lovinghim Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Hello everyone. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 4 months, I love him with all my heart, I feel like he is my soulmate and he is the one for me. We live together and are very happy. In 2 weeks he is going to be going to a all nude strip club. I have expressed to him my feelings about this and how I am not comfortable and he states that he only goes because his friends want to go. He states that he goes for the atmosphere and the beer. He does not get lap dances, he said that he would never go with a stripper and is totally in love with me and thinks that I am sexy. I know that he does love me and I am somewhat comfortable with my body but I cannot help but feel insecure. I am just wondering from the guys and girls, do you think that I should be worried that my boyfriend is going to a strip club, what do you think about them and deal with any insecurities that come along with it. For the men: why do you go? Link to post Share on other sites
ducknrun Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 For the men there's no other reason than to stare at hot chicks, hang out with friends drink beer and have a good time, at least that’s what my cousin tells me. It's also one of those things you just have to do 18-buy cigarettes, 21 drink (legally and buy), gamble [19 if you go to Canada ] You sound just like my fiancé, because she against me going and having one at my bachelors party. Because you have the insecurity about your body, you’re going to think that he will like what he sees and start looking at you for the same results. If you’re truly as strong together as you think you are then there’s nothing to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Ask him if you can come along ...see how he acts. OR Tell him ok, act cool with it...then show up later on and see what is going on...of course he likes the atmosphere...look whats there! OR Dump him and find a guy that doesn't go to strip clubs and respects how you feel way more than what his friends want him to do..... OR Tell him while he is at the strip club you and your friends are going to the male strip club....bet he is not ok with it! just suggestions...good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Well, the fact that you're even here and asking this question, says you feel you DO have some concern. I don't know if you really have anything to worry about as far as him doing something he shouldn't....BUT the fact that he is even going should be enough....IMO, single guys that go to strip clubs is one thing...guys who are either married, engaged or at least in a long term committed relationships, is really pointless to be there... He says he is going for the beer...you can find beer at the store or in a regular bar. He says he is going because his friends want to go....guess he figures he better tag along then...doesn't want to be the friend that is the wet blanket because he is in a relationship huh? they sound like good influences and HE sounds like he can be easily influenced...probably not a real good sign there. He goes for the atmosphere? Well, yeah sure he does.....lap dances or not...he is still getting s show. Bottom line here is. wheather YOU are insecure or not is not the real issue...its the fact you expressed how YOu felt on the matter...and he is going reguardles of how you feel...it means his feeling and wants and his friends wants...over ride yours....that should tell you something. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 For the men: why do you go? ' Because they want to see another woman besides their significant others with no clothes on. I wouldn't be worried about a significant other cheating at a strip club. What pisses me off is if they feel the need to go see another guy take his clothes off, then she doesn't need to be with me. Its a respect thing. I'd be more concerned with cheating if a SO goes clubbing. But then again, I don't date clubbers and partiers. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 lovinghim, When I was younger, I was very upset at the thought of my then-boyfriend going to a stripclub. A few years later, when I was single, my male friend had his B-day at a strip club and I tagged along. It was laughable!!!! If you have any fears, just GO to a strip club with a friend. Look around, and leave. Trust me, there's nothing to worry about!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I have expressed to him my feelings about this and how I am not comfortable and he states that he only goes because his friends want to go. He's wrong.. he should respect you and not go.. by saying this he's also saying that he prefers his friends.. over you. He states that he goes for the atmosphere and the beer. If he drinks too much .. then he might get into trouble.. we're not stupid.. I know that if I would tell my bf that I don't want them to go see naked dancers.. if they still go.. I'm out of there.. simple.. If he doesn't respect you NOW..(after less than 18 months) imagine after 5 years.. If I were you.. I would tell him that if he decides to go then you and some girls will go see male strippers.. it's that simple.. what's good for him should be good for you.. Link to post Share on other sites
