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[samprez]

Got it all...was just trying to deal with my thoughts, that's all.

[whichwayisup]

Got it all...was just trying to deal with my thoughts, that's all.

 

But do you understand what I'm really trying to say to you?

 

You shouldn't be allowing yourself to think those types of thoughts when it comes to her and her husband PERIOD. Gotta push that away and refocus on you and your wife. I mean, have you told your wife about these thoughts? How do you think SHE would feel knowing you're wondering and kind of keeping the door open a crack? Because that's what you're doing.. If MW left her husband, chances are you'd either go back into the A or would you leave your wife?

[samprez]

Look, I get it. Like I've said a million times, I'm detoxing here. I'm quite sure that alcoholics think about a drink when they are moving away from their daily habit. I've been dealing with this 24/7 for a while, I'm moving away from it. I think the first thing for me was to get my logical side going. For example. The overwhelming sense of loss or miss. I don't have that feeling in my stomach that I used to get thinking of "missing her" or losing her. That's a big deal for me. It gives me a level of confidence to deal with any challenges that come up from this in future. I was concerned about her husband because of there is contact between our spouses, us or all 4 of us (my wife is dying to call him) then I fear all of the work I've done with my W over the past period of time will be lost.

 

I want everyone to just go their own way. But I'm processing through this. I'm mad at me, I'm mad at her (MW) and I'm trying to cope. I've been reading this board for a while, and everyone has to go through their own process. I used to fear NC or the idea that me and MW would NEVER communicate again. Now I'm at the point where I think that was a stupid fear and that life will be just grand without her...big step. I've had questions to ask; which I think is normal and I'm asking them, that's all.

 

BTW, I'm embarrassed by my behavior and the things I said or felt about the MW. I didn't react well to things and I said things that she and I will only know that I can't believe I said to someone other than my wife. Trust me, there is a price being paid because none of us in this situation can undo what has been done or unsay what has been said. And I'm not Superman, so thoughts and frustrations and regret and missing and angst will be what I deal with for a while.

[2sure]

What an amazing coincidence that being caught cheating has made you realize you dont miss OW, that her behavior has been crazy, and that you want your marriage. These revelations usually happen when the affair partners have to actually deal with consequences. Getting caught does not stop an affair - the consequences do.

 

But I'm just going to address your question, because I get it, and you sound sincere in the asking.

 

OW is traditionally thrown under the bus by MM. I assume this is part of the reason you have desperately stopped your wife from calling her or her husband. Lets be honest here, we are anonymous afterall.

 

So, you can BET if MW gets caught - she will throw YOU under the bus. Its the way its done and a natural reaction. Her throwing you beneath the wheels will involve describing how you seduced , took advantage, conned, and possibly stalked her. She must depict herself as the victim. Her descriptions/excuses will make her H more angry at you than her.

 

Think of what you have told your wife. OW will tell the same things to her husband. The difference is, men are generally more action oriented than women. If he finds out , he may throw his wife out, but not until he brings it to your doorstep.

 

The scary thing here is this. He may not dig for months, a year. He knows who you are. Even if you go NC, should she ever give him reason to suspect (even w/o you, but w/ someone else) he is going to come back to you.

 

The best thing you can do is this if you have the stomache for it:

 

Pre-emptively Convince your wife that both of them are crazy.

[samprez]

Tuff room

 

Here's the deal. Literally the day before I was caught, I had arrived at the decision to punt on this. I was feeling bad about everything and have finally arrived at the conclusion that it was time to move on. I felt that MW and I had done enough damage at that point, and I was personally tired of the ups and downs of this type of relationship. I wasn't mad at her at the time, disappointed in myself for allowing this to go on and to not have used my logic and walked away. The pull was too strong. I made peace with myself and decided I would be done and walk away, deal with the separation anxiety and just get on.

 

I got caught the next night because I didn't delete the trash folder on my PC and my wife found an email that I had written. Terrible stuff. Here I was ready to move on. We were in a NC timeout and then MW got drunk and texted me the next weekend and a new cycle started again. I hate that. It's not entirely fair to say that my getting caught was the reason I decided to get my act in gear. I slipped again and now I'm on my way to moving on!!! Good for me.

