values. This is why I would never say I'm going to date only foreign guys though I do like them better... because I view people as individuals, not as nationalities. If I had my choice, though, I'd marry a European or even Australian guy over an American guy, so this thing about stepping outside the comfort zone... isn't really true. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 This is not necessarily the true reason. About half of the science PhDs are awarded to foreigners, so many of them are doing pretty well. Others come in as skilled (H1B) workers, so again, they're doing well. I think that the reason why such marriages won't be more common anytime soon is simply girls' unwillingness to step outside of their comfort zone . (While guys are perfectly willing to step out of their discomfort zone ) Doing well, yes, but their careers do take a short term relocation hit. The women who my co-workers have recently married are educated and make good money but American women are not by and large gonna attract high earning foreign men as those men also have options, one of which is, as you state, to often become a high earning American man and then marry a woman from the old country. This is precisely what many of the marriages I see here are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 An all American guy, that is also cosmopolitan, is ideal. They do exist, but there's not a whole lot of them. [by cosmopolitan I do not mean pseudo-intellectual or even just well read--but one who is intensely aware of the ways of other countries.] Not a requirement for me, though. There are too many things that are way more important. Intelligent & openminded but not cosmopolitan is fine by me. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 You just can't seem to find your King Marke, Isolde. You do seem pretty occupied with the looks of the person. You need to date a very handsome man and see if he lives up to your expectations. Experience changes your perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I agree that American women are not the most charming, but I think extreme femininity is a dumb criterion for a partner--I don't ask for extreme masculinity from a guy, in fact that would scare me off. I think compatibility is the most important thing and maybe those guys were more compatible with the foreign women because of shared values. This is why I would never say I'm going to date only foreign guys though I do like them better... because I view people as individuals, not as nationalities. If I had my choice, though, I'd marry a European or even Australian guy over an American guy, so this thing about stepping outside the comfort zone... isn't really true. Femininity is very attractive, and there are plenty of American women who have this trait. However they are often outnumbered and overshadowed by the ones that have fewer positive traits. Based on your idea of shared values... it gives the impression that you are not so happy with your nationality or culture. Otherwise Europeans would not share the same allure to you that they do currently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Femininity is very attractive, and there are plenty of American women who have this trait. However they are often outnumbered and overshadowed by the ones that have fewer positive traits. Based on your idea of shared values... it gives the impression that you are not so happy with your nationality or culture. Otherwise Europeans would not share the same allure to you that they do currently. No need to overanalyze me. I like both American and European men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 You just can't seem to find your King Marke, Isolde. You do seem pretty occupied with the looks of the person. You need to date a very handsome man and see if he lives up to your expectations. Experience changes your perspective. I already know that a very handsome man comes with risks. I'm not stupid nor do I live locked up in a tower. I said in the first post in this thread, that I'm not restricting myself to handsome men, because that's a stupid priority to have. I turned down a total of TWO men last year, and it wasn't just because I wasn't attracted to them at all, it was for a host of good reasons. This year = I have not turned down any men at all, in fact I haven't even been approached. I already told myself that I will only get in a relationship with a guy if he expresses the character traits I want. I may be young, but I am not interested in experimenting with shady characters, just to gain experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaytb Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I already know that a very handsome man comes with risks. I'm not stupid nor do I live locked up in a tower. I said in the first post in this thread, that I'm not restricting myself to handsome men, because that's a stupid priority to have. I turned down a total of TWO men last year, and it wasn't just because I wasn't attracted to them at all, it was for a host of good reasons. This year = I have not turned down any men at all, in fact I haven't even been approached. I already told myself that I will only get in a relationship with a guy if he expresses the character traits I want. I may be young, but I am not interested in experimenting with shady characters, just to gain experience. Do you mind if I ask why you turned down those gents? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 Do you mind if I ask why you turned down those gents? Mix of personality and attraction issues... like most rejections. Since it was only two... and both I met online, I think it's safe to say, that I don't reject people willy nilly or on some ego trip. There needs to be chemistry--if it's not quite there immediately I wait a bit, but if I feel the complete absence thereof, I reject the guy. I'm not going to elaborate upon or defend my dating preferences (where are you, TBF?) because I think that they are entirely reasonable. And no, they don't include being handsome... just sexy to me. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 .................. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 .................. I mean, I'm willing to go on one or two dates with someone I'm not sure of, but no one is asking me out, and why would I make the effort to ask out someone I'm not sure if (if you can see what I'm saying). Ultimately, I also don't see the point in serially casually dating if you know at the outset that they're not relationship material. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 .................. Sorry, just had to note: This may be my best advice ever. Ok I'll run along now. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Sorry, just had to note: This may be my best advice ever. Ok I'll run along now. I tried and tried and tried to grasp the true meaning of your advice and failed. It appears I lack the intellect. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaytb Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Mix of personality and attraction issues... like most rejections. Since it was only two... and both I met online, I think it's safe to say, that I don't reject people willy nilly or on some ego trip. There needs to be chemistry--if it's not quite there immediately I wait a bit, but if I feel the complete absence thereof, I reject the guy. I'm not going to elaborate upon or defend my dating preferences (where are you, TBF?) because I think that they are entirely reasonable. And no, they don't include being handsome... just sexy to me. Ok, sounds reasonable. But in other posts, you seem to complain a lot about guys not asking you out. So I wonder about this because a) you seem unwilling to do anything other than look at guys and b) if you only want to take the passive approach, then you kind of have to take what you can get. I think you can improve your chances by doing a little more than just eye contact. Starting a conversation would work. I know I wouldn't ask a girl out if I have no indication of interest on her part. And eye contact and smiling I usually interpret as being friendly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 Ok, sounds reasonable. But in other posts, you seem to complain a lot about guys not asking you out. So I wonder about this because a) you seem unwilling to do anything other than look at guys and b) if you only want to take the passive approach, then you kind of have to take what you can get. I think you can improve your chances by doing a little more than just eye contact. Starting a conversation would work. I know I wouldn't ask a girl out if I have no indication of interest on her part. And eye contact and smiling I usually interpret as being friendly. Girls are deathly afraid of rejection/embarrassment, just like you are. It's true though, sometimes I feel like I'm just eyeing the guys as if it weren't even possible to exchange words with them, LOL! Thanks for being helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I tried and tried and tried to grasp the true meaning of your advice and failed. It appears I lack the intellect. I think Lincoln is credited with saying: "Better to keep your mouth closed and thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." How could I have forgotten Honest Abe? However, translating my message to morse code reveals the lyrics to "More Than A Feeling" by Boston... weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Jaytb Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Girls are deathly afraid of rejection/embarrassment, just like you are. It's true though, sometimes I feel like I'm just eyeing the guys as if it weren't even possible to exchange words with them, LOL! Thanks for being helpful. I think most guys are nice enough to accept a conversation. If it looks like you're interested, then you'll have a much better chance at them asking you out. (I hope conversations aren't too embarrassing, are they?) Link to post Share on other sites
sand26 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Girls are deathly afraid of rejection/embarrassment, just like you are. It's true though, sometimes I feel like I'm just eyeing the guys as if it weren't even possible to exchange words with them, LOL! Thanks for being helpful. Rejection comes in different sizes. If you are afraid of the slightest rejection/embarrassment this will impede your ability to find a quality guy. The best advice I can give for this, is give guys non verbal permission to approach you. Example, make eye contact with an attractive guy, smile, look away, then look back. That works well for guys who don't need a ton of encouragement. Men who are more shy may require you to verbally approach them first. I will try not to overanalyze you in the future.... at least until I read more of your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 So, OP, since you're going to run into a very handsome man tomorrow, what are you going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I mean, I'm willing to go on one or two dates with someone I'm not sure of, but no one is asking me out, and why would I make the effort to ask out someone I'm not sure if (if you can see what I'm saying). Ultimately, I also don't see the point in serially casually dating if you know at the outset that they're not relationship material. I think that this is a very misleading view - the point of dating is precisely to figure out if that person is maybe a more serious relationship material. There is almost never a discrete point where you "know" that somebody is a relationship material, it is more gradual process, at least for me and many guy friends I've talked to. Link to post Share on other sites
collegekid491 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I mean, I'm willing to go on one or two dates with someone I'm not sure of, but no one is asking me out, and why would I make the effort to ask out someone I'm not sure if (if you can see what I'm saying). Ultimately, I also don't see the point in serially casually dating if you know at the outset that they're not relationship material. Well you know Isolde... I was wondering, im a handsome guy and all... ;) lol! Its just dating, I've dated plenty of girls I regretted giving a second glance to, gotta place a bet to be in the game! Who knows, you may win big. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Ultimately, I also don't see the point in serially casually dating if you know at the outset that they're not relationship material. I couldn't agree more. Serial dating is BORING, I'd rather be out with my friends, that way I am guaranteed a great time. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts