New Question

[Reggie]

Revering is up to you> I think we get the impression that backsliding is more common than it is because if things are going well with R and there is no backsliding, we don't see folks posting about it. I bet there are plenty of one time cheaters that don't do it again.

[ezg3]

Four weeks of NC today and counting. I'm actually amazed that she's been able to hold off. I guess I don't fully know if this is true as her number is blocked on my cell phone. A friend of mine thinks that her H scared the crap out of her and that's fine too. Everyday the head becomes a little clearer.

 

We've never gone this long and perhaps it's really finally over for us both. I still feel like I want closure but understand that it won't do any good for me. So I read out here and vent on in my unsent email messages. But 4 weeks, huh? Not bad on my part either. My IC is going well and so is MC. My W is still a trooper.

 

 

samprez -

 

if i may ask. why did you decide to come clean to your W about the A? was it b/c it really is the only way to heal your marriage? was it becasue she caught you?

[samprez]

No worries. It was both. If you go back to page 2 on this thread, I explain the timing of this. But ultimately, my W found an email on my computer while I was traveling. I was dead to right so I came clean, didn't get into a denial debate with her. What she found was not good and I would have sounded like a bigger idiot trying to make something up to explain it away. So I came clean. But seriously read the timing back in the thread.

[pkn06002]

Revering is up to you> I think we get the impression that backsliding is more common than it is because if things are going well with R and there is no backsliding, we don't see folks posting about it. I bet there are plenty of one time cheaters that don't do it again.

 

You might be surprised by that.

 

I know people that have done it more than once. The second time was easier since they knew what to do not to do. Like forbidden candy which always taste better than stuff given to you.

[ezg3]

No worries. It was both. If you go back to page 2 on this thread, I explain the timing of this. But ultimately, my W found an email on my computer while I was traveling. I was dead to right so I came clean, didn't get into a denial debate with her. What she found was not good and I would have sounded like a bigger idiot trying to make something up to explain it away. So I came clean. But seriously read the timing back in the thread.

 

 

ok i read the story. sounds like you and I are in similar places and wondering how we got here. the players are different but the game is the same... i am trying to detox from my OW and its hard as hell. my therapist and I conluded that it is an addiction and she convinced me I need help to detox properly from it. its a tough road...

 

i wasnt caught...i just want it all to end and get my life back. this A has owned me. so now i struggle with the to tell or not to tell the W part...im pretty sure if I do, W is out the door for sure. i just want to get thru my own 4 weeks of NC and get a clearer head before I take that step...

 

congrats on the 4 weeks of NC!!

[White Flower]

I do NOT think you talking to the husband by yourself is a good idea. To what? Say sorry I helped kill your marriage? Sorry I slept with your wife and had an affair? He'd punch you in the face.

 

Now, if HE contacts you, then by all means talk to him and answer what he needs to know. Let him know as well he can freely talk to your wife (as long as she is on board with this)..

I agree. If he is seeking the truth then give him what he needs. If he buries his head in the sand, well, he knows what is best for him. We just don't know what shock can do to some people.