 

To your point on throwing under the bus. I didn't throw OW under the wheels. I took 100% of the ownership of my actions. Regardless if the OP throws out the bait, if you took it, you took it. I took it. I decided to not be particularly difficult on OW because it ultimately was my fault. I'm not a stupid person and I allowed myself to react to her and cause this to occur. I did explain to W what it was that caused me to respond to her, but I avoided blowing her up. I'm sure she did blame me; but she was caught not only in communication with me, but lying about it. So while I have no idea what she said to H, she likely has the issue of doubt in play based on her having messed with names in the cell phone and the 2 points of time on the timeline.

 

Your point is well taken, as a H, I would NEVER let this go.

 

I'm also asking my W to not contact them because I think we've done enough damage to each others families and I don't think it will give her the relief she is seeking. I'm anxious to work through this in counceling and give us a chance. Make sense?

[samprez]

No yelling.. Just COMPLETE understanding.. Keep telling YOURSELF that "I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife......" So when the OW calls, YOU are already there and it should be alot easier to be convincing. Don't wait for her to call.. You either love your wife, LIKE A WIFE, or you don't. If you don't, DO WHAT IS RIGHT.

 

**ok, a little yelling** the picture that you paint here is it is like your wife is your mommy.. You are in trouble, and you are awaiting your punishment. Gee, will it be I am grounded? Or no X Box for a week? Maybe I have to eat all of my vegetables...

 

You have painted a picture that your WIFE barely exists and definately is not ranking in the Top 3 of the players in this game.. And you know this too... Think about her, man..... WTF?!?!?

 

Wife is great. I messed up. Really hurt her. Hard for me to see her sad. I am lucky to have her and I have to work to earn her back. She wants this work so I'm blogging here and doing my thing to make that happen with a clear mind. I lost my way.

[stampdaddy]

Wife is great. I messed up. Really hurt her. Hard for me to see her sad. I am lucky to have her and I have to work to earn her back. She wants this work so I'm blogging here and doing my thing to make that happen with a clear mind. I lost my way.

 

Listen, I get it.. I needed/need this place too as a way to sort things out. Throw out my true feelings and sit back and sift through the responses. Some are BS, but most are right on, and the thing is, the TRUTH sucks sometimes.. So, you are doing the same, and you get a little defensive when the truth slaps you in the mouth. Keep it up, though.. Most of these people posting to you I "know". Have seen their posts enough and know their stories enough to know that they mean the best for you. Me too. BUT, we are gonna call it like we see it. So on that note: you are STILL lost. And that is OK. You ain't over OW, and you ain't 100% into your marriage. You KNOW this. You are trying, but it is NOT where you are, and I don't think you know it's where you want to be..

Question to a previous post you made: Did you REALLY decide that the affair was something you didnt want just the day BEFORE getting caught?? Do you realize that is "textbook" protocol AFTER getting caught to say that? Mine said it. I have seen 100 others say it too.. Just asking

[jwi71]

By golly I think he GETS it.

 

Now, throw yourself 100% into fixing your M. You either get busy fixing it or you get busy leaving it.

 

I am a BS (betrayed spouse). I perfectly understand what your W is going through. In a word, hell.

 

Advice I would give you:

 

1) NEVER lie. EVER. Every lie, no matter how small or innocuous will bring your A roaring back to the forefront of her mind. And it destroys the fragile trust you are rebuilding. Don't.

 

2) She asks a question you answer it. Rule 1 above applies. She wants to know what moans came out of her mouth - tell her. I purposefully picked an extreme example there - but if she wants to know, you tell her. Comprende?

 

3) Give up your privacy. No cell, no email, no IM, no social sites...nada. If you must have any of those things, you are REQUIRED to provide her FULL access at HER whim. I would even ask you to volunteer a keylogger for her. If you have nothing to hide...then you have nothging to hide.

 

4) No more going out unless SHE approves of it. You are required to contact her and be home ON TIME. Your late and guess what she is thinking...yup, you're cheating again.

 

5) MC. Both of you and now. I don't know if you are already but if not - go. Its really hard at first and now I personally look forward to it. Personal growth (and growth in the M) are wonderful.

 

You CAN have it all back. Its a long and painful fight...but you CAN recover. She CAN forgive you. You CAN survive.

