sares Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Hi Im new to this but have found it to be of help in the past. Im looking for advice be it male or female and please be honest. I met my boyfriend on the 6th of September 2008 and instantly felt he was the one wed catted online first then texting then phonecalls never aday without contact. weve had ups and downs the hardest being my gran passing away a couple of weeks after I met Matt. We live two ours apart but see each other at weekends with the very rare exception. Matt was amazing even came to the funeral. Weve never argued and have always been very honest with each other if weve needed to tell the other give us some space wed say it and do it it was always our plan for me to move to him in August as Im job searching then anyway weve talked about marriage and kids we both want the same he even said new years night "Id love to propose to you now" but we decided to wait. Last Wednesday he rang me and said he felt he no longer loved me or at least not as much, we still saw each other the weekend. We spend it talking and crying with some hurtful things being said but no arguments. He basically said he feels like Ive been draining him constantly complaining. That theres too much pressure on the weekend. If its any help Matt works full time IM part time student part time teacher. our plan was for me to work on this and be 'friends' for the next month and start again in a month. This broke my heart yes I acknowledge I have become too moany and too reliant on Matt but I want to work on this (Im seeing a counsellor for coping with grief as I lost my dad a year ago) while staying together. I text him earlier saying all this told him to take his time letting me know. I dont want to give up on this he really feels like my soulmate. I really need advice on what to do next wait for a response and hope for best I apologised in my text for being a moany gf! If he says lets see in a month and stay friends I dont know if I can just be friends but cant lose him either. Sorry for long message but if anyone can help all help gratefully accepted. Were still planning on seeing each other for my birthday in a little over a week. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Hey there Well, first I have to say you'll get a lot more responses if, when you post, you use paragraphs to break it up so it is easier to read. It has been my experience that the continuing to be friends things isn't helpful. The "dumper" has the ability to get all of the support, laughter, etc. from the friendship and really doesn't end up missing the "dumpee". Whereas if that person is suddenly gone from their life and they miss the "dumpee" and there is a better chance of the relationship being reconciled (although the "dumpee" can not just jump in at that point because then that second chance is entirely too easy and not valued as it should be). You can apologize for leaning on him in your time of need but you have suffered a lot of loss in the last year so it is understandable that you would be upset. And of course you are going to trust and depend on the person closest to you! If it were me, I'd be angry that he didn't discuss his feelings earlier so it could have been addressed before it ever got to this point AND it would cause me to question whether I wanted him or not. But again, that's me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sares Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Im still thinking probably too much! Im wondering could I suggest when we next chat about this that I move to where Matt lives in next few weeks rather than august its doable and theres a room in matts house just about to become available so even though wed be closer distance wise we wouldnt have to be in each others pockets matt said part of problem is distance Link to post Share on other sites
Author sares Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 Thanks for the reply I realised how bad my typing was apologies. If Im honest I am angry and hurt he didnt say it sooner he thought it would go away or get better. Not entirely sure why he didnt say it. Matt also told me night before I had an inspector at work which messed that up. I cant be just friends that text I sent him earlier is the last until he decides to text me. It kills me to lose him as I feel we can get back on track and from what I can tell from what he says he does too. Ive had other dates before Matt and 1 other serious relationship but nothing like this. I do go through phases of low self confidence and the last year has taken a lot out of me I didnt realise I moaned so much in hindsight I can see where hes coming from. I know I would cope if the worst happened but I dont feel I can give up without trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sares Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Ive had 24 hours of a restless night a lot of tears and a lot of thinking since I last saw Matt. Today I realised a few things. I think theres a few things going on. Perhaps its post Christmas blues we had a fantastic Christmas and new year hopefully this will get better. Secondly couple of weeks ago we had a pregnancy scare a pretty major one that is still possible to be positive perhaps hes scared??. And yes Im gone back for counselling to cope with my grief it has become a major part of my life understandably so but I need to deal with it properly. Ive made the decision that although its tearing me apart to let Matt contact me make him miss me:) Im not giving up on us but Im hoping well work this out and get back to way we were. I believe were soulmates I really do. Weve always said we want to live together, get married and have children together-hes initiated a lot of those chats. Just the previous weekend while chatting about the scare he said he wants to have kids with me in next couple of years. If anyone has any advice Im all ears!! Maybe Im being unrealistic and me and Matt are over?? Link to post Share on other sites
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