stupidonmyforehead Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 This is a crazy mess that I am in! I was married for 8 years. I left my ex husband because he had an addiction problem that destroyed our marriage and he is a chronic liar. I met this guy that I have now been with for four years. My ex blames this guy for our problems even though it doesn't matter if I was with anyone or not, I wouldn't go back to my ex. But at first my bf and I were in a casual relationship. I knew that he was seeing other people, and I didn't like it but it was part of what we were at the time. About a year into our relationship, it seemed that things were becoming more serious and I started to put my heart into. Only to find out after the fact that there were still someone else. Now, he never denied or lied about anyone else. He always told me that if I didn't like it, I didn't have to be with him. Then he was out of town for the last two years. During these two years our relationship blossomed because we really took the time to get to know each other. I watched him change and watched him fall in love with me. I always knew he loved me, but I wanted him to be in love with me. We were even able to talk about the past without him shutting down. Then he came back and moved in with me. He has been living with me and my kids for 4 weeks and it is so hard for me! I know that he is not cheating on me. But I am still having a really difficult time. I went through his phone. Before now, he would ask me to fix something on his phone and I would look and there was nothing there. Well last night he got a call from an ex. (mind you a stripper- that's what she calls herself, when you work at the geisha house, I have another name for it). We had talked about her bc she is the only one that I feel threatened our relationship. Besides the fact that she has told people that she plans on getting back with him. Well, he missed her call. So he called her back. He talked to her for nine minutes. Mind you this is someone that he supposedly wants nothing to do with. Then there were about 5 more few second calls right after that. He came home immediately after those calls and started telling me about another situation. He never mentioned that he had talked to her, but when he saw her brother the other night he had told me about that. So when I went through the phone this morning I was so angry! I asked him why he didn't tell me that he had talked to her and what he had to say to her for nine minutes. I know that sounds stupid bc nine minutes is not that long, but he doesn't talk on the phone a long time so for him that's alot. He told me he didn't know why I cared because he was with me and she knows it. DUH, She sells her body for a job, like she cares! When I asked him why he was on the phone so long, he said that he was going off on her. But why didn't he tell me if it was so innocent. He expects me to tell him everytime that my kids' dad calls or writes or anything. He says that I didn't give him a chance. A chance for what? to cheat on me! Honestly I hate not trusting him when I know that he has changed, and if he wanted to cheat on me he could have. But how do I get beyond this? It is eating me up inside. I hate the fact that I even feel that I needed to look in his phone! BC in all honesty I know he hasn't cheated! Trust me if he were, my ex husband would be all over that! He would make sure I knew exactly who and when! But he is very good looking, he drives a nice car and all the females think that he has a ton of money. If they only knew! His job requires him to go network at clubs and I just hate it! I am the good little girl that does not enjoy hanging out in a club and everytime he goes out I go crazy! He tells me that all this mistrust is driving him away, but I can't seem to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 You can tell a lot about people's Forum names. I don't work in a geisha house, however. I just need you to know that, ok? A relationship HAS to have the following, and if one or more are out of kilter, it should ring alarm bells: Trust Respect Communication Commitment and Effort. I don't think you're stupid, but I think you do need professional help in knowing how to gain trust and have confidence in your relationship.... I also think you could both do with joint counselling, if only to put you on the same page, with regard to openness and communication.. Link to post Share on other sites
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