[samprez]

I travel for business. I'm on airplanes and in hotels and alone a lot. I was flying the day I arrived at my decision and was just sitting on the plane thinking about the mess (pre-caught) and how I was tired both mentally and physically from the A. Like I said, way toooo much time to think and I used it on that trip to get my head on straight. I was alone for literally 9 hours. So when I got to my destination, I called one of my confidants and said, "dude, I'm done, it'll be hard but I can't do this anymore, my W deserves better and I'm not being productive." So I had made the decision and was feeling good that I finally got there, and then the roof caved in on me. That's why I decided to not throw OW under the bus when I got confronted. I thought it would sound empty and I didn't want to do that to the W. I had been reading out here before this for a while, and knew all about EA's and was somewhat educated on what I was engaged with. I didn't want to try and diminish my ownership in what happened. I'm being totally honest with you.

 

And I know I'm not "over" OW but I'm over the needs part..make sense? I'm still confused about the emotional part of it (funny enough she liked me cause I am a sensitive guy and I emote). But I do love my wife and as the fog lifts, I can see the value of her and ask myself, "what the hell was I thinking," clearly. I was using cognitive dissonance to justify my actions and I was wrong. Look, I've never, ever backed down from my role in this.

 

So I'm legitimately concerned about the H and having to deal with this further. I don't really hate the OW, I feel bad for her and myself for doing this to ourselves but I'm finally at the point where I'm distancing myself from owning her part in this and only focusing on mine. She's a big girl and new what she was doing too. Am I making any sense?

[samprez]

By golly I think he GETS it.

 

Now, throw yourself 100% into fixing your M. You either get busy fixing it or you get busy leaving it.

 

I am a BS (betrayed spouse). I perfectly understand what your W is going through. In a word, hell.

 

Advice I would give you:

 

1) NEVER lie. EVER. Every lie, no matter how small or innocuous will bring your A roaring back to the forefront of her mind. And it destroys the fragile trust you are rebuilding. Don't.

 

2) She asks a question you answer it. Rule 1 above applies. She wants to know what moans came out of her mouth - tell her. I purposefully picked an extreme example there - but if she wants to know, you tell her. Comprende?

 

3) Give up your privacy. No cell, no email, no IM, no social sites...nada. If you must have any of those things, you are REQUIRED to provide her FULL access at HER whim. I would even ask you to volunteer a keylogger for her. If you have nothing to hide...then you have nothging to hide.

 

4) No more going out unless SHE approves of it. You are required to contact her and be home ON TIME. Your late and guess what she is thinking...yup, you're cheating again.

 

5) MC. Both of you and now. I don't know if you are already but if not - go. Its really hard at first and now I personally look forward to it. Personal growth (and growth in the M) are wonderful.

 

You CAN have it all back. Its a long and painful fight...but you CAN recover. She CAN forgive you. You CAN survive.

 

In no particular order:

 

She has full access to all of my accounts. I walked her through using my cell phone so she can find numbers, texts, etc..I leave it out and unguarded.

 

Call and give her status updates all day

 

MC started that already

 

Been answering all questions

[stampdaddy]

I travel for business. I'm on airplanes and in hotels and alone a lot. I was flying the day I arrived at my decision and was just sitting on the plane thinking about the mess (pre-caught) and how I was tired both mentally and physically from the A. Like I said, way toooo much time to think and I used it on that trip to get my head on straight. I was alone for literally 9 hours. So when I got to my destination, I called one of my confidants and said, "dude, I'm done, it'll be hard but I can't do this anymore, my W deserves better and I'm not being productive." So I had made the decision and was feeling good that I finally got there, and then the roof caved in on me. That's why I decided to not throw OW under the bus when I got confronted. I thought it would sound empty and I didn't want to do that to the W. I had been reading out here before this for a while, and knew all about EA's and was somewhat educated on what I was engaged with. I didn't want to try and diminish my ownership in what happened. I'm being totally honest with you.

 

And I know I'm not "over" OW but I'm over the needs part..make sense? I'm still confused about the emotional part of it (funny enough she liked me cause I am a sensitive guy and I emote). But I do love my wife and as the fog lifts, I can see the value of her and ask myself, "what the hell was I thinking," clearly. I was using cognitive dissonance to justify my actions and I was wrong. Look, I've never, ever backed down from my role in this.

 

So I'm legitimately concerned about the H and having to deal with this further. I don't really hate the OW, I feel bad for her and myself for doing this to ourselves but I'm finally at the point where I'm distancing myself from owning her part in this and only focusing on mine. She's a big girl and new what she was doing too. Am I making any sense?