sw1911ct Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 A strip club is the last place a guy should go if he actually wants to do more than get teased (there are some rather seedy exceptions to this rule...) BUT... I had this same discussion with my girlfriend and out of respect for her I just don't go. Not even to my good friend's bachelor party. I got a lot of crap from the boys for that but... I do feel this is overly controlling but no matter how much I pleaded my case to her she wouldn't budge, or at least said well I'll leave it up to you. Of course that was a big fat no! I think it's an insecurity thing. I really wouldn't mind if she went to a male strip club with her friends but thats just me... Truth is she probably sees better looking guys than me everyday without going to a strip club. Guys with nicer cars, more hair, more money whatever... But she is with me and that's security enough. Link to post Share on other sites
chrislovestosurf Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 If I were you.. I would tell him that if he decides to go then you and some girls will go see male strippers.. it's that simple.. what's good for him should be good for you.. I agree, if he says you cant go see male strippers with the same frequency that he sees the female ones, then hes being a little bitch. Throw that at him and see how he responds. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I agree, if he says you cant go see male strippers with the same frequency that he sees the female ones, then hes being a little bitch. Throw that at him and see how he responds. That's probably what he would answer.. it's not the same thing for guys.. we only go for the beer, we don't even look at them.... Link to post Share on other sites
MissDee Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Girl, go with him! This same situation happened to my boyfriend and I. A bunch of his friends wanted to go out to a strip club... so we decided to make a huge date night out of it. They invited their girls along, or if they didn't have one I'd find one for them, and we all went. Link to post Share on other sites
collegekid491 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I personally don't go to strip clubs, ironically enough though my gf has attempted to bring me to one, weird eh? Likely though he's not going to find a substitute for you though, and considering girls think all guys care about is sex, so its no wonder they worry over stuff like this. Its just a guys niche, its somewhere they feel comfortable talking about guy stuff and behaving like men. Your looking into it to deep, if he goes weekly, then you got a case. Like some of the girls said here, you can go with them to one sometimes (you insist on doing it often and he won't feel like you trust him). My gf even see's male strippers, fine with me, she's usually all warmed up for me when I get home!! lol Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleS1983 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Most men act like complete a*ssholes when you get them into a strip bar. Someone in this thread said, "that's where they go to act like men." No, that's where they go to act like juvenile idiots because they're stupid enough to believe a stripper finds them fascinating. She doesn't. A stripper will pretend those drooling idiots are the most fascinating creatures on earth - as long as they're fishing bills out of their pockets and feeding them to her. But here's the amazing part - as soon as the money stops being handed to her, the drooling idiot is suddenly no longer so fascinating to her and she moves onto the NEXT drooling idiot whose stupid enough to start emptying out his pockets her way. Fancy that. I had an old boyfriend that used to go to strip clubs with his buddies occasionally, and he called the strippers "Hoovers." They were like vacuum cleaners, sucking up the money. The minute the money source ceased, they were on to the next guy trying to suck money out of him. Your boyfriend and his idiot friends are no different than the thousands and thousands of idiots before them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovinghim Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 I want to thank everyone for their input. As far as some of the answers on here. He actually did tell me that I could come and see that there was nothing to worry about, he thinks it is funny how all the men think they are important but yet, they are only being paid attention to because of their wallets. He also has no problem with me going to a male strip club, he said that he trusts me. He also does not understand why I am insecure. He never thought that I would be because of my body. I am 5ft 8, 115 lbs, blonde hair, blue eyes and used to be a model. I tell him that no matter what a girl looks like, there usually is always sometype of insecurity. I suppose it is just the fact that he will be watching other naked women and to me, what if he comes home and wants to fool around with me, are they in his head while doing it? Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Is this a special bachelor's party or something, or just an outing with his buds? If a general outing, then no way. Generally, I wouldn't like my guy to watch other naked women, but I would probably tell him to go if it was a bachelor party of a close friend. There is a difference to me. But even then, I'd love it if he wouldn't go if it really bothered me. He actually better offer it or I probably would say no anyway. The poster who said he didn't go in that situation is a WONDERFUL boyfriend! We women must know we come first, over the buddies, or the need to watch strippers. If a guy subjugated my feelings to go to a strip bar, I would leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 In answer to your question about strippers being in his head, I'd say he will probably come home ready to pounce on you.....and of course, you know the reason why. I'd be deeply asleep that night and unable to wake up. But, really, if he knows it bothers you and he goes anyway, then that would hurt me very much if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 If he told you he had no problem with you going, then I'd take him up on that and go. He may have told you that in hopes to put you mind at ease, and hope that since he told you that, you would think things are ok, and he has nothing to hide and you wouldn't want to go after all. So go ahead and take him up on his offer. Tell him you appreciate him saying it was ok for you to go along and that since he is ok with you going to a male strip club, you might just do that sometime. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 A trip to a strip club is a common boys night out activity, especially for stage and such. Dont trouble yourself about it if you are not so much morally opposed to naked women as you are your man going. If he went frequently, or alone..that would be different. Most guys who go with a group...are going to lose interest. It isnt a new hobby, its just a night out. Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Interesting reactions. Strip clubs tend to be pretty boring. I like talking with people, and it's hard to talk to people there! I've been dragged to a couple. The only thing I particularly remember was having a nice young lady wearing almost zip wiggling in my lap (a present from a friend) while we talked about her major and her dog!!! Going with him is actually a great idea - I'd rather have my main squeeze with me. Whether at a strip club or not. Hey, if other women are involved in more than stripping I'd rather have my main squeeze with me, but I don't think she's into it. Here's an odd twist on the matter. This is rapid reprogramming and conditioning. Take him to a family-oriented nude resort for a long weekend. Get all the normal naked bodies feasible. Most women who worry about their looks figure out pretty quick that they're average or better. And it's very relaxing and fun. About 15 minutes of disorientation and then it's fine. And any urge to go to a strip club probably disappears after a couple of visits! My family loves it. The kids are already asking when it will be warm enough to visit. He'll get enough girl exposure for sure. But don't sunburn your ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Even if he says he doesn't mind you going with him.. he probably knows you won't... because his friends will probably feel sorry for him.. Do you seriously think that you will be at ease with a bunch of guys there.. they'll think you're a possessive b8tch. Not a good idea. Tell him that, you will also enjoy a girls' night out at a male strip club soon. Bottom line.. is this.. once you start these stupid games.. it might damage the relationship forever.. Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Bottom line.. is this.. once you start these stupid games.. it might damage the relationship forever.. She's not the one starting stupid games. Going to a strip club with the boys is a stupid game. It's about voyeurism, objectifying women, and sex. And all without her. Looking at pictures or catching a glimpse of women on the street is one thing. Stuffing bills into a garter while some stranger wiggles their crotch in his face is something else. Not quite a hooker, but along the same vein. Unless there's an agreement she's comfortable with. And setting up the agreement now makes sense. If he is going to have mind viruses if he doesn't get his stripper fix once a month, then setting up a boy's night out once a month that she's OK with would be reasonable. I know people who have set up independent nights out that involve FWB relationships, lots more potentially threatening than strip joints. But that's a mutual thing agreed to carefully. When one resents what the other is doing, that's an issue that needs to be addressed to prevent emotional distance from arising. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Yup, resentment is what kills relationships. Emotional distancing DOES result from the resentment. Work to kill any resentment. Usually, the simple act of caring about someone's feelings and then behaving to meet their needs kills any resentment. Does your boyfriend do that for you? Don't pretend to be okay with it if you aren't. I would only let my boyfriend go if it was a special bachelor's party and he didn't touch any of the strippers. But, if I didn't trust his friends, then all bets would be off. I wouldn't want him there. So, you must consider many things. Let your feelings guide you, and don't worry about trying to be "cool" and "laidback" about things. That's how you get your boundaries moved. If it bothers you, he shouldn't WANT to go. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 lovinghim, When I was younger, I was very upset at the thought of my then-boyfriend going to a stripclub. A few years later, when I was single, my male friend had his B-day at a strip club and I tagged along. It was laughable!!!! If you have any fears, just GO to a strip club with a friend. Look around, and leave. Trust me, there's nothing to worry about!!!! There is alot of stuff to worry about if your SO is going to a strip club. He is not going for the beer or to hang out with his buddies. He could go to a bar for that and probably get the beer for alot cheaper. He is going to stare at naked women. There is no reason why a man in a relationship shold go to a strip club when his SO says she is against it. If he cares about her and the relationship at all he should not ever go to a strip club. Link to post Share on other sites
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