Of course you are, and I am glad that you are being honest about it, and more so, to your wife.. You are correct when you say that MW is a big girl, and you are a big boy. You BOTH had an affair and NOW that affair should be OVER. You BOTH have spouses and families that need you. Now, who is to say what is to happen to those marriages.. Your wife could be OK now, and you are right, what happens IF/WHEN MW's husband hits the roof? What happens to YOU when that happens?? Do you get on your white steed and go "rescue" MW when she is out on her a-holey? What happens when H starts calling your wife?? What happens if YOUR wife says "see ya!"? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?? The world may never know....

[jj33]

You are making a lot of sense. Now back to the mantra.

 

I love my wife please dont contact me (then you hang up). You dont answer any further calls. You block her emails. You block her number if you can.

 

There is no reason for her to reach you ever. Because you love your wife and you have NO reason to be in contact with this other woman.

 

Yes you may think of her but who cares. If the H calls, there is nothing you can do about it. Maybe its even something you want to raise in MC?

 

But you cant stage manage the world. You cant spend your time worrying about what he can do. It is outside of your control.

 

You will impede your progress in getting over the A if your time is spent worrying about how to counteract the boogeyman (her H).

 

The important thing is that you and your W move forward (assuming that is what you both want). Winning back her trust will be a full time job.

 

If he calls or whatever you just tell W I have NO idea what she told him, people say all sorts of things to defend themselves when caught the important thing is you know that I havent been in contact with her in x months etc and that I love you and am committed to you.

 

You become a team against the interloper (the H) if and when that happens.

 

But the best way of making sure that NEVER happens is to stick to your mantra.

 

I love my wife please dont contact me again - click -

 

Ending it for good now decreases the chance that you will have more problems in the future.

 

I know its painful I am still fending off all sorts of things from MM long since it ended because in his mind the door will always be open. That is just a selfish person's mentality. Someone who is not selfish, will respect your wishes and will only need to be told once.

 

Edited to add: its sounds like fear is motivating you to some extent so remember if you stray from the mantra and write "one last" lovelorn email text etc, that could be the one that H or your W finds that sends thing spiralling into even more of a nightmare.

 

Think of it llike smoking, how do you know when youve smoked so much that you have given yourself lung cancer? You dont but if you stop now maybe youve stopped in time.

 

Noone said it was easy but you have to do what you have to do. In 3, 6 9 , 12 18 months if your marriage isnt working, and you decide to call it quits, then you can make other choices. But for now you have to commit fully to your marriage if you have any hope of making it work.

[Lizzie60]

I didn't read the whole thread so maybe this was said.. sorry if it was..

 

maybe he will look further into this.. maybe not.. if he is really into his family or insecure or low self-esteem.. he might know without wanting to know more.. I'm not sure if I'm being clear..

 

Maybe he will find more without telling anyone.. then pushing everything under the rug.. if he doesn't want her to leave.. he might not push anything.

[2sure]

OK - again, you seem to be sincere or are convincing. Either way. What you are asking about is damage control regarding OW's husband.

 

Since you are worried about that one of these things must apply:

 

1. You have not told your wife everything, in the hopes of sparing her feelings, and fear OW & her H will give your wife new info - undoing all the good work you have done.

 

OR

 

2. You fear physical harm to yourself or your property should OW's H lose it.

 

Which is it so we can move on??

[samprez]

I've come clean. But, my W is reconstructing every minute of our lives since I've given her the time line. So whenever she thinks of a certain day or weekend and she remembers a text coming to me, or something like that, we start over again with the process. We're making progress and in some cases I honestly don't remember what we were texting or when. MW and I texted about regular things a lot. It wasn't about "us" or the flirting and things like that, but just a running daily dialogue about things.

 

So if he calls or confronts, we will have wounds reopened and I want to avoid that. I'm working very hard on this recovery and making my W and work and I fear that any interaction will be a set back.

 

I'm not afraid of him physically. Only if he were to have a weapon of some sort. I'm bigger and more athletic so that part doesn't concern me at all.

 

Frankly, I think it best that our 2 families just go along and leave each other alone. MY W wants to confront MY too; and I'm against that as well. I don't think anything is gained. We all have too much work to do with our own family units.

 

BTW, I'm a golfer and I've learned that if I fudge the score on my card, I'm the only one who gets hurt, right? No need to try and convince a board of strangers of anything.

[2sure]

Samprez

 

I am a BS. H and I are well into recovery. Its been about 2 years. The biggest help was complete transparency meaning I have access to all his communications, etc. I hardly ever check anymore but it gives me the security I lost to know that I can . So, you're doing that, good.

 

My H, like you, came "clean" after discovery. "Clean" but not. Meaning he answered all of my questions...but didnt add anything further. In other words, I constantly felt as though there were questions I might not be asking so I didnt have all the information. All of this ultimately erupted in a relapse all on its own. My H's reasoning was that since it was over and he was remorseful, adding gory details would not help matters...and that he felt unless I came to terms with that....the questions would never end. And you know what? He was right. After you have the facts, the questions, at least about specifics, need to stop.

 

As to your wife's contact with OW. I did. You're damn right I did. (Multiple here)I was not as angry with her as with my spouse OBVIOUSLY. I didnt call her to ask questions. I told her as a person, as a woman, as ME - to stay the F away from my LIFE. In no certain terms, regardless of what my jackass husband said or did. I made it personal. She had secretly become part of my life, a participant in my marriage, without my knowledge. I felt it was important to let her know she was not a secret and that I was fully engaged. I felt SOOO much better. It had nothing to do with my husband, spite, or even anger really. It was personal, to me.

[whichwayisup]

and I want to avoid that

 

I fear that any interaction will be a set back.

I'm the only one who gets hurt, right?

 

I don't think anything is gained

 

This isn't about you now, it's about your wife's recovery. IF she wants to talk to the OW and her husband, let her. SHE may need this, even if you feel you don't want to deal with it. Sorry, but you lost your say and right in how this goes since you were the one who brought all this into your wife's life. Let HER decide and support her if she wants to talk to the OW. Confront the OW, ask questions, talk to the H.

 

Again, this isn't about you and minimizing your pain. So what if it'll be hard to deal with, and if you see your wife's pain and heartache again..These are just some of the consquences of your actions and choices to betray and cheat on your wife. She didn't ask for ANY of this, but now it's front and center, she has to do what SHE thinks is best for her own recovery in all this. I hope you support her choice and don't try to talk her out of it because it makes you feel uncomfortable, or the OW and her husband uncomfortable.

[Reggie]

I've come clean. But, my W is reconstructing every minute of our lives since I've given her the time line. So whenever she thinks of a certain day or weekend and she remembers a text coming to me, or something like that, we start over again with the process. We're making progress and in some cases I honestly don't remember what we were texting or when. MW and I texted about regular things a lot. It wasn't about "us" or the flirting and things like that, but just a running daily dialogue about things.

 

So if he calls or confronts, we will have wounds reopened and I want to avoid that. I'm working very hard on this recovery and making my W and work and I fear that any interaction will be a set back.

 

I'm not afraid of him physically. Only if he were to have a weapon of some sort. I'm bigger and more athletic so that part doesn't concern me at all.

 

Frankly, I think it best that our 2 families just go along and leave each other alone. MY W wants to confront MY too; and I'm against that as well. I don't think anything is gained. We all have too much work to do with our own family units.

 

BTW, I'm a golfer and I've learned that if I fudge the score on my card, I'm the only one who gets hurt, right? No need to try and convince a board of strangers of anything.[/quot

 

Here's my golf take. Perhaps you are not fudging on your own score(debatable). But, you've stepped on your opponents ball(s)(no pun). If you truly subscribe to the rules, you need to advise him and call a penalty on yourself.

 

You lack empathy for the other guy. He is leading his life in reliance on the representations that were/are made to him. He's being deprived of his right to informed self determination by the conspiracy you and his wife are involved in to keep the truth from him. Even if you penalize yourself, without informing him of having altered his lie, he has been put at a disadvantage.

 

You need to go the whole nine yards on this to make it right. You diminish yourself by not acting honorably. Ask Art Wall.

[samprez]

Reggie. Are you suggesting I call her husband myself?

[Reggie]

They say exposing an affair is the surest way to make it die. It does a number of things. Exposure puts in place additional sets of eyes to momitor the affairees to prevent continuation. It also takes the shine off it, and makes it less exciting, although I realize that in your case, at this point, you do not see it as all that exciting. She, however, may and this could dissuadew her from further attempts to reignite this thing, as she has done in the past.

 

But, from a strictly fairness point of view(as a golfer, this should be important to you. Stamp was a pro and I play professionally) you need to look at the effects of your actions on your "opponent". This guy, as we all do, has the right to direct his life with knowledge of what/who he is dealing with.

 

What many involved in infidelity fail to realize is that , for many BSs, the greatest source of resentment, the thing that has the greatest effect on their lives, is having been robbed of making an informed decision on whether to continue in the marriage after the contract has been breached. Essentially, what the parties tht are hiding the truth are doing is saying "We iknow what is best for you. Your life has less value than ours, as we are entitled to know everything and can lead our lives accordingly. You do not."

 

This is arrogant and unfair. It is not within the spirit of a true golfer, one who abides by rules, calls penalties on oneself, and takes the cosequences.

 

Somebody should tell this guy what has gone on and let him do what he thinks is best. He may be foregoing other opportunities for healthy, honorable relatiosnhips or , if he stays, he will not be aware that he needs to be vigilant.

 

Does that make sense to you? Can you see any real reason that a fellow human being should not know what folks have done that affect his life?

[samprez]

Reggie,

 

So, I call him and say, "listen dude, I'm sorry but your W and I had an A and this is what happened and I'm sorry. I'm in MC with my W and I'm in therapy on my own and I'm trying to deal with my family. But what we did was wrong and I wanted to let you know. I'm not sure how much you suspected or what you know or don't know, but I think you should be informed. I think you and W should discuss what happened because we have done a terrible thing and you need to know."

 

Is this something others have done out here? I'm interested to know what people think because this is a totally new concept for me. They have 3 kids and if they opt to deal with this in a way that keeps them together and she has to do what she has to do, who am I to infringe on that now? Haven't I contributed to enough damage. OW knows that my W knows. I know that her H has caught her texting me; and he knows who I am. I'm not hard to find, I'm in the book. When I was confronted by my W, I came clean and was honest in my confession; I can't control what the OW has done. I have no idea what she's told him. So to call him and say; "dude, this is XYZ, I know you know who I am....this is what happened" seems unique to me.

[whichwayisup]

Samprez, I posted a reply to you on page 3..Thoughts on that?

I can't control what the OW has done

 

Then you shouldn't try to control what your wife WANTS to do. If she feels she needs to talk the OW and ask her questions, confront her, whatever, she has that right, even if you think it's a bad idea. Your wife has every right to talk to the OW's husband too. If this helps your wife, then let her do this. Support her on this.

[samprez]

Yep, I get that, I think Reggie is suggesting that I contact the H myself.

[2sure]

First, let me say that Reggie is 100% correct, that telling OW's spouse would be the RIGHT thing to do.

 

BUT I didnt. I threatened OW that I would / could and thats as far as it went. I completely endorse Reggie's saying that the BS worst betrayal is that a secret entity has had an active part in thier lives.

 

I didnt tell OW's spouse, possibly because I am not empathetic enough. I didnt care about her, her marriage, or her family. I didnt feel I was obligated or needed to do the right thing by anyone else but me. If the affair or communication had continued in any way I would have called her spouse without a second thought.

 

That being said, YOU calling the H may not meet the needs of your wife. I needed to be a particpant. The whole stranger involved in MY life needed to be erased. Calling her did that. But thats me.

 

Like I said, I think it was important that I didnt ask OW questions. The call was businesslike and factual. I didnt "share" my feeling with her. It was between her and I and taking away her secret, making it real.

[Reggie]

I justthink the right thing to do is to inform him, regardless of who does it. This guy's wife has a deep secret that will fester. And, their marriage can never fully heal, IMO, with it laying beneath the surface.

It also serves to make you accountable, which is the best way to grow. It let's this guy know that the person he is married to is not who he thinks she is.

One easy way to look at this is "wouldn't I want to know?". Imagine finding this out decades down the road, after having invested so much time in the marriage under false pretenses. The confusion, pain, and resentment is amplified.

 

Others have done this, yes.

 

I saw a movie with Gary Sinise, as a golfer who had cheated and won the US Amateur. Living with this lie ate him up. You've gone halfway here in taking steps to make this right. Your ball moved and only you and your caddy saw it(Baggar Vance).